After FIRE, How Do You Model Hard Work To Your Kids?

[capitalhockey]

When I was growing up, I remembered seeing my dad work 2 manual labor jobs (at a hotel in the morning and then at a restaurant in the evening) to provide for our family. This motivated me to developed a strong work ethic to excel in school and as a professional in my career.

I mowed lawns thru out high school and did various odd jobs during the summers in college. After graduating, I spent the next 20 years climbing the corporate ladder by working long daily hours, nights and weekends. I also lived below my means and invested heavily so that I could hit my lean FIRE target by 40.

After hitting my lean FIRE target, I switched over to a low intensity job that I plan to work for another 10 years to reach fat FIRE. I mainly work at home on my laptop and get to set my own hours. I have two young kids under 5. The older one has started to be more observant of dad's work at home. I don't have any work meetings and I take frequent breaks to play with my kids during the day. My current job is pretty easy so I don't look busy or stressed. I am worry about how my kids will value hard work without seeing it from their dad like I did. When they get older, they might even see me as lazy because I am not as busy as other parents. But my kids were not around to see me bust my tail to get to this point.

For those that are fully FIRE or working part-time or doing easy job, how do you model hard work to your kids? Do they think of you as a slacker?

 

[RunningBum]

Is it a bad thing to show your kids that family time is more important than spending every waking hour working?

 

[twaddle]

I don't consciously try to model anything, but the kid can observe my passion for a lot of things. You can become a pillar of the community, if you want to, for example.

For some reason, watching me the mow the lawn hasn't inspired her to do the same.

 

[capitalhockey]

Is it a bad thing to show your kids that family time is more important than spending every waking hour working?

That's not a bad thing but there was a lot of hard work to provide for that choice of lifestyle.

I am afraid my kids will only see the rewards but not the efforts needed.

 

[unclemick]

No kids. But layed off at age 50 from 'mega corp.', it took me a while to make the mental shift from 'unemployed slacker' to 'high class ER'. To pass on my work ethic to someone else given my experience??

Heh heh heh - I too did some work in high school and especially college summers and my parents had a less than staller experience in The Great Depression (1930's). Might be an interesting thread.

P. S. Covid and 'the work from home' thing might create a whole new genre.

 

[SnowballCamper]

So here are some things we do (under 50 and retired three years, DD is 14):

Volunteer work at a non-profit where you can bring the kid to do work too (for us, this is planting trees).

Be a youth group leader (Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, etc.) and the kid will see the planning work/time necessary to make stuff happen.

Follow up on school work. Kiddo is not allowed to have any missing assignments. Our school district allows late submission of work, and sometimes a retake, so we make sure the kid gets everything done. On occasion we force a retake, but generally let kiddo determine the quality...luckily it has been generally good.

Get food from a farm where kiddo can meet the farmer, and/or grow your own vegetables (raise chickens?).

Talk about what work was like back in the "old" days and how much it sucked.

Have a hobby that builds something physical, or build some things for the kids, so they see the time and skill needed.

Kiddo doesn't get a lot of chores, and my attempts to foster work for an allowance haven't been well received. Basically this is because we take kiddo out for lots of activities and she doesn't really need/want anything. DW has been exceptional at managing kiddo's expectations.

Also, model respect for the domestic chores. We do them ourselves (no maid service) and while everybody doesn't do everything, we value what we don't have to individually do, as we sometimes have to do it.

 

[tb001]

This isn’t that different from what stay at home parents have been doing for a while.

We have young children (3&5)and I had the same concerns. But I make sure our kids know we have our ‘checklists’ like they have at school. And as mentioned above, they see me cleaning out the garage or scrubbing the floor. We do have household help, but I also have a lot of active hobbies and interests and do a ton around the house.

We talk a lot about how lucky we are that we have so much time we can spend together and the time ‘before’ where DH and I were working so much we could go days without seeing them due to travel or long hours. Our 5 yr old especially is old enough to see her friends at school getting dropped off at 7 and staying until 6 for daycare. We talk a lot about our years of hard work in more traditional jobs and try to model a good work ethic in a job well done at home, even if it’s not something we’re paid for.

I honestly think we have less control than we’d like about how our kids will turn out. The fact that you’re asking the question is likely enough to know you’re doing the best you can. And part of me wants to make it easier for our kids. I missed out on a lot in my 20s and 30s because I couldn’t afford to go on spring break with friends or backpacking for a summer after college or be more selective about what jobs I took. I hope our kids will get to have some of those experiences and allow themselves the luxury of trying different jobs and taking more risks with their careers.

 

[Bamaman]

That reminds me that I need to scalp my 1 acre of turf grass today.
I also have a medium size tree to cut down and one last pile of leaves from the Fall to get rid of.
Tearing out the 40 year old shower will be finished today, and I've got 400 lbs. of broken wall tiles to haul away. I'm taking my jack hammer to get up the shower pan too.
I have a new dishwasher, stove and microhood to swap out.
And I'm just getting started.
Send those kids to me, and they can learn some work ethics by just watching.

 

[capitalhockey]

So here are some things we do (under 50 and retired three years, DD is 14):

Volunteer work at a non-profit where you can bring the kid to do work too (for us, this is planting trees).

Be a youth group leader (Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, etc.) and the kid will see the planning work/time necessary to make stuff happen.

Follow up on school work. Kiddo is not allowed to have any missing assignments. Our school district allows late submission of work, and sometimes a retake, so we make sure the kid gets everything done. On occasion we force a retake, but generally let kiddo determine the quality...luckily it has been generally good.

Get food from a farm where kiddo can meet the farmer, and/or grow your own vegetables (raise chickens?).

Talk about what work was like back in the "old" days and how much it sucked.

Have a hobby that builds something physical, or build some things for the kids, so they see the time and skill needed.

Kiddo doesn't get a lot of chores, and my attempts to foster work for an allowance haven't been well received. Basically this is because we take kiddo out for lots of activities and she doesn't really need/want anything. DW has been exceptional at managing kiddo's expectations.

Also, model respect for the domestic chores. We do them ourselves (no maid service) and while everybody doesn't do everything, we value what we don't have to individually do, as we sometimes have to do it.

Thanks for the insight...sounds like chores around the house and volunteering can substitute for being busy at work!

 

[capitalhockey]

This isn’t that different from what stay at home parents have been doing for a while.

We have young children (3&5)and I had the same concerns. But I make sure our kids know we have our ‘checklists’ like they have at school. And as mentioned above, they see me cleaning out the garage or scrubbing the floor. We do have household help, but I also have a lot of active hobbies and interests and do a ton around the house.

We talk a lot about how lucky we are that we have so much time we can spend together and the time ‘before’ where DH and I were working so much we could go days without seeing them due to travel or long hours. Our 5 yr old especially is old enough to see her friends at school getting dropped off at 7 and staying until 6 for daycare. We talk a lot about our years of hard work in more traditional jobs and try to model a good work ethic in a job well done at home, even if it’s not something we’re paid for.

I honestly think we have less control than we’d like about how our kids will turn out. The fact that you’re asking the question is likely enough to know you’re doing the best you can. And part of me wants to make it easier for our kids. I missed out on a lot in my 20s and 30s because I couldn’t afford to go on spring break with friends or backpacking for a summer after college or be more selective about what jobs I took. I hope our kids will get to have some of those experiences and allow themselves the luxury of trying different jobs and taking more risks with their careers.

Glad to hear from someone with kids in the same age range. I also missed on my 20s and 30s to grow my career. I hope my kids will be different but not end up being spoiled. It's a balancing act!

Kids are very perceptive even at 5 years old. Mine already knows my daily work routine by heart.

 

[capitalhockey]

That reminds me that I need to scalp my 1 acre of turf grass today.
I also have a medium size tree to cut down and one last pile of leaves from the Fall to get rid of.
Tearing out the 40 year old shower will be finished today, and I've got 400 lbs. of broken wall tiles to haul away. I'm taking my jack hammer to get up the shower pan too.
I have a new dishwasher, stove and microhood to swap out.
And I'm just getting started.
Send those kids to me, and they can learn some work ethics by just watching.

When my kids are old enough, I am hoping to get free labor from them with the yard work and chores around the house!

 

[unclemick]

When my kids are old enough, I am hoping to get free labor from them with the yard work and chores around the house!

Over the decades (aerospace) I worked with a lot of folks whose 'free labor at the family owned restaurant' inspired them to college and another career.

Heh heh heh - ? motivation?

 

[copyright1997reloaded]

Is it a bad thing to show your kids that family time is more important than spending every waking hour working?

I left mega-corp in 2009 after 30+ years for this reason (because I wanted to be with my child while he was growing up rather than always traveling for work). Having said that, I don't find your statement quite fair.

This is one of the primary reasons why I started teaching part time (and then full time which I still do) - so that DC didn't just see dad and life as hanging around the house (or even out hiking or skiing every day). Even with that, I get quite frustrated with the lack of drive of DC.

Nor am I saying he needs to be like me.

 

[38Chevy454]

I had a boss that would say "It's Friday, just two more work days until Monday". His home life and quality of kid time must have really sucked. Best I could determine he was the type that defined himself by his job. Not by all the rest of things in life. Sad way to live.

At the same time, I see an awful lot of kids now that parents give them everything and they have no value for hard work and what it takes to make money. I do think that kids can do some work to get their own money, mowing lawns or small neighborhood jobs (snow shoveling, leaf pickup, weeding, or whatever as examples) when younger, and then part-time during high school and college. It helps them understand what it takes to make money and better appreciation for it. That may be a path OP can take once the kids are older. Have them get some jobs and make their own money.

 

[Pellice]

I don't consciously try to model anything, but the kid can observe my passion for a lot of things. You can become a pillar of the community, if you want to, for example.

For some reason, watching me the mow the lawn hasn't inspired her to do the same.

I like the implication here that the emphasis is on doing rather than working. The message you convey is that "I am never bored because I'm always doing something." Although I also wonder how to convey the message "yes, w*rk can be unpleasant, but you still have to do it." That last year was not pleasant for me, I admit, and I had to make myself get out that door every day. I wish it had been otherwise, but, well, I did it, and it's behind me now.

 

[Al in Ohio]

I tell them to remember how I used to work for a living before I started living each day on my own terms.

 

[old medic]

Well lets see... Our 9 year old Grandson shows up here and asks what he can do around to make a few dollars to play Fortnight.... And we wont let him play it while here....
He works in the garden, clearing brush, splitting and stacking firewood...