Is There Any Yearning to Be Recognized for Your FIRE Success?

[Nemo2]

'John Reid', c'est moi.

[foxfirev5]

No desire at all. First, get over it. Nobody really cares about your success. If they do watch out. Nothing, I mean nothing good can come of displaying your wealth if you really have it. This forum is my only outlet to brag about my modest good fortune. Otherwise I'm content to be a random old guy who's considered a heck of a fisherman.

[bobbyr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by capitalhockey I have the same issue at family outings....my brother is flashy with cars/house and is deemed more successful. I am viewed not as successful because I don't show off. My wife has a friend who was very dismissive my real estate advice (even though I own 3 rental properties) since I don't look like I am successful. It bothers me sometimes.

The millionaire next door book always resonates in my brain...I love the low key achievers who don't look the part -- who cares about the flashy noisemakers?

That can be a sign of some large insecurities imo

Also, if you are flashy or people 'think' you have money, you get hit with more requests of various kinds (thinking fund raising)

[Jerseytunahunter]

Hell Yeah! I see this whole thing as a competition and yes, I want my ribbon when I win. My wife and I could have retired a long time ago but we decided we would work and continue to build wealth so that we could live the life we dreamt about as high school sweethearts. We take a lot of pride in our accomplishments as we started with nothing-even paid for our own wedding. So just to be clear, we're not flashy and we're not boastful. I drive a 2013 Buick, my wife drives a 2016 jeep. We don't have expensive cloths or jewelry. I own a large company and we take a lot of great vacations. We also have rental properties. We never speak of such things with our friends and family but they know that we could buy whatever we want whenever we want. We just choose not to.

[marko]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobbyr Also, if you are flashy or people 'think' you have money, you get hit with more requests of various kinds (thinking fund raising)

What I've never understood were those who deliberately denied themselves in order to stay under the radar.

If you just love driving that 20 year old heap, good for you. But if you drive it just so that "people won't think you're rich", isn't that sort of "worrying what people think" in reverse?

In our case, Mom's family was well known and quite wealthy. There is no hiding for us and that means being approached for donations for museums/hospitals/churches who just assume that we're a whole lot wealthier than we actually are. Often gets awkward with requests that are way out of our range.

But still. If you covet that car/house/vacation and avoid it simply on what people will think, well....life is too short for that IMO. We try to live our lives as we wish and to h*ll with "how it looks". If you resent my Mercedes, well, that's your problem not mine.

[MarieIG]

The only one whom I care about recognizing my efforts towards retirement preparedness/FI would be DH; and kiddos only to the extent of (hopefully) setting an example.

[Koolau]

Quote:

Originally Posted by marko What I've never understood were those who deliberately denied themselves in order to stay under the radar. If you just love driving that 20 year old heap, good for you. But if you drive it just so that "people won't think you're rich", isn't that sort of "worrying what people think" in reverse? In our case, Mom's family was well known and quite wealthy. There is no hiding for us and that means being approached for donations for museums/hospitals/churches who just assume that we're a whole lot wealthier than we actually are. Often gets awkward with requests that are way out of our range. But still. If you covet that car/house/vacation and avoid it simply on what people will think, well....life is too short for that IMO. We try to live our lives as we wish and to h*ll with "how it looks". If you resent my Mercedes, well, that's your problem not mine.

I drive my older(er) cars because they still meet my needs. I don't drive much, so using newer equipment means the cost per mile is quite high. Older cars' cost per mile is lower because depreciation is negligible after the car is 10 years old or so in most cases. I have no problem with what other people drive. I've mentioned that I'd like to have a C8 Corvette. But I don't even have a parking space for it right now! Besides I would personally feel stupid driving that car now (had a Vette in 1970) for a short while. - fun but glad when it was gone.) YMMV

[bobbyr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by marko What I've never understood were those who deliberately denied themselves in order to stay under the radar. If you just love driving that 20 year old heap, good for you. But if you drive it just so that "people won't think you're rich", isn't that sort of "worrying what people think" in reverse? In our case, Mom's family was well known and quite wealthy. There is no hiding for us and that means being approached for donations for museums/hospitals/churches who just assume that we're a whole lot wealthier than we actually are. Often gets awkward with requests that are way out of our range. But still. If you covet that car/house/vacation and avoid it simply on what people will think, well....life is too short for that IMO. We try to live our lives as we wish and to h*ll with "how it looks". If you resent my Mercedes, well, that's your problem not mine.

I don't really drive cars based on what people think. My older model nissan just drives smoothly and I care mostly about getting from a to b...also I like keeping annual car expenses low, and saving $s for something else

Anyway, I probably overstated things a bit. I was just responding to the question about being flashy in retirement or needing praise. Anyway, I am probably wading into territory I don't belong, so disregard my ramblings!

[marko]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobbyr Anyway, I probably overstated things a bit. I was just responding to the question about being flashy in retirement or needing praise. Anyway, I am probably wading into territory I don't belong, so disregard my ramblings!

No prob. I wasn't commenting on your post directly but more of a general observation on my part; your point on fund raising was a good one and I see it first-hand.

[Bigdawg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by marko What I've never understood were those who deliberately denied themselves in order to stay under the radar.

I realize you wrote that refering to vehicles but it applies to all aspects of FIRE if you ask me. When people say they LBYM I think that they deprived themselves of vacations, nights out, other fun but maybe pricey events all in the name of FIRE. We didn't approach it that way. We did save but we we never deprived ourselves. I do drive a 21 year old truck. It is a Chevy Silverado Z71 4x4. Runs great and has everything I need. I occasionally ride with buddies who have the 2018 model and it is no better than mine. I also drive a classic 1983 Jeep CJ8 Scrambler. 5 inch lift with 33's. I enjoy having an iconic vehicle. FIRE isn't a destination but a journey. I also didn't RE when we became FI. Still enjoy the 32 hrs/wk that I get paid for. Actually work maybe 5-8 hours per week (from home). Pay is 6 fig's + so why stop. Just got back from 2 weeks in St Croix. Basically do what we want, when we want (minus COVID of course). No desire to show off or get recognized.

[marko]

Found this quote by Jean Rostand; somewhat appropriate for this thread!

"Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth."

[Markola]

Quote:

Originally Posted by foxfirev5 No desire at all. First, get over it. Nobody really cares about your success. If they do watch out. Nothing, I mean nothing good can come of displaying your wealth if you really have it. This forum is my only outlet to brag about my modest good fortune. Otherwise I'm content to be a random old guy who's considered a heck of a fisherman.

This x 1,000. I salute you, Sir. And I, too, am considered to be a heck of a fisherman, albeit by those I know who do not fish, but I see no reason to disabuse them of their mistake.

[Badger]

Do you recall all those movies about a rich person that has a hard time finding true love because he can't trust that they are loved for themselves and not their money?
Well, that is the easy answer to your question.
I would want to be known for what I have done for others and not for what I own. If anyone cares about my bank account then there is a beach down the street where they can pound some sand.


Cheers!

[Time2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by couch Maybe. I would like to be recognized because I would like to help other people achieve the same and that would be more likely to happen if my success was recognized.

I don't want to be recognized and we aren't, with our vehicles, 21 years old, 16 years old and 14 years old, and a 3 bedroom 2 bath ranch home. But I do want, at least anonymously, it to be known that we got into the 94% or 95% of US net worth with an average inflation adjusted income of $71k. It took us 36 years, but we still retired a bit earlier than most. Also paid some undergrad tuition and rent and $240k of Dental school tuition for one kid.


I want others to know that it can be done and without having high income.

[jollystomper]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobbyr The millionaire next door book always resonates in my brain...I love the low key achievers who don't look the part -- who cares about the flashy noisemakers? That can be a sign of some large insecurities imo Also, if you are flashy or people 'think' you have money, you get hit with more requests of various kinds (thinking fund raising)

Fundraising requests are not the worst. Think of the "we know you have money so you better share/give it to us or else" situations...

[clifp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichaelB ER Forum members get lots of recognition, from each other, and it seems to be enough for most of us. That's one of the things that bring us together here.

That's certainly a factor. My answer is slightly different than the vast majority of responses. For the first few years of being retired, I really didn't want to be singled out for the reasons listed.

However, after a few years, I noticed that when a reporter dropped by the forum, I certainly volunteered to be interviewed and it was gratifying to see my story being told and heard from my former colleagues.

There isn't a lot I miss about working, but external recognition is one thing that I miss a bit.

This forum helped until I got a bit bored with and stop participating other than a random drive-by. I will say that did become annoying when I posting on Mr. Mustache, arguing with a 20 something, they'd accuse me of not getting FIRE, and I'd be "dude I've literally be retired 20 years don't tell me I don't get it."

But by and large, don't expect much in the way of "Job well-done atta boys for achieving FIRE other than places like this forum."

[bobbyr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jollystomper Fundraising requests are not the worst. Think of the "we know you have money so you better share/give it to us or else" situations...

like family? (or that sounds like the mafia)

[scrabbler1]

[snip]

Quote:

Originally Posted by clifp However, after a few years, I noticed that when a reporter dropped by the forum, I certainly volunteered to be interviewed and it was gratifying to see my story being told and heard from my former colleagues.

I, too, volunteered back in 2015 to be interviewed when a reporter for a men's health magazine was looking for subjects for an early retirement article. A few months later, when they ran the article, they printed one line from my interview.

[Hdhead]

I am just like the OP only 10 years into retirement. We are the most unassuming multimillionaires you will ever meet. No one knows our net worth, not even our kids. Only problem is I find it impossible to spend to our ability. Been living below our means and saving our whole life. Still though we live very comfortably really don’t want for more. Maybe one day I’ll figure out how to do it.

[couch]

I find it interesting that a lot of people in this thread link the recognition of success to outward displays of wealth. As though they are the same thing.

I think we can all agree that Warren Buffet is successful and is recognized as successful, but he drives a modest car and lives in a modest home.