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How to help my DH who is retiring in 3 days
03-06-2018, 09:59 PM
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#1
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Dryer sheet aficionado
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Valrico
Posts: 30
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How to help my DH who is retiring in 3 days
My DH's last day in the corporate world is this Friday. He seems a little down this week and anytime I say anything about it, he says he doesn't want to really talk about it because he is sad. When I say things like you know they would love for you to stay, he says he has no desire to do that. He is just sad because the people he has worked with for 18 years are like family. I am excited for him to be done so we can travel and spend more time with family and I know he is excited about that. What can I do to help him with this transition? I have been retired for almost 2 years and we have been empty nesters for a year.
Thanks for any words of advise.
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03-06-2018, 10:23 PM
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#2
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spending the Kids Inheritance and living in Chicago
Posts: 17,012
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It is sad to leave the friendships, no denying that and it's OK to acknowledge it.
What I did was after a while, I emailed some buddies from work and asked if they wanted to meet for lunch, we have done this for years now, and it has been good. It's getting less now, probably twice a year as we all grow apart and some others leave/move away, but that's ok too.
Perhaps he needs to plan for something, like get the planning going for a trip of some kind.
__________________
Fortune favors the prepared mind. ... Louis Pasteur
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03-06-2018, 10:32 PM
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#3
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Dryer sheet aficionado
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Valrico
Posts: 30
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We actually are leaving on a 10 day cruise on Saturday. I am hoping once we are on the boat he can feel the relaxation and not be sad anymore. We are moving away next month so we can be closer to our kids and families. So that probably isn't helping with the being able to stay in touch with his work friends.
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03-07-2018, 04:27 AM
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#4
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,962
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When you get to the new location, try Meetup.com to find activities.
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"The mountains are calling, and I must go." John Muir
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03-07-2018, 05:13 AM
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#5
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: philly
Posts: 1,219
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I know this isn't what you want to hear but he's going to be sad for a while and that's totally understandable.
When I left mega corporation, I left folks I had worked with for 25 years. we had been through births, deaths, kids, divorces and supported each other at work and out of work.
Of course he's going to be a bit bummed. I would not try to make him "not sad" but I would watch and make sure it does not slide into depression.
The cruise will be fun but as I said he's still probably going to have his "wistful" moments. The best thing for me was simply folks supporting me and encouraging me, one day at a time
__________________
My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being "normal" is not necessarily a virtue? it sometimes rather denotes a lack of courage~Aunt Francis
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03-07-2018, 05:31 AM
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#6
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Fair Lawn
Posts: 2,940
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When you get back from the cruise, make sure you plan to do something that gets both of you our of the house daily. Walk in the park, movies, lecture, even a trip to the supermarket. Don't let him get into a quick rut of turning on the television first thing in the morning and never leave the couch rest of the day. I suspect after a while he'll find things to do to keep him engaged.
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03-07-2018, 05:38 AM
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#7
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: in the sticks
Posts: 473
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The move so soon after retiring creates even more separation than was already occurring, could some of the sadness be related to leaving the home, location, etc as well as the work departure? A lot of change very quickly.
Best wishes for a smooth transition. How about planning a going away party and invite all of your friends - including his work friends?
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03-07-2018, 05:40 AM
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#8
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Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Flyover country
Posts: 25,199
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquafit2
We actually are leaving on a 10 day cruise on Saturday.
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I suspect (and hope) that this might be the key. When the vacation would normally be "ending" you can point out that it never has to end. Could be a light bulb moment. No more Sunday night stress about going back to job pressures, etc. Best of luck!
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03-07-2018, 06:30 AM
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#9
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Tellico Village
Posts: 2,607
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There is a lot of uncertainty with the retirement and moving to a new area. He is having a normal reaction to changes coming to his life. He will adjust to the new "job" of complete freedom and the new surroundings where he will be with family. Expect this to take 1-3 months for the adjustment to be mostly complete. I am speaking from my experience, and his time line may differ.
Best wishes for both of you in retirement,
VW
__________________
Retired May 13th(Friday) 2016 at age 61.
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03-07-2018, 06:44 AM
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#10
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Lakewood
Posts: 919
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bclover
I know this isn't what you want to hear but he's going to be sad for a while and that's totally understandable.
Of course he's going to be a bit bummed. I would not try to make him "not sad" but I would watch and make sure it does not slide into depression
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+1
Time will likely be the best/only cure. You can try to encourage him into healthy lifestyle habits: go for a walk everyday, don’t start drinking too much, etc.
I’m sure this isn’t what you were looking forward to in his retirement. But good luck. You can take pride that you are there for him.
__________________
Why be normal when you can be yourself?
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03-07-2018, 06:50 AM
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#11
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Sarasota, FL & Vermont
Posts: 36,266
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Tell him that those work colleagues will still be there when you get back from your travels and he can always occasionally stop in to visit or have lunch with them or meet them after work for drinks. He'll get over it.
__________________
If something cannot endure laughter.... it cannot endure.
Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.
Slow and steady wins the race.
Retired Jan 2012 at age 56
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03-07-2018, 06:51 AM
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#12
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 10,864
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Time heals all. It took me almost a 3 days before I was "over" it. YMMV
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03-07-2018, 06:59 AM
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#13
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 16,543
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Get your DH some hobbies. He’ll soon get “over” it.
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03-07-2018, 07:47 AM
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#14
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 11,078
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We all adjust differently and it is a big change. It takes what it takes.
I agree with staying busy, have some planned activities. Walk and exercise is great therapy.
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Retirement is a “life change”
03-07-2018, 12:42 PM
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#15
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 411
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Retirement is a “life change”
retirement is a “life change” - - just like a death or divorce or significant illness ...and with that it brings “stress” , just not the same stress as when w@rking.
moving also brings that stress, especially when you have been in a location for a long time with local friends and familiar sites.
It will take time for both of you to adjust to your new conditions... but be aware of possible development of depression. in fact, if after a few months he hasn’t adjusted you may want to see a professional to help him see the positives in his new situation.
hopefully, retirement was on his terms- - having it be on your timeline is much better than those who were forced out; remind him of that.
good luck in retirement...welcome to the club
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03-07-2018, 01:01 PM
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#16
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Dryer sheet aficionado
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Valrico
Posts: 30
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Thank you for all taking the time to send me some advice. I know this is going to be hard for him regardless of the fact that it was on his time line. Thank you for all the help. I will be taking all of your advice.
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03-07-2018, 01:02 PM
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#17
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Santa Paula
Posts: 4,070
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Dear Aquafit2,
Great idea!! Two days after I retired we were on a plane for a 14 day South American tour. There was absolutely NO regret, and I did not miss working one bit.
In fact. we took 6 trips that year for a total of 80 days!
SANTIAGO-SANTA CRUZ-BUENOS AIRES-IGUASSU FALLS-RIO DE JANEIRO
CHARLESTON-SAVANNAH-BEAUFORT-JEKYLL ISLAND-ST.AUGUSTINE-JACKSONVILLE
TUAMOTOS-MARQUESAS-BORA BORA-MOOREA-TAHITI
DUBLIN-LIMERICK-GALWAY-CONG-BOWNESS-LONDON-PARIS
NEW YORK-AMALFI-ROME-TODI-SIENA-VENICE
THANKSGIVING AT THE DEL CORONADO
__________________
Retired Jan 2009 Have not looked back.
AA 60/35/5 considering SS and pensions a SP annuity
WR 2% with 2SS & 2 Pensions
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03-07-2018, 01:13 PM
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#18
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Dryer sheet aficionado
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Valrico
Posts: 30
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I love all your trips! Travel is the reason I am so anxious for him to be retired. We both love to travel. I hope to get some serious miles under our belt this year.
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03-07-2018, 03:41 PM
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#19
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 8,368
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Car-Guy
Time heals all. It took me almost a 3 days before I was "over" it. YMMV
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Yup, in a couple weeks they'll have forgotten him and he'll have forgotten them........and if he does run into one somewhere, the only thing they'll want to talk about is 'the job', and he'll be bored ****less.
__________________
"Exit, pursued by a bear."
The Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare
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03-07-2018, 04:00 PM
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#20
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 4,354
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Had a saying at one of the large megacorp places I worked: "Put your hand in a bucket of water and pull it out, the hole left is how much you will be missed".
I know that sounds kind of harsh, but the workplace goes on. Yes, saying goodbye to longtime co-workers is a bit awkward. Your husband will miss that social interaction some. The help you can provide is replacing it with other activities and social interaction.
I left the state I was in on the day I retired, moving approx 1500 miles away. Main reason to be near family like you are. Besides family, I have no real friends in the new area. I was looking forward to my last day at work and moving, no regrets at all. So go out and make some plans to travel, start up new friendships, and enjoy the new chapter in your lives.
__________________
The problem isn't artificial intelligence, it's natural stupidity.
You can't spend yourself to prosperity.
Semi-Retired 7/1/16: working part-time (60%) for now [4/24/17 changed to 80%]
Retired Aug 2, 2017; age 53
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