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Lancelot · 04-17-2008, 06:47 PM

I am a trouble maker.

Not intentionally or trying to be mean spirited, but trouble just seems to come my way. I know it because Lefty has, on a number of occasions, told me so. The other day I sauntered into Kantene 101 and was presented with a partially updated menu (price increases) by Marcelina. She proudly informed me that “she was the one” to update the prices, but she wasn’t finished with this particular menu. I perused the entrees, already deciding to forego my customary daily special of Weiner Schnitzel or a variety thereof.

Everything was going along smoothly until I attempted to order Pork Caldero, an entrée that had yet to be updated in price. Marcelina‘s ever-present one thousand watt smile instantly disappeared and she stared at me poker faced “You can’t order that one.” “Why not Marce?” “It’s not yet updated and I am the one to update.” “Oh, ok…” I’m thinking its because of the imminent price hike so I happily propose to pay the higher price. “No, order something else” says Mareclina, attempting to keep things simple. About that time Lefty -who has the unique ability to participate in several simultaneous conversations- advises Marcelina to ignore me explaining that my mother dropped me on my head when I was an infant, causing me irreparable brain damage.

Marcelina squints and orders me to wait then she huddles with Lorie and Leaha, the other waitresses and talks it over. A flurry of musical tagalog ensues. Moments later Marcelina skips over, smile resurrected and announces that I will in fact be allowed to order the pork, but I had to pay the lower price…

Lefty was in the back, holding forth with a couple of Germans who didn’t speak much English, which was infinitely more than the German, or lack thereof, that Lefty spoke. But Lefty always surmounted any obstacle in the way of a good conversation and they were having a rip roaring time discussing coal mining, all three spinning tales and nobody really listening to the other guy. Sorta like going to different schools together.
“Marce, when you get done splain’n things to knuckle head (me) bring me an my good buddies another round here kiddo.” “Oo-kee Leff-ty” confirms Marcelina in her sing song filipina accent.

I have long suspected that Lefty has a thing for Marcelina and he is unfailingly polite and courteous to her. Physically, they are, ahem, maybe not 100% the ideal couple, because even while sitting, Lefty is a good six inches taller than the diminutive Miss Marcelina.

But good things come in small packages and Marcelina has worked out a unique beer tallying system, namely she puts an empty beer case behind Lefty to account for his unquenchable (read: real man) thirst. Many nights Karl and I have seen the case completely full of empties and Lefty appearing not so worse for the wear.

“I told that silly, silly SOB that if he didn’t want a wild cat right now (strike) he better get the hot water HOT in the g** d*** shower room.” Har, har, har! “Ja, und ich…” counters Lefty’s buddy. Karl explained that the German is talking about mine roof bolts, sorta related to hot showers I guess. I am always surprised when Lefty - the premier America first guy- gets along so well with the “foreigners.” But, maybe its in no small measure due to the fact that they really don’t understand -or care to listen- to each other and Lefty’s innate respect for serious fellow beer drinkers. “Them boys is real drinkers” opined Lefty while looking disapprovingly at my paltry (two) empty San Miguel Lights.

About this time three “Hapon” (Japanese) guests arrive and review the menu -avoiding the trap I fell into- each ordered one of the updated entrees. But the one elderly gentleman struggled with “Cordon Bleau” and it came out as “Bruu Condom.” Marcelina asked for clarification, then getting it, squeals with laughter and runs to share the gaff with her co-workers. Karl and I are laughing so hard our sides are about to split, while one of the Hapon’s companions whispers into the ear of his unsuspecting companion, explaining his mispronunciation. The poor fellow’s face is immediately beet red and he does his very best to sincerely apologize to a giggling Marcelina.

Down at the Kantene, where a guy can always have a laugh, a warm beer or maybe both.