How long was it before you stopped identifying youself with your profession?

I was laid off from a defense contractor in 1990. (Along with half of San Diego, it seemed.) I hadn't realized how much my identity/ego was tied up in the fact that I was an engineer (unusual for a woman back then.) I truly hated that feeling of loss of identity. That lay off helped me realize that I needed to have my identity and ego tied up in a lot more than my career.

I haven't been retired long so it doesn't really come up often.

I guess I still identify a bit - see my signature line. LOL
 
While discussions of work may be a common conversation starter in America, I am told that in much of Europe such inquiries are considered quite rude, akin to asking how much money someone makes. I don't consider those asking to be rude, but definitely would welcome a cultural shift towards the European model.

It seems there are two schools of thought, neither one correct, that you either DO what you do or you ARE what you do. (examples- "I farm." vs "I am a farmer." or "I murder people with axes." vs "I am an ax murderer.").
My father, who was in the same profession as I, clearly was in the latter camp, always insisting people address him by his professional title.( no, it was not ax murderer)...while I identify more with the former notion that the job was what I did, not who I am. It should be unsurprising that I retired early (and so far happily) while he worked into his 80’s and only stopped when health prevented his continuing. Naturally his retirement has been a journey from one doctor to the next, basically a slow descent into greater disability and health decline. But he would no doubt claim that his healthy years of working were just as happy for him as my early retirement times are happy for me, so far.

If you truly identify yourself by your job, I would think that predicts for a more difficult adjustment in retirement.


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It honestly took me a several years.. I recently switched from saying that I am retired to calling myself an investor.
 
A lot of interesting and thoughtful responses here - thank you. One issue seems to how to identify yourself in social situations. The other angle I am interested in is how you see yourself.

An example: in December, towards the end of a two-week trip in Mexico, I was walking along a beautiful beach, and didn't my mind wander to a serious problem facing my organization, how we could solve at least part of the problem, and how I would pitch it to the org's head.

I cursed myself for not being able to turn off the work-me and focus on the travelling-me. I realize that this comes from my commitment to my work, but work has always got in the way of travelling and other things that. I really want to do. So I am trying to figure out how I will shut down the professional side of me as I know that when I leave, the org will replace me as they should, and get on with its job.
 
I am 66 and retired 10 years. I used to get the you are too young reaction but I now get no reaction to answering that I am retired. Only a few follow up with what did you do but I enjoy following up with a discussion of work. It is an easy way to break the ice. I enjoyed my work for the most part so that affects my willingness to talk about it. I also enjoy hearing what these people did and those who ask always want to tell. I never, or at most rarely, initiate a what did you do conversation.
 
I usually reply with I worked at (name of Megacorp). That is a well known name and they rarely ask the followup "what did you do there?". Telling them where I worked is more interesting that what I did (IT).
 
1 year. After that, I've built a new lifestyle. I still have many friends from my professional life who either are still working or have retired early.


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Davis65 said:
A lot of interesting and thoughtful responses here - thank you. One issue seems to how to identify yourself in social situations. The other angle I am interested in is how you see yourself.

An example: in December, towards the end of a two-week trip in Mexico, I was walking along a beautiful beach, and didn't my mind wander to a serious problem facing my organization, how we could solve at least part of the problem, and how I would pitch it to the org's head.

I cursed myself for not being able to turn off the work-me and focus on the travelling-me. I realize that this comes from my commitment to my work, but work has always got in the way of travelling and other things that. I really want to do. So I am trying to figure out how I will shut down the professional side of me as I know that when I leave, the org will replace me as they should, and get on with its job.
Click to expand...
I really identify with this. My mind was always trying to solve some problem instead of relax like I was telling it to do. What I did to break the cycle after I separated from work was: 1) planned a patio remodel, then 2) immediately took a three week trip to the other side of the planet. 3) on return was busy every day with the remodel. 4) Then enjoyed the new patio every day until summer was over. 5)Took a couple of more short trips in country this time. Then 6) three months on the other side of the world again (first time ever in my life I had done this).

I have to say now I am totally and completely cured of work. Now I can stay home and rest a while or travel a bit or whatever, and my mind has better things to wander to. And if those people still at my old workplace have problems, well, it's not my problem. But for me, I do feel that having a dramatic plan to break the old work habit made it easier. It feels good to be cured.
 
I think I quit identifying myself by my occupation about a week after I got my first j*b. If people asked what occupation paid the bills I usually said something like "I clean bird-sh*t out of cuckoo clocks".
 
grasshopper said:
I was a kept man always worked for me, no one asked for details.
Click to expand...

I sure would like to hear the details.

grasshopper, why would someone want to keep you? What are your obligations as a "kept man"? When did you first realize that you wanted to be "kept man"? If you had a son, would you want him to go into your profession? Who is keeping you: your wife? your girlfriend? another man? Your mom?
 
I remember about a year and a half ago, I tried out the half-truth I thought about using when I do retire..."I'm a financial advisor". After all, I am...they don't need to know that I have only one client...me!

Well, I tried using that once, and got a condescending response of "Oh, so all you do is make OTHER people rich instead of yourself?!"

Needless to say, I didn't become friends with that person...
 
It took me about 20 minutes. As much as I liked the teaching part of being a teacher, the rest of the stuff overwhelmed the good.


I am retired. I retired to travel more, take care of my health, and spend more time with family and friends. Life is good. My goal is to enjoy today and look forward to the future.
 
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In the early and middle parts of my career, part, but far from all, of my identity was tied to what I did for a living. When ER became realistic dream, about 8 years before I retired, I really ratcheted that down, and by the last couple w*rking years, little if any of my identify was tied to my j*b.
 
Funny. We were at a very luxurious villa on the ocean south of Puerto Vallarta last Thursday night for a benefit, and, when I met the owner, I asked "What do you do?" and he said he was a lawyer, I said "What made you afford this place?" and he said "real estate apartments".

My tablemates thought I was rude.

But I answer as follows:
I am an engineer by profession.
I am also a successful marketeer, financial planner, software developer, CEO and enterpreneur. I do not often include the whole list. It depends on the questioner.

How I made my money was being a CEO and Entrepreneur.

What I would really like to answer to "What do you do?" is "Anything I damn well want!" but somehow that does not work socially.

Once I characterized my status as being independently wealthy. I mean is that not what retirement means? People said it was arrogant!

So now I respond based on the situational ethics.
 
I'm an engineer, even when I'm not at work. It's how I think, it's how I analyze and even when I ER that part of my personality will not change.
 
Just last week at the barbershop a guy asked "What do you do now that you're retired?"

My response was "As little as possible!"

I later allowed that I do some dabbling in photography.
 
Davis65 said:
mmm

So how long did it take you to go from being "I am a banker/lawyer/plumber/mechanic/accountant/teacher" to "I am Betty/Joe?Rashmi/Vladimir/Julio/Patience"?
Click to expand...

Immediately. I threw away my computer books and never looked back...
 
When I say I'm retired, people just assume I inherited a lot (which I didn't). Mostly lbym and a little luck.


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Retired five years and still ID with my profession.
My handpicked successor called me today for advice.
 
steelyman said:
I agree that the topic of former occupation is a good conversation starter. People really are interested and interesting themselves, if you ask them - it goes both ways.
Click to expand...


Not always. Yes, it's a convenient conversation starter, but I find it all very tiresome. I worked a large part of my career as a marketing executive for a large, well known company. As soon as I told people this, the conversation would immediately stray to the other person's opinion of my company and it's products, often negative, certainly uninformed. I got tired of talking about it as much as any other small talk. It's not where I am in life now and I'd rather talk about the here and now.

Now I make a point of telling the other person I'm retired, and since I am relatively young, this usually surprises the other person and this often leads to far more interesting and topical conversations.


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