Do You Hide Your Financial Success From Your Kids?

[troutnut1]

Four adult children in their forties have no idea that we have any money. They just know we are frugal. One of my sons is day trading and playing with options and he does know we own some of a particular stock. He was trying to teach me about options so he asked how many shares we owned of it. Its a LOT so I told them they were all his mom’s and she didn’t want me talking about it. Two of the four went other directions in life after my first wife and I divorced and will get nothing. The two that are still in the will may find a way to change that. A good amount is being left to a long time dear friend that has agreed to handle everything without knowing we have much. She will be shocked. I think the two that are still in the will might alter their behavior a lot if that knew how much we have. But that isn’t what we want. We have a modest home and older vehicles so nothing is obvious to anyone.

[RetMD21]

WE hit lean fire with kids about the same age.We continued live relatively frugally except for flying for vacations. Since we kept working they didn't notice.When we occasionally didn't buy things like flashy cell phones we had a discussion about choice of how to spend vs ability to afford.

[P.S.]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SnowballCamper I think it would be prudent to live in a neighborhood with good public schools. Going to a private school kinda makes it untenable to maintain the "we're not rich" theme.

I agree that it’s prudent to live in a neighborhood with good schools b/c it’s worth it for the kind of neighbors and community services you’ll get.

OTOH, if private school is the world your children know, and you LBYM, your children may consider you “poor.” But, as they have gotten older, this has provided opportunities for discussions on debt, net worth, and materialism/fulfillment/happiness. And regarding hiding, one can still enjoy luxuries even if one LBYM - eg. expensive lingerie, linens, etc.
Kids are smart though; they’ll figure out what they need to, to get where they want to go.

[Koolau]

One thing we noticed about all our kids. They all seemed to get smarter AND more perceptive once they reached about age 30. In short, they turned into adults. We would be willing to share a lot more info now than we would have when they were in their 20s - let alone when they were "children." YMMV

[BearD]

Me too. 2020 at 48. 49 now.

[bobbyr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by teachme My approach has always been to undercommit and overdeliver.

When I worked in IT, that was our theme during Agile planning sessions...definitely a wise approach no matter where the application

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Koolau One thing we noticed about all our kids. They all seemed to get smarter AND more perceptive once they reached about age 30. In short, they turned into adults. We would be willing to share a lot more info now than we would have when they were in their 20s - let alone when they were "children." YMMV

As our children age, we parents somehow get a lot smarter......

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." - attributed to Mark Twain

[ugeauxgirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut As our children age, we parents somehow get a lot smarter...... "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." - attributed to Mark Twain

When does this happen? My 17 year old son seems to think I'm an idiot.

[Koolau]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ugeauxgirl When does this happen? My 17 year old son seems to think I'm an idiot.

I can only say "it happens in God's good time." I rejoiced when each of my kids began to rebel. It was tough to take, but it was a sign they were growing up and becoming their own person. I knew that each child MUST grow UP and AWAY from me - each in his/her own way. With our son, he left when he turned 18. We really didn't reconnect until he was perhaps 25 - we barely saw him. Slowly, we DID reconnect and we finally have a good relationship with him, his SO and their baby. Sometimes - it takes a lot of love and a lot of waiting. Literally, age 30 seemed the magic number for him. Let's hope your son learns sooner how smart (and especially loving and patient) his mom is. Aloha

[MichaelB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ugeauxgirl When does this happen? My 17 year old son seems to think I'm an idiot.

Sadly, it’ll probably be a few more years, and they won’t be easy. Going away to college may help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Koolau I rejoiced when each of my kids began to rebel. It was tough to take, but it was a sign they were growing up and becoming their own person.

My parents rejoiced - when I left home for college. I had a similar feeling with ours. Not so much rejoicing as just plain relief.

After my children grew up we grew closer once again and are now good friends. It’s been quite rewarding to see my children as adults and enjoy their company.

[albireo13]

From my experience, kids are alien creatures until about 25 when they morph into actual humans!

When they grow up is directly linked to when they are disconnected from the "bank of Mommy and Daddy"!