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Old 11-03-2020, 04:51 PM   #41
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We had to deal with this twelve years ago, detailed in this thread. I had to write a letter to Maryland MVA and to everyone's astonishment he actually (barely) passed the driver's test! The issue was finally resolved a few months later when the car deteriorated to the extent that he couldn't afford the repairs and we knew he wouldn't ask for the money. Obviously we wouldn't have given it to him anyway.

But yes, it was a difficult time.
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Old 11-03-2020, 08:50 PM   #42
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The next time there is a thread about Underinsured Motorists insurance....please refer to this. We all need it.


Not an easy topic, but very real. Thanks for sharing. We're all be there someday.
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Old 11-03-2020, 09:18 PM   #43
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I think it is a very good idea for all elderly drivers to have high liability insurance limits and personal liability insurance.
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Old 11-03-2020, 09:32 PM   #44
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you think? Idk, I worry that the same folks who refuse to give up driving are the same who won't embrace the new technology. If they aren't already calling an uber...

Possible. But i suspect it gives one enough of a feeling of control that I can see it working, where Uber might not. You’re telling car what to do, not “begging for a ride” .
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Driving Becoming Dangerous - What to Do?
Old 11-03-2020, 10:13 PM   #45
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Driving Becoming Dangerous - What to Do?

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About a year ago, a coworkers daughter , she was in her early 20s , was in a car on the freeway and an elderly woman drove the wrong way on the freeway and killed her. Her boyfriend was injured. The elderly woman was not injured.

This just happened yesterday in my town. “Elderly driver” (which feels a bit like “Florida Man” to me) turned into the exit ramp of the freeway and then hit another car head on once they were headed the wrong way down the freeway. Everyone to the hospital but the younger driver (age 19) appeared to be in more serious condition. Happened about noon.

My stepmom voluntarily gave up her driving after several dings and we were all very relieved. She lives in assisted living and gets along fine with their van service.
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Old 11-03-2020, 11:57 PM   #46
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My dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor following a seizure. So no driving for 6 months. He was looking forward to driving again, but we could see that he wasn’t totally himself and obviously, over time, was going to get worse.

My brother had a conversation with him. He told my dad if he had an accident and hurt, or god forbid, killed someone, they could lose everything. And what would happen to my mom when he was gone? That worked, he never brought up driving again. Perhaps it was mean, but it was also true.
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Old 11-04-2020, 06:34 AM   #47
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My dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor following a seizure. So no driving for 6 months. He was looking forward to driving again, but we could see that he wasn’t totally himself and obviously, over time, was going to get worse.

My brother had a conversation with him. He told my dad if he had an accident and hurt, or god forbid, killed someone, they could lose everything. And what would happen to my mom when he was gone? That worked, he never brought up driving again. Perhaps it was mean, but it was also true.
Wow - that’s very to the point and would be effective for many.
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Old 11-04-2020, 07:32 AM   #48
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So much of this applies to other categories of high risk drivers as well as the elderly! Years ago, I tried to convince a buddy to quit stopping off for a few beers after work and then driving home somewhat impaired. I was no more successful than the examples given in this thread of folks trying to convince elderly parents to give up their keys. Even after a DUI ticket, he kept on until he caused a serious accident.
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Old 11-04-2020, 07:50 AM   #49
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Does anyone have a reference to how many and/or what percentage of serious accidents are caused by older drivers who should not be driving?

I am looking for things that go beyond small property damage such as where serious injuries occur.

Ideally the reference would have this broken down by age group to show "how much more" dangerous seniors really are statistically.

I am trying to figure out if this is a rational fear or not (not the OP's, but society's in general).

-gauss
Here's a reference: https://aaafoundation.org/rates-moto...tes-2014-2015/

Here's a graph from article. There are more in the article. These are per 100 million miles driven. One reason it may seem to not be much of a problem is older drivers drive less. But when they do...
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Old 11-04-2020, 07:55 AM   #50
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It was difficult with dad. He crashed through the garage door support post and caused damage to the building and car. After this, he insisted it was "sudden acceleration."

A few months later, we had another deep talk and he decided to give up the car. We literally sold the car 2 hours later to CarMax, before he changed his mind.

Later that year, during a sundowner dementia moment, he let his guard down and admitted to driving around for hours looking for home. He kept this to himself until that moment. I realized he got a bit scared by that incident and that led to him giving it up.

It was a few years of worry, but we got lucky in the end.

My uncle's mother wasn't so lucky. She was meeting a friend for lunch and instead of braking, accelerated and pinned her to a brick wall, killing her.
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Old 11-04-2020, 08:25 AM   #51
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MIL was going to give up the keys last April when she was due for a drivers test. She didn’t want to take the test.

But she went alone to the dmv unknown to us, took the test and passed. Then rammed her car into a furniture store a couple months later. Nobody injured, but she spent 2 days in hospital getting tests because she claims that she fainted. Tests found nothing.

The car was totaled. DW took her mom to the dmv and surrendered her license. We now get her groceries and take her to appointments.

I wish that we would have been more forceful to forfeit her license before the accident.
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Old 11-04-2020, 03:06 PM   #52
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[rant mode on] All of this is why I've thought for decades that driver standards in the U.S. are far too lax, and that everyone, not just any given group, should have to take the entire test from scratch all over again every two to four years. You say you've been driving for decades, never put a scratch on a car, routinely drive 200 mph on the track and are a great driver? Then it shouldn't be any bother at all to prove it.

Germany I think is one of the few countries that takes driving skills seriously and the penalties for misbehavior are severe compared to the U.S. and most other countries. It takes some effort to get a driver's license, not just drive around the block without crashing, which is all that I had to do. (My employer, however, was a lot more particular.) The U.S. would do well to emulate Germany's system.[rant mode off]
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Old 11-04-2020, 03:21 PM   #53
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As you are probably aware, this is one of the biggest issues with aging parents. My FIL was starting to deteriorate, and putting in a word with the local Sheriff's office was able to force him to get a state (NC) test, which basically caused his license to be revoked. He was very unhappy, and we expected more trouble, but he ended up in a nursing home due to other factors...


Most states now probably have similar programs to force a test on unsafe drivers.


Good luck!
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Old 11-04-2020, 03:56 PM   #54
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All four of my grandparents ended up in nursing homes due to accidents caused by my grandfathers. Now dad is 84 and banging up his car routinely. Mom is 82 and ran over a curb damaging a wheel the last time I saw her drive. The only response my pleas to give up driving have accomplished is the addition of an umbrella policy. The thought of someone he injured taking his life savings scared him enough to do that. Dad suffers from Parkinsons-similar walking and balance issues and has taken serious falls regularly. When I tried to solicit some help from his neurologist, he suggested it was easier for dad to drive than to walk. Well thanks a lot Doc. After that, dad offered to drive the three hour trip home. This is not an easy problem to figure out and I wish I could offer some advice that worked for me.
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Old 11-04-2020, 04:02 PM   #55
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Germany I think is one of the few countries that takes driving skills seriously
Yes, I have friends in Germany and they've told me what they had to go through to get a license. Formal training, difficult testing, and quite expensive. But the ones who get a license are really good drivers! I don't think we could ever implement a system like theirs, but we could certainly do better than what we have in most states.
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Old 11-04-2020, 04:07 PM   #56
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My grandmother lived in a small midwest town, say 100K population or so.

She had cataracts that prevented her from driving... this was in the 70s or so when cataract surgery was nothing like today. Well, at some point she finally got the cataracts fix and started driving again after about 20 years off, she would've been about 70. IIRC it was in patient, lay in a hospital bed with a sandbag on your eyes, something along those lines. I was a kid so I may be off here...

She felt she always had right of way, and had multiple fender benders. Fortunately, nothing serious, no one got hurt. But she did her best to hide this from her only child, my dad.

Well, it turns out my dad's cousin married a guy who turned out to be her body shop go to guy (second and third marriage for them) The cousin ratted her out, and my dad was able to address the driving.
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Old 11-04-2020, 05:29 PM   #57
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One of my favorite stories. Mom was in her late 80s and had long since given up driving due to her extremely limited vision. When she moved from NY to Ohio she was delighted to find a neighbor, nearly the same age, who still had a car and was happy to drive her around.

One day they were going along and the neighbor asked Mom "What color is that traffic light up ahead?"
Mom's response was "What light?"
When she told me the story later I said "Do you really feel safe in a car with her?"
"Well, no I guess not."
And that was the end of their excursions. Luckily there was good local bus service.
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Old 11-04-2020, 07:38 PM   #58
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One of my favorite stories. Mom was in her late 80s and had long since given up driving due to her extremely limited vision. When she moved from NY to Ohio she was delighted to find a neighbor, nearly the same age, who still had a car and was happy to drive her around.

One day they were going along and the neighbor asked Mom "What color is that traffic light up ahead?"
Mom's response was "What light?"
When she told me the story later I said "Do you really feel safe in a car with her?"
"Well, no I guess not."
And that was the end of their excursions. Luckily there was good local bus service.
That reminds me of an old Will Rogers joke. "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
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Old 11-05-2020, 05:49 AM   #59
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We (my sisters & I) took my Mom out for lunch and basically told her (in a very nice way) that her driving days were done and we were taking away the keys. Gave her alternatives (the Township Senior bus, we'd run some errands for her, etc.). She resisted a little, but not too much... then we had a junk service come and buy her (very old) car.

Friend's Mom was 102. They had the talk and took her keys. She said it was OK. Next day she took a cab and bought a brand new car. LOL.


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Old 11-05-2020, 07:37 AM   #60
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Dad did all of the driving. When he got into his 80s they took shorter trips and eventually stopped going out after dark. He began to run into things and dinging up the car. He was, and still is, generally healthy, but he has arthritis, is very hard of hearing, and is developing cataracts that he won't have surgery for. I can't recall exactly how old Dad was, early 90s at least, and we were seeing his PCP when the subject of driving came up and his doctor straight out told him that he shouldn't be driving anymore. It was a combination of things, but mainly I think it was his mobility and reaction times. Dad was very unhappy about it, but abided by his doctor's orders. Mom was probably even more upset about their loss of mobility. The apartment that they downsized into was really nice, but its one key flaw was a lack of sidewalks. Fortunately, not too long after this, my retired sister moved back to help take care of Mom & Dad. We sold their car.
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