hermit tendencies?

Confirmed hermit here. And I like it that way.

Trying to figure out the implications of hermitdom in retirement, as I am looking for a new location for a second home, and travel. I have traveled with some groups, and 2 weeks is as long as I can handle being around others- and only if it is single occupancy.
 
DW is most definitely a hermit. I personally belive this is a learned behaviour from being overly self-conscious as a child of being overweight and having a bad smile. I, on the other hand, am quite gregarious.

The question is, can these behaviours be successfully modified so we can enjoy social interaction together? Or am I doomed to a life of single interaction?
 
retiredbop said:
DW is most definitely a hermit. I personally belive this is a learned behaviour from being overly self-conscious as a child of being overweight and having a bad smile. I, on the other hand, am quite gregarious.

The question is, can these behaviours be successfully modified so we can enjoy social interaction together? Or am I doomed to a life of single interaction?
Click to expand...

Yes, there must be a way to modify your behaviour so that you are less gregarious and therefore more like your wife. It is noble of you to recognize that enjoyable social interaction for introverts can be as simple as being in the same room together without direct constant communication (e.g., one reading a book, the other watching TV).

Oh. I misunderstood. You want your wife to be more like you. Nevermind.

;)
 
Shawn said:
Yes, there must be a way to modify your behaviour so that you are less gregarious and therefore more like your wife......Oh. I misunderstood. You want your wife to be more like you. Nevermind. ;)
Click to expand...

ROFLMAO. Shawn it is a standing joke between us that we can't figure out how we ever got married much less have stayed together for 25+ years. We are absolute polar opposites. I prefer Classic Country Music and Bluegrass, she likes whatever spooge happens to be on the Top 40 at the time. I am a carnivore, she'll eat meat but could happiliy live without it. etc, etc.

The only behaviour mod I have managed to make in her in 25 years is that she LOVES to ride motorcycles, as a passenger and sightseer. No interest in becoming the pilot at all. She just wants to sit back and soak it all in while the wind whips her hair. I can live with that. At least we're doing it together.
 
A8---I admire that you are so comfortable with admitting that you're a hermit! I still am not at that level of self-acceptance (afraid that people will envision me as the Unabomber in some rural area!) but I'm working on it. Instead, I'll hedge by addressing the introversion, high sensitivity,
quietness. I think retirement will enable me to embrace who I am without any disguises, coverups, toning down, or apologies, unlike when I was working!

RetiredBop, would your wife describe herself as a hermit? And would other people? Or is it just that you're so gregarious? Sounds like you two can't get together musically---so concerts together are out, but maybe plays or some other cultural thing you can both enjoy? And you both seem to enjoy being out in the open, so outdoor activities seem made to order!
 
You guys have described me pretty well. I've sometimes asked myself why social gatherings are so tiring to introverts.

It may be that all the time an introvert is thinking things like:

Am I talking too much?
Am I talking too little?
Am I making too much eye contact?
Do I hug, shakes hands or just say hi to this personn?
Are they tired of talking now, and should I say goodbye?
Will what I said make the other person feel bad?
The other person looks bored.
I have a question, but can't get a word in edgewise. Should I interrupt?
etc.

Phew, what a lot of work! No wonder we need a break.
 
The loneliest that I have ever been is in the midst of a big crowd.
 
I think there are two types of extroverts. Those who don't care that they annoy you, and those who have learned techniques to distract you from how annoying they are.

My favorite annoying extrovert was this cheerleader-type in college. She would occassionally sit on my lap, which I found quite endearing. :)
 
There is a bumper sticker that goes:

"I'm in my own little world but its OK, they know me here"

Fits me and DH perfectly. We like to be around others at times, but we both like lots of down time to work on our own projects. Our younger son is the same way. Likes his friends, but needs a lot of time alone to do what he wants to do.

I guess the best way to describe it is that we all seem to get "people-fatigue" at times.
 
tangomonster said:
RetiredBop, would your wife describe herself as a hermit? And would other people? Or is it just that you're so gregarious? Sounds like you two can't get together musically---so concerts together are out, but maybe plays or some other cultural thing you can both enjoy? And you both seem to enjoy being out in the open, so outdoor activities seem made to order!
Click to expand...

LOL, Tango, she is a readily self-admitted hermit. Not sure whether it's an excuse or a point of honor for her. And her co-workers aren't having any better luck getting her to go dancing with them than I have getting her to attend Blue Knight's functions. Concerts DEFINITELY don't work. But you're right the outdoors thing does work.
 
mclesters said:
Man, I gotta get out more! I got a 39! Yikes!
Sarah
Click to expand...

I got 9, so at least I am not autistic. Weird, but apparently not in an autistic kind of way.

Ha
 
Note that the test relates to (designed to measure) autistic tendencies.
 
TromboneAl said:
Note that the test relates to (designed to measure) autistic tendencies.
Click to expand...

Yes, it proports to measure at least Asperger's Syndrome characteristics. I thought of it when looking at Ladelfina's posts in another thread. Of course a high score doesn't mean you have Asperger's. But I find online tests kind of fun and mildly interesting.

The people I know who have austism spectrum disorders would have a hard time properly completing the test.
 
Martha said:
The people I know who have austism spectrum disorders would have a hard time properly completing the test.
Click to expand...
I liked your first draft better!
 
Martha said:
The people I know who have austism spectrum disorders would have a hard time properly completing the test.
Click to expand...

Yes. My son (who is a high-level autistic <B/S Computer Science>) would get "hung-up" on the 4-answer qualification.

It would be tough enough for him to answer yes/no...

- Ron
 
Whats it mean if you click the link, scroll down and utter "I'm not answering a 50 frickin question survey..." ?
 
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