Boomerang Kid?

[REWahoo]

Here's some interesting advice from Bankrate.com on how to "gently" kick your 20-something kids out of the house...

"Everyone, it seems, knows a boomerang kid. You may even have one or two. The question is: How do you get rid of them?"

http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/pf/20050909a1.asp

 

[Nords]

Thanks a lot, REW. Now I'm gonna have nightmares.

But I'm not like this misguided soul: "As a parent, I have two choices: I can have the child live at home, or I can try to come up with enough money to have them live someplace else," says Mintz. "But there's no option of not supporting them."

Are these the same parents that didn't let their kid risk a skinned knee, failing a midterm exam, getting cut from the team, or other hard knocks of life? I guess if they didn't prepare them to live their lives independently then they'd better be ready to support them forever.

Spouse and I spent our entire careers learning, qualifying, advancing, promoting, and generally moving up to more complicated tasks. We were also "graded" on our skills at training others and preparing them to take over our jobs. So we love teaching our kid how to spread her wings and we eagerly look forward to watching her fly the nest. We tell her that every month, too, and we tell her that her standard of living is gonna take a big (but hopefully temporary) nosedive in exchange for living her own life. Today she helped move a friend of ours into his new apartment and said "Hey, I could live here." Somehow she looks past the $1000 rent on a 2BR hovel under a 50-year old house with no dishwasher-- and all she sees is her own independence. Sounds great!

But I guess the boomerang phenomenon accounts for the popularity of shows like "Brat Camp" and "Kicked Out"...

 

[REWahoo]

Somehow she looks past the $1000 rent on a 2BR hovel under a 50-year old house with no dishwasher-- and all she sees is her own independence. Sounds great!

You obviously have a well defined anti-bomerang system up and running at the Nords compound. But I would expect no less from a guy with his own "solar system."

 

[TromboneAl]

It's inconceivable that our daughter would boomerang.  First, you couldn't drag her back home, and second, even if she suggested it, I'd just laugh.  I think it's mostly genetics that make her independent.  But upbringing probably had a role.

I had an early morning phone conversation with a friend, that went like this:

"Wow, your Jenny is so independent, so much more so than our kids.  Well, I have to go now.  Gotta wake up Bill for school and make sure he gets off."

 

[Mr._johngalt]

It's inconceivable that our daughter would boomerang.  First, you couldn't drag her back home, and second, even if she suggested it, I'd just laugh.  I think it's mostly genetics that make her independent.  But upbringing probably had a role.

I had an early morning phone conversation with a friend, that went like this:

"Wow, your Jenny is so independent, so much more so than our kids.  Well, I have to go now.  Gotta wake up Bill for school and make sure he gets off."

We "asked" my son and oldest daughter to move back in after they were
out of the nest. They were having problems and back then I was
not thinking about the cost of much of anything. Neither stayed very
long. We built an extra bedroom to accomodate my son and
actually moved into a much larger apartment when my daughter came
home. Can't recall if either one "chipped in". Anyway, I never gave it
a second thought. So much for instilling "rugged individualism"
Guess I had a different view when it was my children involved.

JG

 

[laurence]

Nords hit on something there. I rented a room and slept on a pallet in a bad neighborhood, and my only thought was, "independence!". My first car was a twelve year old honda, and my only thought was, "my own ride!". DW and I agree times were great our first year of marriage, with a volvo station wagon that had 250k miles on it, a blown head gasket we were nursing along, and a 500 sq. foot apartment.

Child outpatient care has so many negative ramifications, my buddy is getting divorced, more or less because his DW was used to buying whatever she wanted (parents took care of the bills) he couldn't keep up with the bills, his credit is hosed, he's broke, and she's leaving (actually, she kicked him out). And she's never worked a day in her life. (sigh). Just say no to outpatient care, you'll create a monster.

 

[REWahoo]

One of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is the knowledge and self-confidence to become independent and make it on their own in the world. For some parents, and in my experience it is especially the mom, this is a very tough thing to do. But fail to do it and you are guilty of a subtle version of child cruelty.

There is a reason they call it "tough love"...

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

My family didn't have too much trouble with us kids moving back in. Same at my wife's family. We are all so hard-headed, we couldn't live at home after a point. In my family, we all ran away at least once and all of us left home straight after high school, never to return except to visit.

Now, don't think we were estranged. We have great families. We are just independent to the point of being real knuckleheads.

I have every expectation that our kids will follow the same pattern.

"And so it goes...."

Ed

 

[Nords]

My family didn't have too much trouble with us kids moving back in.

"My family moved a lot when I was a kid, but I always managed to find them."
-- Rodney Dangerfield (and probably many others)

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Being a boomerang kid isn't necessarily a bad thing, particularly if moving back in is: (a) temporary, and (b) not the result of mismanaging your life.

One of the reasons for being a boomerang kid that I recall being mentioned is crushing student loan debt. This would fit into (b) above, since without the debt, it's most likely that the average boomerang kid would be able to stay afloat. I don't want to go too far down the whole college tuition road (which has been discussed in other posts) but many Baby Boomers didn't have the kind of student loan debt faced by the average graduate from the late-1990s and early-2000s.

 

[yakers]

Nice to hear something positive like Jay Gatsby posted. My older boy came back for a while but it was all a positive experience. He went to school and worked and was leading a responsible life. After a couple years he moved out and continued to work and go to sh=chool. I was never out of pocket much for college support. Now he has a grad degree, a wife & a real job and A GRANDCHILD! Neat.

Now, anyone with a grandchild "boomerang"? Wife & I wouldn't mind seeing more of our family.

 

[Martha]

Being a boomerang kid isn't necessarily a bad thing, particularly if moving back in is: (a) temporary, and (b) not the result of mismanaging your life.

One of the reasons for being a boomerang kid that I recall being mentioned is crushing student loan debt. This would fit into (b) above, since without the debt, it's most likely that the average boomerang kid would be able to stay afloat. I don't want to go too far down the whole college tuition road (which has been discussed in other posts) but many Baby Boomers didn't have the kind of student loan debt faced by the average graduate from the late-1990s and early-2000s.

Good point Jay. Education costs have risen dramatically in the past few years, far outpacing inflation. In the 25 years since I went to law school, inflation would have roughly doubled the cost, but in fact the cost has increased by four times rather than two at my school.

But I did have to pay interest at 14% so I had to figure out a way to pay the loans of asap.

 

[uncledrz]

Our kids left, went out on their own, and never looked back. Do come back for thanksgiving/christmas etc.
If they needed it, any one of them, we'd help, but they don't or haven't asked. Independence and freedom are powerful forces.

Uncledrz

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Good point Jay.  Education costs have risen dramatically in the past few years, far outpacing inflation.  In the 25 years since I went to law school, inflation would have roughly doubled the cost, but in fact the cost has increased by four times rather than two at my school.

But I did have to pay interest at 14% so I had to figure out a way to pay the loans of asap.

Thanks Martha. I recently checked the tuition for my law school (for which I paid through loans -- at 10% or so to start, and gradually dropping to 5.5% when I paid off the last of it). My first year (in 1993) was $18k along with another $10k for living expenses (I lived in an efficiency apartment and studied all the time). Today, first year tuition is $32,500 along with another $18k in projected living expenses.

 

[justin]

Ha! My law school tuition doubled while I was IN law school (from $5k/yr to $10k/yr). Not complaining, since that is still darn cheap given the quality of the name of the school I went to.

 

[shiny]

I went to Carolina Law too and always felt that is was the best value out there. Luckily I didn't have any debt, DH paid for most of it. I knew many people, however, that were adding law school debt to their undergrad debt and I just didn't know how they were going to get out of it.

Add student loans and the cost of houses these days and that just makes for more boomerage kids. I never moved back in but I always felt that I would have been welcome if I had wanted to. (Even now!)

 

[justin]

Shiny,

Good to see a fellow Carolina Law grad on here. In this part of the country, it is definitely the best you can get for the money.

I borrowed the max federal loans I could get. However, I spent them in an atypical manner. Part paid for tuition, but most paid for me buying a new house, investing, and starting a small business. All three activities led to significant gains. I'll have these student loans for years to come, but at around 1% interest, who could refuse? I'm currently borrowing more at 0% since I'm a student elsewhere now. I just invest the loan proceeds. I doubt I'll ever become a boomerang kid though, unlike some of my Carolina law classmates that didn't find jobs or couldn't stand to practice law.

 

[Martha]

I know someone from law school who borrowed the max and then it all went up her nose.

Parents bailed her out and paid tuition.

Finished school near the top of her class, but never took the bar and never practiced law. Lives in a little house in a small town doing who knows what. Her death fantasy was to take a sauna and jump into a bed of cocaine. She hasn't done it yet.

 

[JonnyM]

Alas, I have a boomaerang brother that finally just stayed. He was born in 1958, and still lives, and I expect always will live "at home" with my folks.

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

I know someone from law school who borrowed the max and then it all went up her nose.

Parents bailed her out and paid tuition.

Finished school near the top of her class, but never took the bar and never practiced law.   Lives in a little house in a small town doing who knows what.  Her death fantasy was to take a sauna and jump into a bed of cocaine.  She hasn't done it yet.

Knew a few of those in law school as well, but there were a great many more alcoholics, pot smokers and adrenaline junkies. Strangely enough, the ones who did the alcohol and drugs have done pretty well, while those who were straight-laced haven't. Perhaps the former "lived life" a bit more, and can roll with the punches, while the latter become emotional basketcases at the slightest hint of failure?

 

[Niko]

But I did have to pay interest at 14% so I had to figure out a way to pay the loans of asap.

Another reminder of how lucky I am to get a locked-in interest rate of 1.75% on over $75,000 of student loans