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Old 06-04-2020, 12:08 PM   #41
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Myers Briggs tests over a career were interesting for me. I started out as INTJ and moved to the center over time. Mega used to screen prospective senior managers (after a nasty episode of sociopaths running the joint) and a head doctor summed up a 2 day testing session with me as: "you are a midtrovert with a strong ego." Paid more attention to keeping ego in the pocket after that.
Interesting about screening for sociopathic managers. I thought Mega was in favor of sociopaths (seriously). Good to see at least one Mega was not, lol.
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Old 06-04-2020, 12:45 PM   #42
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An excellent book to understand introverts is Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I bought it in ebook form and it describes how I feel extremely well.
This is an excellent book.

I am an introvert. Small talk at parties or groups drains me, yet i can talk one on one with a friend for hours. I like to travel, but not in groups and only to places where I have the ability to recharge and regroup away from others. (hotels and cruises have to have a balcony so I can enjoy the view and not have to be "out")
And yet, as a manager, I had to force myself to be more of an extrovert at work--to be out and about, speaking at meetings, etc. It was draining!!
So happy to be retired.
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Old 06-04-2020, 12:55 PM   #43
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I have no problem talking to strangers. If I notice someone interesting I'll comment or say something to see how they interact. But I take most joy listening to others, watching their body language and understanding their motives, opinions etc. People are fascinating especially when they reveal their backgrounds and secrets.
One reason I still have some problem talking to strangers are experiences I had when I was younger. As a young, dark skinned, minority male, the majority of attempts to talk to strangers resulted in either (a) being perceived as a threat, or (b) being treated as if you were invisible. For example, I had the police called on me for trying to ask for directions when I was lost, and when standing outside of a dorm, with several other minority friends (all carrying books) waiting for a friend a daring to say "hello" to several white students going inside. Or, standing in line somewhere and having a conversation with a stranger, then seeing that person again and them walking by you as if you were a ghost. Though things are relatively better now that I am older, I am still wary of this.

DW, as an extrovert, does not have this problem. Though a minority, being female and light skinned (with which some call "exotic" looks), strangers are happy to talk to her. She has had more the opposite problems (IMHO due to her figure) of people wanting to talk to her and thinking her responding to them was a come-on to them.
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Old 06-04-2020, 01:11 PM   #44
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One reason I still have some problem talking to strangers are experiences I had when I was younger. As a young, dark skinned, minority male, the majority of attempts to talk to strangers resulted in either (a) being perceived as a threat, or (b) being treated as if you were invisible. For example, I had the police called on me for trying to ask for directions when I was lost, and when standing outside of a dorm, with several other minority friends (all carrying books) waiting for a friend a daring to say "hello" to several white students going inside. Or, standing in line somewhere and having a conversation with a stranger, then seeing that person again and them walking by you as if you were a ghost. Though things are relatively better now that I am older, I am still wary of this.

DW, as an extrovert, does not have this problem. Though a minority, being female and light skinned (with which some call "exotic" looks), strangers are happy to talk to her. She has had more the opposite problems (IMHO due to her figure) of people wanting to talk to her and thinking her responding to them was a come-on to them.
jollystomper, I am so sorry for the things that have happened to you. As a white female I have not had these experiences but I want to say how sorry I am. I am trying personally to be more open to all people.
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Old 06-04-2020, 01:16 PM   #45
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I am one of those introverts who needs at least one good friend (could be romantic or not) to be happy. I need someone to relate to. I was looking for some of those 'relatable' people at the senior center and the unitarian church, when the stay at home stuff started, and those places shut down. I'm looking forward to them reopening. Kind of tense and bored at home, looking for stuff to do, but what I really want is a friend. Cue James Taylor.
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Old 06-04-2020, 04:01 PM   #46
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jollystomper, I am so sorry for the things that have happened to you. As a white female I have not had these experiences but I want to say how sorry I am. I am trying personally to be more open to all people.
harllee, thank you for the kind words. Those incidents have made me more thankful for those who did not fall into this, and for those who may have done this in the past but have tried to change.
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Old 06-04-2020, 04:08 PM   #47
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Iím an introvert. Corp America tapped every last ounce of desire I had to work with other people. Miss some of social aspects, team success, but not enough to reach out now. Perfectly happy with DIY projects, golf, exercise, cleaning cars, etc. never run out of things to do.

Iíve been retired almost a year. Wife and young kids are starting to learn this about me. I had them fooled with big team, constant calls, meetings, trips, dinners, etc.
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Old 06-04-2020, 05:19 PM   #48
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I'm an extreme introvert and homebody, and during normal times I love staying at home by myself. At times like that, it would be my own decision to do so.

But also I HATE being bossed around! Being told that I should stay home whether I wanted to or not, was very upsetting to me. On the one hand, I wanted to tell TPTB to take their lockdown and shove it, but on the other hand I did not want to endanger myself or others so I reluctantly, resentfully complied.

Thank goodness, restrictions are lifting here in the New Orleans suburbs. We are in Phase 1 of re-opening, and starting Phase 2 tomorrow. Much better.
Interesting that you resented the lockdown. Was that different then "social distancing" with closed stores?

We would have imposed the requirements on ourselves because of the horrible consequences of getting a possibly deadly illness. So we did not resent it. The thing I didn't like was closing the park for some weeks as DW and I do a lot of exercise in the park. We still avoid the park on weekends as it gets too crowded for my tastes. On the plus side I discovered walking and running on our neighborhood streets.

As an introvert I haven't had any problems understanding them. Vacations on hold, bummer.

I am still reminding myself to stay vigilant and keep good health habits. The virus particles do not know about relaxed regulations.
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Old 06-04-2020, 06:00 PM   #49
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Yeah, harlee, it just sounds like you're enjoying the reduction in busyness and the increased feeling of freedom and spaciousness in your life, rather than becoming an introvert per se.

As for me, I'm a big-time introvert. Every test I take, I max it out.

It took me a while before I discovered introversion was just a normal temperamental variation. For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me. Our culture is a very extroverted one, so it does a lot of inadvertent shaming and pressuring of introverts. Fortunately, that has begun changing in the past couple of decades. People mentioned Quiet. I found Introvert Power and The Introvert Advantage to be very helpful books. In particular, they help you to value your trait, rather than subtly pressure or shame yourself about it.

I enjoy group discussions where I can flex my mind and express my opinions, but I hate parties and general mixers. I avoid those whenever possible. I like intimate, honest talk about real stuff. I dislike small-talk chatter, especially if it goes on for more than a few minutes. I think of those as cardinal introvert features.

I'm actually a mix of introversion and a trait called high sensitivity. Throw some general neuroticism in there, too, heh.

I'm like John Galt, in that I'm fine as long as I have one close friend, someone to talk honestly with about my life and what's going on in my head. It can be a man or a woman, doesn't matter. I don't want to share my house with another person, but I like sharing it with a doggie.
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Old 06-04-2020, 07:05 PM   #50
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I am one of those introverts who needs at least one good friend (could be romantic or not) to be happy. I need someone to relate to....... Kind of tense and bored at home, looking for stuff to do, but what I really want is a friend. Cue James Taylor.
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......
I enjoy group discussions where I can flex my mind and express my opinions, but I hate parties and general mixers. I avoid those whenever possible. I like intimate, honest talk about real stuff. I dislike small-talk chatter, especially if it goes on for more than a few minutes. I think of those as cardinal introvert features.

I'm actually a mix of introversion and a trait called high sensitivity. .....

I'm like John Galt, in that I'm fine as long as I have one close friend, someone to talk honestly with about my life and what's going on in my head. It can be a man or a woman, doesn't matter. I don't want to share my house with another person, but I like sharing it with a doggie.
+1 to both John Galt's and ER Eddie's posts.

I like my own company and can keep myself entertained.

At the same time, this extended lockdown was quite a lonely time for me. I, too, would love to have a close 'buddy', M or F.

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Old 06-05-2020, 07:28 AM   #51
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One reason I still have some problem talking to strangers are experiences I had when I was younger. As a young, dark skinned, minority male, the majority of attempts to talk to strangers resulted in either (a) being perceived as a threat, or (b) being treated as if you were invisible. For example, I had the police called on me for trying to ask for directions when I was lost, and when standing outside of a dorm, with several other minority friends (all carrying books) waiting for a friend a daring to say "hello" to several white students going inside. Or, standing in line somewhere and having a conversation with a stranger, then seeing that person again and them walking by you as if you were a ghost. Though things are relatively better now that I am older, I am still wary of this.

DW, as an extrovert, does not have this problem. Though a minority, being female and light skinned (with which some call "exotic" looks), strangers are happy to talk to her. She has had more the opposite problems (IMHO due to her figure) of people wanting to talk to her and thinking her responding to them was a come-on to them.
Your experiences leave me with a heavy heart. Many are conditioned for some reason, in this hateful racist way. That's no excuse. My grandparents from Hungary were treated poorly. The Polish, Irish and Italian communities in the 40's and 50's similar. My dad was upset I was marrying an Italian. Some preconceived notion of the mafia. Silly. How is it we judge others by their looks or heritage? Are we as humans the only animal species that does this?
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Old 06-05-2020, 08:21 AM   #52
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Iím an introvert. Corp America tapped every last ounce of desire I had to work with other people.

The thing that drained me the most was when an extroverted manager was leading a meeting and wanted to hash things out in the meeting until we made a decision. What I wanted was to have a little discussion to lay out the issue, then go back to our cubicles and mull things over, then exchange some e-mails until we reached a decision.
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Old 06-05-2020, 08:39 AM   #53
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Both DH and I are fairly extreme introverts. I believe that what non-introverts in our life may not understand is that most times, just being around other people for even a brief time makes us uncomfortable. We don't want to "engage". Small talk is very annoying for both of us, even with each other.

Trying to live in an extroverts' world is exhausting, so we typically retreat. It makes for a very limited social life which I find sad sometimes. But it is how we are least stressed and happiest.
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Old 06-05-2020, 09:00 AM   #54
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Me me me !

The first 6 months of retirement I was home all the time. And then I slowly became a professional volunteer, often volunteering 20 hours a week and doing too many errands in between.

I am LOVING being home again. I am rethinking my volunteer activities and will give up many of them, keeping only one or two that I am passionate about.

I had an uncle that was a recluse. I was his favorite niece. I think he knew that inside we were kindred spirits.
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Old 06-05-2020, 10:39 AM   #55
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I have always been an extroverted people person. My calendar was always filled with meetings, parties, dinners, events, etc. When I had to start staying home about 3 months ago I really missed all that. But now I am starting to wind down and I am enjoying the quiet time--not checking my calendar all the time, staying home, going for long bike rides, sitting on my porch reading books, playing cards with DH, cooking at home. I am realizing I don't need to stay busy all the time and that some of the people I was spending alot of time with were not that much fun anyway. I am starting to understand introverted stay at home folks more. Anybody else enjoying staying at home?

I'm introverted (ISTJ). I really only realized this a few years ago. I did some self reflection and was honest with myself. Basically, I didn't understand why I was so exhausted when I got home from my office job.It wasn't strenuous work. I just had zero energy to go work out or do anything. When I realized I was introverted, I found out I just need to be alone for a bit to re-charge.

I really hate traveling. I lied to myself about this for awhile because I thought traveling is something everyone likes to do. But no...I just don't like doing it. I still travel from time to time, but I keep it at a minimum.

I've had no issues with the stay at home order. (I'm still w@$%ing, so that has helped, lol) I'm very comfortable in my own skin and I don't need to have constant contact with people. I will say that I am looking forward to seeing some of my friends again soon, though. I do enjoy hanging out with my friends and family......in moderation
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Old 06-06-2020, 11:16 AM   #56
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Introvert here, and I enjoy staying home. Our 1,500 sq ft house is on a 15,000 sq ft lot with a park-like back yard, and I've been getting a lot of overdue pruning and minor landscaping projects done. We have a wide-open view of the sky with the sound in the distance, and plenty of birds and other critters to watch. Local roads are good for biking with wide shoulders and some great hill profiles for maintaining leg strength and cardio. So I'm in my element here.

Socially, DH and I both enjoy engaging with people when they're around, but rarely have the urge to indicate that we should get together for some future activity. This seems to put some people off, so that they don't want to engage at all anymore. We have one neighbor like this, which makes me a little sad because I've enjoyed talking with her when we're both outside. Her husband still talks to us, but she stays in the background.
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Old 06-07-2020, 07:49 PM   #57
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The thing that drained me the most was when an extroverted manager was leading a meeting and wanted to hash things out in the meeting until we made a decision. What I wanted was to have a little discussion to lay out the issue, then go back to our cubicles and mull things over, then exchange some e-mails until we reached a decision.


I adopted a rule of 3 for decisions amongst group of people. All decisions involve (1) introduce topic, (2) discuss, and (3) decide. We generally agreed only to do 2 steps in any 1 mtg. All three is often too fast for somebody in group.
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Old 06-07-2020, 08:31 PM   #58
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As an introvert, I'm like some others here......I find small talk, and chatter annoying. An initial comment is fine, but then get down to what you need to discuss with me. I don't have the need to talk a lot, even with my family. So am I just quiet, or am I a true introvert?? Maybe a combination. I'm fine with being home all day after I retired. I am still working through the feeling that maybe I should be 'doing something' some days. But I don't really need to be doing something.....I can read if I want, or watch a movie if I want. It really doesn't matter to even my husband if I'm doing something productive, but I still sometimes have that nagging feeling. I'm self conscience of being idle I guess.
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Old 06-08-2020, 12:40 AM   #59
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I'm a massive introvert but, for most of my life, have felt there was also something else going on with the way I relate to the world, that made me quite different. Without going into too much detail, I don't like planning social get togethers of any kind in advance, unless they are with one of a very small number of people in my most inner circle. For example, if someone were to invite me to a social meeting of some kind later in the month, it will disrupt my whole month. My main focus for the next few weeks will be solely on "getting through" that one engagement, so that I can once again enjoy masses of unscheduled time to myself. It's for this reason that I avoid scheduled get togethers with more than one person like the plague. There are a very small number of people who I look forward to spending time with, one-on-one. Occasionally, a few extra people is nice too, but, for the most part, they need to be people I am particularly comfortable with, and know well.

I enjoy casual unplanned social interactions with a variety of people, from strangers, to acquaintances, to close friends. For strangers and acquaintances though, the meetings need to be spontaneous and not planned in advance, otherwise the anticipation interferes with my inner peace. Another trait I possess, that I have always thought was a bit odd, is that I have very limited and specific interests. In addition, with the few hobbies I do have, my interests within those pursuits are very specific. For instance, I am a licensed radio ham. Just because someone else is a radio ham, doesn't mean I will feel anything in common with them, unless they have the same specific interest within the hobby that I do. To make things worse, I tend to follow these specific interests quite doggedly, until I lose interest, and move onto another of my fairly small range of interests. If I come across someone who has the exact same interest as me, we will only be able to connect if I happen to be experiencing a period of prolonged interest in that topic at the time.

I rarely get very excited about anything, but also hardly ever feel very sad or down. My emotions tend to stay within a fairly narrow range. I like routine and predictability. It was only fairly recently, that it occurred to me I may have a mild case of Asperger's. I'm thinking of calling my doctor, to see if it's possible to get a diagnosis. I'm not in crisis in any way. In fact, I'm as content as a bug in a rug, or a pig in the proverbial you-know-what. However, a diagnosis of Asperger's, if this is what it is, might aid me in seeking some kind of advice on how to push my boundaries just a bit, and improve the way I experience life just a little.

The famed British DJ John Peel was fond of claiming that he was the most boring man in the world. I like to think that perhaps I'm the second
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Old 06-08-2020, 08:22 AM   #60
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I understand every word you said, Major Tom, and feel very similarly. I have a very short attention span, and believe I have always had Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). I have few hobbies and lose interest quickly, but I'm rarely bored.

I worry that people who are highly introverted are perceived to be aloof, and even arrogant. Our interest in keeping people at a distance comes off as being self absorbed or self righteous, and I regret that very much. Instead, in my case, it's just self-consciousness and discomfort.
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