The big ticket wedding...

[Ronstar]

We went to 3 weddings this year - all of them awesome.

No 1 was on a farm with the wedding and reception in the barn yard.

No 2 was at an American Legion, the wedding outside by a creek. Reception inside.

No 3 was in a railroad roundhouse (now microbrewery). Wedding outside in the roundhouse courtyard. Reception with microbrews inside.

[NW-Bound]

Here in the metropolitan area, it's nearly impossible to find a venue for wedding other than commercial places or a few public places. My daughter had to book 15 months in advance for a slot. We would not mind having the event in a suitable private place.

[rayinpenn]

New plan offer a fixed amount ... Use it as you wish.
And bite my tongue...


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[Dog]

Prudent_One,
The firehall is where my relatives back in PA have their wedding receptions and celebrate major anniversary and birthday milestones. Potluck style and always some good polka dances. Always a good time!


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[stephenson]

I'm still laughing at waiting 15 months to get married ...for ANY reason ...for a place ...that is funny ....sorry ...I wanted it over waaaaaay sooner than that ...


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[Dreamer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rayinpenn New plan offer a fixed amount ... Use it as you wish. And bite my tongue... Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forum.

I think that is wise. Enjoy the wedding.

[6miths]

My kids can spend whatever they want on their weddings. It is my hope that they don't go into any significant debt in getting married but I don't feel it will really be my place to tell them what is reasonable at that point in their lives. They have heard the story of their parents' wedding and know how we feel about such things.

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rayinpenn New plan offer a fixed amount ... Use it as you wish. And bite my tongue... Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forum.

and don't forget to smile! it's too bad the wedding industry has turned weddings into such stress producers for a lot of people.

[Danmar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ivinsfan and don't forget to smile! it's too bad the wedding industry has turned weddings into such stress producers for a lot of people.

Yes, very stressful for sure but not sure it's the fault of the wedding industry.

[kcowan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danmar Yes, very stressful for sure but not sure it's the fault of the wedding industry.

We have more recent experience with the funeral industry and they offer so many choices. But we knew what we wanted and so just asked for the prices. We did not tip our hands until we had the list. Then selected cremation, no service, burial in shared plot.

We held the celebration of life at a local pub with an open bar and a table with pictures and the urn. Everyone had a great time and left with fond memories. The speeches were informal and unrehearsed (except mine).

They tried to sell us a separate headstone for $3500. We declined.

So I agree that it is not the fault of the industry if you know what you want.

[Amethyst]

These do sound like a bit of fun especially the reception in the barnyard. What kind of boots did the bride wear? .

I don't mean to knock fancy weddings, if that is what brings people joy (don't want to be the nuptial equivalent of those Puritans, who frown on large houses just because they are large).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ronstar We went to 3 weddings this year - all of them awesome. No 1 was on a farm with the wedding and reception in the barn yard. No 2 was at an American Legion, the wedding outside by a creek. Reception inside. No 3 was in a railroad roundhouse (now microbrewery). Wedding outside in the roundhouse courtyard. Reception with microbrews inside.

[pb4uski]

We paid for most of our wedding as MIL was not in a position to provide a lot of financial support... as I recall she paid for the meal and we paid for the rest. I recall being a bit disappointed at the time that MIL didn't do more but in the back of my mind I knew that she probably could not afford to so I was ok with it.

I've budgeted up to $25k for DD's wedding if that should ever happen. If she spends less then I would give her the difference.

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danmar Yes, very stressful for sure but not sure it's the fault of the wedding industry.

Fault only to the extent of things like Bride magazine and the knot.com that seem to raise the bar constantly as to what a "nice" wedding entails. It takes a pretty level headed couple to stay the course and not fall into the "everyone is doing it" mindset. Weddings combine money and emotions so sometimes things get out of hand.

[Amethyst]

Does it remind anyone else of the birthday-party competitions in suburbia? Susie's party was boring, only cake and ice cream, but Adam's party was really cool because it had a pony and a magician....

Quote:

Originally Posted by ivinsfan Fault only to the extent of things like Bride magazine and the knot.com that seem to raise the bar constantly as to what a "nice" wedding entails. It takes a pretty level headed couple to stay the course and not fall into the "everyone is doing it" mindset. Weddings combine money and emotions so sometimes things get out of hand.

[ERD50]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ronstar We went to 3 weddings this year - all of them awesome. No 1 was on a farm with the wedding and reception in the barn yard. No 2 was at an American Legion, the wedding outside by a creek. Reception inside. No 3 was in a railroad roundhouse (now microbrewery). Wedding outside in the roundhouse courtyard. Reception with microbrews inside.

IMO, the 'best' weddings I've attended have been rather low-key events. American Legion Halls, small restaurant rooms with a jazz combo and buffet style food, etc.

Doing a bit of analyzing, I realize why that is (at least for me). The big 'events' turn it into a show, and I think that actually distracts from the real reason we are here - the Bride & Groom and friends & family. It becomes a 'show', and adds a lot of stress, because every step of the 'show' is expected to come off flawlessly, and something is likely to go wrong with so much going on for a one-time event.

Relax, take time to mix and mingle with your guests, have fun. If your guests want to be entertained, they can go see Blue Man Group, or something. That's my personal advice, but to each their own.

But please, if you must have a DJ, please make sure they don't push their sound into a high-decibel, high-distortion screech. And have them take a break once in a while, so people have a chance to talk.

-ERD50

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ERD50 IMO, the 'best' weddings I've attended have been rather low-key events. American Legion Halls, small restaurant rooms with a jazz combo and buffet style food, etc. Doing a bit of analyzing, I realize why that is (at least for me). The big 'events' turn it into a show, and I think that actually distracts from the real reason we are here - the Bride & Groom and friends & family. It becomes a 'show', and adds a lot of stress, because every step of the 'show' is expected to come off flawlessly, and something is likely to go wrong with so much going on for a one-time event. Relax, take time to mix and mingle with your guests, have fun. If your guests want to be entertained, they can go see Blue Man Group, or something. That's my personal advice, but to each their own. But please, if you must have a DJ, please make sure they don't push their sound into a high-decibel, high-distortion screech. And have them take a break once in a while, so people have a chance to talk. -ERD50

+1......and all of this "show" adds to the bill. One of most confusing trends is the emergence of what I view as "massive" wedding parties. Mid-20 something couples that have 6, 8 or GULP even more pairs of bridemaids and groomsmen...how is that even special to pick 12 or 16 of your "closest" friends to stand up for you.It makes the honor an expensive joke to the attendants IMO....I'd be hard pressed to spend 500 bucks on a dress to be part of a mob.

[pb4uski]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ivinsfan +1......and all of this "show" adds to the bill. One of most confusing trends is the emergence of what I view as "massive" wedding parties. Mid-20 something couples that have 6, 8 or GULP even more pairs of bridemaids and groomsmen...how is that even special to pick 12 or 16 of your "closest" friends to stand up for you.It makes the honor an expensive joke to the attendants IMO....I'd be hard pressed to spend 500 bucks on a dress to be part of a mob.

Heck, I'm not sure I have 6-8 or 12-16 "close" friends even today.... and that would mean 12-16 or 24-32 for DW and I combined, not to mentions that many that would be wiling to spend big bucks to be in a wedding.

I forgot how many attendants we had (perhaps 4) and even that was a challenge... we were too busy working to have loads of friends.

[Ronstar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst These do sound like a bit of fun especially the reception in the barnyard. What kind of boots did the bride wear? . I don't mean to knock fancy weddings, if that is what brings people joy (don't want to be the nuptial equivalent of those Puritans, who frown on large houses just because they are large).

I can't remember, or even noticed, but DW says that the bride wore pumps for the whole event. The father of the bride spent weeks grooming the barn yard, so partying in decent clothes wasn't a problem. Weather was great. He planted several rows of sunflowers surrounding the barnyard, and a full moon rose over the corn fields and sunflowers. It was cool.

[rodi]

I agree that the smaller, casual weddings are often funner. My wedding was at an ocean front park. My bff was "best maid" - our only attendant. She also made my dress (as her wedding gift to us. I did use "theknot.com" for ideas on the wedding, and found a great resource for roses for do it yourself hand tied bouquets. We registered at Target rather than a big department store, and made sure it was all low cost stuff that we could use.

Our wedding was small - less than 20 people including ourselves and the minister. Small enough that we were able to do a wedding lunchean for under $500 at an oceanfront restaurant. We had a slightly bigger party at my sister's house later that evening.

The comments about having "wedding" associated with the event is absolutely true. We had a reception in Philly (married in San Diego) for our friends and family there. It was bigger. Catering hall tried to up the per-person price by $20 when they realized it was wedding related - but we were able to hold them to the original party price pointing out that we'd been married for 6 weeks at the time of our party - it was just a celebration.

For our travel to San Diego, the wedding, the fabric for my dress, the invites, our honeymoon on Maui, and our party in Philly we spend a total of $7k. Travel to San Diego and the honeymoon had to be accounted for together since it was done on an open jaw ticket.