The downsizing plan

[haha]

Thanks for all of the great advice. Downsizing now does make some sense, but I now have a woodworking shop (outbuilding) that I wont have when I downsize to a duplex. I would like to enjoy the shop for several years after retirement.

The happiest older married men I have known are the committed woodworkers. They make beautiful things, can give them to friends and family as gifts, can sell some custom furniture if they are good- and they have a beckoning place to go for some space in the marriage.

Hang on to it if you can!

Ha

 

[W2R]

It all sounds like a great plan, but you're going to get "I dont want to live in the house my mother passed away in".

Presuming you wont be moving in with the still living MIL at some point...

Very perceptive. Many people just cannot live in the house where their loved one died (or lived, even if the death was elsewhere). Actually I got a great deal on my present house due to a similar situation, forcing a quick sale.

 

[harley]

It all sounds like a great plan, but you're going to get "I dont want to live in the house my mother passed away in".

Interestingly, my DW insisted we buy her parents house, and she slept for years in the same side of the bed where her mother died. She said it made her feel closer to her mom. That was, to her, one of the sadder aspects of when we finally sold the place and moved into our dreamhouse. But then again, we're both a little weird.

The happiest older married men I have known are the committed woodworkers. They make beautiful things, can give them to friends and family as gifts, can sell some custom furniture if they are good- and they have a beckoning place to go for some space in the marriage.

Hang on to it if you can!

I agree with Ha 100%. I'm just starting out with my woodworking and woodcarving, but it might turn out to be that passion in my life that I never thought I'd find. It's fascinating, rewarding, frustrating, and a little dangerous. I constantly keep in mind that my band's lead guitar player, also a woodworker (better than me by far), is now playing slide guitar due to a moment's inattention.

 

[Ronstar]

It all sounds like a great plan, but you're going to get "I dont want to live in the house my mother passed away in".

Very perceptive. Many people just cannot live in the house where their loved one died (or lived, even if the death was elsewhere). Actually I got a great deal on my present house due to a similar situation, forcing a quick sale.

You're both right - DW would never move into the place if her mom died there, and probably not even if her mom lived there for several years and then died elsewhere

The happiest older married men I have known are the committed woodworkers. They make beautiful things, can give them to friends and family as gifts, can sell some custom furniture if they are good- and they have a beckoning place to go for some space in the marriage.

Hang on to it if you can!

Ha

I agree with Ha 100%. I'm just starting out with my woodworking and woodcarving, but it might turn out to be that passion in my life that I never thought I'd find. It's fascinating, rewarding, frustrating, and a little dangerous. I constantly keep in mind that my band's lead guitar player, also a woodworker (better than me by far), is now playing slide guitar due to a moment's inattention.

Yea - she told me tonight that the woodworking shop and toys get sold if we downsize, and I told her that I wont downsize unless my toys go with me.

So it looks like I'm staying put!

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

You're both right - DW would never move into the place if her mom died there, and probably not even if her mom lived there for several years and then died elsewhere

It'd be a plausible excuse for not moving into a smaller house.

Yea - she told me tonight that the woodworking shop and toys get sold if we downsize, and I told her that I wont downsize unless my toys go with me.

She figured out a reasonable condition that'd make you nix it.

So it looks like I'm staying put!

And it worked!

 

[Ronstar]

It does look like DW has won the downsizing battle so far. But DW doesnt mind if I buy it and rent it to her mom, hold her rent at today's rate, and maintain the place for her at no cost, and rent/sell to someone else after her mom doesnt live there anymore

 

[2B]

oh, oh. Doesn't sound like the two of you are using the same playbook. A successful retirement for a couple requires that both parties share some basic goals, dreams and priorities. Without it, you might find yourself miserable and together -- or divorced and likely poorer. Good luck.

It takes time to develop a common goal. We "agree" on the future but it's the transition that she has problems with. We're pretty much trapped in Houston until he passes on. I'd just as soon downsize now but she's in no hurry since we have to stay here anyway.

Right now she's still adjusting to her father's continuing decline. She knows she is "needed" for his care and she is over there seveal times a week. He's starting to get to the point where he is losing the last vestige of being able to function. The staff says he is hard to get out of bed and get to breakfast. The place he's in requires a certain level of "cooperation" or he'll have to move. She's been thinking about his next step when the staff says he doesn't fit in the memory care unit anymore. The alternatives are "end game" facilities which aren't pretty but that's all that really can be done or the nursing facility where he's at which is even worse. Don't you just love the smell of urine in the morning?

 

[Achiever51]

2B --
I can relate to what's happening with your DW and her dad. My dad is almost 90 and fortunately he is still able to live independently, drive and pretty much care for himself. I do monitor his finances and my brother and I handle major repairs, purchases, etc. But I know the time is coming when he's going to need a lot more support than we can provide...and he's just not interested in even talking about it right now, although we keep moving the discussion along albeit slowly and carefully.

It seems like since my mom died, my dad feels more comfortable talking with me about this stuff, even though my brother is older and lives much, much closer to him than I do.

and no, I'll never adjust to the smell of urine in the morning or anytime!

 

[Nords]

But DW doesnt mind if I buy it and rent it to her mom, hold her rent at today's rate, and maintain the place for her at no cost, and rent/sell to someone else after her mom doesnt live there anymore

So who gets to maintain the place-- your labor or DW's management? We already know who's gonna be handling quality control.

You'll have to tell us how the exit strategy works out. Right now we're trapped in the phases of "Well, we'd have to fix these things up whether we were renting or selling" and "But they're such good tenants and it only takes a few hours a month"...

 

[2B]

So who gets to maintain the place-- your labor or DW's management? We already know who's gonna be handling quality control.

You'll have to tell us how the exit strategy works out. Right now we're trapped in the phases of "Well, we'd have to fix these things up whether we were renting or selling" and "But they're such good tenants and it only takes a few hours a month"...

Have you considered arson?