You're so lucky - How do you respond?

[teejayevans]

There is a difference between
"you're just lucky" and "you're lucky"
and my response would be different as well

[Andre1969]

I don't mind if someone says "You're so lucky" because I equate lucky with fortunate. And, in some ways I have been lucky. Had family help me out during rough times. Had some investments shoot up in value much higher than I ever thought they would (what, Apple at $200 per share?! Never in my lifetime!!) Good health, etc.

But the slight variation that gets under my skin is "You have no idea how lucky you are!" or "You don't know how lucky you are!" etc. That one, I don't know how to respond to. Politely at least...

[jollystomper]

I simply smile and say something along the lines of "I just try as best as I can."

[panacea]

I make my own luck.

[scrabbler1]

A lot depends on how well I know the person and how well that person knows me. To those who know me reasonably well, I reply, "No kids, no debts, and a big blob of company stock I cashed out before it dropped in late 2008." To those I do not know well, I include only the company stock cash-out part and that ends the conversation.

As I see it, being able to ER 5 years ago when I was 45 was the combination of some good life choices, LBYM, and some luck. Being an outlier my whole life gave me the mental ability to withstand peer pressure to make decisions which went against the grain, especially being childfree. I know the company stock thing was a big "luck" factor in my being able to ER, but then again I had many coworkers who had a lot, often much more, in company stock than I did but could not ER because they had made different lifestyle choices which made them keep working. And some coworkers (and others) who could ER chose not to because they simply liked working. Without the company stock, I would still have been able to ER but probably not when I did and it would have been tougher and costlier.

[2B]

The people who win the big lottery are lucky. Why is it that almost all of them are broke within a couple of years?

Most people that call you (us?) lucky are mostly jealous. They want what you have (finacial stability) but they aren't willing to do what is needed to make it happen for them. They "need" the new cars, latest gadget, big house. They fact that you don't have all those is irrelevant. You have enough assets to not have to run in the treadmill they find themselves in. That's not "fair."

There's no way you can get them to change their minds. I would suggest you just smile and agree.

[Amethyst]

Just let it pass, unless they're being openly nasty or snarky, and then address the nasty/snarkiness, not the "luck" part. I've learned that most people simply don't know what to say to others, so they say the first thing that comes into their heads. It's like when people call someone "lucky" for staying slim - it's just a remark; not an invitation to announce that you, far from being "lucky," are careful about diet and diligent about exercise.

I make an exception in the case of truenorth's horrible-sounding SIL. It is unforgiveable to comment on someone's not having had children. No one has any idea if another person may have struggled for years with fertility issues. I would not engage with such piggy comments; just laugh dismissively and change the subject.

P.S. Would your sib stand up for you if you told him/her that SIL's comments are hurtful? Just a thought.

Amethyst

[QUOTE=truenorth418;1360204]My new SIL keeps bringing up my early retirement in front of others. She does it in a kind of snotty way. It is very awkward and annoying. She also openly attributes it to the fact that I haven't had children, as if that's the only reason I became financially independent in my 40s. QUOTE]

[jayc]

"The harder I work the luckier I get/got." I don't give out advice much anymore other than the generic save and LBYM. When you get that done in 1-2 years stop by and we can go from there.

No one has stopped by yet.

[imoldernu]

"You're so lucky"

"Yes, and I'm very thankful for that"

[brett]

Same here. I also tell them that it is not enough to work hard. You have to work smart.

We never tell anyone what we have. Not their business, nor would they believe us. They keep wondering though how we can be retired, travel extensively, etc.

[bradaz2488]

I can so relate to this topic. I'm the only one in our circle of friends that achieved ER'ed and most of our fiends will likely have to work past 65 because they are not discipline savers and live beyond their means. I wish I had a dollar every time I heard "your lucky", "you sleep on money" or "you have a money tree". I could have ER'ed 10 years ago ... I really care & love these people, but it gets my blood boiling when they say these things. I know they do not mean to get under my skin and I think they are truly happy for me, but it comes across as if I did not have to work hard and sacrifice to achieve ER. Almost as if I just simply bought a lottery ticket and won.

I do consider myself lucky to have been born in America with a loving & supporting family. I was also lucky to get hired by a very successful MegaCorp because I knew someone. I look at these as lucky opportunities in life and it is up to you to either make them a success or failure. Success is hard work.

Ironically I may be saying the same thing ("your lucky") to them someday. My ER plan does not assume SS/Med. We all know these institutions are on the road of bankruptcy. My fear is the Government will reform SS/Med to only people with a low net worth. So people who were discipline savers & LBYM will not qualify because their net worth is too high. I hope this does not happen, but if it does then I think I will have the right to say to them "you are truly lucky" and "you are welcome" for the +$200K I paid in....

[ziggy29]

Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.

[SumDay]

Quote:

On "Black Friday" each year I feel the need to post on Facebook: "buy stocks, not stuff ".

As Dave Ramsey says: "Buying stuff you don't need, with money you don't have, to impress people you don't like...."

And I agree with those who consider themselves lucky. We've planned, worked hard, worked at jobs we didn't particularly love, but had great benefits and good salaries so we could someday get off that treadmill. We've never had a natural disaster to deal with, nor a serious disabling accident or illness, didn't have kids who would need to rely on us for the rest of our lives, etc. Any of those things could easily derail anyone's plans, no matter how thorough they were. I've seen plenty of hard working individuals who simply cannot get ahead. I am pretty bloody lucky.

[mrfeh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by travelover I was born a white, tall male in America and was able to start investing in the early 1980's - all luck. But others with the same luck did not take advantage of it the way I did.

I agree. Not to dispute the OP's point, but there is an aspect of luck involved.

Take me for example - my wife and I have always LBOM and saved/invested prodigiously, just like the OP. I earned a college degree and have worked hard my entire adult life. Because of this, we'll be able to retire early.

But, I've also been fortunate in ways that are completely out of my control. A few:

• I'm a white male, born and raised in America
• I didn't grow up in poverty
• I'm intelligent, which paved the way for a good education
• I'm analytical, which led me to a career as a software developer, which has been quite lucrative over the last 20 years (in other words, my preferred career provides high compensation)

Again, I'm not disagreeing with the OP. I just think it's helpful to appreciate the good fortune many of us have experienced.

[pb4uski]

Quote:

Originally Posted by travelover I was born a white, tall male in America and was able to start investing in the early 1980's - all luck. But others with the same luck did not take advantage of it the way I did.

+1, except the tall part

[pb4uski]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bradaz2488 ....but if it does then I think I will have the right to say to them "you are truly lucky" and "you are welcome" for the +$200K I paid in....

I recently accessed my earnings record online and at the bottom of the page it shows the total amount of SS taxes that you and your employers have paid and the total amount of Medicare taxes that you and your employers have paid.

[retire2020]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrfeh I agree. Not to dispute the OP's point, but there is an aspect of luck involved. Take me for example - my wife and I have always LBOM and saved/invested prodigiously, just like the OP. I earned a college degree and have worked hard my entire adult life. Because of this, we'll be able to retire early. But, I've also been fortunate in ways that are completely out of my control. A few: I'm a white male, born and raised in America I didn't grow up in poverty I'm intelligent, which paved the way for a good education I'm analytical, which led me to a career as a software developer, which has been quite lucrative over the last 20 years (in other words, my preferred career provides high compensation) Again, I'm not disagreeing with the OP. I just think it's helpful to appreciate the good fortune many of us have experienced.

My heart goes out to all who are genuinely unlucky and I never get upset when they call me lucky. I accept it and pray for them - One of my best friends has handicapped kid, another college friend(very smart) is just unlucky to find a job because of where he lives and another with health issues. I'm very lucky and fortunate compared to them and many other genuinely unlucky people.

I was talking about the people who absolutely have no issues, earn way more than I do, their house is 2.5 x value of my house, their swimming pool maintenance bill is higher than my property taxes, blow over 1k/day on lavish vacations, have two-three luxurious(bmw/mercedez/lexus) cars, open budget but still have financial problems. They've no clue or any planning about retirement let alone Early retirement. They all think they'll always have same lucrative jobs and do not even have emergency fund. When I tell them I do not have any mortgage/car payment or any kind of debts and have one year expenses saved in cash if I loose my job or if there is any emergency....they just tell me "You're so lucky"...One of them even told me that I'm an idiot that I save money in 529 plans-they think this will prevent kids from getting scholarship - which is not true as 529 is owned by parents not kids.....now that makes me mad, very mad.

[frayne]

No doubt the birth lottery gives you a step up in life being born white and with hard working and intelligent parents. That said, many of those who tell you how lucky you are had exactly the same start and opportunities but made different choices along the way.

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by marks This is one of my favorite Robert A. Heinlein quotes: "Throughout history, poverty is the normal condition of man. Advances which permit this norm to be exceeded — here and there, now and then — are the work of an extremely small minority, frequently despised, often condemned, and almost always opposed by all right-thinking people. Whenever this tiny minority is kept from creating, or (as sometimes happens) is driven out of a society, the people then slip back into abject poverty. This is known as "bad luck.""

How can I not applaud someone who quotes Bob Heinlein?

I am beyond NRA and still working, so I do not get such comments.

I like the response, "I make my own luck." I am trying to teach my chillin's this. Got one in the fold, not sure about the other.

[samclem]

I think, being charitable, that some people say "you are lucky" as shorthand for "you are in a good spot", not "you achieved your present situation through chance."

I don't get many comments like this because I don't choose to let acquaintances know the details of my financial situation. And, like Travelover, I don't much care what folks think about it. (See the signature line--also by Heinlein.)