Did your working spouse think less of you after retiring?

[panacea]

DW says she wants to retire, although there are many days she says she really enjoys her work and the people. But I'm pretty sure that if I retired first, she would want to retire too because she'd be jealous that I get to be home... and then she'd later regret it because she'd miss the good aspects of her job. I predict she'll get cranky and want to quit when I retire but ultimately try to negotiate a part-time arrangement... which I bet she'll be able to do.

[Sittinginthesun]

My wife retired at 43 last year and is so busy with the house, kids, etc. she usually has 15,000 to 20,000 steps on her Fitbit every day. She makes me a healthy breakfast and lunch to take to work and I've lost 90 lbs since February. Her leaving the workforce is the best decision we've ever made and we aren't missing her $150k of income either.

[ExFlyBoy5]

Quote:

Originally Posted by uncaD Exactly the opposite. She loves that I'm far happier and healthier than when I was working... plus the fact that I'm in the best physical shape since she's known me Her work makes her happy. She has no desire to stop anytime soon, although she knows she can at any point. Seems to be working out for us.

This reflects the sentiment of my DW. She likes that I do most of the chores and that now allows her more freedom to do what she pleases. I think the only thing that annoys her is when she comes home and complains to me for 45 minutes about how terrible things are going at w*rk (middle of a merger), I just tell her to quit...she doesn't have to put up with that crap. I know, I know...I'm just supposed to listen and NOT point out the obvious!

The thing is, she knows this is a non negotiable point with me. She came into this relationship KNOWING that I had no intention of w*rking until I was 60+ years old. If I went back to w*rk for the sake of her 'concern' of me not w*rking, then the relationship would be over in short order because of resentment.

[GSMAN]

I am not so sure my DW would have been to keen on me retiring before her. My job was in jeopardy a few years ago and she made it clear that I should be looking for a job in the event that I get laid off. Well, she ended up retiring last August at 56 and I am still employed. Funny thing I thought I would resent her staying home while I got up to go to work but this has not been the case at all. As a matter of fact she is very happy that in 4 months I will be retiring early as well. I hope she doesn't have a lot of "plans" for me!

[mystang52]

DW still w*rking by choice. She has always been, and remains, fully supportive of my ER. 2 other good friends are in same situation. A 3rd is miserably w*rking, one of the reasons being his wife insists he continue as long as she is w*rking.

[Sue J]

DH retired 6 years ago when he lost his job. I am very happy for him and I love that he's retired. It took him a while but he did pick up some of the major household chores.

I know when it first happened he felt "unproductive" but he learned to play again and to putter and fool around knowing that I wasn't keeping track of what he did all day.

I still work very part time at a job I enjoy. So far I don't want to retire, but that could change.

[gerntz]

Impossible to answer.

[splitwdw]

OP, Sounds like your friends didn't talk about retirement. Did he just retire without talking to her about it?

[Golden sunsets]

DH retired 7/1/2008. I will finally retire at the end of this year or the beginning of 2017. Fortunately I work at home and enjoy my job(I am self employed). My husband worked his a** off prior to retirement, at times commuting 4 hours a day plus his 8.5 hour day. It took a toll on him and I have been thrilled for him ever since his retirement that he has shed the commute grind. I stayed at home for ten years from the birth of our first child until I reentered the work force. So it has all balanced out for us.


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[rodi]

Given the fact that I pushed DH to retire - no... I didn't think less of him. Unfortunately, he unretired (his replacement quit and he jumped back in to finish a project for 8 months). That caused some friction, but not much. Now we're both retired, and we're both happy with ourselves and each other.

[samsterdog]

This is a similar situation to one on which I requested feedback several months ago before I took the plunge.

It's been 4 1/2 months since I retired (I've been calling it "auditioning retirement" although it's likely permanent) while DW continues to work likely for the next 7-8 years because she wants her pension. I do all the household chores minus the laundry (she doesn't trust me with her stuff) although I do the sheets, towels, etc. While I think she appreciates that she is freed from those, I still sense some resentment that I haven't changed my mind yet and found another job. She's even said that she thought I'd be bored right now; I'm not. Between the aforementioned chores, house improvements, increased workouts, golf, actually reading and a plethora of other activities, I easily find ways to fill my day. And once the weather cools (I live in Florida), I expect that I will increase my hikes and other outdoor activity. I'm also looking for a good volunteer opportunity that would utilize my computer/software experience. And I haven't ruled out finding some part-time j*b but only if I would like that.

After that long winded statement, I would say my answer is: Yes, I do believe my spouse thinks less of me, but not to a point of significantly effecting our relationship. I'm happier, so I think that has balanced out most of the negatives.

[Walt34]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ExFlyBoy5 I think the only thing that annoys her is when she comes home and complains to me for 45 minutes about how terrible things are going at w*rk (middle of a merger), I just tell her to quit...she doesn't have to put up with that crap. I know, I know...I'm just supposed to listen and NOT point out the obvious!

It took me a long time to figure that out too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

[yakers]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ExFlyBoy5 I think the only thing that annoys her is when she comes home and complains to me for 45 minutes about how terrible things are going at w*rk (middle of a merger), I just tell her to quit...she doesn't have to put up with that crap. I know, I know...I'm just supposed to listen and NOT point out the obvious! t.

DW came home & cmplained about deteriiorating conditions at her school, she had 'the class from hell'. I told here she did not have to work we now had enough assets for her to retire. She retired a year later and loved it. I retired two years after her and I love it but she mentions that the 'best' years were the two where she was retired and I was still working.

[DrRoy]

DW has stopped working, and I am fine with that. It is nice to have her at home when I get back from w*rk. I'll join her in 6 months.

[48Fire]

Quote:

Originally Posted by samsterdog This is a similar situation to one on which I requested feedback several months ago before I took the plunge. It's been 4 1/2 months since I retired (I've been calling it "auditioning retirement" although it's likely permanent) while DW continues to work likely for the next 7-8 years because she wants her pension. I do all the household chores minus the laundry (she doesn't trust me with her stuff) although I do the sheets, towels, etc. While I think she appreciates that she is freed from those, I still sense some resentment that I haven't changed my mind yet and found another job. She's even said that she thought I'd be bored right now; I'm not. Between the aforementioned chores, house improvements, increased workouts, golf, actually reading and a plethora of other activities, I easily find ways to fill my day. And once the weather cools (I live in Florida), I expect that I will increase my hikes and other outdoor activity. I'm also looking for a good volunteer opportunity that would utilize my computer/software experience. And I haven't ruled out finding some part-time j*b but only if I would like that. After that long winded statement, I would say my answer is: Yes, I do believe my spouse thinks less of me, but not to a point of significantly effecting our relationship. I'm happier, so I think that has balanced out most of the negatives.

Great to hear. Sounds like the total happiness has gone up - hers down a little, yours up a lot.

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[Taxman59]

The opposite for me, I gained more respect for DW (the stay at home Mom for many years) when I retired!

[Totoro]

Friend of mine I know had some spousal issues when he decided to quit and explore options. It's now much better, he's a small business owner and she relaxed somewhat as she saw the flexibility benefits and happiness boost.

Underlying dynamic: Imagine a top-notch border collie teaming up with a peaceful bulldog.

[traineeinvestor]

A complete non-issue for us.

So long as we communicate openly and often and don't force things on each other, any combination of both, one or no spouse working full or part time is fine for us.

On the timing of our retirements, DW stopped work completely for a few years and then worked part time for several years while I was working insane full time hours. She kept working part time after I retired and I still do some very part time consulting. She decided she likes being busy and after weighing up some options (and pocketing a nice redundancy payment), she starts a new full time job at the end of October while I am contemplating bringing my part-time consulting role to an end early next year to focus on other things. Both of us are fine with the choices we have made and are supportive of the other's choices.

What I suspect might be an issue is if I sat around the home all day playing computer games and doing nothing - but then, I would have a bigger issue with that than DW would.