Growing Risk to America’s Seniors: Themselves

[socca]

A family acquaintance (female, about 70 years old) lived by herself in DC and worked for the Federal Gov't. She gradually lost the ability to take care of her long-time residence, a multi-story condo. Trash piled up to a couple of feet deep and all of the toilets got stopped up. She started living at work (apparently the Fed Gov't is so vast and so many people work from home these days that a person can disappear into the bowels of the machine undetected ). One day, she was found dead outside her office building. She was carrying a checkbook that accessed an account worth $1M+. The overall value of her estate was many millions (one of the members of my family volunteered to be executor of her estate. She died intestate.)

Moral of the story: be prepared to get help when you need it. Unfortunately, if your mind begins to go first you may be unable to exercise proper judgement on this matter.

[Ronstar]

MIL (90 yo) recently crashed her car and can't remember how she did it. Spent 2.5 days in a hospital getting tests that revealed nothing. Now has a heart monitor for a month. She does have memory issues - tries to pay her rent twice in the same month, asks when DW's sister will be back from a trip, even though the sister just visited her the previous day. Lots of these types of things.

DW took her to an appt with a general practitioner. Dr dwelled on the memory issue. Dr. told MIL 3 words, and said that she would be asked what these 3 words were at the end of the examination. Went on to ask her name, what day it was, date, how old she was, her address, etc, etc, etc. Dw paying attention the whole time to assess her mom's answers as well.

At the end of the exam, Dr asked MIL the 3 words. She remembered them. But DW didn't. So MIL passed with flying colors. Now I'm wondering if DW has issues.

[Hermit]

A guy just moved here to the Ranch in December. He is around 70. No kids. He has two brothers. One with dementia. He isn't doing too well. My first guess is he is in the early stages of dimentia. He doesn't have any other place to go. This place is a long way from anything. He has a two wheel drive pickup which is not very adequate up here. I talked him in to buying some chains, but he cannot figure out how to put them on after being shown several times. He used to work in a foundry so he should be able to do this. He spent one night in his truck when he go stuck on the way out here from town a couple of weeks ago. Fortunately it was not real cold that night. It has hit -20 F since then. I am not sure what to do. I don't think he would like me to tell him I think he might be in the early stages of dimentia, but it seems the only alternative.

[Walt34]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hermit I am not sure what to do. I don't think he would like me to tell him I think he might be in the early stages of dimentia, but it seems the only alternative.

Back here in the more heavily-populated East many counties or states have agencies that deal with elderly people who are having difficulty looking after themselves. I realize that in the more sparsely populated state of Colorado that may not exist because there wouldn't be enough demand to justify funding the agency, but that's something to at least look for. Failing that, perhaps he's a member of a church whose members could steer him to assistance?

[braumeister]

I would consider calling the county Dept. of Human Services. They have a hotline number you can use to report an adult or child in need of protection (define that however you like). They most likely have a social worker who is skilled at talking to people with problems, and can do a better job of it than we could.

[Hermit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Walt34 Back here in the more heavily-populated East many counties or states have agencies that deal with elderly people who are having difficulty looking after themselves. I realize that in the more sparsely populated state of Colorado that may not exist because there wouldn't be enough demand to justify funding the agency, but that's something to at least look for. Failing that, perhaps he's a member of a church whose members could steer him to assistance?

Quote:

Originally Posted by braumeister I would consider calling the county Dept. of Human Services. They have a hotline number you can use to report an adult or child in need of protection (define that however you like). They most likely have a social worker who is skilled at talking to people with problems, and can do a better job of it than we could.

He has joined my church. I don't want everyone to start wondering without him knowing what is going on. Its looking like a discussion and then on to the Pastor, the doctor (same as mine), a conversation with his brother if he is up for it, and possibly Social Services if needed. His driving is not very good and if he gets lost on a cold night, it may not end well. I have been through this with a very close friend and the markers are very similar.

[Walt34]

That sounds about all you can do for the guy.

[bmcgonig]

CCRC at home. In this case you join a CCRC but instead of moving you stay at home. If you need assistance they will send you home aides. If you need nursing home you move into the nursing home. Cost seems to be about 10-15% of the cost of a regular CCRC. About 50k to join and $500/mo. If you need nursing home you get the nursing home for that much.


https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/08/h...home-ccrc.html

[Gumby]

Here is a NY Times article about about a man who was a very successful and wealthy manager at Morgan Stanley, left at the age of 56, fell into a depression and alcoholism, then physically fell and suffered a brain injury, and is now in a nursing home in Queens. This is my great fear about growing older.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/20/n...gtype=Homepage

[Dtail]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gumby Here is a NY Times article about about a man who was a very successful and wealthy manager at Morgan Stanley, left at the age of 56, fell into a depression and alcoholism, then physically fell and suffered a brain injury, and is now in a nursing home in Queens. This is my great fear about growing older. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/20/n...gtype=Homepage

Sounds like he was defined by his job. Not too unusual on Wall Street.
For me a voluntary layoff ended up being a blessing.

[Ronstar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gumby Here is a NY Times article about about a man who was a very successful and wealthy manager at Morgan Stanley, left at the age of 56, fell into a depression and alcoholism, then physically fell and suffered a brain injury, and is now in a nursing home in Queens. This is my great fear about growing older. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/20/n...gtype=Homepage

I'm worried about falling also. If I fall, I hope it is from Angel's Landing in Zion NP, where a nursing home confinement won't be necessary.

[Retired Expat]

I am counting on technology to help a lot in my later years. Self driving cars for example. The ever expanding option and apps for food delivery, Apple Watch can alert a 3rd party if you fall, Uber and Lyft, robot vacuums, Echo devices which can call someone when you tell it to, and others can “drop in” and speak to you or see you. (Yeah, yeah privacy issues....)

With these smart products and controls, taking care of oneself should be much easier, provided the mind still works. If not, we’ll that is a whole different discussion.

But if I die alone in my home, and no one finds me....Chances are I won’t care... (note to self: no more dogs or cats after 80&#128563

[Ronstar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Retired Expat ....With these smart products and controls, taking care of oneself should be much easier, provided the mind still works. If not, we’ll that is a whole different discussion.

The "mind still working" is the problem. 90 yo MIL's mind is going. She can't remember how to use her hearing aids, cell phone, tv, heart monitor, etc, etc. Now if something came along that could control our minds - then that would truly be a smart product.

[REWahoo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ronstar Now if something came along that could control our minds...

What, you haven't heard of Facebook?

[tmm99]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ronstar I'm worried about falling also. If I fall, I hope it is from Angel's Landing in Zion NP, where a nursing home confinement won't be necessary.

This guy had marble floors in his apartment and was a drunk. A bad combination IMO.

[Aggie1999]

I have way more concern about the articles you read and stories you hear of supposed care takers stealing seniors blind. Things like total strangers going to the court get a POA over someone and then milking them for all they have.

Maybe because I have not had to deal with an elderly relative that is loosing his/her mind, but if someone starts making questionable decisions and bad things happen, is that really worse than being put in a nursing home for years waiting to die? Other than being scammed for my money, I'd rather wonder off in the woods and die than have to go into a nursing home.

[Teacher Terry]

Aggie, I totally agree.

[friar1610]

I can't remember if it was here or on Bogleheads that i read about a podcast called "The Retirement and IRA Show". I downloaded a few episodes and listened to one on aging issues while I walked the dog earlier today. Even though the main guy on the podcast is way too verbose, he mentioned a number of aging issues (not solvable by LTC insurance) that I haven't given enough thought to. This getting old stuff isn't for the faint of heart.