Am I a loner because I enjoy solitude and is that okay?

[v5200]

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Originally Posted by Gardnr Yep, I'm starting to think that there may be some strong correlation between ERs (and those striving to do so) and some large degree of introversion (loners). Maybe it's more a correlation with those who LBTM and other related values that lead to ER. Interesting.

Sounds like we need a poll...

[Dudester]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gardnr Yep, I'm starting to think that there may be some strong correlation between ERs (and those striving to do so) and some large degree of introversion (loners). Maybe it's more a correlation with those who LBTM and other related values that lead to ER. Interesting.

There was a "study" on this topic that appeared on the Intercst early retirement site. It basically concluded that introverts were the most common early retirement personality type. See URL

Is There a Retire Early Personality Type?

[haha]

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Originally Posted by Dudester There was a "study" on this topic that appeared on the Intercst early retirement site. It basically concluded that introverts were the most common early retirement personality type. See URL Is There a Retire Early Personality Type?

A true extrovert would have a lot of trouble dealing with the social deprivation necessary just to save all that money. There are 6 or 7 bars in 2 blocks one block down from me. They are hopping with young people till late every night. All that costs a fair amount of money.

Ha

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dudester There was a "study" on this topic that appeared on the Intercst early retirement site. It basically concluded that introverts were the most common early retirement personality type. See URL Is There a Retire Early Personality Type?

Either that or they were the most likely to respond to an anonymous poll on an Internet ER discussion board from the privacy & comfort of their computers.

The extroverts were out & about conducting their own polls at local gathering places...

[lazygood4nothinbum]

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Originally Posted by lsbcal Lazy, thanks for sharing all of those experiences with us. Sounds like you are still hurting.

you're very welcomed, lsbcal. i like to think there might be something to be said in telling stories.

a neighbor of mine, the guy cattycorner who sold and moved recently, lived here since about 2001. since then he seemed to want friendship but only as it suited him. there was only a certain level to which he would relate, beyond that, a wall he built but would not scale. i asked him about this because, other than common courtesies, i tired of putting forth time & effort into what soon enough became apparently an abyss devoid of intimacy. “why don’t you let anyone in,” i asked. he answered, “why bother, what good can that do?” his response wasn’t psychopathic, but sent shivers up my spine just the same.

this sad guy dealt with hurt by not dealing with it but by becoming dead to it. pretense makes a weak prescription. the past can’t be erased. a limp won’t heal by sawing off a leg. phantom pain, how do you fight what you can not see? ya might think you’ve won, butchya ain’t gotta leg ta stand on. you lose, pain wins. next in line please.

so sure, when good friends hurt you, that pain lasts forever. that's life. it doesn't mean you stop making friends just because someone might hurt you again. because that's not life. that’s just living dead.

a wound site or frostbite. one radiates warmth but causes discomfort which can be soothed and eventually scars over, faded but always there. the other is just numb, it might fall off; it’s gone but it leaves you bitter. i would rather drag a leg through life than hop on the one good one. i would rather continue to feel the pain and take a chance on getting hurt again, then to deny it and refuse the possibility that maybe the next friend might help me heal.

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I think for guys there are fewer chances to become real close friends so we have fewer good/bad experiences to relate. I've noticed that guys my own age tend to shy away from making new friends -- or maybe they just think I'm too weird or uninteresting or whatever.

depends on the guy. i wouldn't take that personally. most likely the problem is theirs, not yours. most of my friends (male & female) have at least a few friends. one guy i'm currently thinking of, a rabidly str8 man, who i'll be visiting this november and who will be down here this winter has been hurt by other friends (people i know) yet he still maintains old and creates new good relationships. another, my friend who is moving to florida for his early retirement, picked a house in a development down here just houses away from one of his current neighbors who is also moving to florida. even one of his sisters bought a house on the same block. how nice is that.


but those things don't just happen on their own. you have to make them happen.


i think you are right about people shying away from making new friends as we age. we become more set in our ways, less tolerant of difference & of what we consider to be nonsense, etc. i think the trick is to not be such a stick in the mud. to be more flexible. less demanding. more accepting. never lose your sense of fun, the child in you who plays well with others.

one of my xfriend's many problems is that she thinks she is picky as hell. when she finds one thing she doesn't like in a person she uses that to reject all the good things in a person. but it has nothing to do with her evaluation of the other person, rather with her own fears. her game is to reject them first before they have a chance to reject her. so in the 20 years i knew her, i don't think she's ever had a fourth date. if she doesn't fix this she's gonna die alone, oddly, her worst fear. all because she never figured out how to keep a friend.


really, when i look back, how much did i ever have in common with a lot of my old friends? but the thing about that is that in looking back now, we actually have more in common now then we did then because now we have shared history. and i'm not dead yet. i can still make a new friend who could be my friend in 20 or 30 years or more, reminiscing together about the silly fun we had in the youth of our 50s.

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Other then my wife, I don't think I've had a "best" friend, just friends that are nice to talk once in awhile. I enjoy the occasional conversation with strangers like when I take a stretch break at the small lake I run to. Sometimes a 5 minute conversation is all I need other then interactions with DW and DD (12 year old blind Corgi).

my ol'man was like that, sans the dog. he had his drinking buddies who pretty much dumped him when he stopped drinking and of course he had mom. but outside of mom, he had only one other best friend in his entire life who happened to be my partner's dad. (our mother's introduced us.) sadly, my partner's dad died too soon and so the ol'man lost his best friend. mom was his world. he's lucky he died first because i think if mom had died first, he'd have lived a lonely life. not one of solitude, but of solitary confinement. therein lies the danger of being alone. so it is very good that you chat with strangers because you never know when one of them might become your friend.

[Lsbcal]

Lazy, thanks again! It does not come naturally but I try to remember all the postivie things that are going on around me and the good things about people I meet -- getting a little better at that.

[freebird5825]

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Originally Posted by Gardnr Yep, I'm starting to think that there may be some strong correlation between ERs (and those striving to do so) and some large degree of introversion (loners).

Introvert? what's that mean? is that kinda like shy?

EXTROVERT all the way here. wooohoooooooooooooo

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) seminar years ago determined i was type ESTJ.
anybody else ever do this seminar?

[oma]

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Originally Posted by Dudester There was a "study" on this topic that appeared on the Intercst early retirement site. It basically concluded that introverts were the most common early retirement personality type. See URL Is There a Retire Early Personality Type?

WOW! This could be very true for me.

[oma]

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Originally Posted by freebird5825 Introvert? what's that mean? is that kinda like shy? EXTROVERT all the way here. wooohoooooooooooooo Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) seminar years ago determined i was type ESTJ. anybody else ever do this seminar?

Yep - ISTJ (Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging) - very consistent over two decades.

[kyounge1956]

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Originally Posted by freebird5825 Introvert? what's that mean? is that kinda like shy? EXTROVERT all the way here. wooohoooooooooooooo Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) seminar years ago determined i was type ESTJ. anybody else ever do this seminar?

I've taken the Myers-Briggs twice. I'm an INTJ.

[GoodSense]

ENFJ here. I used to think I was an introvert but I think something happened when I was maybe 20 or 21, and now I am a strong extrovert.

[Finance Dave]

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Originally Posted by BillNOVA Are there any other folks out there that just enjoy life on their one lane road?

I don't see anything wrong with that...so long as you're happy. I still work, so I don't have a good sense for what that would be like, but I can reflect on vacations and other periods when I'm not around others. I enjoy woodworking, which is a lone hobby for the most part. I get a lot of peace working away on Saturdays in the shop. HOwever, if I don't go out about 2-3x a month with friends or my wife, I do get a bit lonely.

When we go to restaurants, we often sit and eat at the bar (our city is non smoking, and we're not smokers). This allows us to talk to other patrons, we meet lots of interesting people and don't have to form any long-term relationships if we don't want to (although we have made a couple friendships this way).

Do what works for you.

Dave

[CuppaJoe]

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Originally Posted by GoodSense ENFJ here. I used to think I was an introvert but I think something happened when I was maybe 20 or 21, and now I am a strong extrovert.

-
Do you know what happened? Is that what they call, "coming out of your shell"?

I think it can be situational. My first roommate laughed in someone's face, "Ha!" when they described me as quiet.

[Walt34]

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Originally Posted by freebird5825 Introvert? what's that mean? is that kinda like shy? EXTROVERT all the way here. wooohoooooooooooooo

DW and I are both ISTJs, but I'm sometimes borderline ESTJ depending on the phase of the moon and stars or something, or variables in the wording of the quiz.

Introverted can be perceived as being shy, but it just means they don't want or need a lot of crowds/noise and excitement going on.