Friends are all broke!

[jollystomper]

Quote:

Originally Posted by UnrealizedPotential It's said money is the root of all evil.

That is actually a misquote, the correct quote is "The love of money is the root of all evil". Money itself is fine.

[RobbieB]

And the fun you can have with the things that money can buy is even better!

[MarieIG]

My friends are not all broke but no I don't know the details of everyone's financial situation. I do have relatives with much more $ than I have, and I do have some friends with less.

I also have a few friends, while not dead broke, are pretty much month to month. In all of those cases, a divorce was involved, coupled with money mismanagement. How do I know? They asked me for money advise, ignored it, and complained of the outcome. (No, I bit my lip and did not tell them, "I told you so.")

One friend/ co-worker had her equity in her home, sold it, and spent all on her deadbeat kids. She then got a healthy workers' comp settlement and again, spent it all on the kids. She also co-signed her grand-daughter's college loans, and the grand-daughter defaulted. My friend/ co-worker came into my office crying one time that (after she triggered SS while working she couldn't pay her taxes). Yes, I had told her to have extra with holding, but no. I momentarily considered giving her the money, but thought I would be funding those kids and didn't. The grandmother is working at 70 and still paying those student loans.

Another friend ran up huge credit card loans, asked me if she should declare bankruptcy, and within five minutes was asking if I wanted to invest in her business. (She was never good with money but on top of that had a horrific personal tragedy, and I think she spent to drown the sorrow.)

I don't intend to match the spending of either my rich relatives or "broke" friends, but they both remain part of my life.

[Canoesmith]

I haven't retired yet, but I have slowly realized that what I thought was friendly information sharing and bouncing ideas off of peers, friends and family about should I stay or should I go and where I am in my retirement planning - was a big mistake. Talking about timelines, hopes, dreams, money, plans etc. - only invites jealousy and hard feelings. No more. I will keep it on a site like this where jealousy should be non-existent. I'm a slow learner, but eventually I do learn.

[Milton]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ABQ2015 Most of my siblings and close friends have less money than me. In some cases, they did not save for retirement or mismanaged their money but mostly they were divorcees or singles with children in lower paying professions. Where this tends to be a problem is when we vacation together. I would prefer staying in nicer hotels (e.g., with an ocean view or an historic hotel within a national park) and eating at nicer restaurants and visiting better attractions. Usually we are sharing a hotel room as having separate rooms would be a big budget buster for them. While I am willing to pay extra, they want to split the costs evenly and this makes it awkward.

Awkward, indeed. You must feel terrible, having to either slum it or cast them aside.

Your dilemma is captured in the following passage, found in Nicholas Monsarrat's novel This is the Schoolroom (1939).

Quote:

[There can be no] compromise over the process: for one [is] either one of the favourite children, the jeunesse dorée and adorée, or one [is] relegated to that vast outer throng, that anonymous bank of seaweed which never comes to the surface. To be déclassé [is] to vanish without trace, there being, to the official eye, only one class – First, Reserved, and paid for in advance. Can it be otherwise? It is ‘quaint’ at the beginning, but it cannot go on being quaint: complimentary tickets and shared taxis may patch up the cracks for a time, but it is inevitable that So-and-so’s company should in the course of time become either an embarrassment or an expensive luxury – he is chary of the second bottle of champagne, public familiarity with his wife’s wardrobe earns it contempt in every restaurant in the West End of London, and the fact that they cannot return even the most modest form of hospitality is a trenchant debit in the social budget. Besides, sooner or later So-and-so will be wanting to borrow money, which is a different thing altogether. It was said of Sheridan that one could not take off one’s hat to him in the street without its costing fifty pounds, and that to stop to speak to him meant a certain loan of a hundred: news of such a financial hazard travels fast and widely, and deduces one’s social circle to a literal nodding acquaintanceship. When poverty comes in at the door, love not only flies out of the window but bolts the shutters on the outside.

[ncbill]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarieIG My friends are not all broke but no I don't know the details of everyone's financial situation. I do have relatives with much more $ than I have, and I do have some friends with less. I also have a few friends, while not dead broke, are pretty much month to month. In all of those cases, a divorce was involved, coupled with money mismanagement. How do I know? They asked me for money advise, ignored it, and complained of the outcome. (No, I bit my lip and did not tell them, "I told you so.") One friend/ co-worker had her equity in her home, sold it, and spent all on her deadbeat kids. She then got a healthy workers' comp settlement and again, spent it all on the kids. She also co-signed her granddaughter's college loans, and the grand-daughter defaulted. My friend/ co-worker came into my office crying one time that (after she triggered SS while working she couldn't pay her taxes). Yes, I had told her to have extra withholding, but no. I momentarily considered giving her the money but thought I would be funding those kids and didn't. The grandmother is working at 70 and still paying those student loans.

Your friends sound like my older relatives, now well into their 70s.

Helped one out yesterday at their home, & looking around, let's just say there's a lot of deferred maintenance that can't be deferred too much longer.

I know they had to take their SS at 62 after 40+ years of low-paying employment, so it can't be much.

I like to ***** about how I shoulda/woulda/coulda, but after yesterday I'm just thankful I'm not anywhere near their position.

They now have very few options given their age and increasingly poorer health.

[rayinpenn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Souschef I live in a +55 community, and I am sure Unfortunately, my copilot was slammed by his late wife's medical bills, so he does not have much saved. I am happy to have him with me (he is like the brother I never had). So, I pay for the planes for our flights, and he is grateful. Fortunately, money never comes up between us.

Good for you...

[rayinpenn]

There are roughy 11 million people with assets exceeding a million dollars nationwide. Many own properties or businesses that push them into the millionaires club and they never would consider selling.

The real question becomes who is a ‘liquid millionaire’. That is to say a a couple million or more in taxable bank or brokerage accounts. I would say they are a much rarer breed.

Post a question about how much does it cost to live in the Villages on Talk of the villages and you’ll get tons of advise from people retired and just getting by. They budget down to the very last dime.

Saving, patience and planning for the future are virtues that too many seem to lack. The question always asked is how many are ready for retirement.

Chances are if you lived smartly in your youth you will live well in your retirement years.