Update and vent about something I posted 2 years ago

[rodi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rodi Wills can be contested. Not all families follow the rules of probate. We're dealing with this on my husbands side. Grandparent's will wasn't probated - who inherits a shared vacation property keeps changing... Lies are being told. Siblings are stabbing each other in the back. And it seems to be a survival thing. Only 2 of 5 sibling survive at this point. DH is executor for my FIL - and can't get a straight answer about this asset. So FIL's probate is being held up. Families can get SO weird about money.

So - it appears the shore house might actually be sold... despite the bad behavior of many parties.

My husband kept pushing for a legal solution to allow the sale - and finally got the answer that his grandmothers probate could be reopened by one of her children (2 surviving children), and the house could be sold as an estate sale... then her will would dictate the split of the proceeds (even split among her children.) For the deceased 3, their wills would determine how their share would be split... or in the case of one of the dead uncles, PA law would apply since he died intestate.

Oldest uncle (over 90, but still mentally capable) is executor of his mothers 30 year old probate. The aunt that still survives is refusing to sign paperwork because she objects to money going to the children of the uncle who died intestate. The hope is she will sign before Friday (closing date) or closing will be postponed so the check can be issued "to the estate of" rather than checks being distributed to the inheriting parties. The aunt feels that HER OPINION bears more standing than probate laws, her mother's will, etc. She wants the wife of the intestate uncle, and his kids from a previous marriage cut out. Legalities be damned.

My husband just hopes it can close, so he can close probate for his dad - who died 2 years ago. His mom is now in a memory care unit - so the money would be useful to pay her monthly expenses. There's not a lot of expectation that the money would trickle down to my husband's generation.

[MichaelB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rodi There's not a lot of expectation that the money would trickle down to my husband's generation.

That's a reasonable expectation. Once survivors and heirs are more concerned with what each other deserve, the likelihood of a positive outcome falls and often never recovers. It's a shame one has to go through this type of situation, but at least it may motivate you to manage your own affairs differently. It has with us.

[harley]

I've got an estate that can't be closed too. DM left some money to the Army Quartermaster school to be used in a particular way that doesn't match up with how the Army does things. So they are figuring out how to deal with it. Interminably. I've asked if I can't just send them the money and they can use it after they figure everything out, but noooo. Got to do it the Army way. 5 minutes after I can finally send off the check I'll be able to close out the estate. I trust it will happen eventually. At least there are no personalities involved, just bureaucratic BS.

[ivinsfan]

Well, the Aunt is being a pill, but the Uncle without a will had a wife and children from a previous marriage? Man, that's just playing with fire,in PA they call the court that rules on those matters "orphans court",I have paperwork from the orphans court in front of me as we type...Our paperwork will require 2 dozen people to sign off before distribution can occur. Let's see how long that ends up taking. I hope you family can put this behind you soon.

[Walt34]

We have one pending too. DW's great aunt passed ~2 years ago at 99 with a will. She had a paid-for house and some money, no idea how much of course, but her mind had long since left and she had full time in-home care. House, cars, "stuff" has all been sold/given away/donated. The main obstacle is that the attorney handling the estate is an old family friend and almost as old as she was. He keeps putting it off because of his health issues, back surgery and the like. Many, many, court-approved extensions. Geez, guy, get it done or give it to someone who can. It's not that complicated.

The estate is going to be spread over ~20 people so we figure when the dust settles it might be somewhere between a few grand or enough to go out to lunch. DW's share will be 1/4 of what would have been her mother's share had she not passed first.

To my knowledge it isn't causing any family dissension though.

[Texas Proud]

Wow... hope everything works out...

I had put this in a previous post... found out my mom did not get some REALLY SMALL gas interest changed to her name... dad died 35 years ago... I have been procrastinating.... but need to get it done before she passes...



It also reminded me of a time when I was young... I was 18 and was an intern for IBM... I was setting up a typewriter in a judge's chamber.... there was a meeting going on in the room next to me... some argument started going back and forth... I then hear the judge say something like 'this has been going on for over 25 years, I want this settled!!!'.... yes, sometimes people could care less what the deceased wanted to do with their money... family grudges can last a lifetime....

[rodi]

Just to put this in perspective. The home being sold as part of my husband's grandmother's estate will close an estate settlement that is over 30 years old. She died in the 80's. To complicate things - her named executor died in the late 90's. No clue why he didn't sell the property (as dictated by the will) at the time... but the heirs shared the use (and expenses). The executor at the time - his will left his share to the surviving siblings. Then the uncle with no will died and his second wife stopped paying her share of expenses (and she stopped using the house). Which is why the aunt thinks she shouldn't get a dime..., nor his kids from his first marriage.

It looks like the aunt finally signed off this weekend. But now one of the kids of the intestate uncle can't be found - and they need his signature. What a mess.

Title company refuses to issue a check to "the estate of grandma" - which would solve this problem...

Dysfunction is coming out of the woodwork. DH just wants to close his dad's probate, move the money to his mom's accounts (she inherits) and be done with it.

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rodi ............Dysfunction is coming out of the woodwork............

Wow, what a mess. I sure hope I'm dead when my will is executed.

[emerytura]

Wow, this really made me re think our will. We own properties in US and Poland. We have will in US, but now we think we need separate one for what we own in Europe. One day this can be a nightmare for our children. I am glad to read this post. I definitely learned a lot here.

[frayne]

There is something to be said for just having one adult child who gets what is left when we take the dirt nap. I have friends who constantly worry and change their wills in the attempt to control the purse strings from the grave. I have also seen families become unglued and start fighting over property(s) before the parents are even gone.

[H2ODude]

Makes us very thankful that in DW's mother passing, with almost no assets, we didn't even bother to probate the will (half and half to her and her brother). Well, it was pretty simple since DW was on her checking account at credit union where there was only a few thousand left (which actually had come from us and her brother). We split it. All good. Then we get a check from her insurance company for hospital stay indemnity policy for about $4k, made out to "estate of ______" Fortunately, the credit union let us pass it through her account with a notarized statement from her brother. Then months pass by and we find out she had another such uncashed check apparently lost, so we get another such check for $1500. This time the credit union did it but very reluctantly. It's all done now and while I like free money I hope there's no more such checks; I'm pretty sure the credit union would say no more.

[Walt34]

We were lucky in dealing with no dysfunction/control issues with estates. My mother had a will and I handled the estate. Everything was divided equally between myself and two sisters, Mom lived in a CCRC so that apartment reverted back to the CCRC. There was only the financials to deal with and the level of trust was high. When I asked my sisters "Don't you want to see the supporting documentation for the numbers I'm giving you?" the answer was no. Of course I couldn't see creating a lifetime of dissension and hatred if I betrayed their trust so it simply never occurred to me.

DW handled her father's estate, or what there was of it. Technically he died with zero assets but we'd been working with an elder law attorney preparing for Medicaid to pay for his nursing home at the time he passed. He had about two or three months left of private pay before that happened.

So once the "will of no estate" was filed with the state DW simply paid any remaining bills, divided the remaining assets (which were in her name, following the attorney's instructions) by four, and wrote out the checks to her brother and sisters. They all knew this wasn't going to happen fast so there was no hounding her to do it faster.

We had it pretty simple.