Coupling up again in retirement

[RunningBum]

Even if you aren't actively seeking a partner, keep an open mind. You might be surprised what can happen.

[Nemo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ER Eddie I still occasionally feel a little of that old romantic-sexual pull with women who are much younger.

This is, of course, SOP - it's when the guy thinks it's reciprocated that the danger zone is breached.

[Music Lover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ER Eddie Yeah, I think that's part of it, for sure. A lot of men, even after they go through a painful divorce, want to jump right back on another horse. It's like they don't know how to be single, or they find it too lonely. I've been single (unattached) for about 14 years now, and so it's second nature to me. I was always inclined to fly solo, even prior to my brief marriage -- which seemed like I was living someone else's life. But some guys (most guys, I think) are built to want to be pair-bonded to a woman, and they don't feel right if they aren't. I've got no problems with that, if that's what makes them happy. But there is a sort of compulsion about it, sometimes, which concerns me (for their sake). Other factors might be that as men get older, they can play the field a bit better than women can. Women's options tend to shrink as they get older, and the men that will hit on them tend to get increasingly old and unsavory. So, naturally, many women throw in the towel. Whereas some men (not me) continue to enjoy dating women ten years or more younger than them. I also think, not to put too fine a point on it, but a lot of women look to men for provision and security, and by the time they've reached midlife, a lot of women have these sewn up for themselves. Through their careers, or perhaps inheritance or alimony, they've got their provision and security taken care of, so they don't really feel the motivation to snag a man. And then, there's just getting older. In some respects, I think dating and falling in love are a young man's/woman's game. I know there are exceptions, but I just think of romantic love as something that is driven biologically by the desire to mate, pair-bond, settle into a family, and procreate it up. At 59, I feel like all that is behind me (admittedly, I was never big into it in the first place) -- a young man's game, not for me anymore, I've moved on.

It's tough later in life...I met her when I was 56 and she was 52. We've been together for 3 years and it looks like it will stick. But prior to that dating was hard. 90% of the women I dated were either too desperate to find someone/anyone, they had unrealistic expectations, or they had serious flaws that couldn't be overlooked. The remaining 10% were good people that deserved a partner but we just didn't click. It's very easy to get discouraged when date after date for years goes nowhere. I didn't give up but I can see why some people do.

[sengsational]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut Another fun fact, I have come across a number of adult mother-daughters traveling together, and father-daughters traveling together, but never adult father-sons traveling together.

My last trip, I was warmed to spend a few weeks training with two father/son teams and one father/daughter team. I shared a cabin with the two father/son teams, and I was alone, as DW wasn't interested in my nutty pursuit. But more OT, one reason to start another relationship is to have a built-in travel partner.

[Amethyst]

It is unsettling, even when you're not much younger than the man. Quite a few men my age have no notion they've started to look like Scary Grampa. They really need to alter their approach from whatever worked back in '82.

When a strange man, with bushy eyebrows and potbelly-bowlegs, tries "joshing" me, it makes me wonder if I broke some rule and am in trouble.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nemo2 This is, of course, SOP - it's when the guy thinks it's reciprocated that the danger zone is breached.

[Letj]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ER Eddie Yeah, for me, the motivation just isn't there. Part of that is biology: my hormonal push is down, as is their sexual attractiveness. Both of those have to be there, to motivate the work involved in searching, pursuing, getting, and maintaining a relationship. I still occasionally feel a little of that old romantic-sexual pull with women who are much younger. But I'm not going to chase them -- it's too much work, the transactional nature of the relationship is too obvious, and it's embarrassing. Anyhow, the romantic-sexual pull just isn't there anymore, with women in my age range. I feel friendly towards them -- I've always liked women as people, and I have plenty of friendly female relationships -- but the romantic-sexual pull just doesn't happen anymore. I assume women feel the same about me, and that's fine. It's actually a relief to have that off the table.

Get some viagra and testosterone replacement. That will solve that problem real fast[emoji23]

[ER Eddie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Letj Get some viagra and testosterone replacement. That will solve that problem real fast[emoji23]

Nah, I'm good.

[Dtail]

My DGF and I have been together for 10 years starting at 49 and 50 respectively.
If I was alone, I would not even seriously consider dating a much younger woman, as the risk/reward ratio doesn't cut it for me. lol

ER Eddie, I believe one can find love again at 60 and older and also find sexual attraction in this age group.

[Kroeran]

Quote:

Originally Posted by harllee From observations--Women who can play golf seem to meet a lot more eligible men. On the other hand, men who can dance (even a little) seem to meet more eligible women. YMMV

Lesson from my twenties, <hunt where the prey feeds> ; - )

[indiajust]

There are more men than women at the younger end, I think birth bias is 52-48 for women. But men die much faster. By the time you break 50 or so things have shifted the other way and just accelerate. I have found that reasonably healthy successful and available men are rather pleasantly rare. I've gone from deep in the bench to starting left wing!

[imnontrad]

Still looking.
I divorced my husband after almost 24 years. Yes, it was very justifiable and I should have done it at least 22 years earlier but I just kept trying.
However, of the single men I have met fall in several "categories": 1) widowed and only looking for someone who was also widowed, 2) divorced and for good reason 3) have absolutely no desire to get married again, or 4) looking for someone to support/take care of them (aka a nurse or a purse), 5) are gay.
I keep hoping there is a "6)" category of someone looking for an equal partner. Especially looking for someone who is also financially independent, in decent health and active.

[teej1985]

Quote:

Originally Posted by street Gotcha. I bet even dating is not a easy thing to do at any age past 60 regardless of ones assets or past.

Dating is not easy at any age! I'm 35 and it's always been a challenge.

[aja8888]

Quote:

Originally Posted by imnontrad Still looking. I divorced my husband after almost 24 years. Yes, it was very justifiable and I should have done it at least 22 years earlier but I just kept trying. However, of the single men I have met fall in several "categories": 1) widowed and only looking for someone who was also widowed, 2) divorced and for good reason 3) have absolutely no desire to get married again, or 4) looking for someone to support/take care of them (aka a nurse or a purse), 5) are gay. I keep hoping there is a "6)" category of someone looking for an equal partner. Especially looking for someone who is also financially independent, in decent health and active.

Cat 6 is out there, but they don't last long in the wild.

[SMCOLTON]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Focus I got divorced earlier this year unexpectedly, several years into retirement. I seriously thought the nearly two-decade marriage was rock-solid and would last until the end of our lives. Curious as to how many here coupled up again in retirement after the age of 60. I find it hard to imagine.

I am a 58 year old widowed female. Already retired. It is hard to find someone in my age group who is in the same financial situation.

[Nemo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SMCOLTON I am a 58 year old widowed female. Already retired. It is hard to find someone in my age group who is in the same financial situation.

DW was still working when I met her:

https://www.early-retirement.org/for...use-58723.html

Post #16 from ~9 years ago.

[BoodaGazelle]

Just celebrated our 38th year with Orig DW. But a friend's wife died of cancer a couple of years ago. He would be considered a pretty good catch I imagine, as he is about 73, retired CG, very fit and active (hunting, fishing). We just met his new GF last summer. She does not seem the type to be attracted to the hunting part (e.g.). Supposedly she is financially independent, but doesn't own the house she stays in. It kind-of made us wonder on both sides... how well did he vet her? (he says he did), and does she really want all of the manly-man stuff?


OTOH, we always say: "Whatever works for you two is all that matters". But DW and I both think out loud that we are pretty glad to not be in a single status at our ages (64/63).

[socca]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freedom56 I'm happily married but have very close friends (both male and female) that are in their late 50's and still single and have substantial assets. My advice to them has always been to run background checks on any potential partner before making serious commitments.

For me, a "serious commitment" is meeting somewhere for tea or coffee (think of all of the other stuff I could be doing instead! ). Fortunately, I live in an area with excellent online public records, so it's easy to do an internet-based background search on any candidate SO. A wealth of information is only a few mouse-clicks away!

BTW, I don't date. I just expect the ideal woman to appear magically on my doorstep without any effort on my part. Y'all can imagine how well that's working out.

[CRLLS]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Music Lover Eventually she'll be too old, ugly, and unappealing to him and will be punted to the curb. But he'll be older and less appealing as well even if he doesn't know it....and there's nothing more pathetic than an aging "player" chasing younger women.

Nature has an answer for that. As we age, our eyesight declines.

DW has said If I die first, she will never remarry. She won't have enough time to train a new husband.

While I'm neither in the market nor even considering it, if she dies first, I might entertain some companionship whether it be occasional, or more legally binding.

[Focus]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CRLLS DW has said If I die first, she will never remarry. She won't have enough time to train a new husband.

That's part of the issue, isn't it? Once you're past 60, who wants to go back to square one with a new person? Getting to know someone deeply takes a good number of years.

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Focus That's part of the issue, isn't it? Once you're past 60, who wants to go back to square one with a new person? Getting to know someone deeply takes a good number of years.

What choice is there if you want to be with someone?

Like my old grandpappy used to say, "The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago, the next best time is today."