8 months in and struggling

[tmitchell]

Hey all. I’m 8 months beyond my job and struggling a bit. I know so many of you are deeply satisfied with early retirement, but I’m having difficulty finding my way to the "new normal."

I heard the advice to “retire to something” and I admit I didn’t do that. I just had to get off the hamster wheel before I broke. My employer was of no help when I brought it to their attention. I also felt I had done all I could in that career so I don't have any regrets about moving on.

Over the past few months I’ve kept myself busy with lots of extra travel (which is a pretty costly way to avoid boredom!), studying a foreign language, reading a lot, and exercising daily. Additionally I've been experimenting with a number of projects like teaching/mentoring and starting a new business, but so far those haven’t lit me up as being a new "purpose." I don't have kids, so there's no family social net to keep me busy. All of my friends are still working, and most have kids, so my social diary is a bit thin during the week as well. My partner still works, but from home so we are able to share plenty of good times.

I do feel a little worried about retiring into a down market, so maybe it's nerves? My numbers are still holding fine despite the current choppiness. I try not to look.

I worked really hard to get to FI, which included a ton of OT over a couple of decades in a dynamic career. Maybe I just don't have the personality for FIRE? I remember listening to the MadFientist and he struggled for a couple of years before he found his footing, so maybe this is just par for the course?

One last thing: I have some voices in my head pointing me right back to work as a solution. I’m fighting that because I know it’s what’s most familiar to me, but I’m not sure how long I can deal with this in-between phase.

Have any of you gone through this?

 

[Lewis Clark]

I suspect many of us have gone through what you are experiencing. I'm now two years into retirement and still struggle with it at times.

You may find the Get A Life Tree exercise useful. In fact, the whole underlying book can be helpful. The book is referenced on the PDF page.
http://cornerstonefinancial.ca/Get-a-life Tree.pdf

I have found a couple of volunteer positions that help keep me busy and mentally stimulated (Treasurer for two homeowner associations). I also started a networking group for other HOA Treasurers. And helped two other HOAs with their long term budgeting. I started learning how to write macros with Excel VBA to make the Treasurer work easier and faster.

I've also found a couple of other volunteer positions that were/are less engaging, and have left some of them.

The beauty of being FI is that you can do whatever you want. If you want to work, then work. If you want to do something else, you just need to figure out that that will be. Try a lot of things, and hopefully a few will stick. There is no rush - you have the rest of your life to figure it out. : )

 

[Major Tom]

Some people who love their what they do for a living continue working their entire lives. It's a good option if you genuinely enjoy your work and are able to keep working. Would it be possible for you to find employment that you genuinely enjoy, or do you think that you would merely be working as a way to avoid concentrating on improving other areas of your life?

I really enjoyed my work. It was neither hard nor stressful. From an early age, I had wanted to be in that line of employment. However, by the time I was laid off, I had thoroughly scratched that itch, and no longer felt the need to do it for a living. I couldn't think of what else to do, so didn't look for another job. 13 years later, I am relatively content, but sometimes wish that I was more driven, and felt more of a purpose in my life. Like you, I don't have kids. I have a fairly small family. No partner, though I do have a best friend who keeps me sane. In my 20's and 30's, life was exciting. I'd like to get some of that sense of newness, excitement, and drive back, but I don't know how. If work has been a big part of your life, it can be hard to get the same satisfaction and sense of purpose from non-work activities in retirement. It sounds as if the next few years could be an opportunity for reflection, self-discovery, and growth for you.

Or you could go back to work, yet still attempt to explore other areas of your life while employed.

 

[FLSUnFIRE]

A few thoughts....


1. I'm not sure everyone needs a "purpose!" Perhaps your personal/religious philosophy will direct you to something or you'll "find" a purpose but I think enjoying this life is a purpose in and of itself. Personally, my purpose to to be healthy, enjoy life, continue experiencing new things, learning new things (guitar is the big one and this has been a very happy week for me in that pursuit... one of those rare moments where things click), and building and maintaining relationships with quality friends and family.


2. Down market sucks for sure, we didn't pick a great historic time (or did we? time will tell)! I don't focus on it, I didn't get over-joyous when it was up and I don't when it was down. If you've done your homework and trust your DD, then TRUST yourself and ride the waves. Be strong and turn off the doom and gloom if it is affecting you. Sell/maintain your investments in accordance with your plan.


3. I think there is a bit let down for most people after the initial euphoria of meeting a major goal.... FIRE is a major goal that many -even really smart people fail to achieve! So sure, that big goal you've meet has been checked off and now you may feel a bit rudderless. That's ok, back to my first point. Just decompress and don't be hard on yourself. We are allowed to be lazy, we earned it!


4. Working again.... I do like and won't necessarily turn down fun jobs, however, I will say 14 months in, I am less and less eager to sign up for any work. I like my new freedom and am really find any time commitments to be burdensome and unwelcome (I don't even like that my guitar lesson is "scheduled")! I do like doing the bike tours and haven't turned one down yet that I wasn't truly unavailable to do but they are all offered to me and I have full discretion to take the tour or not.


5. Sort of a summary, go with the flow, allow yourself time to decompress, and don't overthink. At 14 months in I'm still evolving and adapting to my new lifestyle. I'm already getting into a rhythm and it keeps evolving and I suspect you will to. Embrace and enjoy your freedom.

 

[ctrl_c]

I'm 6 months into retirement so I feel some of what you're going through. The worst for me is the amount of "idle" time which translates into an existential crisis of what to do with all of that time.



So far, spending time with people I love or at least like, has been something I've really enjoyed. This wasn't always an option when I was at a desk 60 hours a week.



Also, since I really liked my w*rk (just not my job) I started working at it on my own. I can do this without any commitment to an employer. I'm finding much satisfaction in performing the work without the stress and BS of reporting to someone. I don't know if that is an option for you.


I still wake up with the feeling that I've forgotten some meeting or missed a deadline, but it seems to be fading. It's still early days so I'm giving it more time.



All I need to do is think about the last 6 months of employment and all the issues that drove me out the door. This helps me be okay with the occasional boredom and anxiety that comes with not having any specific purpose.

 

[Ronstar]

Quit trying to find a “purpose” and you’ll be fine. Retirement is not about purpose. It’s about enjoyment.

 

[Midpack]

You may find the Get A Life Tree exercise useful. In fact, the whole underlying book can be helpful. The book is referenced on the PDF page.
http://cornerstonefinancial.ca/Get-a-life Tree.pdf

The beauty of being FI is that you can do whatever you want. If you want to work, then work. If you want to do something else, you just need to figure out that that will be. Try a lot of things, and hopefully a few will stick. There is no rush - you have the rest of your life to figure it out. : )

+1. I always recommend everyone complete the Get-A-Life Tree exercise before retiring, but it could be just as helpful after pulling the trigger. Even if you think you know what you’ll do all day, the exercise took me about 15 minutes the first time through and I thought of a couple additions over the next two days. Even if you don’t need it, time we’ll spent before pulling the trigger on a 20-30 year retirement.

Now the OP, and hopefully others, understand why we all say have something to retire to, not just work to retire from.

What DW and I have found in retirement is, join everything that comes along, try every activity that you can think of, take every opportunity to meet new people. If they don’t work out, so what, on to the next thing. If you keep at it, you will find what makes retirement work for you.

We retired, and relocated 750 miles to a city/state where we didn’t know anyone at all - and Covid began 7 months after we moved (that was a setback). The specific activities that we thought we’d enjoy and meet people at did not work out, but we both kept at it and hit on other activities and friends we truly enjoy. It takes a little time but it works, we’re both happy, well occupied with plenty of new friends!

 

[RobbieB]

Well, you can always go back to work eh? It's that's what makes you happy, do that.

 

[ivinsfan]

You know it's OK for time to just fill itself. Every hour of every day doesn't need to have a purpose. I suspect you haven't come to be comfortable with that idea yet.



Let go of the rope of expectations and the voices in your head. See how you feel in another 12 months.

 

[aja8888]

Start with getting a dog......he runs my day now!

I just got home from playing golf with three friends my age and it was 99 F out today. But we had a good time.

You need to keep busy!

 

[Major Tom]

Quit trying to find a “purpose” and you’ll be fine. Retirement is not about purpose. It’s about enjoyment.

We all need a purpose. Even if it's just, "I need to get out of bed, so I can pee, make coffee, and feed the cat."

But kidding aside, I'm not sure that enjoyment is a useful goal in and of itself. I find that when I'm engaged, then enjoyment comes as a side effect of that. Perhaps we're merely debating minutiae at this point.

 

[livingalmostlarge]

Work if you want to. I know my dad worked until 90 because he wanted to and only covid stopped that. He's 92 and still wants to work. My mom retired at 55. She enjoys it and thought she'd go back. She never did. To each his own.

 

[eytonxav]

Start playing pickleball and you might find contentment.

 

[lawman]

A few thoughts....


1. I'm not sure everyone needs a "purpose!" Perhaps your personal/religious philosophy will direct you to something or you'll "find" a purpose but I think enjoying this life is a purpose in and of itself. Personally, my purpose to to be healthy, enjoy life, continue experiencing new things, learning new things (guitar is the big one and this has been a very happy week for me in that pursuit... one of those rare moments where things click), and building and maintaining relationships with quality friends and family.


2. Down market sucks for sure, we didn't pick a great historic time (or did we? time will tell)! I don't focus on it, I didn't get over-joyous when it was up and I don't when it was down. If you've done your homework and trust your DD, then TRUST yourself and ride the waves. Be strong and turn off the doom and gloom if it is affecting you. Sell/maintain your investments in accordance with your plan.


3. I think there is a bit let down for most people after the initial euphoria of meeting a major goal.... FIRE is a major goal that many -even really smart people fail to achieve! So sure, that big goal you've meet has been checked off and now you may feel a bit rudderless. That's ok, back to my first point. Just decompress and don't be hard on yourself. We are allowed to be lazy, we earned it!


4. Working again.... I do like and won't necessarily turn down fun jobs, however, I will say 14 months in, I am less and less eager to sign up for any work. I like my new freedom and am really find any time commitments to be burdensome and unwelcome (I don't even like that my guitar lesson is "scheduled")! I do like doing the bike tours and haven't turned one down yet that I wasn't truly unavailable to do but they are all offered to me and I have full discretion to take the tour or not.


5. Sort of a summary, go with the flow, allow yourself time to decompress, and don't overthink. At 14 months in I'm still evolving and adapting to my new lifestyle. I'm already getting into a rhythm and it keeps evolving and I suspect you will to. Embrace and enjoy your freedom.

5 years into retirement and still depressed. I should have never stopped working but this helps me.. THANKS!..

 

[novaman]

I totally get what you are dealing with.

We do need a purpose in life, and those that say that they don’t need a purpose- I salute you.

You have won they game and have achieved FIRE, but that doesn’t mean that you can never work again, rather, you now have the luxury to work on you own terms if you so choose.

I sold my dental practice and “retired” over 4 years ago. But i still continue to work part time, 6 hours a week, because I still enjoy being a dentist, and I am able to work on my own terms (relaxed schedule and as much time off as I want to travel).

I enjoy the social interaction and I enjoy the opportunity I have to help those around me, and now I get the best of both worlds as every week I get a 6 day weekend to pursue my other interests.

 

[street]

Quit trying to find a “purpose” and you’ll be fine. Retirement is not about purpose. It’s about enjoyment.

This my feeling also ^. A hammer and a screwdriver have a purpose.

I also know people like you that just don't have a life after their career. The best is going back to what you enjoy and miss. If that is work, you should work till you aren't having fun anymore working.

One very rewarding effort one can make in his life is to help others. It maybe something you may want to do in one form or another. So, many ways to have that feeling of gratification in life and giving back can keep you very busy and may fill that void of what people call purpose.

 

[aja8888]

Getting a dog solves all the boredom and "having no purpose" issues. Ask me how I know.

 

[DrRoy]

Take a look at Meetup.com to see if anything interests you.

 

[Car-Guy]

Maybe you just weren't ready mentally... That's okay... If you still want to work but didn't like what you were doing, then try something different...

That sure wasn't for me, but everyone is different.

If you retired early and weren't financially ready, then that's a different story.

 

[ivinsfan]

Did you all notice the OP used the word "bored". If just living is boring I'd suggest the OP hasn't given themselves long enough to decompress.


For those of you saying life must have purpose, yes but every minute doesn't need to have a purpose, do you see the difference.

 

[Dtail]

Start playing pickleball and you might find contentment.

There you go. Having a hobby that one could be passionate about can fill many hours of boredom.
You don't have to have a purpose per se. The hours will fill in over time with stuff.
I would never think about working again and I loved my high paying long hours stressful career.

 

[W2R]

Well, you can always go back to work eh? It's that's what makes you happy, do that.

+1 Nobody is holding a gun to your head and saying you can't work if you want to. It's up to YOU, not us, to figure out what you want to do with your life.

Personally, I'd rather eat worms and be tied naked to a fire ant mound, than to go back to work. But then different strokes for different folks.

On my first day of retirement I felt a little bit like a fish out of water. On that same day I figured out, much to my surprise, that I am happier with some structure than without. So, I started going to the gym every day and then walking through stores for the exercise for an hour or two after that, in order to establish a routine of some sort. That was really all I needed. But like I said, it's up to you, not us, to figure out what you need or want in life.

 

[RobbieB]

For me it was easy. Have boats, chores, construction projects, dogs and a wife.

Plenty to keep me occupied.

 

[ivinsfan]

+1 Nobody is holding a gun to your head and saying you can't work if you want to.

Personally, I'd rather eat worms and be tied naked to a fire ant mound, than to go back to work. But then different strokes for different folks.

That is quite a visual W2R....worms and ant, but tell us how you really feel

 

[W2R]

That is quite a visual W2R....worms and ant, but tell us how you really feel

I wondered when I was writing that if it was a little too much, but decided, oh well, hey, why not. I did omit the "covered in molasses and nettles" part.

OK, well here's more (a little less graphic though):

I do feel a little worried about retiring into a down market, so maybe it's nerves? My numbers are still holding fine despite the current choppiness. I try not to look.

I retired in 2009 and that was the absolute best time to retire from a financial point of view. The market was down but when it came to "sequence of return risk", I was golden because the market kept growing and growing.