How do you let down a friend gently?

[Tekward]

Just had a call with a friend (~63 YO) who was talking about his crazy travel schedule (6 cities in 10 days) and lack of at-home time (<12 hours this month) and he asked me if I was interested in a near term 2 month contract job. Nope.

 

[Jerry1]

No need to be gentle. Just be polite and say no thank you. A small explanation of it not being something you want given the retirement life you’re enjoying and leave it at that. Worst thing to to is not shut it down unequivocally. Don’t say you’ll think about it or you would, but . . . Firm and polite.

 

[Amethyst]

"I have some long-term retirement commitments that won't allow me to do it, sorry."

 

[nash031]

"No, thank you."?

 

[Aerides]

If it's a real friend, I would laugh and say something obviously sarcastic like "oh how could I resist you make it sound soooo appealing" - and any one of my friends would laugh right back and realize they were nuts to ask.

If it's not a real close friend, then just politely decline "thanks for thinking of me, but I'll pass, I'm not up for it". And a friend doesn't push past that.

 

[6miths]

First you decide whether you want to let the friend down. If you have any interest there is likely an option to put it on your terms. If you have no interest or this isn't the kind of friend that you would do this sort of thing for then I agree with others. Just say no.

I have received this call a few times from very good ex-colleagues and felt that I could make it a win-win so I took the leap. I was very happy. So were the people that I wound up helping.

 

[USGrant1962]

Simply say "I'm REALLY retired.."

 

[athena53]

Simply say "I'm REALLY retired.."

I used the phrase, "I am well and truly retired" with a friend who wanted me on her "team" for multi-level marketing (Juice Plus). She tried to tell me how great the residuals are (I believe that's the cut you get from sales by people YOU recruit). I told her I didn't need the money.

 

[LOL!]

"You MUST be kidding. I turn down offers like that from ALL my friends and ALL my enemies, too! I simply don't work anymore. That means I'm not interested, but thanks for the offer."

Then go on to say something like, "If you buy me lunch or dinner, then I can tell you in person instead of over the phone."

 

[Texas Proud]

I would ask what the nap schedule is and see if there is a response...


Heck, if I get paid enough to nap off and on I am in!!!

 

[Nature Lover]

When I've used the "No, I'm really retired" answer, it just seems to make them think they can convince me to come back "because it'll be fun" working together.

I've had to be a little more firm (but, of course) polite. "No, I'm not really interested in working anymore" seems to work pretty well. Probably stings a little for them to hear that, but if they don't feel a little pain....they'll keep asking!

 

[Teacher Terry]

I got a call like this from a good friend but it only involves seeing 2 clients and writing a report so maybe 2 days work at most. I help her out maybe once a year when she is in a bind.

 

[pb4uski]

Just assertively tell him that you are retired, are thoroughly enjoying retirement and have no intent of doing and work... consulting or otherwise. If there is a mutual former colleague that you can recommend to him perhaps that would soften the blow.

Why don't you try [Joe]... he was always pretty good at that.

 

[HFWR]

Friends don’t ask fired friends to w*rk...

 

[RunningBum]

I don't get the need to let him down gently. Do you want to keep getting these offers? Why risk stringing him along? Just say something like, No, really, I'm not at all interested, now or ever. Why is that hard?

 

[RunningBum]

I guess another way to put it is to tell him you've lost any fire for work. You don't want to work, and he wouldn't want you with that attitude anyway.

 

[Amethyst]

Are you reluctant to be straightforward, because you suspect you may want to work a little in the future, and don't want to shut doors on offers?

Because there is nothing wrong or rude in saying "I'm retired, I don't want to work any more, but thanks for thinking of me!"

Just had a call with a friend (~63 YO) who was talking about his crazy travel schedule (6 cities in 10 days) and lack of at-home time (<12 hours this month) and he asked me if I was interested in a near term 2 month contract job. Nope.

 

[Midpack]

No need to be gentle. Just be polite and say no thank you. A small explanation of it not being something you want given the retirement life you’re enjoying and leave it at that. Worst thing to to is not shut it down unequivocally. Don’t say you’ll think about it or you would, but . . . [-]Firm and[/-] polite.

+1. A polite “No, but thanks for asking” is all I’d say.

 

[Fedup]

If you raise your rate really high, he might not want to pay. My husband was willing to help out his old boss, but when he told his boss what he wanted, the boss said he didn’t have the budget. He hasn’t called since.

 

[Tekward]

Friends don’t ask fired friends to w*rk...

I need this T-shirt!!

 

[wmc1000]

If you raise your rate really high, he might not want to pay. My husband was willing to help out his old boss, but when he told his boss what he wanted, the boss said he didn’t have the budget. He hasn’t called since.

Yep, that worked for me. On my last day my boss, owner of the company, asked me to keep my key so I could use the office if I had a need to and if he could have me fill in once in a while. I told him what rate it would take, (approx. double what I was making), and he declined. I would have hated if he took me up on it!!

 

[beowulf]

About 6 months after I retired several years ago, I got a call from someone I knew well from my old company asking me to come back for a 6 month, possibly longer, assignment. I asked him why he thought I would want to come back after a very nice sendoff and an honest explanation to coworkers of why I was retiring (it was time). His response was that I had been gone long enough,was probably totally bored and that work helps you live longer. I tried to decline nicely, but he kept insisting. Finally told him that I was retired for good, wasn't going back for any reason and that anything remotely resembling wo*k would have to be on a volunteer, unpaid basis doing something for the good of others (i.e.- volunteering with AARP). He told me I was nuts, why would I help people for free when I could be well paid. Funny thing is that he's a few year older than I am and is still working full time at 73. Different strokes for different folks. I guess he thinks he will live forever.

 

[Amethyst]

What a patronizing attitude! I wouldn't want to go back to work with him, either!

When a former boss called me about coming back part-time, his approach was totally different. I won't say there wasn't a little subtle "pressure," but it was the respectful kind.

If anybody had suggested that I must be bored, or might become ill from being retired, I would have laughed out loud and they knew it!

His response was that I had been gone long enough,was probably totally bored and that work helps you live longer. I tried to decline nicely, but he kept insisting. ... He told me I was nuts,....

 

[braumeister]

he's a few year older than I am and is still working full time at 73. Different strokes for different folks. I guess he thinks he will live forever.

Three guys on my block are still working full time in their 80s. Actually, one recently turned 90. Another just recently retired when he turned 75. They are big wheels in little companies and their work is their life -- no distinction in their minds. They are simply incapable of imagining anything else, even though some of us tease them about it (just a little).

 

[CoolRich59]

My nephew has a small business which recently landed by far their largest client. He called me and told me about it, then after a number of hints asked in a very indirect way if I would review the contract that the client wants him to sign.

I laughed and said "No thanks. That sounds suspiciously like w@rk!"