Divorce after 55

[frayne]

Any good resources on the subject ?

[ScaredtoQuit]

Yes! Take your cues from the old song, "It's cheaper to keep her"

[FinanceDude]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScaredtoQuit Yes! Take your cues from the old song, "It's cheaper to keep her"

I think a lot of GUYS get blindsided, since 67% of all divorces are filed by WOMEN...................

[W2R]

Divorce is often financially devastating to one (or more often, both) parties at first. Sometimes it can be the best financial decision in the long run, as it was for me (even though I gave him the house, its contents, the boat, his retirement account, the bank accounts, and his new conversion van; basically everything but a K-car on its last legs, my books, and an old sofa). Yes, I initiated the divorce.

It takes time to recover financially. I am 58 and have been divorced for 8 years. I am in a lot better situation financially by now than I was after 23 years of marriage, but it has not been easy. He has not done as well - - after a few years, the property division seems to have made so much less impact on our finances than my LBYM philosophy as opposed to his philosophy of spending all he has or can borrow.

As for other aspects, all I can say is that life as a single person in my fifties has been great.

[Craig]

OK, enough with the finances, already ... does the sex get better.

[W2R]

LOL!!! Well, Frank and I have been close since a couple of years after my divorce, and I have no complaints. There are a lot of singles in their fifties these days. Being divorced in your fifties does not imply as bleak an outlook as it did years ago.

[chinaco]

Divorce is difficult on everyone in the mix.


My opinion: if you can work it out, try to do so. Short of there being a complete mismatch from the beginning or an abuse situation... it takes two to tango. You are very likely to find that the grass is not greener on the other side...

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chinaco My opinion: if you can work it out, try to do so. Short of there being a complete mismatch from the beginning or an abuse situation... it takes two to tango. You are very likely to find that the grass is not greener on the other side...

Financially. probably true.

But IMO if there are no kids involved, from the POV of personal happiness run at first sign of trouble. So what if your follow-on relationships also crap out?

I know many people who seem never to keep a BF/GF longer than 2 years. They just pass around the leftovers and everyone seems as happy as anyone else. And, they seem to be respectful of the exes. Beats hell out of a lot of other possibilities. Of course, true married bliss likely would be better...

Ha

[CRABBY JERRY]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Want2retire Divorce is often financially devastating to one (or more often, both) parties at first. Sometimes it can be the best financial decision in the long run, as it was for me (even though I gave him the house, its contents, the boat, his retirement account, the bank accounts, and his new conversion van; basically everything but a K-car on its last legs, my books, and an old sofa). Yes, I initiated the divorce. It takes time to recover financially. I am 58 and have been divorced for 8 years. I am in a lot better situation financially by now than I was after 23 years of marriage, but it has not been easy. He has not done as well - - after a few years, the property division seems to have made so much less impact on our finances than my LBYM philosophy as opposed to his philosophy of spending all he has or can borrow. As for other aspects, all I can say is that life as a single person in my fifties has been great.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Want2retire Divorce is often financially devastating to one (or more often, both) parties at first. Sometimes it can be the best financial decision in the long run, as it was for me (even though I gave him the house, its contents, the boat, his retirement account, the bank accounts, and his new conversion van; basically everything but a K-car on its last legs, my books, and an old sofa). Yes, I initiated the divorce. It takes time to recover financially. I am 58 and have been divorced for 8 years. I am in a lot better situation financially by now than I was after 23 years of marriage, but it has not been easy. He has not done as well - - after a few years, the property division seems to have made so much less impact on our finances than my LBYM philosophy as opposed to his philosophy of spending all he has or can borrow. As for other aspects, all I can say is that life as a single person in my fifties has been great.

If I'm not getting too personal, was his spending everything one of the reasons for your divorce?

[renferme]

wife left 13 years ago and divorce took 2 years to complete.
was extremely difficult for both sides. At least she got mostly eveything I/we had.
I've done well since and was able to rebuilt my finances.
Remarried almost 5 years ago and it's a marriage made in heaven, thank God for that.

[Corporateburnout]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bennevis wife left 13 years ago and divorce took 2 years to complete. was extremely difficult for both sides. At least she got mostly eveything I/we had. I've done well since and was able to rebuilt my finances. Remarried almost 5 years ago and it's a marriage made in heaven, thank God for that.

She left you and got everything... Was her lawyer that much better than yours

[renferme]

both lawyer's suck!
What happens in Pa., is there is a table where one side is my income, the other is hers, the table will show what she/he gets in alimony.
my income was 2.5 times hers, so , for some reason the
division of assets was 60/40 in her favor. don't remember if it really turned out that way, but I kept my pension, so that in retirement I don't have to split it with her.
she got virtually all of the home after sale, I paid off her car loan, she got all of my 401k, fortunately it was during a time that the market was booming, so after 2 years of haggling, my 401k almost doubled, she got what it was worth at the time she left.
So, it seemed as though she got everything (except my pension) and she got 7 years of alimony.

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Hmmm...study was done recently that showed that divorce and being fired from a job caused an irreversible and severe impact on ones happiness.

Oddly, recovery from the death of a spouse only takes a few years.

Married people are happier than singles for a couple of years, then the effect declines and both marrieds and singles are about equally happy.

So I guess the message here is to not divorce, but kill your spouse. Or better still, stay single.

Seems the rejection and failed trust complex is very strong. And that its NOT better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

[renferme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cute Fuzzy Bunny Hmmm...study was done recently that showed that divorce and being fired from a job caused an irreversible and severe impact on ones happiness.

Probably true, as the ex's not-so-good health and shaky finances is a constant worry for our grown up children, and, by extention, a worry of mine also.

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CRABBY JERRY If I'm not getting too personal, was his spending everything one of the reasons for your divorce?

No, actually it wasn't. His intractable severe alcoholism (hence abuse, unemployment, and so on) that developed in his forties was my reason for divorcing him.

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by frayne Any good resources on the subject ?

"The Case Against Divorce" by Diane Medved.

As always you have to do your own due diligence and make your own decisions, but she frames the debate pretty well.

Spouse and I have our own codicil. Either one of us can leave our marriage at any time, but the first one to leave has to take our kid with us...

[CRABBY JERRY]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Want2retire No, actually it wasn't. His intractable severe alcoholism (hence abuse, unemployment, and so on) that developed in his forties was my reason for divorcing him.

That will get you everytime! Sounds like he lost a great one and you came out much better.

[LIPhotoMan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cute Fuzzy Bunny Hmmm...study was done recently that showed that divorce and being fired from a job caused an irreversible and severe impact on ones happiness.

Hmmm - about a month after my divorce became final, I was Involuntarily Retired.
I should be very unhappy, shouldn't I?
I am glad to report however that I am very HAPPY with my current situation.

[Zoocat]

I think that happiness and success after divorce is an individual accomplishment just as it is during any other phase of life. Personally, I found that getting sideswiped by divorce has caused a lack of trust and disappointment in men in general. In my observation, divorced men also often have negative feelings toward women based on their experience with the ex-wife. The whole process of separation and legal junk can be hellish experience. Lots of baggage to carry around after divorce.

[Sam]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bennevis both lawyer's suck! What happens in Pa., is there is a table where one side is my income, the other is hers, the table will show what she/he gets in alimony. my income was 2.5 times hers, so , for some reason the division of assets was 60/40 in her favor. don't remember if it really turned out that way, but I kept my pension, so that in retirement I don't have to split it with her. she got virtually all of the home after sale, I paid off her car loan, she got all of my 401k, fortunately it was during a time that the market was booming, so after 2 years of haggling, my 401k almost doubled, she got what it was worth at the time she left. So, it seemed as though she got everything (except my pension) and she got 7 years of alimony.

What would happen if your income at that time was zero (unemployed)?