Did You Move Where You Did Not Know Anyone?

[FreeBear]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rathgar We are considering a move to Florida. We do not have friends or family there. Anyone moved somewhere and had to start a new life in their 50s/ 60s? How difficult was it to make friends/ acquaintances? Any and all advice appreciated.

I love all these moving/relo threads! Does it seem like folks are interested than usual

I was reluctant to move in part because I had lived all my life in the city where I grew up. I never considered myself especially outgoing, although DW is much better, and worried about making new friends if we moved someplace new.

One day, a friend surprised us by commenting that we are so outgoing that we could make friends anywhere. We knew that he was probably right.

I realized that I had known all the people that were presently close to me for only a handful of years, except for DW. I had been growing into a new set of friends all my life, with the friend group partially changing with circumstances. A few friendships endured, but most were supplanted with life changes like new jobs, churches, hobbies, or moving, even to just a different part of town. Different friends for different seasons, although a few have persisted through several seasons.

Anyway, we suddenly moved to SE AZ to escape the 6+ months of cold and dark northern winters. We picked a new church and enrolled in their 4 week intro class, picking up 2 friends in the process, fortunately just before covid. Another week, several church clubs were recruiting members. We joined a club and over a few more weeks gained a couple of more friends.

In our neighborhood, we try to be friendly and make a little small talk. We now know most of our neighbors, one of whom watches our house when we are away. Another invited us to his son's big birthday bash at the community center, the last big party we attended before covid broke.

Equally surprising, we have deepened our friendships with a few from the Frozen North. We yak with a few on the phone regualarly. A handful are coming to visit us to escape winter for a week or so. We even have a couple booked for the fall!

Oh, we're in a regular all-ages generic suburban subdivision and we have friends of all ages, both neighors and through church. We'd have even more if we were even more proactive and were not covid-constrained. Moving to SE AZ has been a huge positive both for friendships and our outdoor-centric passions.

[pjm-7]

Yes. Made the move last year during the pandemic lockdown. I did not know anybody here in the Grand Valley of Colorado. I do not have a significant other for support.

I have made some friends through a volunteer group. My social group is fairly small, but then again my social circle has always been small. I am also involved in a small book club and hiking group. I'm hoping that as things improve that I will become more involved.

Things are going reasonably well.

[FreeBear]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midpack It does get harder as we age, and retirement takes away the work connection that can sometimes lead to friends, direct or (more likely) otherwise. It does take a concerted effort, join anything and everything of even remote interest and put yourself out there, or you won't find new friends - no way around it. 55+ communities are likely to help make new friends too, though we didn't go that route.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark1 Y The key is to make a point of meeting people and then make sure you nurture the relationships early on until your friendships are fully established. For the first few months, we literally changed our plans more than once to attend functions that we were invited to, just to become fully entrenched within the network of friends.

+1 Exactly!

Got to be proactive and engaging if you want new friends. As others have mentioned, it helps if everyone is from someplace else, as in popular retirement locations in FL and AZ.

Here in Tucson, almost everyone is from someplace else, even if they have localized here for decades. Everyone asks were you are from. The answer is either the west coast or the frozen north. We're not even talking the snowbirds, just full timers.

Better yet, few ask what I do for a living. No one cares. One even asked if I was retired or still w*rking. When I answered "retired", he replied "great" and the conversation moved on, eventhough we still look like early retirees agewise. We have moved to the right kind of place, where no one cares what I did or do

[Teacher Terry]

Have done it many times. Moved here by myself 24 years ago for a job and love it. I would never move. One of my kids and his wife live here now. I have a big friend group that are supportive and helpful when needed. I also love the weather.

[Bamaman]

When we were in our 40's raising a young child, many of our friends were in our neighborhood. Our daughter and her school friends brought many parents into our lives. We also had many friends from our Sunday School class and we also had many square dance friends.

We moved in our early 50's, and again most of our new friends were made at church. We also had aunts/uncles in the area that started dying off of old age. Neighbors in our little town were not so friendly as 2 to 4 acre yards kept everyone separated.

We moved to town where homes ran from 5,000-10,000 square feet on our street. No one knew each other because they were self employed and worked all the time to pay for those big houses.

We moved an hour away when we were 68, and the pandemic hit. We too have essentially quarantined ourselves, but we've joined a big church that's having services and Sunday School classes. We're also meeting some younger parents of our 9 year old granddaughter's friends.

Even though we've moved, and many friends have also moved, we have maintained our best friendships thru social media.

[LiveBelowMeans]

We moved to Florida from up north. Knew no one in the area. Best thing we did was join a newcomers club in the area. We have met literally 100s of new people, all of whom want to meet new people. We got to pick and choose our friends from this large pool and now have way more friends than up north. It helps being retired and having the time to do things. You’ll be fine, if you make the effort.

[Third Son]

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Originally Posted by EastWest Gal We didn't know anyone near here when we moved from California to Pennsylvania in 1998-1999. We met some people through our son's school activities, and that was very nice, but all temporary, as the kids grow up, families move away. In 2002 our local shopper newspaper had an ad for a community choir needing an accompanist. That same year there was an article about a local community band. Fast forward 20 years, those newspaper ads/articles started our adult social lives for real. Much better than we ever experienced in Silicon Valley. Just make sure that when you arrive, you meet your neighbors, follow your interests, and you will make friends.

Where in Pennsylvania did you move to? We are considering the same...freshly retired, we want to be closer to the grands who are on the east coast. We are looking at eastern PA, maybe Doylestown or a little farther north.

[tb001]

We moved around two years ago. Spent the first year still w*rking like crazy, so not a lot of time to get out and make friends. We are older but have young kids, so are kind of ‘off cycle’ vs most of the other people we know. We had a fledgling friendship going with the parents of one of our kids friends, but COVID pretty much squelched it.

We’ve met a few people in ‘our generation’ while out walking in the neighborhood, but our lives with young kids will make it hard to do the same things I think.

I’ve always had a small but close circle of friends, so the last year has been difficult not having a social ‘pod’. It’s one of my goals for the upcoming year. Hopefully DH and I can get out and start meeting people during the day while kids are in school!

In general, it’s been harder than I expected, in part because we moved to a less transient area than we were used to, and in part because we don’t quite ‘fit’ in either demographic. Then Covid put a wrench in things. Our area also trends to much younger parents than we experienced in our previous urban setting. I think if any of those things were different, it would be much easier.

The upside is that because of the kids we’ll likely be making friends 20 yrs younger than us, so they’ll help keep us young!!

[RVplusDog]

We have RV’d full time plus moved a couple of times. As a very early retiree, sometimes I have noticed a disconnect between my beliefs (?) / history / style vs many of the people we come across who are from earlier generations. So yes, it has been very easy to meet people, but less so to find people that we both really “click” with. Common interests are really key for us - if we can find dog-loving hikers we are pretty much golden in any location. Pickleball was also a fun activity with low-stress socialization.

[tb001]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RVplusDog We have RV’d full time plus moved a couple of times. As a very early retiree, sometimes I have noticed a disconnect between my beliefs (?) / history / style vs many of the people we come across who are from earlier generations. So yes, it has been very easy to meet people, but less so to find people that we both really “click” with. Common interests are really key for us - if we can find dog-loving hikers we are pretty much golden in any location. Pickleball was also a fun activity with low-stress socialization.

I think this is a good point and is similar to our experience. If you tend to be a little off the mainstream, and move to an area that isn’t, it will take more time to find ‘your people.’ I think this is especially true if you’re on the early side of ER, since most people will still be working.

[Koolau]

Moved 5000 miles to a place we knew no one. As crazy as it sounds, within a week we ran into a guy DW and I went to University with (we did NOT know him or vice versa - just a shared set of experiences and location, home town, etc.). Still we formed a friendship with him and his wife (a local girl.) So now, we've been "adopted" into the extended family.

The other source of friends we found very quickly is through church, though clubs and other "focused" groups may well lead to friendships. I'm quite introverted, but friendships have not been a problem to us. YMMV

[firemediceric]

My plan is to move out of Florida to a rural area of Tennessee. I do not know a soul in Tennessee. On one hand being an isolated recluse very much appeals to me. I've been described by a psychiatrist as "asocial." On the other hand I know that in person social interaction is important from a practical and mental health perspective. It's tough for me to strike a good balance.

[smalltownguy1]

I did ,after my divorce and returning from almost 3 years deployed in Iraq ,in the summer of 2006.
I moved across the state to work with an army bubbly in the Texas department of criminal justice prisons in East Texas.
I knew him and had met his wife, but that’s it.

Starting new was actually wonderful as nobody knew me. My army buddy “knew” me 1-2 8 hour shifts a month from 1999-2003 in the guard. His wife knew me for 10-12 “lieutenant’s wifes “ nights out over those 4 years. But I had changed a little after my deployment and being injured overseas.

[Al in Ohio]

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Originally Posted by MichaelB Most of the people here in Florida are from somewhere else. Worked there, retired here. Or they live elsewhere and are seasonal residents here. You’ll fit right in. [emoji4] Well, maybe not most, but certainly many. The rest are aliens.

I snowbird to Florida each winter for 6-8 weeks (I am here now). I didn’t know anyone at first, but very quickly almost everyone here knows me. They have lots of activities and I am on the dart league etc. and attend pot luck dinners and get to make friends fast.

[jrcunniff]

I didn’t actually do a count, but as I read through replies, I noticed most (75%?) referenced “we” vs. “I”. I don’t think this is a small detail. I think it’s easier to make this type of move if you have a spouse or partner you’re moving with. At least you have a built-in companion as a couple.

I’ve given it a lot of thought myself, as a single guy, whether I’d want to move away in retirement. I think it would be tough for me, especially if I’m not in a job where you have co-workers and clients that you’re interacting with on a regular basis. I’m a pretty big introvert and it would take a huge effort for me to build new friendships. Not impossible, but a challenge.

I think the right answer here is: “it depends”. If you’re outgoing and social, I’m sure wherever you go will offer opportunities to make new connections. If you’re more introverted, it’s going to take more of an effort, and what you put into it will determine what you get out of it.

[HawkOwl]

I think that the answer to your question depends on you. Do you make friends easily?

My wife and I moved to Florida about a year ago, into a suburban house. We have zero friends here at present. An unfortunate combination of weak social skills and and the pandemic limiting opportunities. I am hoping that the situation will resolve as the limitations due to COVID fade.

[Djwil296]

We just did it! I retired last Friday the 12, closed on our retirement home in Florida yesterday. We chose a 55+ neighborhood based on all the clubs and activities that would help us meet people. Only been here 24 hours but have already had 4 neighbors already stop by introduce themselves.

[6miths]

We moved to the UAE in our 40s and it was not difficult at all to make friends. We had work connections, there was a large ex-pat community, we had 4 young children, and we did many activities. A great experience.

[Freedom56]

Most of the owners at our condo in Florida are snowbirds from the North East. There are multiple social events at our condo around Christmas and New Years hosted by our condo association where we have met many other owners. So it's not difficult to meet people if you live in a condo complex. Having property in South East Florida also means a regular flow of visitors to keep you occupied.

[Dave J]

I lived in Tampa as a boy in the 50's-60's. My sister stayed when my parents and I moved to Illinois when I was 14. She is a retired RN. I think age and health should be thought of if a couple. She has told tales of so many lonely widows/widowers who move to Florida, knows no one and spouse dies in first 6-12 months. No support system.
Also, as previously mentioned, if you make new friends easily where you are now, would not be a ton different. If not, I wouldn't move.
Personally, I would not move to Florida unless it was a rural area of Florida. But I don't like crowded urban areas now, so.....YMMV
Good Luck!