Who knows your $hit?

[FlaGator]

My kids (18 and 15) know what they have for college, as well as a good idea what I have overall. Fiance' knows as well. Don't know what she has shared with her adult children, but they're not in line for anything from me anyway.

Only 3 other people know the full extent of my finances-one is a sibling in similar circumstances and the other two are entrusted to look after my kids if I die early.

All anyone can see is I live in a decent neighborhood, don't work, and volunteer for my kids' activities. Had a few acquaintances I have gotten to know later admit they wondered if I was in the "Latin America import business"

Like Walt Disney's Mary Poppins, I never explain anything

 

[Golden sunsets]

Our children know our financial affairs. They are now 35 and 37. We are in our early 70's, so I want to make sure that if something bad happened quickly, they would know where to start in taking over. They have known for some time though and always had a sense that things must be pretty comfortable for us. No FAFSA forms were ever filed for two private university tuitions. Nice family vacations with stays at nice hotels. That sort of thing. As they became independent, they have each sought out our guidance on saving, investing and budgeting. I'd say they consider us their financial advisors. They are financially independent of us with good conservative financial habits and both very focused on their careers.


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[DrRoy]

I have never felt like it was right to share specific numbers with others. Fired at 57, keep a pretty new car, and travelling a lot gives clues. We have not shared specifics with our sons either. They are independent but have poor jobs and little savings. They too know we are well off but would likely be surprised with the specifics. I would not want their potential future inheritance to be a disincentive to them trying to improve their situation. They are not much inclined to do that already. We also wonder if there is something we can do to help educate/prepare them to handle it someday.

 

[grasshopper]

My Mom worries that I am "blowing that dough". She is always asking why I don't have photos on FB of our travels. Hey no one has to know.

 

[Bryan Barnfellow]

I've only shared "the number" with a very close friend who has been also following a strategy and will likely RE soon. I did so four years ago. I summarize our financial investments picture on a monthly basis and share it with my wife, of course. She is interested, likes to get the updates, and says she is glad I have taken on the job.

I have some young friends in their twenties, just starting out in real jobs, etc. and I am always urging them to put away some funds NOW, not "later, when I get settled in life". I never talk numbers except to illustrate the power of compounding, of starting early. It will click sooner or later.

-BB

 

[perez99]

Our children know our financial affairs. They are now 35 and 37. We are in our early 70's, so I want to make sure that if something bad happened quickly, they would know where to start in taking over. They have known for some time though and always had a sense that things must be pretty comfortable for us. No FAFSA forms were ever filed for two private university tuitions. Nice family vacations with stays at nice hotels. That sort of thing. As they became independent, they have each sought out our guidance on saving, investing and budgeting. I'd say they consider us their financial advisors. They are financially independent of us with good conservative financial habits and both very focused on their careers.
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^^^ Same for our family. I taught the techniques to our daughters (28/26) when they started earning income. They both have access to 401k/HSA and opened a brokerage account for index fund investing in Roth IRA.
I'm 55 and just recently opened the Kimono for our oldest, so that she can help my DW in case anything happens to me.

 

[target2019]

We don't share specifics with children, just the total. When the time comes they'll know specifics. They'll need to understand how to take care of the survivor. They have their unknown challenges, so weighing them down with additional burden is not my style.

As time goes on I mention when appropriate that they should think of their own happiness and goals, instead of dollars.

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

We've got pretty much the opposite approach from many of you. To each their own of course.

In terms of family, since we've built for multi-generational wealth, we went fully transparent with our kids when they became young adults. They need to understand the scope and scale and they now do. They will be more tightly linked in as we go and they continue to full adult-hood. I expect one of them to take an active role.

By virtue of my prior business situation and early business exit, hundreds of contemporaries know I'm well above average and likely "rich" in terms of numbers. We are very quiet with zero flash, but there are few secrets at this point except for actual detailed dollar amounts. It's obvious we have a lot and know how to get it and keep it.

We also live in a place with a lot of actual high net worth people, not to mention hundreds of thousands of households with high incomes and challenges getting ahead and meeting their goals. As a result, I get asked a lot and help a lot of people with their strategies and specific questions; they don't have to guess whether or not I know what I'm doing. I do.

I'm another. I don't see the value in feeling like certain topics, like sex or money, are taboo. I don't discuss them with most people only because I know most people find them distasteful, but as far as money goes, I let a lot of friends know that I have done a lot of research and feel qualified to give some very basic advice. I've shared some numbers with family (not just nuclear family, but we needed to reassure the older generation that it would be well within our means to be the custodians of a family property), and with a few friends who are my brothers from other mothers.

EDIT: Oh, and my dad was an accountant, and we talked money and financial strategy quite a bit, which probably explains some of it. My mom....had that shame thing, and hid all the details from us, and didn't seem to want to know how we were doing financially, so I didn't share (as per my take on taboo topics). The kid has a good idea, and we don't hide it, but doesn't seem that interested yet. And I know better than to try to lead a teen to a water; it's a sure way to generate resistance! Sometimes the only solution is to wait for them to get thirsty.

 

[Retiree_Having_Fun]

My wardrobe and car seems to indicate to family that I might need some financial assistance, would like to accept but always decline. Suggest you stay quiet - doesn't seem to help. Maybe a suggestion or two might be listened to.

 

[mrfeh]

I tell nobody nothing. Total stealth. Keep 'em guessing.

+1

Our son may or may not be informed at some point, but see no point in revealing numbers to anybody else.

 

[athena53]

DS and DDIL know my bottom line but they're frugal and independent. My siblings are probably all doing as well or better, with the possible exception of one brother and SIL who are OK because DB has a good pension, they still have a lot of savings and they're also very frugal. I told the guy I was dating that if he used "millionaire" as a pejorative around me I'd be insulted. He hasn't asked for money. I think that's a very good sign.

I agree that it's possible to share what worked for you without sharing actual numbers.

 

[Hermit]

As a single Hermit, I felt it reasonable and important to share my finances with DD and her husband who will be in charge if I cannot be in charge myself. The first reason is so they do not plan their life and finances as if they would have to contribute to my well being as I grow older. The second is so they know where all the details are kept and how to access them if and when the time comes. They do not have any interest or knowledge of my ongoing financial dealings, just the general amount and where the details are documented. They are LBYM people so that makes sharing info much easier.

 

[Rianne]

My DB is our executor of our living trust. He has an idea but not specifics. His kids are beneficiaries as are other nieces and nephews. We don't discuss numbers.
Funny, DH thinks if nieces/nephews know they are beneficiaries, they will take care of us in old age (meaning help us with finding a good nursing home and care about us). I, on the other hand, think it may give them reason for our early demise...just kidding. I watch too many murder mysteries.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

I tell nothing. FIRED at 50 and live a modest standard of living. I was in business in a small town and NOBODY likes a show off. I see no reason to tell anyone anything or even discuss it. I have had a few people talk with me about personal finances and ask what the secret to success is, almost like there's a magic method to accumulate wealth. When I tell them work hard, make a lot of money and invest at least 30% of it each year in a stock index fund for 30 years and you'll have enough to live like you have for life. They look at me with a very disappointed look on their faces. I don't know of anyone that has actually started this. It reminds me of asking someone how to get in shape and you tell them they need to watch what they eat and exercise. People want immediate, easy, painless results. I do have a very detailed list of our assets in our new wills/trusts. Our children each know where it it located. Our attorney also has a copy to help with our future estates. I don't like to hear other people talk about their money (except on this forum, but we're different) so I make it a point to never talk about mine.

 

[Bir48die]

Now that everyone is one in the spirit again I have attempted to explain to my wife our financial status and continued plan. She has a partial understating but just wants things to be okay.

I have had a number of discussions with my best friend who's a banker. He is not aware of the specifics of actual numbers but he'll tell me everything about his. We are a couple years apart but he has not changed his spending habits to accumulate a decent amount of money. His reckoning will be after he retires and that he'll have about a 40% spending reduction so less whiskey and cigars. I think I've vaguely talked with both my brother and sister.

 

[Montecfo]

We do not discuss, even with family. Perhaps I should say ESPECIALLY not with family.

In general, I think most people are unable to deal with such info very well. Since I am retired (a fact I do not broadcast) and have never been in a pension type job (and DW mostly not employed outside the home until recent years) those who know us can put things together. But most have no idea what resources are needed to do it. They can't fathom it.

I do discuss financial strategies with our son and a very few interested close friends. But never any details on net worth etc. Nothing good can come from that in my view.

 

[pacergal]

My parents discussed financial wisdom, specifics came late in life.
I have done the same with our kids. DH is the only one who I share specifics with, but our kids know in general that "we are OK". We do gift off and on. They know where our "life planning" books are as they are listed executors and healthcare reps, so they know where to go if all of a sudden both of us are injured or dead.
Day to day net worth they do not know. I would not have a problem telling them if they asked, they just never have.

 

[Fishingmn]

Most of our friends are doing well financially so we had no problem discussing our early retirement with them (3 years ago - 57 now). Don't feel there's any jealousy. Now we have a few of them starting to plan it as well so we discuss things like how to pay for healthcare, travel budgets and withdrawal strategies. Not specific numbers but it's a pretty decent chance they have similar net worth's as we do.

Our oldest (DD - 31) knows we are doing well and is personal representative. I have put together a guide for her showing who to contact and how to get access to our accounts but not told kids details on the "number". Fortunately, she has said she knows she'd be a millionaire if we died but prefers that we don't

We have recently taken over finances for both sides of our 80 year old parents so we know all of their details.

 

[Morgan22]

I have mentioned to coworkers my goal of retiring early. Some have admitted retirement just never crosses their mind. That's something you do in your 60's. This has also lead to some questions as to how I could do that. I do let them know that my spouse and I started saving very young and put away as much as we could. Half of every raise was used to increase the amount put away until we maxed out our accounts. Some of them are now talking about putting away more.

My parents never talked about money even when we asked. Oldest child has no interest in money at all. I've shared details with our youngest. It started when they were 16 and wanted to fill out the FAFSA. That lead to how much we make, save, and how we spent our money. We now talk about how much they want to save when they get their first real job out of college and how they are going to semi-retire early.

My siblings and I talk about money and saving for retirement also. When asked I'll give details. We all as family units make pretty much equal amounts, some of them more than us, so they know they can do it too. One sibling in particular calls me cheap since I don't spend like my other siblings. I don't care, we spend what we want and enjoy our life as is. We don't need a second house or to spend thousands on vacations every year. It's just not what we would enjoy. I tell them I'm glad their enjoying themselves. I just have a goal of stopping work earlier in life than them. We are all good with each other.

 

[HenryD]

Our kids have a general idea of salaries and assets, but they also know the setbacks we've faced and that they are getting none of the dough. Some extended family members know we've always tried to LBYM and have FIRE plans so probably think we have more than we actually do.

Our nextdoor neighbor told me he & his wife's salaries a while back and was clearly fishing for ours. I make about 2x what he does and my wife makes about 2.5x what she does, so I wasn't going there. We dress in clothes from the Goodwill and drive worse cars than our teenage kids' friends, but it's no secret in the 'hood that we plan to FIRE. Mostly they think we are just weird, which is fine by us.

 

[BeachOrCity]

I plan to tell my child everything. Money isn’t a taboo topic in our family. We already discuss amounts, strategies, returns, expectations, psychology, debt, etc openly

Exactly. Different strokes for different folks. Unless there are potential issues it doesn’t have to be a secret.
People should just remember you can’t untell the details and people talk so if you tell a few people you have told a lot of people.

 

[athena53]

When I tell them work hard, make a lot of money and invest at least 30% of it each year in a stock index fund for 30 years and you'll have enough to live like you have for life. They look at me with a very disappointed look on their faces. I don't know of anyone that has actually started this. It reminds me of asking someone how to get in shape and you tell them they need to watch what they eat and exercise. People want immediate, easy, painless results.

You mean... you didn't get there through regular purchases of Powerball tickets?

 

[Mdlerth]

It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world

I have had a number of discussions with my best friend who's a banker. He is not aware of the specifics of actual numbers but he'll tell me everything about his. We are a couple years apart but he has not changed his spending habits to accumulate a decent amount of money. His reckoning will be after he retires and that he'll have about a 40% spending reduction

Did I read that right? A banker who can't be bothered to accumulate dough? What comes closer to being purely The Business of Money than banking? And, surely anybody who is in the Business of Money would be energetically building his own giant pile of it? But no...

It's incongruous, like a physician who smokes. Or a vegan who runs a cattle ranch. Or a woman publishing a magazine that exploits women (BTW, happy birthday, Christie Hefner!) However, while it's a stunning bit of data, it's also not surprising. The planet is full of folks who ought to know better not letting their expertise influence their own decision-making.

 

[hpnutty]

Just one person. It just slipped out during conversation. I asked him to promise not to share. We have had a couple of conversations since then comparing performance.

 

[Lsbcal]

So, here is another area I struggle. I could start gifting my kids (4) every year X$, but then I feel like they will start expecting Papa Bear donations every year effectively stifling their drive which makes them stronger (what it did for me). I have chosen to be very selective in how I "fix" kid financial issues (i.e. in their eyes loans, special 1 time gifts). IMO, human nature takes over and entitlement gland starts pumping. I would rather them get a big lump when they are 50+ something assuming they have adopted the same principles.

We have one son who is getting married soon. We are helping somewhat with the wedding costs but they both have good jobs. We have a very nice house and take longish vacations. So he knows he will inherit a good amount and would probably be a bit surprised at the total.

Over the years we plan to help them in some ways. We might help them with part of the down payment on a house but that is in the future, after the wedding. No loans, just gifts with no strings attached.

I've started trying now (he is 35) to teach him more about investing. He is really into his work and that is a good thing. So investing will be a small business on the sideline for him. Started out with a chart showing a few brutal market crashes because that is what I defend against. Then a spreadsheet showing how getting good returns and incrementally adding money will grow over the years.

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Regarding talking to others about investing: most would not like my investing style. It is basically a very carefully researched trend following technique run by some fairly complicated spread sheets and monthly data. I have used it since 2009 with several modifications as I improve the methods. It has not signaled to get out of the market so in that sense is indistinguishable from buy-hold.

Almost no one would pick it up even if I made it public. That is because it requires monthly updates, is fairly complex, and requires patience. So I'm an outlier in the investing space. Oh well.

What to show my son? He probably won't follow it but I could present a simpler model. Or I could provide him results and actions to act upon while I still have my cognitive senses (I think I still do ).