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Old 05-24-2021, 09:34 PM   #41
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So I'm curious. What advice to you think you will use?
.... But when we hit 50 we and others see the lack of great success.
Just knowing that one's feelings are normal and to be expected helps a lot. And the validation from folks who've already ERd that things are great 'on the other side'. Thinking about all the things I've been wanting to do but for lack of time helps too.

The concern about not living up to one's potential is very common. Google it and you'll see :-) I suspect many of us who grew up relatively privileged have internalized "to whom much is given, much is required".

Funny enough, what's helped me with that recently is watching Grace and Frankie on Netflix. There's an episode where one of the characters is asked to give a eulogy at a funeral. He's certain there's been a mix-up, as he can't even remember the deceased (he only came because his partner insisted it was the polite thing to do). Someone with a similar name had saved the deceased's life by pulling him from a burning ship during VietNam. The character is sure that's who they really wanted to give the eulogy. Afterwards he finds out there was no mix up -- the "hero" who'd saved the deceased's life "never let him forget it", according to the widow, and was a PITA. Meanwhile, the G&F main character had one day shined the deceased's shoes because it bugged him they were dirty. Turns out that random act of kindness was part of a chain of events that led to the deceased meeting his wife, getting married, having a family, and having a happy life. So the family were forever grateful.

It was a good reminder that we all benefit the world in different ways, sometimes without even realizing it. I'm trying to keep that in mind as I enter this new life chapter.
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Old 05-25-2021, 06:48 AM   #42
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Fourteen years retired and it seems more like four. Amazing how time flies when you're having fun.

Pdxgal.....enjoy your retirement.
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Old 05-25-2021, 09:41 AM   #43
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Meanwhile, the G&F main character had one day shined the deceased's shoes *when they were in boot camp together* because it bugged him they were dirty.
Added some context, otherwise it doesn't make sense!
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Old 05-25-2021, 10:24 AM   #44
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I'm a little envious but I'm happy for you. I cannot bring myself to check out from work. I know logically we have enough to be OK but not enough to quit then do a bunch of costly things. But I can't overcome my emotional reluctance after growing up poor. "Yes, but what if..." coupled with no one to back me up keeps me working. I know I'll get there eventually.
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Old 05-25-2021, 11:19 AM   #45
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But I can't overcome my emotional reluctance after growing up poor. "Yes, but what if..."
The challenge of the emotional, mental shift to RE has been surprisingly difficult (hence my post).

As a woman there's more of that "Yes, but what if..." concern, I think. Because women have been (and continue to be) marginalized economically, yet we live longer so the prospect of running out of money is greater. The "what if" fear is real and justified IMO. That's where the various retirement planning calculators can be helpful. I always put in that I expect to live to 100, just to be on the safe side finance-wise. My FA told me 4-5 years ago I was ready financially to RE, and it's taken me since then to finally be able to do it. The pandemic was a good reminder that life is short, and Time >$.

Don't beat yourself up about overcoming emotional reluctance. It's a process. You'll get there when you get there.
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Old 05-25-2021, 11:55 AM   #46
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I'm a little envious but I'm happy for you. I cannot bring myself to check out from work. I know logically we have enough to be OK but not enough to quit then do a bunch of costly things. But I can't overcome my emotional reluctance after growing up poor. "Yes, but what if..." coupled with no one to back me up keeps me working. I know I'll get there eventually.
Those are the exact reasons that kept me working a few years longer than actually necessary. But it feels good to have a cushion now in retirement, and my work was not bad. You will find the comfort zone that is right for you. Doesn't matter what others do.
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Old 05-26-2021, 07:07 AM   #47
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Since I'd been FI for several years, it was just a matter of time until I was handed something to do that I didn't want to do. When it happened, I left almost immediately. SO immediately, that a couple of layers of mgmt. beyond my boss stopped by to see "why" I was leaving. I simply said I've been given "this" to do and I don't want to and I no longer have to, so, I'm not mad, I'm just gone. I got sort of a stunned look, but I do think they understood.

Now, I'd admit to a bit of (sweet) sorrow at leaving behind a bunch of folks I'd gotten used to seeing everyday. I had only one close friend in the bunch - and have stayed close for all these years since FIRE. Still, it's quite a change NOT to see folks you know every morning. YMMV
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Old 05-26-2021, 07:47 PM   #48
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I think the what-if issues you raise apply to people who had careers that helped defined how they were. For me being an academic I have regrets about not inventing anything that has my name on it. Or getting elected to professional society x or only having 30,000 citations to my work not 100,000 etc.

Now if I worked in some career where it was just-a-job I don't think I'd have those feelings.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pdxgal View Post
The challenge of the emotional, mental shift to RE has been surprisingly difficult (hence my post).

As a woman there's more of that "Yes, but what if..." concern, I think. Because women have been (and continue to be) marginalized economically, yet we live longer so the prospect of running out of money is greater. The "what if" fear is real and justified IMO. That's where the various retirement planning calculators can be helpful. I always put in that I expect to live to 100, just to be on the safe side finance-wise. My FA told me 4-5 years ago I was ready financially to RE, and it's taken me since then to finally be able to do it. The pandemic was a good reminder that life is short, and Time >$.

Don't beat yourself up about overcoming emotional reluctance. It's a process. You'll get there when you get there.
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Old 05-26-2021, 08:03 PM   #49
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I retired early at age 54 when my three kids were then ages 7, 11, and 17. Took me about 20 minutes to adjust. I spent my early retirement giving my wife a well-deserved break from chauffeur duties as I ferried the kids to schools, and music lessons, and recitals, and activities. Also spent early retirement taking the family on a cross country train trip and return via rental car, a cruise, trip to Disneyland, and so on.

Later, with kids out of high school/college, my wife and I got to take a few international trips just her and I, sans kids. I treasure those times.

I never looked back and never regretted my decision one bit. I had prepared and was well prepared financially, and now after 21 years of retirement I am at my highest ever income level and highest net worth level. I also got all my kids through college (two at Masters or higher degree level) with no debt (them or us), got them each a car, and got each started with funded IRA accounts.

If I had it to do over again, I would do the same thing.
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Old 05-26-2021, 09:55 PM   #50
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I’m retiring the end of this year and can’t wait. I agree with others—it’s not surprising to have some complicated (mixed) feelings. I wonder if the language you use might add to the complexity of emotions. You refer to it as “quitting” which often carries a negative connotation. Consider thinking of it as retiring (finishing!) rather than quitting..? Give yourself space and time to adjust. Good luck to you.

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Old 05-27-2021, 04:02 AM   #51
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I can relate to your feelings.... I started writing my resignation letter and became over whelmed with emotions... I have 4 months to finish it up. I find myself remembering things from years past as I walk the hospital halls and ER... I mean Ive spent about 25% of the last 35 years there.... They already know my plan (and dont like it) Its now down to filing the retirement paper work, and then I must officially submit my resignation to the county HR office. I'm excited about the future, and scared at the same time...
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Old 05-27-2021, 08:23 AM   #52
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Your feelings are normal, and you'll get over them in no time.



When you've worked for an employer for so long, it's like family, and you're breaking away from family. So, not unusual at all to feel some amount of sadness.



Congrats - look forward to all the great things ahead of you and leave the past behind.

+1

I know I said we would keep in touch but the reality in my experience is that our paths somewhat diverged. There are a handful of people I greatly endeavor to maintain contact with, but even doing everything on my part to accommodate their schedule, it’s still not easy to get together. Add in one pandemic, and it makes it even worse.

Numerous texts and phone calls somewhat fill in the gaps but after a while it became apparent that we have less and less recent, common experiences and that the conversations began to get somewhat stale.

For me it’s also like the loss of a chunk of my family. But I have found it has become easier with time and distance and also with all the new people in my life through church, organizations I volunteer with, and other social activities.

The only thing constant in life is change…
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Too bad you can't taper off
Old 05-28-2021, 03:34 PM   #53
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Too bad you can't taper off

I retired at 58 for health reasons, turned in my badge etc. - I would rather have had the opportunity to drop in and give my sage advice, like Inspector Luger on the old Barney Miller show. My sister worked in hospital administration, and they let her work whatever hours she wanted, so she got to taper it off.



I am doing ok in retirement, you don't have to accomplish anything or have expensive fun. A lot of people have expectations of retired people to do what they would do if they retired. You do you.
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Old 05-28-2021, 03:47 PM   #54
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my unfortunate employers insisted on getting bought out or going out of business. Too many xmas layoffs to count. I have managed to connect with a few fellow travelers from my past via linkedin, otherwise my peer group is... one. My longest tenure anywhere was exactly 5 years. Not exactly what I expected from engineering. So I started late and finished early, but the Roth is topped up and my time is my own.
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Old 05-28-2021, 03:59 PM   #55
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Your feelings are normal, and you'll get over them in no time.

When you've worked for an employer for so long, it's like family, and you're breaking away from family. So, not unusual at all to feel some amount of sadness.

Congrats - look forward to all the great things ahead of you and leave the past behind.
Totally agree, I worked for Physicians for 30 years and loved my job. Retired in 2018 but still miss the feeling of making a difference and my patients. It has gotten easier because I have more time to explore new hobbies and activities but you need to give yourself time because it is like breaking away from family, you have worked with and known for a long time.
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Old 05-28-2021, 04:26 PM   #56
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Staying in one work group for one’s career probably makes it harder to leave. I had five different positions, and people were always moving on, including me. I tried to retire 3 times before it stuck. The reasons it was difficult is that the medical director offered me a lot to stay on part time in a much less busy hospital, and then I was worried about the ACA in 2017. By the time 2019 came around, I had had enough and it was really easy to leave. At the same time, 5 of my favorite nurses and staff retired, and our medical director left the same time I did.

We had two farewell dinners in two weeks.
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Old 05-28-2021, 06:36 PM   #57
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Staying in one work group for one’s career probably makes it harder to leave.

+1. The only real way to advance for me was to change jobs, and usually organizations, every 2-6 years. In fact, looking back, the time I stayed 6 years was the mistake but I was very comfortable. When I FIREd last year, I’d been in the role for 4.5 years, so no big woop to leave and I don’t miss the place. I realize YMMV.
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Old 05-28-2021, 07:04 PM   #58
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There's nothing that says you can't stay in contact with your former cow*rkers that you want to stay in contact with. I talked to one of my fellow retirees today, we had a nice chat and neither of us (after 15+ years) misses being there.

I got a little teary on my last day, but it was on the way home thinking "I never have to do this again, I'm FREE FREE FREE". It wasn't horrible, but I was so ready to escape, and a reduction in the pension for leaving a few years early was well worth it.

Don't be surprised if you sleep a lot the first 4-6 weeks, I was always sleep-deprived and not having to get up at 4:15AM after 5-6 hours of poor sleep was a big change.
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Old 05-28-2021, 07:55 PM   #59
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Yes, it's a big change. And it's also a realization that they may continue on just fine without you being there.
To help in the transition, see if you can track down others who have retired from there and set up a few morning coffee or lunch get togethers.
Also plan a trip that you will leave on the day after you retire. This could be a "bucket list" trip or even something more modest like a trip to a state park a few hours away where you can start to destress and move on to your next phase of life.
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Old 05-28-2021, 08:09 PM   #60
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Lot's of stories and good advice here. I wish I could contribute in a positive way. I retired after 42 years of police work. We then moved off the farm we had built to be closer to the only two grandchildren we have. The transition has not gone well for me. My advice is to find something that interests you if possible and cultivate that interest. It's been a real struggle for me. Good luck..
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