Feeling sad in retirement

[Koolau]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry People that have been in the military and asked Red Cross for help have awful stories to tell. Both my dad and husband had bad personal experiences. I wouldn’t volunteer or give them a dime.

Yeah, FIL fought all over the Pacific Theater of WWII. To his dying day, he cursed the RC. I'm sure lots of folks believe them to be a worthy organization doing lots of good. I have no knowledge, one way or the other. I'll personally support smaller, more local organizations without the monolithic structure, staffed by layers of high-paid bureaucrats and staff. It's also much easier to find stratifying volunteer positions in smaller organizations. YMMV

[braumeister]

I'm sure the Red Cross does plenty of good work. But as mentioned, those in combat often have a different impression based on their personal encounters.

My dad (WW II European combat) despised the Red Cross based on his experience, and praised the Salvation Army.

Interestingly, nearly 30 years later, I had exactly the same experience in Vietnam.

[ExFlyBoy5]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry People that have been in the military and asked Red Cross for help have awful stories to tell. Both my dad and husband had bad personal experiences. I wouldn’t volunteer or give them a dime.

And some of us that were in the military and needed the assistance of the Red Cross got that and more and will be eternally grateful for their assistance. This isn't to say they are the best volunteer organization out there, but they can *and do* help.

[Koolau]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ExFlyBoy5 And some of us that were in the military and needed the assistance of the Red Cross got that and more and will be eternally grateful for their assistance. This isn't to say they are the best volunteer organization out there, but they can *and do* help.

I am glad to hear that. They are a very large organization. I hear good things and not so good. I would think they would work on their reputation which is mixed at best. My only experience is helping to fund them. My biggest issue with them has been soliciting for one "catastrophic thing" and those funds not going totally to that. Returning you now...

[Irishgirlyc58]

Due to some of the wildfires in California I was responsible to open up an evacuation center until the Red Cross could get there.
Honestly, they were a nightmare to deal with. They didn’t show up until several days past the date they stated. In fact I’m still waiting for 4 nurses from the Red Cross to show up from a disaster 5 years ago. [emoji15]
In my experience it really is dependent on the local chapter and of course the person running that chapter.

[aja8888]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buckeye Glad you have had a good experience. My husband volunteered for probably ten years but quit about 3 years ago because volunteers were being treated like dirt. He had a health emergency at one location because volunteers weren't provided adequate hydration. It was a fiasco getting home. Maybe things have gotten better recently. It broke his heart to quit. https://www.propublica.org/article/t...-the-red-cross

Buckeye, this article is 7 years old. And they turned the reins over to ex AT&T people to run the RC? Look how things are going under AT&T. No wonder the RC is in shambles.

[sparky08]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sengsational I just read "From Strength to Strength" by Arthur C. Brooks. The book opens, and in fact the author says the reason he wrote the book was a conversation he overheard from the row behind him on an airline flight. The man was saying to his wife how he'd be better off dead. When they deplaned, Brooks (and most other people) recognized this man as someone who accomplished great things in his life. The book talks about how it's logical for people to pursue a different thing before around age 50, and then jump off that track and onto another track that uses the strengths that one can only acquire through many years of experience living. The book talks about two "curves". The first one falls off quite rapidly, and the second one, which utilizes a different set of strengths and comes along later, continues to be high into old age. Back to the point of the thread, the way I understood it, if one attempts to keep on the first curve, as your young person skills diminish, that would lead to sadness. Although jumping to the other curve means leaving behind what you know, it's a way to find fulfillment in the later years. Although I didn't agree with everything in the book, there's a lot of worthwhile concepts that might help make retirement happier.

Interesting coincidence.

I started reading "From Strength to Strength" yesterday....on the plane ride home from cleaning out my office (I had been working remotely). I'm leaving my job of 25 years and don't know what's next. But I had grown to hate my job. Even though staying a couple more years would have put us in a great financial position, it wasn't worth it.

As the OP says, the author talks about two curves, a 'Fluid Intelligence' and a 'Crystalized Intelligence'. The Fluid is the innovative. The example is a brilliant mathematician. Most of them did their groundbreaking work before age 40. Afterwards, the Crystalized takes over. Not as innovative, but builds on what we've learned over the years. If you embrace it, you will be a happier person. (so the book says)

I've just started the book, but am looking forward to reading more.

[Teacher Terry]

The Salvation Army is a much better organization. They spend very little on salaries, etc but they are religious and that ties into the commitment and why they are willing to work for low salaries. The husband and wife are a team and both expected to work for the husband’s salary. It’s also run like the military. In my career as a social worker I saw the good they did for our clients through the years.

[Koolau]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry The Salvation Army is a much better organization. They spend very little on salaries, etc but they are religious and that ties into the commitment and why they are willing to work for low salaries. The husband and wife are a team and both expected to work for the husband’s salary. It’s also run like the military. In my career as a social worker I saw the good they did for our clients through the years.

Yes, SA is very big in the Islands and do a lot of good. I've never heard any significant issues with SA locally or world wide as I have with RC. Having said that, I do still support both.

[Buckeye]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mystang52 I didn't read the other replies; this reply is perfect for OP.

I've read it 21 days to create a new habit that sticks. That will fly by quickly!

[vafoodie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bearkeley “The routine I want for myself is to get up, tidy for a solid couple of hours, go to the gym, read for a few hours, cook dinner, watch some tv.” If I recall correctly from your earlier posts, this wasn’t exactly what you had planned for your retirement. Wasn’t extended travel in your plans? If DH didn’t retire at the same time, I can see why this wasn’t an option so maybe it’s time to revisit now that he’s retired? Covid certainly made it tough, but we are just completing our first 3 month trip internationally since Covid and it’s nice to be able to do it again! If what you really want in life is the routine you mentioned and have a work family again, then it is absolutely ok. If however you think it could be depression or just a slump, then going to your doctor and getting encouragement from this group is definitely the right thing to do! Good luck and know we are here for ya!

Yes, original plan was to do a lot of traveling and live in different places for a month or so. Since dh retired, we have been taking 2 week road trips, and now I’ve been rethinking the month long plan idea. If we do do that, and there is definitely a long stay in Europe on the horizon, I have to figure out how to take the dogs. Boy, do I miss my dogs when we are on the road!

[qwerty3656]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry The Salvation Army is a much better organization. They spend very little on salaries, etc but they are religious and that ties into the commitment and why they are willing to work for low salaries. The husband and wife are a team and both expected to work for the husband’s salary. It’s also run like the military. In my career as a social worker I saw the good they did for our clients through the years.

+1 Salvation Army over Red Cross

[trumpeting_angel]

vafoodie, I have had depression most of my adult life, well-controlled with medication. I moved during the pandemic, leaving my now-ex. I moved to a different state to be near my daughter who was desperate in 2020 because she and her husband were both working from home, had a 2-year-old, and the day care closed.


It was meaningful to help out, and now there are two granddaughters, ages 4, and 6 months. <my sweet little girls!> But I didn't know anyone, and everything was closed. I did travel to ski with friends, and that was wonderful. But otherwise, I was in a horrible rut. Spent long days with Netflix and food. Finally, I got a job at a garden center, and when that was over, a ski shop. Working (2-3 days/week) was so much better for me. In both jobs, I got to use skills that weren't a part of my old job. Very far from forensic psychology!


I had a place to go, people to see who became familiar, and customers looking for help. Unfortunately, I got Covid in March and haven't been up to working in those physical jobs, but I'm interviewing again for a more cerebral job this time.



I've read that it takes months to years to get into the groove once we retire. I think Covid has worsened this for many of us. I know for me, being single, living in a new place, and dealing with the pandemic has made the transition much harder.

[Irishgirlyc58]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry The Salvation Army is a much better organization. They spend very little on salaries, etc but they are religious and that ties into the commitment and why they are willing to work for low salaries. The husband and wife are a team and both expected to work for the husband’s salary. It’s also run like the military. In my career as a social worker I saw the good they did for our clients through the years.

I have had the complete opposite experience with SA in my local area. I was in social services/health and human services for 35 years and they are a difficult organization to deal with in my experience.

Maybe it’s their sexist policies that you site above. But there is definitely something remiss with that organization-IMHO.

[skyking1]

I can certainly sympathize those of you who had difficulties with your transition. I think it's going to be somewhat of an issue for us too. DW so identifies with what she does at work. She sees retirement as stepping off a plane and she's not so sure about the parachute.

[Koolau]

Quote:

Originally Posted by skyking1 I can certainly sympathize those of you who had difficulties with your transition. I think it's going to be somewhat of an issue for us too. DW so identifies with what she does at work. She sees retirement as stepping off a plane and she's not so sure about the parachute.

We're all so different. My personal issue (pretty much singular) was whether we would have "enough" in retirement. When I had that solved, I relaxed at w*rk and actually began enjoying the position that I had created for myself at megacorp. When the position went away years later, I "stepped off" with virtually no qualms.

DW left the family business early to make way for the next generation. She wasn't quite ready, but was overjoyed about the transition. She didn't even worry about the "enough" question. She just assumed there was enough even though she rarely looked at the financial stuff I managed.

Mom and dad were "forced" out of the family business by circumstances - primarily dementia. It was sad and I think they really missed the day to day interactions and being "needed." I wouldn't quite call it depression, but something close to that.

3rd generation at the family business is already planning her "escape" even though she's only in her late 40s. She loves her w*rk and the challenge, but she has better things waiting to do beyond w*rk.

Three generations, all different reactions and approaches to retirement. I guess none of us should be surprised at someone ELSE's reaction to retirement. It's very personal.

[Seagirt]

@VAfoodie
I know what you mean, about wanting a rigorous, productive, absorbing routine, just like you had when you were working. Perhaps, like me, you believe it will keep you feeling good about yourself and the world.

Looking at it from the outside, there's nothing very enjoyable about the prospect of hours decluttering and then going to the gym, so it's not surprising to me that you lack enthusiasm about doing it. For myself, I don't want to listen anymore to that inner, critical voice that tells me I'm 'useless' if I don't buckle down and do all these hard things. Instead, I want my motivation to be that the rest of my wonderful life will just run more.smoothly if I take care of them.

I'm really limiting my media consumption because of how helpless and negative it makes me feel. The media wants to enslave our minds. But the internet is also a great way to explore new ideas and ways of being. For example, the happiness project.

Just a few thoughts, hoping I take my own advice.