Why do I resist spending money?

[NW-Bound]

If I had to choose between spending $1000 on liquor at an expensive restaurant or a cruise, the cruise would win hands down. Every man / woman to his / her own.

Sorry for not being clear. The prices for booze that I mentioned would be as purchases for consuming at home. I would be spending $1K for a bottle to enjoy at home long before spending that much for a bottle at a restaurant. Markup is outrageous at restaurants as we know.

And I have once eyed a $1K bottle of Cognac a long time ago, with the idea that I would buy it for myself for my 50th birthday. Well, that birthday passed, and I did not buy it. I could not even remember if I did anything special that day! Maybe for my 60th birthday. And then very likely not.

I think people who have difficulty spending money are lucky. More people have difficulty not spending money. Unless you find yourself without people in your life,there is no penalty for not spending enough, except perhaps some idea in your head that you really should be spending more.

I think I have been more or less reasonaly frugal, which is long way from the frugality encountered daily on this board.

I would not worry about this nonproblem, unless you are getting blowback.

Ha

Now that I have stopped working, have no income coming in, yet have more free time on hand, I worry more about overspending than I ever have.

 

[Alan]

Thanks Dreamer, my DW is brilliant and loves planning all these long vacations we've able to do since retiring. Neither of us desire lots of material things, and we live in a 2 bedroom apartment that is very easy to keep, and drive a low mileage car that should last a few more years yet.

 

[ejman]

Dunno, maybe I'll be able to work my point of view more towards that feller who said " I spent most of my money on women and whiskey - the rest I just wasted"

 

[chris2008]

It is difficult to overcome lifetime habits.
But it is never too late to try.

I have people with the same "problem" in my family.
While I am encouraging them to spend more on making their life nicer /easier / more interesting I notice that I have the same habits.
When I go shopping it is more like window shopping and being happy that I could afford but neither need nor want all this stuff.

Now my retirement date is only 6 months away. Our income will drop then for 10 years till my pension kicks in. So it is planned to use some of our savings during this period. I wonder if I can or will try to get along with DH's pension only...

 

[Ronstar]

We don't resist spending money. We still work, buy almost everything we want, but still save 25% of income and live below our means. I have noticed that my mad money spending has gone down as I have cut down on work hours. This is a good sign - knowing that I can be frugal if I have to.

 

[Moscyn]

Being frugal is good - but everything in moderation. I don't want to be on my death bed thinking why did I deny myself of a particular purchase or experience when I have surplus money in the bank. Once your financial goals are met, it's great to allow some spending on non-necessities. Also, as one grows older and have relatives and friends departing in life, I find that it is easier to be less frugal when one can afford so. Someone once said that using money to buy experiences is better than purchasing an item. So, next time you find you have surplus, how about spending it on an experience like a holiday or opera tickets or wine tasting event or splashing on a good meal and inviting your loved ones along.

 

[old woman]

I find I can give people money easier than I can spend money on myself. So I have a man in my life and buy myself things he would want like boats. I keep them but he can use them. I also find I can buy assets easier than paying expenses so like with the boat I am fine paying for it. Then I tell him I can't afford, gas, oil, bait, launch fees or repairs. So he takes care of my boat for me even cleans the fish.

When I was married my ex liked to fritter money so I insisted we buy a house. He hated debt so was fine with me making extra payments and if he bought things like stain for the deck I considered it a capital purchase not a frittering. So I got assets and he got to go shopping.

In the 26 years I have lived with this boyfriend he and I earned about the same amount but I have a net worth of over 700K and he doesn't have more than 10K. He pays me more in rent than my house payment as well as supporting my boat. I have no problem buying him socks or something when I am out as a gift.

Since I am fine with spending on other people I allow myself to buy myself gifts too. So if I want new dishes or something I don't need I ask myself if I would buy that as a gift for someone else then be generous with myself. Usually still I come home with nothing I don't need or haven't wanted for a long time.

 

[Tree-dweller]

I think that is a brilliant idea and am considering doing something similar. After all, what's the hurry? You're retired! Life is a journey, not just a destination.

+1. Opting for the slow, comfortable cruise over the fast, uncomfortable jet is "thinking outside the box", in more ways than one.

For the OP: A former colleague of mine had a desk ornament that read "He Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins." That's an extreme I never agreed with, but as a long-term advocate of all things frugal, I still like popping for the odd extravagance; still rare, but more often now that the kids are through college and I'm retired, I'm finding.

 

[Midpack]

Interesting thread, most of what I'd say has already been said. I'm also a cheap tightwad, spending much less than probability would suggest we could. But like others, old habits die hard, and we're very comfortable at current spending with a few small splurges here and there.

We don't feel a need to maximize utility - yet. The overriding driver for us at present is - with about 40 years ahead of us and no pension, annuity or subsidized health care (beyond SS & Medicare at 65) - the range of outcomes is too broad to push the envelope early on. Just look at FIRECALC results, with endings from relatively wealthy to living under a bridge eating catfood. Of course, we'd all adjust along the way to avoid either extreme, and I am sure we'll loosen up as the decades pass.

In the meantime I feel no anxiety, nor do I feel deprived. Actually, it's like an enjoyable game at this point, seeing how we can maintain a very comfortable lifestyle while reducing unnecessary expenses. We've found new ways to reduce expenses on insurance, satellite TV, mobile phones, lawn care, gasoline, utilities and developed new skills to fix things around the house (instead of replacements). And I've "discovered" all sorts of free & low cost activities that I actually enjoy more than the (very) costly activities we used to engage in. We still splurge once in a while (just much less often), but there are tons of really enjoyable free activities that we'd been overlooking for decades. It's been great fun so far...

 

[Donzo]

I was tight and concerned about spending for the first year or so. I have been enjoying spending on things I enjoy for the last few years. Its good to have hobbies and to do things that interest you. You have to weigh the facts and do what feels right. If my portfolio was taking a big hit I would cut back - but, now I am good at spending

 

[MBAustin]

Since ERing, we spend less on some things and more on others. I am still a coupon-clipping and store-brand-buying shopper on everyday things, and am a frequent shopper at the neighborhood Goodwill. We just spent a lot on a custom-designed motorhome, but I outfitted the kitchen mostly from Goodwill. And although we can certainly afford to eat out often, I prefer cooking (and fortunately DH prefers my cooking as well!). DS (home from college) put it well - said "you're spending on the things where the money really makes a difference".

The big change for me is I no longer stress about "wasting" small amounts of money as I used to. For example, this week DH forgot to mail something with a deadline to the point that we needed to send it Express Mail ($18.95). Before ER, this would have set me off on a tirade about how this was such a waste. Now I just take a deep breath and realize that it isn't worth any rise in blood pressure. I've also taken DD's advice and become a more generous tipper.

 

[Alan]

DS (home from college) put it well - said "you're spending on the things where the money really makes a difference".

Very well said

 

[FIREd]

Our income could support a lavish lifestyle, but our tastes are simple (we saved about 80% of our net income last year and could have saved more if our rent wasn't so darn high in SF). We do evolve in a high-consumption environment but so far we have resisted the siren song - the key to our ability to reach FI so early. I doubt this will ever change.

 

[NW-Bound]

Our income could support a lavish lifestyle, but our tastes are simple (we saved about 80% of our net income last year and could have saved more if our rent wasn't so darn high in SF)...

You lived on 20% net in SF?

At that income, how could your wife think about retiring? I would work till death if I got paid that much.

Time for a new thread: How do I resist working?

 

[FIREd]

At that income, how could your wife think about retiring? I would work till death if I got paid that much.

Walking away from that kind of income is not easy - for sure. But it's time to move on. We don't aspire to be the richest folks in the cemetery. With no heirs of our own, building wealth for the heck of it seems counter-productive.

 

[NW-Bound]

OK, I exaggerated. Not even a money-grubber like me would work till death.

But "just one more year", then surely I can do that.

 

[Major Tom]

Walking away from that kind of income is not easy - for sure. But it's time to move on. We don't aspire to be the richest folks in the cemetery. With no heirs of our own, building wealth for the heck of it seems counter-productive.

Very wise. There is a sweet spot in the relationship between income and contentment/satisfaction/whatever you want to call it, but it takes a certain degree of control and self-awareness to know what that is for you. Sounds like you've found it.

 

[REWahoo]

But just one more year, then surely I can do that.

 

[NW-Bound]

Seriously, one factor that I walked off a consulting job last year was that they did not offer me what I thought I should get. It was more than money, but the fact that people valued your work, in order to pay you a certain amount. In a free market, that's how it works.

The work was enjoyable, and my work could have brought in more work for them too, as I possessed certain knowledge, experience, and skills that they did not have in house. As they valued my time less than I did, I stopped work. Had they valued it more, I would have continued for "another year".

Yes, there's ego involved.

 

[T-bird]

Dunno, maybe I'll be able to work my point of view more towards that feller who said " I spent most of my money on women and whiskey - the rest I just wasted"

LOL I really don't think my DW would get the humor in that one

Thinking of the topic I feel that DW and I will have the same problem as pensions cover all expenses, are COLA'd and we will still will continue to invest about 15% each month. Nice problem to have but with a long history of being DINK's we really don't want to leave it to relatives that had their own time to accumulate but didn't. We have friends that I know will have a hard time flipping the switch from saving to spending. Nice problem to have when you consider the alternative.

T-bird
Class of 2013 (It's Finally Here!)
DW Class of 2012

 

[LeavingOhio]

Very interesting thread.

I think in this regard I am different than most here. I am frugal, but it is completely by design and purpose-driven...that is to be able to retire earlier than most do...no later than age 60, and perhaps sooner (I know that seems late to some of you, but most people in the United States retire later than age 60; some much later if at all). I am not frugal just for the sake of being frugal, and when I put money away for a specific purpose, I don't mind one bit spending money on that thing.

I've long based my retirement age (60) just by looking at my own salary, but in the last 2+ years, my wife has stopped being a stay at home mom and returned to work, so that is GREATLY helping and may enable me to retire as early as age 55 depending on the stock market, how much we pay for college for the kids, and if my wife and I both make the same or more for 9 more years.

I think what you need to do, Alex in Virginia, is to make a plan. Decide in a VERY SPECIFIC SENSE what it is you want to spend money on in the coming year, and arrange your finances to do that. You say you don't want to just die and give all your money away, so make a plan to spend it.

Seems you have the budgeting part down, so there's no need for me to spell that out here, but you do need help with the spending.

What is it you want? Travel? Book those trips! Maid service? Buy it. You can do a lot with an extra $25,000. Book those trips no more than 2 years ahead, and if for some reason your income lessens (down stock market, whatever), then rein in the spending a tad later on to catch back up to where you want to be.

We're only on this planet for so long which for me is the main reason I want to retire as soon as possible. Your frugality has opened up possibilities for you...now is the time to spend some money to fulfill those possibilities, and no guilt needs to be attached. You've EARNED it.

 

[grasshopper]

I have always said that the saving was easy, its the spending that's hard.

 

[H2ODude]

Very interesting thread; much wisdom about how it's hard to change how you are/how you think about money. At 61, we're living well (about same as pre-retirement) on half pension (partially cola'd) and half WR of something less than 2%. Travel is a big part of expense as daughter and grandkids are in London and son in Tanzania. We make two overseas trips a year, would likely do more if BIL would take our live in MIL more often. When she passes or goes into nursing home we will kick up travel; it sounds ugly but I hope that doesn't happen in the too distant future so we are still healthy enough to enjoy our time.

I'm attempting to kick up the spend rate by moving more from investments to spending accounts (local credit union checking and savings account) each month but it seems the local savings account is growing. When you've been frugal, saving your money all your life, it's hard to just spend it on stuff that doesn't have all that much meaning when a buck still has a value to you. I've been helping my son out as he finally moved his stuff into storage from his house so he can rent it. Which means I drive 1-1/2 hours to spend 7-8 painting, fixing up, all the stuff that it takes to clean up a house that's not been lived in for two years. My friends make fun of me because "that's what you pay other people to do!" I certainly could, but pay someone to do stuff I'm perfectly capable of doing (and truth be told I enjoy doing stuff that has tangible results, unlike most work-meetings, email, conversations, yuk!). I pay for the materials since it helps increase my spend rate, and he's actually making as much overseas as I did when retired. Sort of like yard work, it takes me 30 minutes to mow and blow; pay someone $40 for that? You gotta be kidding!

So I'm a prisoner of frugality, but I'm working on it. More travel will certainly help, and we enjoy that. More "stuff" isn't the answer for us. I'm even selling my Porsche because I didn't use it that much and needed the garage space. Waking up one day realizing you've over saved/underspent is way better than the reverse, and trying to address it is way more fun than the other situation I'm sure.

 

[Original Wally]

He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

It's NOT about the toys, but what you do WITH the toys you have.

 

[Milton]

The only other suggestion I have is give some though to finding a cause greater than yourself - a group or an individual with needs you could help meet, pain and suffering you could help alleviate - and see how giving them a few bucks works for you. Might be just the thing.

Good advice.