Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
High cost of Weddings
Old 03-01-2018, 04:46 PM   #1
Full time employment: Posting here.
Taxman59's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 645
High cost of Weddings

This past weekend, my oldest DS got engaged. The "event" was attended by DW, DS2 and DS3 as well as her parents and sisters and me. It was a great weekend, and I got a chance to talk with the future in-laws. It appears that they are expecting us to throw the rehearsal dinner (which I expected) and they will have nearly 100 attendees (which I wasn't expecting ). Given the budgeted spending level for the wedding, my son and future DIL wanted to let me know that the cost for the rehearsal dinner would be in the neighborhood of $25k! They don't want me to break the bank meeting the required spending level, and they don't want to be embarrassed by me "going cheap".

My question for the forum is this, What is a reasonable expense for a rehearsal dinner in Chicago, and what is the etiquette for who should be invited?
Taxman59 is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 03-01-2018, 04:50 PM   #2
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,320
wow!
6miths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 04:58 PM   #3
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Seattle
Posts: 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taxman59 View Post
This past weekend, my oldest DS got engaged. The "event" was attended by DW, DS2 and DS3 as well as her parents and sisters and me. It was a great weekend, and I got a chance to talk with the future in-laws. It appears that they are expecting us to throw the rehearsal dinner (which I expected) and they will have nearly 100 attendees (which I wasn't expecting ). Given the budgeted spending level for the wedding, my son and future DIL wanted to let me know that the cost for the rehearsal dinner would be in the neighborhood of $25k! They don't want me to break the bank meeting the required spending level, and they don't want to be embarrassed by me "going cheap".

My question for the forum is this, What is a reasonable expense for a rehearsal dinner in Chicago, and what is the etiquette for who should be invited?
Ummm, what the what ? For the *rehearsal* dinner ?

For us, the rehearsal dinner was Bride, Groom, bridesmaids, groomsmen and immediate family of B&G

Total cost for an awesome meal was around $1000 which B&G footed

Maybe there is a mis-understanding somehow ?
limeyx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 04:58 PM   #4
Moderator
Walt34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
Posts: 25,302
Quote:
Originally Posted by 6miths View Post
wow!
Yeah, really!

Where do folks get expectations like that? It seems more than a bit presumptuous to me. As I understood it the rehearsal dinner was attended by the bridal party, the bride & groom's parents, and perhaps the officiant if they wanted to. That's all I'd expect (or would) pay for.
__________________
When I was a kid I wanted to be older. This is not what I expected.
Walt34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:01 PM   #5
Moderator Emeritus
aja8888's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Conroe, Texas
Posts: 18,645
Our upcoming rehearsal dinner in April for DW's wedding will be attended by about 15 people and be held at a Mexican restaurant in Magnolia, TX. Cost will be around $450.00. However, the wedding will be costing us about $20K.

I don't know how a rehearsal dinner could cost as much as you have been told. Just blows my mind.
__________________
*********Go Astros!*********
aja8888 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:02 PM   #6
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 504
We got married for about $500 including hotel and wedding license. We earn mid 6 figures.

Lots of people these days are not doing the fancy weddings. Lots of people still are (but most that are have their parents pay for it). There is an inverse correlation between cost of wedding and how long it lasts.

Look at it per person. $250/person?! That’s a lot of money. Even if you go pick a fancy restaurant and work out a deal on booze ahead of time (“choice of red, white, or domestic beers”) it would come out cheaper - even assuming you have to pay $1-2k for the church.
pj.mask is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:08 PM   #7
Full time employment: Posting here.
Taxman59's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 645
I always understood that the wedding party and SOs, immediate family and maybe some special friends. The wedding party, immediate family and SOs total about 34, so an open bar, a sit down dinner and venue costs were expected to be about $5-6k. Bump that up to 100 guests and the venue cost jumps from a few $100s to $5k+ and the food and liquor costs runs up to $10k. Not sure what will bump it further, but the wedding budget is in excess of $200k!
Taxman59 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:09 PM   #8
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Philliefan33's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,677
Wow. DD is getting married this April and we won’t be spending $25K on the wedding!

How do you get to 100 people at the rehearsal dinner?
Philliefan33 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:13 PM   #9
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Teacher Terry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 7,002
Unless you are wealthy that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Is her family wealthy if the wedding is costing that much? Also remember whatever you do for one kid you will have to do it for all. I can't imagine telling someone how much they will pay for something even if they are your parents.
Teacher Terry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:13 PM   #10
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Colorado Mountains
Posts: 3,165
DD's wedding a little over a year ago was $15k. SIL's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner. Actually they made it. It all worked out quite nicely.

That quote is WAY out of bounds. You are not being cheap. I never heard of getting engaged as an "event" before either.

If I were hit with that, I think I would have a serious discussion with the new couple and explain that the cost is out of my league. Let them figure out how to get the budget down to a reasonable amount.
Hermit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:14 PM   #11
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,401
That sounds completely insane. While I have never planned a wedding, I find it hard to see how any dinner could cost $25K.

If I were put in that position, I would offer the happy couple a budget of up to $3K. That should cover 30 people at $100 each, which is more than generous. End of story.
Meadbh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:16 PM   #12
Full time employment: Posting here.
Taxman59's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 645
Quote:
Originally Posted by Philliefan33 View Post
How do you get to 100 people at the rehearsal dinner?
I only get 34 at the top end, I'm not sure who the other 66 people are. The brides father is planning on flying his family up to Chicago from Ecuador and Columbia. Maybe there are extra family members that I am not aware of in the extended family that he expects to be invited.

There are going to be some interesting conversations ahead.
Taxman59 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:19 PM   #13
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
GravitySucks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Syracuse
Posts: 3,501
Quote:
Originally Posted by limeyx View Post
Ummm, what the what ? For the *rehearsal* dinner ?

For us, the rehearsal dinner was Bride, Groom, bridesmaids, groomsmen and immediate family of B&G

Total cost for an awesome meal was around $1000 which B&G footed

Maybe there is a mis-understanding somehow ?
+1
The people that attend the rehearsal go to the dinner
__________________
“No, not rich. I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing"
GravitySucks is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:20 PM   #14
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,401
Quote:
Originally Posted by GravitySucks View Post
+1
The people that attend the rehearsal go to the dinner
Where I come from, the people who attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner are the wedding party and the parents of the B&G. Usually 10-15 people.
Meadbh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:22 PM   #15
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
travelover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 14,328
Quote:
They don't want me to break the bank meeting the required spending level, and they don't want to be embarrassed by me "going cheap".
Here is the problem. They have no right to spend your money to keep up their appearances. I'd say, here is $XX. Invite who you want.
travelover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:23 PM   #16
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 5,178
What? If there are 100 guests for the rehearsal dinner, how many are going to be attending the wedding?? Who is shelling out for that?

Did you promise your son in advance you would be doing something like this (That would be the only reasonable explanation for this, at least for me)? Who decided you should be doing this? Do you feel a bit cornered into this whole thing??

I am upset and this isn't my money or my wedding. Nobody should tell me what to do with my own money. It's not just the total cost, but someone counting my money "expecting" me to pay for something would bother me.
tmm99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:33 PM   #17
Gone but not forgotten
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 11,447
This is crazy ! I would come up with a reasonable figure I was willing to contribute and let them figure it out .I would also sit down my Son and have a serious talk about what is realistic .
Moemg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:40 PM   #18
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 504
Wow, if you’re spending $10k on an open bar maybe you should rent a hall that allows your own alcohol and catered food. Even at $10/drink that’s 1000 drinks or 10/person. Sounds super expensive. Seriously if you book a restaurant, get a $20 appetizer for 5 people, $50 dinner, $10 dessert, and assume 3 $15 drinks per person (on average) you are looking at $130 per person including tip and they would for sure close part (or all) of the restaurant off for your party

Or maybe just fly everyone down to South America!

Unless y’all both live $300k/yr+ spending lifestyles it is hard to imagine the expectation of that much money. Even in the 150-200k range it’s quite presumptive.

Hard to imagine if you offered a bogelhead/ER forum member the cash they would spend it on a 4 hour party
pj.mask is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:42 PM   #19
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Hometown
Posts: 121
When my daughter got married my wife and I decided on a dollar amount we were comfortable contributing to their marriage. I wrote them a check for that amount and told them how they spent it was up to them. If they needed less for the wedding they could keep the difference, if they needed more that to was theirs. Nowadays with "kids" getting married in their early 30's they've had their chance to establish themselves financially and make their own decisions as to what level of spending is "not to cheap" for their big day.

BTW, I kept 5% in reserve on what I was willing to spend, knowing their would be ancillary expenses my wife would decide on not covered by the two of them (e.g. the wedding shower and some other smaller expenses). I didn't tell my wife this amount was in reserve, I just knew it would wind up costing more somehow.
__________________
Retired @55 in 2016 - enjoying every moment of it.
FireFool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2018, 05:53 PM   #20
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,320
Just checked with DW. We didn't have a rehearsal dinner. Didn't have a rehearsal - I guess we were just that good!!
6miths is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Weddings Moemg Other topics 62 01-06-2018 07:35 PM
Weddings imoldernu Other topics 72 06-11-2015 04:49 PM
Divorced Parent Budgeting for "Kids" Weddings prototype FIRE and Money 42 02-08-2015 11:05 PM
Weddings Khan Other topics 43 12-06-2013 12:36 PM
High costs of weddings...and going into debt? maddythebeagle Young Dreamers 91 07-27-2008 08:49 PM

» Quick Links

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:58 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.