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Old 01-29-2019, 03:00 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OldShooter View Post
Nothing. He knows you're not coming to the wedding. The invitation is simply an attempted shakedown.
I didn't take it that way. I think nephew knows uncle isn't coming but sent it as a courtesy. Imagine if he didn't invite him; you never know how people will react and uncle could be 1) angry or 2) hurt even if he didn't plan to attend.

I've been invited to many events where they knew I wouldn't/couldn't be there but appreciated the thought and offer.

I'd give the kid the benefit of the doubt.

I invited my grandfather to my wedding knowing that he couldn't come (93 years old, wheelchair bound, way too much hassle etc).
Much to my surprise--you'd have to have known him--he gave us a check anyway which would be 50/50 even had he attended.
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Old 01-29-2019, 03:08 PM   #22
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
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Not having seen someone does not necessarily mean a bad relationship. We have a couple of nephews and nieces we may only hear directly from every few years under normal circumstances, but when we have had issues they have been very active in showing their concern and being willing to help out.

We also had a nephew who had not been in touch with us for over 5 years - because he had eloped into an interracial marriage, and my then crazy SIL told him that all of the family hated him for doing that... so he was not in touch out of fear (we ended up giving him and his wife $1000 as a "late" wedding gift when we found out).

Also, in my family when a niece or nephew gets married all of the aunts and uncles receive invitations. There is less drama in doing that than inviting A or B and not C.

So... if this happens to be the case, $100 is a fair amount to send. You probably would not miss that amount, and you never know how that might be appreciated.
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Old 01-29-2019, 03:11 PM   #23
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Send a Walmart Gift card for any amount you feel like.
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Old 01-29-2019, 04:04 PM   #24
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I'm a single aunt and everyone used to live within an hour. Most still do although he moved away last year long after we stopped being in touch. I'm not conservative enough (both Republican but I'm not Tea Party Republican / gay grandson & dont care)

We dont have Walmart here although they might in North Carolina ..... mailing check
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Old 01-29-2019, 04:26 PM   #25
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I was once invited to a wedding ceremony with a potluck reception afterwards- a former coworker who lived in OK. I was in NJ. I declined but sent them a gift that was (by my standards) generous. I knew they were good people, she'd been through a disastrous first marriage (she had a pic of her Ex's mug shot on her computer) and I wanted to help them.

To me, the gift is a function of your closeness to the couple and the family, maybe adjusted for comparative wealth.

It should not be a function of the estimated cost of the festivities. They're not a fund-raiser they're supposed to be the couple and their families treating the guests who came to celebrate with them, and they should do what they can afford.

It should not even be a function of whether or not you attend. Many guests drive long distances, take flights, stay in hotels, take days off from work, etc. I'm attending a destination wedding in Charleston, SC and already I'm in for nearly $2,000 between the hotel and the plane flight. I hear the bride's parents have borrowed to pay for the wedding (the venue is Martha Stewart's #1 venue in Charleston) but it's not my obligation to make up for it. I'm giving a gift equivalent to what I gave the groom's siblings when they got married. For the record, it was $175 towards a set of Calphalon purchased with other family members.
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