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Old 05-05-2020, 11:33 AM   #161
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Today we spend on things we want.

My parents, both born in 17, lived through a lot. Dad's father was orphaned at age 5 and he died in 29 just before the depression started. My father's memories of not enough food or shelter were part of my upbringing. I had those things but it was very clear they could not be taken for granted.

Wife and I married young with no real skills or career opportunities. We were definitely poor for many years and took advantage of any opportunities to improve our lives. We're very fortunate to be able to enjoy our lives.
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Old 05-05-2020, 11:37 AM   #162
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I was frugal to build up a retirement stash.

Now that I'm retired it's time to Blow that Dough!
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Old 05-05-2020, 11:47 AM   #163
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Parents that lived through the depression years and wars. Very hard times when my parents grew up and very poor living conditions. Those times molded my parents and was handed down to me to save, not to waste, reuse, work hard and always strive for excellence.
Learned to invest things that we had or could get free to make out life better without spending a fortune to acquire the same results.
I was taught frugal and so glad and a blessing I was brought up that way. I have so much more appreciation for life and earthly things from being taught frugal.
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Old 05-05-2020, 12:20 PM   #164
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I can relate to several posts made so far (particularly that of samm). But one incident from early on stands out in memory...
One time when I was very young I accompanied my parents to the grocery store. I decided I really needed a $1 sticker book and asked my parents to buy it for me. My dad offered to loan me the $1; I didn’t really get the concept but if saying Yes was what it took to get the stickers then so be it.
When we got home he presented me with a repayment schedule, an eye-opening experience. Ever since, the idea of taking out a loan had a negative connotation and I avoided it whenever possible.
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Old 05-05-2020, 12:32 PM   #165
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It seems a little mean to spring the lesson on you like that, when you clearly didn't understand what you were getting into. I bet it made you more cautious about accepting offers without researching them first

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My dad offered to loan me the $1; I didn’t really get the concept but if saying Yes was what it took to get the stickers then so be it.
When we got home he presented me with a repayment schedule
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Old 05-05-2020, 08:44 PM   #166
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Sadly, I came to appreciate the financial nuts and bolts of FI (e.g., 4% rule) only in my late 40’s, but DW and I have always been debt adverse and cautious with money.

For me, I watched my father as he was forced into early retirement in his 50’s from the steel industry. I was in college at the time. It was jarring to receive that call.

Anyway, from that point on I decided to try as best I could to have life’s major financial commitments behind me by age 50. Compared to my male peers, I had children relatively young (as I didn’t want to be 60 years and trying to put kids through college). I wanted to be mortgage free by age 50. I picked a career that didn’t depend upon corporate overlords. As an ultimate career back-up plan, I learned a trade on the side along the way (DW and I are serious DIY’ers). Materialistic things never interested me — I have zero interest in new cars, new homes, new clothes. We bailed on HCOL and moved to LCOL.

Anyway, I have tried to live my life on the assumption that a financial calamity could befall me in my 50’s. We somewhat have been preparing for Armageddon for 35 years. We never expected it to actually arrive.
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Old 05-05-2020, 09:02 PM   #167
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These are all such interesting stories to me.
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Old 05-06-2020, 01:55 AM   #168
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I turn off the light switch. That is probably one thing that defines frugality for me. Mother was poor during the Great Depression, and was frugal. She picked up coal from the train tracks, it was like that for her family. My Father was educated and had white collar jobs. That put enough on the table for his family of seven. What I recall is many hand me downs.

Some brothers were spendthrift later in life, and liked to show off. That wasn't me.
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Old 05-06-2020, 04:51 AM   #169
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I was frugal to build up a retirement stash.

Now that I'm retired it's time to Blow that Dough!
This is pretty much me, too.
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Old 05-06-2020, 05:09 AM   #170
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This is pretty much me, too.
I grew up in a frugal household (Depression-era parents), then I was a poor student for a long time, then I was saving hard for retirement. I had about 18 months of feeling rich - spending what I considered a lot - before this crisis hit. I can go back to poor student living for a few months. Then I'll reassess again.
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Old 05-06-2020, 05:31 AM   #171
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I'm frugal because I've detached myself, as best I can, from a concern about what others think about me, influences of peer groups, media, and advertisement. I can't claim to be free of all those things, but as I've become more psychologically independent of these forces, my "need" to buy stuff has dropped off.
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Old 05-06-2020, 05:39 AM   #172
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This is a good thought provoking thread. I am not always frugal, but I have always been a saver first. In thinking about this, I learned the saving practice mostly from my career in financial services/pension administration. Even when we had very little in our early years, we saved first, it was a habit that stuck.
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Old 05-06-2020, 07:56 AM   #173
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I was not born this way but parents definitely had something to do with it.

In my teenage years I had no clue the value of a dollar. Really not until I got into my mid 20s. I didn't become really "frugal" until bigger goals came along like wanting a home, family etc. I realized I had to sacrifice pointless wants for needs.

I think a big turning point for me was when I quit drinking. Swapping one liquid for "liquidity" opened my eyes to possibilities.

Another turning point someone on ER forum said "Never pay retail" That resonated with me and now it is kinda a game, there is the sticker price, and then the price I am WILLING to pay.
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Old 05-06-2020, 08:16 AM   #174
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Another turning point someone on ER forum said "Never pay retail" That resonated with me .
It resonated with me too.....it's almost 44 years ago since I heard the lady say it, and it found a comfortable corner and settled into what passes for my brain.
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Old 05-06-2020, 08:23 AM   #175
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For me, I watched my father as he was forced into early retirement in his 50’s from the steel industry. I was in college at the time. It was jarring to receive that call.

<snip>

Anyway, I have tried to live my life on the assumption that a financial calamity could befall me in my 50’s. We somewhat have been preparing for Armageddon for 35 years. We never expected it to actually arrive.
My story is similar; Dad was "demoted" from his job managing a district of a large steel company when he was 54. He and Mom landed on their feet- they'd always been savers. They moved to Myrtle Beach, Dad tried his hand at being a stockbroker, became disillusioned for many reasons, and even tried a short stint managing another steel company that was circling the drain. He couldn't prevent it. Mom died in 2016 and Dad is 89 and failing- likely to be moved to a skilled nursing facility after he gets out of rehab due to a stroke over Easter weekend. The resources are there- my siblings in the area have identified a good place and are not frantically searching for a place that accepts Medicaid (he doesn't qualify and we're happy about that).

So- it was an early lesson that you cannot assume that you'll be employed as long as you want to work. I ended up retiring at 61 when politics got toxic. It was a very good decision.

My spending is the "bipolar" type described earlier. I can be a real skinflint in areas that don't matter much to me: clothing (I have plenty, why buy more?), cars (buy used, maintain them, keep till no longer reliable), cleaning my own house and mowing my own lawn. I save my money for Business Class plane tickets and small-ship cruises. Right now that's all on hold, of course.
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Old 05-06-2020, 08:25 AM   #176
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I am not frugal. I am disciplined and a minimalist by nature.
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Old 05-06-2020, 08:45 AM   #177
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My story is similar; Dad was "demoted" from his job managing a district of a large steel company when he was 54. He and Mom landed on their feet- they'd always been savers. They moved to Myrtle Beach, Dad tried his hand at being a stockbroker, became disillusioned for many reasons, and even tried a short stint managing another steel company that was circling the drain. He couldn't prevent it. Mom died in 2016 and Dad is 89 and failing- likely to be moved to a skilled nursing facility after he gets out of rehab due to a stroke over Easter weekend. The resources are there- my siblings in the area have identified a good place and are not frantically searching for a place that accepts Medicaid (he doesn't qualify and we're happy about that).

So- it was an early lesson that you cannot assume that you'll be employed as long as you want to work. I ended up retiring at 61 when politics got toxic. It was a very good decision.

My spending is the "bipolar" type described earlier. I can be a real skinflint in areas that don't matter much to me: clothing (I have plenty, why buy more?), cars (buy used, maintain them, keep till no longer reliable), cleaning my own house and mowing my own lawn. I save my money for Business Class plane tickets and small-ship cruises. Right now that's all on hold, of course.
Very similar indeed.

I'm very sorry about the passing of your Mother, and the health of your Father.

After Dad was separated prematurely from the steel industry, he went to work at the local hardware store in our small Midwestern town. I'm certain those fleeting years selling nails and lawnmowers brought him more satisfaction than dealing with office politics over the prior decades in an industry that was circling the drain. He loved chatting with the oldsters who stopped by, less to shop, more to chat. Dad was a chatty kind of guy.

I think a lot about selling nails, too, to be honest. Likely a "grass is always greener" kind of thing. But most days the thought of selling nails has a lot of appeal.
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Old 05-06-2020, 09:16 AM   #178
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Another comment on a common theme. Grew up poor, my mother was the rare mom who worked. Dad high school dropout due to horrific family life and not infrequently laid off for lack of work. Kids always sick, lots of medical bills. They didn't make bad decisions, just no opportunity to get ahead. I did lots of reading as a kid and saw that some people fall into good luck, some work hard and are rewarded, and some have terrible outcomes no matter what they did. This terrified me and was determined to not struggle for decades like my parents at least to the best of my ability.

Sold greeting cards door to door at age 10, then did a paper route, got a part-time job after that. Never without a job since age 10 other than the first 2 weeks after our union went on strike in the 80's (after 2 weeks I got a part-time job in a store). Not always good jobs, but employed nonetheless.

Growing up with almost nothing cured me of "wants" - my brain figured out when a long stream of "wants" just goes unsatisfied, it's best to stop wanting. A middle-class living seemed luxurious and still does. A house, a reliable car, a good-paying steady job, enough food? Still incredibly and sincerely thankful for those things. I will not compare myself to others - if I do, it's marveling at how much I have that so many others don't, through no fault of their own in many cases. I will never believe I did it all on my own and thank God for my blessings. Saving for the proverbial rainy day was a top priority so I didn't have to take out terrible loans like my parents did just to survive, keeping them in debt for years.

Drifting a bit off-topic here but for a reason...
When my career blossomed I was able to start helping my parents financially. My dad insisted we could not afford to do it but we forced him to let us help. Some years later we visited my dad a few months after mom passed away. We knew her SS check was no longer coming and had a frank discussion on raising our monthly assistance. At first it was more stonewalling but I just laid it out and said no matter how much he pinched pennies, he cannot afford to live adequately on $19K a year when he's paying $6K of that in rent. He knew I had a good job but I never talked hard numbers with him about our finances. He needed more income but he truly believed we were going to suffer if we gave him more than we already were. So I told him, "Dad, we have a million dollars saved. I promise we can afford it."

He said "No, you don't, you're just saying that to get me to take more money." I asked my wife (in the next room) if it was true that we had a million saved, and she said yes. Then he believed it, and started to cry like a baby. I mean sobbing (the memory makes me tear up even now just writing this). He could not process the idea that one of their kids could ever, EVER do that. So we solved that problem.

We can afford to buy more things and do more things now, but our wants are really nothing. If we go out for a steak dinner, it's still a splurge to us, yet doesn't even register on our budget. But when we can help a friend who is in a bind financially through no fault of their own, and make a real difference in their lives, that's worth more to us than a trip around the world or a new car. We don't need more stuff and we have literally everything we need. So now our tips are much bigger, our donations are bigger. We can read the newsletter from the local food bank and see that more people are being helped and know we were a small part of that. So less frugal in that sense, I suppose.
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Old 05-06-2020, 10:36 AM   #179
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Fortunately I had parents who taught me while I was growing up. Once I was on my own it was out of necessity. I think I was one of the lucky ones.



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Old 05-06-2020, 01:19 PM   #180
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Another comment on a common theme. Grew up poor, my mother was the rare mom who worked. Dad high school dropout due to horrific family life and not infrequently laid off for lack of work. Kids always sick, lots of medical bills. They didn't make bad decisions, just no opportunity to get ahead. I did lots of reading as a kid and saw that some people fall into good luck, some work hard and are rewarded, and some have terrible outcomes no matter what they did. This terrified me and was determined to not struggle for decades like my parents at least to the best of my ability.

Sold greeting cards door to door at age 10, then did a paper route, got a part-time job after that. Never without a job since age 10 other than the first 2 weeks after our union went on strike in the 80's (after 2 weeks I got a part-time job in a store). Not always good jobs, but employed nonetheless.

Growing up with almost nothing cured me of "wants" - my brain figured out when a long stream of "wants" just goes unsatisfied, it's best to stop wanting. A middle-class living seemed luxurious and still does. A house, a reliable car, a good-paying steady job, enough food? Still incredibly and sincerely thankful for those things. I will not compare myself to others - if I do, it's marveling at how much I have that so many others don't, through no fault of their own in many cases. I will never believe I did it all on my own and thank God for my blessings. Saving for the proverbial rainy day was a top priority so I didn't have to take out terrible loans like my parents did just to survive, keeping them in debt for years.

Drifting a bit off-topic here but for a reason...
When my career blossomed I was able to start helping my parents financially. My dad insisted we could not afford to do it but we forced him to let us help. Some years later we visited my dad a few months after mom passed away. We knew her SS check was no longer coming and had a frank discussion on raising our monthly assistance. At first it was more stonewalling but I just laid it out and said no matter how much he pinched pennies, he cannot afford to live adequately on $19K a year when he's paying $6K of that in rent. He knew I had a good job but I never talked hard numbers with him about our finances. He needed more income but he truly believed we were going to suffer if we gave him more than we already were. So I told him, "Dad, we have a million dollars saved. I promise we can afford it."

He said "No, you don't, you're just saying that to get me to take more money." I asked my wife (in the next room) if it was true that we had a million saved, and she said yes. Then he believed it, and started to cry like a baby. I mean sobbing (the memory makes me tear up even now just writing this). He could not process the idea that one of their kids could ever, EVER do that. So we solved that problem.

We can afford to buy more things and do more things now, but our wants are really nothing. If we go out for a steak dinner, it's still a splurge to us, yet doesn't even register on our budget. But when we can help a friend who is in a bind financially through no fault of their own, and make a real difference in their lives, that's worth more to us than a trip around the world or a new car. We don't need more stuff and we have literally everything we need. So now our tips are much bigger, our donations are bigger. We can read the newsletter from the local food bank and see that more people are being helped and know we were a small part of that. So less frugal in that sense, I suppose.
What a wonderful story of helping your parents, thank you for sharing.
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