How much to spend on an engagement ring?

[retire48in2018]

I’ll agree with others to get an idea what she would like.

IF it is big $ - add a jewelry rider to insurance. Typical household insurance does not sufficiently cover - to add piece of mind - if that’s what’s needed. It’s generally in the 1% to 2% per year.

[Gumby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luvtoride My only advice would be to find a good reputable local jeweler to deal with instead of Tiffany. You will get more for your money, great personal service/ attention and still be able to meet "integrity with sourcing" concerns. Ask your friends and colleagues as there are many "jewelry exchanges" in most areas that have great jewelers to work with. They can all OBTAIN any size/ price range of stones and settings you want. Congrats and good luck.

Some 40 years ago, I rented an apartment above a jewelry store in Saratoga Springs, New York. The jeweler owned the building and was my landlord. We got along quite well, and when the time came to get an engagement ring, I went to him. He brought out a bunch of loose diamonds and took great pains to show me the differences in color, clarity and size, as he explained how diamond pricing was always a tradeoff between those three things. I eventually settled on a stone and a ring to put it in. I spent virtually all the money I had at the time. The now young wife was quite happy with the solitaire that I picked out and still wears it happily.

[Dalmore]

The 3-months salary rule stems from a De Beers campaign they ran in 1930s. Utter Rubbish. Value has nothing to do with it. It should be what the two of you find pretty and meaningful. If real stones have more meaning than perfect lab grown stones, then spend the extra. DW and I went to a jeweler (30 years ago) talked about designs we liked and had her craft something unique for us. It has a sapphire as the central stone, no diamonds. It is meaningful to both of us and she gets lots of compliments on it.

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by daylatedollarshort They point out that since half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, there is a surplus and a lot of savings in buying used diamond rings online or at pawn shops.

Back in 1975, my ex and I got a great deal on wedding bands at a pawn shop. Mine was $20, his was $30 and matched mine, both were plain gold bands (real gold, didn't turn my finger green). As for my engagement ring, my grandmother left me hers in her will. It was 1/3 carat and pretty normal looking. So, we didn't pay anything for it.

Don't buy a big fancy engagement ring! If you are seriously tempted, talk to your future bride. Tell he she can have that, or you could put it into a down payment for a house or car or something.

When she is first engaged and newlywed, her friends are going to want to look at her ring and "oooh!" and "aaah!" over it and she will wish she had a big diamond. But once she's been married a year or so, nobody will care or want to look at it and she will no longer wish for a big diamond. At least, that is what I think.

[Amethyst]

Not necessarily. A bigger, sparkly rock gets admired, no matter how long you've been married. It's just new people admiring it, because as you pointed out, the previous viewers are used to it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R When she is first engaged and newlywed, her friends are going to want to look at her ring and "oooh!" and "aaah!" over it and she will wish she had a big diamond. But once she's been married a year or so, nobody will care or want to look at it and she will no longer wish for a big diamond. At least, that is what I think.

[Peter]

My bride-to-be volunteered "I don't want a giant rock". We went out together and chose one. It cost a lot less than 3 months salary.

[Bamaman]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luvtoride My only advice would be to find a good reputable local jeweler to deal with instead of Tiffany. You will get more for your money, great personal service/ attention and still be able to meet "integrity with sourcing" concerns. Ask your friends and colleagues as there are many "jewelry exchanges" in most areas that have great jewelers to work with. They can all OBTAIN any size/ price range of stones and settings you want. Congrats and good luck.

I agree with the above. Those big jewelry stores have huge overhead, and their stones are often not that great in quality. Few individuals know about diamonds, and it can cost them a great deal of value.

Every big retail market will usually have one jeweler that deals in larger stones and fine watches. There's one jeweler in North Dallas operating out of a 12' wide storefront, and he's the one to buy from due to a low overhead.

My sister was looking for a new diamond, and her city of 1,000,000 didn't have any decent quality really large stones for a fair price. She ended up going to a jeweler in Houston that sells the large diamonds. Her diamond ended up getting stolen, and she never replaced it.

I would suggest buying a diamond just under 2 carats for someone of middle age. It's often the setting that is just as important.

[caninelover]

Agree with Amethyst - ask her!

As part of a recently engaged older couple (I am 50, he is 56 - second marriage for him, first for me), SO proposed first and asked me what I wanted. I thought about it and had a 2 carat tanzanite stone that I purchased in Tanzania when I travelled there years ago to climb Kilimanjaro. That stone had meaning to me so I gave it him and he worked with a local jeweler to convert it into an engagement ring with some accent diamonds. Total cost to SO was less than $1k but I LOVE my engagement ring. It is special to me.

So -maybe she doesn't even want a diamond. Maybe she wants a ruby, or a pearl. Who knows until you ask her.

Congrats - she sounds like an amazing and cool lady.

[jollystomper]

Quote:

Originally Posted by daylatedollarshort They point out that since half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, there is a surplus and a lot of savings in buying used diamond rings online or at pawn shops.

+1. DW has done a lot of jewelry shopping at pawn shops and has received great discounts. She says there have always been a variety of diamond rings to choose from at those places.

I agree with those who say to get to know what she likes and shop appropriately. My anecdote is when DW and I got engaged, I was not into jewelry so we went together to several places. She likes jewelry but did not want me to spend a lot. There were similar rings at two different independent jewelers and we were able to lower the price a bit via a slight bidding war. The engagement ring cost about a quarter of one month's salary. For her getting married was much more important than the ring .

[daylatedollarshort]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jollystomper +1. DW has done a lot of jewelry shopping at pawn shops and has received great discounts. She says there have always been a variety of diamond rings to choose from at those places.

One of the sites mentioned in the article to buy used diamonds was "I do, now I don't" (https://www.idonowidont.com/).

I have this ring I inherited with diamonds I am not sure what to do with. I don't wear it and feel a bit mercenary selling it, and even then if I did sell it I have no idea how much it would really be worth. So it sits in our safe deposit box for our kids to figure out what to do with some day.

[swakyaby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freedom56 You should buy your ring from a reputable dealer in a diamond district (if your city has one). You will pay much less than retail and get a better quality product. I bought my wife's ring from a jeweler in the Los Angeles jewelry district over 30 years ago. . . Before you spend any money, find out what she wants. https://www.mbjewelers.com/

We were lucky enough to do so also. When DH proposed to me and I said yes, I later inquired about the engagement ring. He confessed he didn’t get one. So I said perfect, we’ll shop for one together. A friend recommended a certain jeweler in the gold district in downtown Los Angeles, and I’m glad I went. It was in a tall security building on something like the 17th floor. Only one customer was allowed inside the store at a time. When I name-dropped the person who recommended we go there, the owner said anything I wanted, he would sell at cost to us. I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of diamond rings, so the owner pulled open a hidden lower drawer and pulled out a very special ring. The center brilliant cut diamond was very high quality, only 1/2 carat, but surrounded by a swirling spray of baget-shaped diamonds. The setting is very important because solitaires can be considered by some women to be very plain. At cost, it was definitely within one month’s salary of my fiancé. It has been 22 years, and I still love that ring.

[Lsbcal]

Something to keep in mind:

Sometimes big stones on top of a finger can cause ring rotation which could be annoying. It might be fixed by resizing or by small little gold balls inside the ring.

DW had that problem with a ring I bought her. It was top heavy. Our son had that problem with his bride's engagement ring. It can be a lot of hassle to rework the ring.

So consider the balance of the setting.

Best of luck!

[ugeauxgirl]

I told my husband that I didn't really care if my "diamond " was real. I told him that the "job" of a jewel is to look sparkly and cz does that just as well for a lot less money than a real one. He bought a real one- I think he thought it was a test [emoji38]. He asked and I told him I'd prefer an oval stone. He bought one about 3/4 carat. I still like it- not too big, not too small. He wanted to pick it out for me, but if you're not sure, I bet shopping for it together would be fun. I love estate jewelry and sometimes you can find gorgeous classic jewelry for a bargain.

[Telly]

I proposed to my future DW long long ago, WITHOUT a ring! No way was I going to guess or read the tea leaves or whatever. We met at the big U, neither of us were rich. We went ring shopping one weekday afternoon when neither of us had a class. Went to a jewelry store that was a small chain (grew much bigger later). We were the only customers there for that day and time. We were newbies on diamonds, the salesman we got I think scoped us out. Decided not to do the big sell on big diamond, multiple diamonds, etc.
Instead, he educated us on the AGA grading system. I had been previously suspicious of the "blue white diamond is the best!" mantra. He put the dagger through the heart of that whole concept.

His suggestion was a <1 carat diamond, going hard over on the color and clarity to the investment side, not the big shiny gawdy junk. He had a few examples, and what cut and setting would go best for a true quality small diamond. He told us what many other places would probably try to sell us... As we had just started out looking, we got his card, thanked him for his time and teaching us, and went on other days to other places.

Yup, you probably guessed it... after talking and learning from him, everyone else we saw were clowns trying to sell BIG low quality stones at BIG prices! So his investment of time with us on a empty afternoon was a wise choice for ALL of us! He recognized us right away when we returned to buy.

So DW always had a small diamond ring. That was fine with her, she just nods and says the obligatory "oh, that's SO pretty!" (what they want to hear) to people who show her their big gawdy diamond ring they just got.

I just went to BLS.gov and put in what I paid for it back then, I still remember. In today's dollars, it's $2,230. I have no idea how investment diamond prices have tracked with inflation.
Neither of us has worn rings for at least the last 15 years.

[aja8888]

I have bought three engagement rings so far. It took me a while to figure out how to pick the right woman.

Ask her what she would like, then go buy it.

[livingalmostlarge]

Ask! being from hawaii it's a major status thing in hawaii in the metro of honolulu. Lots of fancy cars living in condos or apartments for show.

Anyway go with whatever you can afford. I've been contemplating this lately. I have the cheapest ring in my family (my DH bought it when we were young and broke) and now he could afford quite a lot. But now it doesn't seem very important. If he were to spend 3 months salary I sort would prefer something else....and I still don't wear a ring to this day although I am considering getting it resized since it doesn't fit after kids.

[SecondAttempt]

Thanks for all the replies so far! I think every single reply has given me something to think about.

I have been doing my research on diamonds and I had already decided to focus on color and clarity rather than a big but crappy diamond. I have been looking for a F or better color and VVS2 or better clarity and something around 1 carat, and a solitaire setting. But she likes sparkle so a setting with side stones might be preferred by her.

She likes surprises so I had just assumed it would be best to surprise her with something I picked out. But you have made me rethink that assumption and consider buying a cheap placeholder then shopping for the real deal together. But that is complicated by the fact that we live on the Big Island and there are not a lot of shopping options and also that she might be reluctant to have me spend much. That's why I mentioned that she has saved a ton of money - she does not like to spend!

Just something I have to think through I guess with her particular personality in mind.

[OldShooter]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SecondAttempt Thanks for all the replies so far! I think every single reply has given me something to think about. I have been doing my research on diamonds and I had already decided to focus on color and clarity rather than a big but crappy diamond. I have been looking for a F or better color and VVS2 or better clarity and something around 1 carat, and a solitaire setting. But she likes sparkle so a setting with side stones might be preferred by her. She likes surprises so I had just assumed it would be best to surprise her with something I picked out. But you have made me rethink that assumption and consider buying a cheap placeholder then shopping for the real deal together. But that is complicated by the fact that we live on the Big Island and there are not a lot of shopping options and also that she might be reluctant to have me spend much. That's why I mentioned that she has saved a ton of money - she does not like to spend! Just something I have to think through I guess with her particular personality in mind.

Well, obviously you are wise because you are taking the same course that I did!

Re what to give DW, I gave my DW the diamond in a packet with its paperwork and encouraged her to design her own ring. As it turned out, we had two small diamonds from DM's rings and she now has a ring with all three. Kind of fun, too, when she goes into a jewelry store, the staff with diamond expertise seem to spot her I VVS2 stone from across the store and come to compliment her on it. It's a little over a carat and a half and she is really proud.

[SJ1_]

I would base it on how much the ring $$$ matters to her.
we got something cheap when we got married but years later I got her a real nice diamond ring

[Gumby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Telly ... I just went to BLS.gov and put in what I paid for it back then, I still remember. In today's dollars, it's $2,230. I have no idea how investment diamond prices have tracked with inflation.....

Good idea. I did the calculation, and it appears I paid ~$7500 in 2022 dollars for her engagement ring.