has anyone tried to get you to spend more?

[lazygood4nothinbum]

i've got money budgeted for summer travel and long "weekends" away the rest of the year. but since the inherited house has yet to sell, i don't want to spend even that much. i took off this summer for two weeks but did it very much on the cheap, staying with family & friends mostly and roadside motels otherwise. i had a great time.

the longer the house does not sell the tighter my wallet gets. and it now seems that the tighter my wallet gets the more i find family and friends trying to pry it open.

i've got two friends bugging me to fly out to california (during the good winter weather in florida when i'd rather be here anyway) and just today my brother tried getting me to come to alaska this summer. i told him to go without me, have a great time, that i'll vacation with them again later after the house sells. this started an argument.

his argument is that i should get a job to pay for the vacation with him. i told him that even if i got a job i wouldn't spend that money on a vacation, but use it to live on until the house sold. so then he tries to tell me that i need to change my thinking. but i'm pretty sure my thinking is what will keep me from going broke. what's with these people? i should have to work just so i can take a vacation when my life is already a vacation? i'm nervous about money now so if i were to work for more i would just spend it frivolously? who are these people and what are they doing in my wallet?

 

[W2R]

Wow, I don't blame you for being ticked off!!

I hate it when people try to get me to travel like that. I just got invited to a family "reunion". I put "reunion" in quotes, because I haven't even seen any of these people since before I was 7 years old. I refuse to go!! I have better things to do with my time and money. Anyway, I can relate to what you are saying.

Other people have NO BUSINESS trying to get you (or me) to travel someplace when we would rather not go. And to think that he suggested that you should get a job so you could afford to travel as he wishes!! Maybe he didn't mean anything bad by it, but at any rate he wasn't thinking. But still, I think you should be firm and make your own decisions.

 

[Khan]

While I was working I was often urged to spend more (cars clothes electronics); I also recall gossip concerning people being 'cheap' (probably said of me when not around).

%^&* 'em; I'm retired because I don't need to impress people with how much crap I have.

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

i thought some here might relate to this. ya, want2, he's really a good guy. he just wants me to have fun with him and his family even if it is at my expense. he really wants me working anyway. as i've noted before, i'm totally the odd one out of a family of workaholics. seems it is a disease that runs on both sides of the family. i've always known it ran through mom's blood and now, so far, from what i've met of my father's side, they are all working even though no one has to. the last cousin i met must be worth 10s of mm's at least yet goes to work every day (in the same suit he wore in the 60s) and he's almost 80 years old. i just didn't get that gene.

i never figured out how to make a ton of money but i'm very good at not spending money. so my brother is just going to have to learn to let me enjoy what i can do. or we can just keep on arguing. it will make thanksgiving dinner interesting.

 

[W2R]

Well, then if I were you I would tell him that you are too busy trying to sell the house, or get the house ready to sell, and that this is just not a good time for you.

Not spending a lot of money is a good skill to have.

 

[bright eyed]

Yup, my friend wants me to go on cruises with them (they've been on one at least every year) and they have maybe half our income...and i always say no...it feels awkward sometimes, but i just accept them and hopefully they, me ...

 

[donheff]

just today my brother tried getting me to come to alaska this summer...
his argument is that i should get a job to pay for the vacation with him.

Unbelievable. Tell him about our horror at the thought.

 

[Nords]

so my brother is just going to have to learn to let me enjoy what i can do. or we can just keep on arguing. it will make thanksgiving dinner interesting.

In my family the comment for this situation is "Looks like you need a new brother..."

 

[Lsbcal]

the last cousin i met must be worth 10s of mm's at least yet goes to work every day (in the same suit he wore in the 60s) and he's almost 80 years old. i just didn't get that gene.

This is truely extreme. Sounds like you are thinking straight at least.

In our case the only one trying to loosen the purse strings is my wife. But she appreciates when I present her with an executive summary of our current finances . She is a good influence in that I might tend to be too conservative and leave too much on the table. But it still has to work out, at least in Firecalc or I won't spend it.

 

[simple girl]

We have friends that try to get us to vacation with them, but they always pick really expensive trips. We politely turn them down/find other excuses, etc. In the past when we did vacation with them, they wanted to eat out all the time, while we actually enjoy and prefer to cook at the house/condo we have rented. It's a shame because they are great friends and would do anything for us, but we just have different goals and value systems regarding money.

We are looking forward to the day we ER and can say "we're living on a fixed income". Right now people just think we are frugal for no reason. They don't know we are hoping to retire early. We don't tell many people our plans...don't want to jinx ourselves!

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

Yup, my friend wants me to go on cruises with them (they've been on one at least every year) and they have maybe half our income...and i always say no...it feels awkward sometimes, but i just accept them and hopefully they, me ...

here's the trick: already one of my friends has offered to pay half my airfare to california. wanna bet my brother picks up my tab for alaska? the trick is not just to live below your means but to live by the means of others. i know, i'm being mean.

Unbelievable. Tell him about our horror at the thought.

i'd love to but i can't. he's still horrified that i participate on a support group forum for the early retired.

In my family the comment for this situation is "Looks like you need a new brother..."

hey mom, come back. i need a new brother. and make this one rich (and generous) will ya?

This is truely extreme. Sounds like you are thinking straight at least.

In our case the only one trying to loosen the purse strings is my wife. But she appreciates when I present her with an executive summary of our current finances . She is a good influence in that I might tend to be too conservative and leave too much on the table. But it still has to work out, at least in Firecalc or I won't spend it.

well, i think it is less extreme and more that money doesn't matter but his life's work does. just so happens that his life's work makes a ton of money. hey, it's not his fault.

but yes, i also strive to find balance at least in areas of my life that i am not currently obsessing about.

We are looking forward to the day we ER and can say "we're living on a fixed income". Right now people just think we are frugal for no reason. They don't know we are hoping to retire early. We don't tell many people our plans...don't want to jinx ourselves!

now if i could just find a reason to tell people why i'm not working.

 

[mountaintosea]

I'm used to my co-workers always telling me that I need a new this or that. My profession is such that people think they have to show off what they make. My family leaves me alone. The irony of it all, go to work so that you can take a vacation!

 

[Sue J]

A few years ago my MIL suggested that we have a family reunion in Orlando at Disney World. I know many people love the place but .... it's just not where I want to spend my time and/or money. She was going to try to trade her condominium time share in Vail, CO for one in Orlando. My first thought was that this was the summer right before our very expensive year of having both kids in college at the same time. DH's family is scattered all over so it's really important to get together every few years.

We told her that travel to Orlando for 4 of us was beyond what we could afford with both kids in college, and really, for the other families it was too much, too. It ended up that they all came here to see us in Ohio and we had a nice visit here. They even were nice enough to stay in a hotel. The single sisters flew here. One family drove from NJ, and the sister and family from Colorado timed the whole thing with her husband's business trip and they all used airfare mileage to make it less expensive.

And not a Disney character in sight.

 

[FIREd]

People try to get us to spend more all the time! My parents, my wife's parents, friends, siblings, it's a never ending battle! Nobody knows anything about our finances, we live a very middle class lifestyle with almost no outwardly signs of wealth, yet people are convinced we are rolling in dough!
My parents live in Europe and absolutely insist on seeing us once a year, yet we are the only ones making the trip (and paying for it) each year. They've not been here since 2001 (and that was for our wedding!). When we talk on the phone over the week-end, guess who's always calling and picking up the tab? My wife's parents do at least come to visit some time to time, but often complain about our lifestyle. They think that we are "cheap": They don't know anything about our finances but they think that we should eat out more often (and like to be treated to a "fine dining" restaurant when they come), we should drive bigger cars, dress better, keep the house warmer in the winter (nevermind if this is the right temperature for us). My sister always expects expensive gifts: since we won't spend money on ourselves, at least we can spend money on her, or so she thinks. Last year I asked for a Xmas gift list from my mom. At the top of the list she wrote "new custom French doors for the dining room" worth...$10,000! This year I have not asked for Xmas gift lists...

 

[Medit8]

My parents live in Europe as well. Have you ever thought about using Skype? Even if your "Rents" don't have a PC, you can call to a landline. Great fun and great savings.

 

[FIREd]

My parents live in Europe as well. Have you ever thought about using Skype? Even if your "Rents" don't have a PC, you can call to a landline. Great fun and great savings.

Yes I switched to Skype last year. Before that I was spending about $1,500 a year on International calls. Now I spend about $200 a year with skype (I use Skype Out for my dad because he does not have a PC and I call my mom and sister on their PCs, so it's free when I call them) but they often complain that the call quality is not as high as it was on the landline. But Since I am the one paying...

 

[simple girl]

They think that we are "cheap": They don't know anything about our finances but they think that we should eat out more often (and like to be treated to a "fine dining" restaurant when they come), we should drive bigger cars, dress better, keep the house warmer in the winter (nevermind if this is the right temperature for us). My sister always expects expensive gifts: since we won't spend money on ourselves, at least we can spend money on her, or so she thinks. Last year I asked for a Xmas gift list from my mom. At the top of the list she wrote "new custom French doors for the dining room" worth...$10,000! This year I have not asked for Xmas gift lists...

Holy sh*t!! That is completely insane!

 

[W2R]

I completely stopped sending gifts to my family after my divorce, because I literally did not have the money. It only took a couple of years before they got the idea and also stopped mailing holiday gifts to me. This arrangement sure makes Christmas a lot easier. Even though I could afford to resume sending gifts by now, I haven't.

It hasn't caused any friction with family members, surprisingly. I guess the long distance gift giving was as much of a hassle for them as it was for me.

 

[Moemg]

My family never pressures me to spend more .They are more amused at the fact that I'm so thrifty while I have a decent potfolio . My daughter did make fun of me for not joining Sam's Club but instead looking for free one day passes . My brother in law is always giving me financial advice .He's gone bankrupt a few times and continues to live way above his means.

 

[youbet]

i'm nervous about money now........

That's not a good thing LGFNB! It could take the fun out of
FIRE.

I'm not real estate knowledgible, so can't offer advise on getting the house sold. But, I will ask the questions: Do you need the full asking price in order to maintain your FIRE status? If it doesn't sell for many more months, do you have a plan to get by? How do things look in FireCalc if you wind up with, say, 80% of the asking price?

Don't be too hard on the folks who want you to vacation or travel with them. They obviously enjoy your company. Friends who want to spend time with you can't be overvalued.
















T

 

[W2R]

Don't be too hard on the folks who want you to vacation or travel with them. They obviously enjoy your company. Friends who want to spend time with you can't be overvalued.

Just because they pressure you to travel, doesn't mean that they want to spend time with you or will. Usually once I have paid to go to (wherever it is), my family "ditches" me and I end up by myself, wondering what I am doing there. That's one of several reasons why I don't feel too guilty about saying "no".

They don't want to be with me - - they just think I should be traveling, because that's what my family does. Travel for fun and education. Only thing is, it's not fun for me and having spent my youth being dragged all over the world, by now I don't get much out of it. I have re-defined things because I don't like to travel.

 

[lucija]

OK, we have never been pressured to spend (more) for vacations, probably because we spend an insane amount each year anyway (at least 3-5 times more than family and friends), but... here's what I hate...

Whenever we go out to eat with my husband's family, they always have a problem with my lunch/dinner choice. Most of the time these are somewhat special occasions (vacations, get-togethers, etc.) and, I guess, I am expected to eat shrimp/lobster or at a minimum some type of steak! Never mind that I (by choice) do not eat shell fish and I am not big into eating large chunks of red meat (especially not at a chain place like Bennigan's). Why can't I just enjoy my chicken/veggy/pasta dish in peace??

 

[tangomonster]

I didn't have anything to say on this thread since I don't have too many people in my life, especially who would do this, but last night it happened:

A frined who is divorced and still working at age 60 (she will need to keep working for a number of more years until her kids get out of college) was in Albuquerque for a professional conference. And she had that workshop high, being in a new place and meeting new people...all on her employer's tab! She started in asking me if we were never going to travel again (we have been happy staying at home, loving our new home, and saving our money for what we consider more crucial since we retired at 52 with no pensions and with $1000 monthly health premiums). I resented it and thought it was very disingenuous of her. She hasn't been traveling herself because she is strapped financially (for some reason, still keeping the big house even though it's just her now, still doing the $80 hair cuts)---she was just in New Mexico because her employer was paying for it and in fact wasn't going to be doing any sightseeing because she would have to absorb the cost herself! Maybe I would travel if my boss was paying for it, but I'd sure rather be free everyday of the year than have to deal with work and just get four days off and room and board for a conference! Aaack! People!!!!

 

[joesxm3]

My boss is always nagging me to spend more and making remarks about how cheap I am. At least he admitted that although I am very frugal I am willing to be generous and to pick up my share of the tabs (even though his net worth is likely 10x mine and he could easily pay all the time).

Last week was my birthday and I told him that I finally took his advice and splurged and bought myself a nice big birthday present ...

A Discover Bank 6 month CD

 

[Lsbcal]

Joesxm, looks like you are in-line for a nice raise with that game plan !