Do you really not care what other people think?

[kcowan]

I tend to dress down and look like I'm broke.

I do care what others think of me, I want them to underestimate me.

I wear frayed jeans and wrinkled shirts in public. I eat wagyu and drink XO behind closed doors.

if that style gradually becomes accepted, will you downgrade further?

 

[homestead]

Was working outside one day and started getting warm so I took off my outer shirt (flannel) and set it on the bumper of my truck. Finished my work and took the truck to the store to get something. When I came back wife and I were going out to get something to eat couldn't find my shirt, Oh no it was on the truck. On the way to eat told my wife to keep an eye out for my shirt. Sure enough spotted it laying by the side of the road. Pulled over and asked wife to retrieve it. Now we call it my road-kill shirt.
Didn't care if one of the neighbors saw us picking up clothes along the road. We laughed about it all the way to the restaurant.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I tend to dress down and look like I'm broke.

I do care what others think of me, I want them to underestimate me.

I wear frayed jeans and wrinkled shirts in public. I eat wagyu and drink XO behind closed doors.

We know someone who likes to brag that people think he is homeless and offer him help or money, so he can turn them down. Whatever floats your boat.

 

[Amethyst]

It sounds like you are, maybe, the youngest of three? Older sibs can project a lot onto that last baby who took all the adults' attention away. Or there could be a million other reasons. Sorry that stuff is going on, because you are their closest relative, too, and they are missing out.

I
Oldest one consistently called me about twice a year with a sh!tload of condescension. .

 

[RobbieB]

Oh, I don't look homeless, but I don't look well off either. I shave every 4 days and yes, my jeans are frayed on the bottoms of the legs where I walk on them.

I't's summertime now and I'll be in jorts (jean shorts) and a t shirt (plain white undershirt, no art) and flip flops. Very cool and very comfy. Total stealth.

 

[brett]

We waited 12 years to have children. My wife's family are rabbits. Marry early, have lots of children, end of. We were not ready plus I had university to complete and we had some travel plans.

I got so tired of the same old question multiple times from the same people that I came up with an answer that tended to end topic and not have it raised again.

Depending on the person I would either claim to be impotent or that my wife was frigid. My wife did not like this but did agree that the tactic worked. Me...I could not care less what they thought as long as those questions ended. And the did!

 

[Koolau]

We waited 12 years to have children. My wife's family are rabbits. Marry early, have lots of children, end of. We were not ready plus I had university to complete and we had some travel plans.

I got so tired of the same old question multiple times from the same people that I came up with an answer that tended to end topic and not have it raised again.

Depending on the person I would either claim to be impotent or that my wife was frigid. My wife did not like this but did agree that the tactic worked. Me...I could not care less what they thought as long as those questions ended. And the did!

Early on in our marriage, my sister would always ask why DW and I didn't have kids. One day, her brats were banking on pans, bouncing off walls, jumping on furniture, screeching and making life miserable. When Sis asked again why we didn't have kids I just looked around at her kids and said "THAT's why!" Last I heard on the subject for oh, maybe 6 weeks or so. YMMV

 

[pacergal]

Caring happens at many different levels.

At this point in my life, I am not looking for validation for the choices that I make and how I spend my time. But I care about the impact I have on other people. It's important to help make the world a better place, and if that is caring, then I am all in.

Validation is an entirely different matter. For me, validation is an internal thing, and I will do what I have to do to be true to my own values regardless of what other people think. To people on the outside, it might look like I don't care.

+1

 

[brett]

My sense is that there are far too many people who are far too concerned about what others may think of them......much to their financial and lifestyle/happiness detriment.

Certainly true for many of my in laws. They seem to do a lot because it is expected of them or they are concerned about what others will think. Conversely they have been reluctant to step out of the box from a career or lifestyle perspective....much to the detriment of their happiness and their financial well being.

Could never understand this. I think it comes from being brought up by parents who always focused us on questioning everything, accepting nothing as a given, and that thinking outside the box or the norm was an attribute to aspire to over the drudgery of conformity. And they were square! This has served us very well over the yeas from a financial perspective and a personal perspective.

 

[Goonie]

Oh, I don't look homeless, but I don't look well off either. I shave every 4 days and yes, my jeans are frayed on the bottoms of the legs where I walk on them.

I't's summertime now and I'll be in jorts (jean shorts) and a t shirt (plain white undershirt, no art) and flip flops. Very cool and very comfy. Total stealth.

If there is one thing that everyone who knows me can agree on, it's that I truly don't care what anyone thinks of me, of the way I dress, of what I own (or don't own), of my extremely varied & unique group of folks that I call friends, of where I go, or of what I do. It's a trait inherited from my grandfather and my father, that I've excelled at!

Of course, from them I also inherited the character traits of absolute honesty, integrity, friendliness, politeness, respect, and, in general, having manners. Anyone who knows me, knows that if I give someone my word, I will do everything within my power to keep that word. If I say or do something, I won't deny it or lie about it. That's how I was raised. And although that's how I choose to live my life, I don't do it to impress anyone or so they'll have a high opinion of me. I choose to live this way for me, and in honor of those who have passed before me.

I own two vehicles, both purchased 'gently used'. My car is an 2011, and my truck is a 2006. Both run perfectly and are in great shape, although the truck is starting to get a little bit of rust. I never cared what others thought of my vehicles, and still don't. They're not status symbols, they're transportation

I was required to where a work uniform for 32 years, and normally wore a suit and tie for most of my former social/charitable activities. Since I ER'ed a bit over ten years ago, I wear Carharrt or Wrangler denim carpenter's shorts and t-shirts all year around, with a sweatshirt when needed. I have not, and will not, wear a suit and tie! And I seldom wear long pants of any kind, although I will don a pair of Dockers (the only pair of dressy drawers that I own) for a funeral.....maybe.

Other people's opinions of me, don't matter to me at all. I live my life for me. I prefer very little outside social interaction with people. I prefer to the peace and solitude of the ol' homestead. In fact, for many years I looked forward to hitting the local coffee shop two or three times a day for bull sesssions with the gang. But over the past couple of years, several of the gang have passed on, and my interest in going faded away. But, that's life, and it's fine by me!

 

[joeea]

There are many people in my life that I care about deeply. And I care about their opinions.

But I can honestly say that I don't care in the least what random internet folks think about me or what I do.

 

[street]

To me I want people to respect me so I do care what people think of me. On the other hand I do have my opinion on things and they may not always fit to some. In that degree I don't care what they think of my opinions.

I do dress down and I always feel more at ease dressing and driving lesser cars.

 

[Al in Ohio]

The ability to totally not care about another persons off putting comment is to not be influenced solely by pride (a bad vice that takes humility and virtue to resist) and is the optimism attitude for better health and wellness. These are my words in my opinion and how I go about that situation. If you can't quickly let go of someone's stupid comment ant not let it bother you at all you u need to keep learning how to do it.

 

[Chuckanut]

This reminds me of a cartoon I saw a while back and I wish I had made a copy of it.

Two guys dressed up as janitors are at a big trash dumpster with bags of trash to toss into it. The first guy is about to toss his bag into the dumpster when he says to the second guy "Guess what's in here. Celebrity opinions!"

 

[Morricol61]

Living the frugal lifestyle needed for low to average income earners to achieve FIRE has meant we have been viewed as a bit oddball at times. I don't care what people think about my lifestyle choices, but I do care what they think of me as a person.

I care about my appearance and manners and keep a clean and tidy home and garden in order to create a good impression of myself and family. It's hard to explain but it's as though I have to prove myself to others. To show that despite being a bit oddball, that despite my frugal ways, I am just as good as them.

This could all go back to my upbringing, not posh but working class and proud of it. We were not rich, but strived to be decent, honest and hard working and I guess those traits are embedded in my psyche.

Actually I am proud of what I have achieved and am pleased when others notice.

 

[Danmar]

An observation: Some here are saying they "do not really care what other people think" but I think that many here are bothered by what others say (and think).

So we "care" despite professing not to, but we won't necessarily change our actions to conform. We all conform to a certain extent but draw the boundaries differently. We have different ways of expressing our independence.

We probably all have some friends who occasionally bother us with critical comments. I have to remind myself that these are still OK friends. On the other hand, over the years I have stopped associating with a few who were very irritating.

Very perceptive post. If we really didn't care, would we post as often here?

 

[kcowan]

Very perceptive post. If we really didn't care, would we post as often here?

I have received a whole bunch of "Thanks" in the last week from members here and I surprisingly really felt good about it! Thank you all.

It does raise the question: When is a Thanks more appropriate than a followup post? It is definitely more personal.

 

[Lsbcal]

I have received a whole bunch of "Thanks" in the last week from members here and I surprisingly really felt good about it! Thank you all.

It does raise the question: When is a Thanks more appropriate than a followup post? It is definitely more personal.

I really appreciate Danmar's post. I try to remember to thank others but don't do it often enough. Follow up posts also show that one's contribution hit home with some forum members. We all like to be appreciated.

 

[HFWR]

"I worried about it a little bit, but that's all." John Hartford

 

[Danmar]

I have received a whole bunch of "Thanks" in the last week from members here and I surprisingly really felt good about it! Thank you all.

It does raise the question: When is a Thanks more appropriate than a followup post? It is definitely more personal.

We are all (mostly) social people or we wouldn't last very long on this site or others like it. We generally like to be thanked, or agreed with, or even just quoted. Admit it, we care.

I should probably "thank" more but generally "quote and agree" instead.

 

[HFWR]

 

[ncbill]

Most of the people surrounding us are acquaintances, not friends.

I'm always polite, but there are limits to the questions they ask that I'll answer.

 

[Shanky]

The very act of posting on an internet forum is evidence that one cares what others think.