Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 05-29-2021, 12:39 AM   #61
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 29
I'm still working but... I think when I leave, rather than be sad I haven't done all those things I wanted to while working, I'll be thinking now I can do all those things I wasn't able to before... because I was too busy working! I've been saving up decades of those things.

Of course maybe I still won't do "them" anyway, but I'll sure do something.

I imagine it must be different for people who had more meaningful work, in that it would feel more significant to lose it. But that's something to be proud of having done! I actually envy the talk of things like farewell dinners, every place I've been people just disappear one day. A few weeks later someone might say "what happened to so-and-so?" "Oh, he left." They come, they go. And you know, some schedules have been "impacted."
Bullwinkle is online now   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 05-29-2021, 04:02 AM   #62
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 862
Quote:
Originally Posted by KingOfTheCheapos View Post
So I'm curious. What advice to you think you will use? I could be working for another six years and I'm guessing my feelings (same as yours) will only get more pronounced.

It's an interesting feeling. When you are young, we and others see the great potential in us. But when we hit 50 we and others see the lack of great success.

Note I used the term "great success" because we all have had successes.
This is so true. I also felt the same twinges. ďAll that training and workĒ, ďis that all there is?Ē , ďDid I live up to my potential?Ē During my 50ís as I contemplated retirement, all this crossed my mind as well. The answers are: The training and work got you where you are. You are getting out far younger than most, by far, with better health, and less worries. That isnít all there is. It is up to you to make the most of the time you have left which is always far less than you realize. No time machine means no regrets. Donít waste any energy on what might have been it changes nothing. Concentrate on whatís ahead. I didnít live up to to my potential and only a handful probably feel they have.

My college roommates and frat brothers range in success from total losers that fell off the face of the earth, to captains of industry and mega wealthy. At one time we were all at the same potential. Talked of the future and dreams of success and accomplishments, lots of times. I canít think of one that turned out as we thought we would be. Some far exceeded it. Most turned out completely different. In most of our cases, we are more successful in life, by financial and accomplishment standards than we ever thought we would be when in school. We had a virtual 40 year reunion of the brothers that had a surprisingly high turn out. 2 hours of swapping stories and memories and trying to downplay our successes. Of the 24 people on the Zoom, only 3, including me, were retired. One guy had just lost his wife. We learned that one of us had died recently from heart failure. 3(!) others online had had heart attacks or strokes and had some level of physical handicap. My last roommate had sold his 2nd company for millions. His 2 kids were already extremely successful doing stuff they loved. Another brother was looking for a job. Another had lost his very accomplished daughter after high school graduation after she was hit by a car as a pedestrian. A few looked like they hadnít aged 10 years since college. Some were unrecognizable. Most just looked older with a lot less hair.

And thatís only what was revealed. My ďbest friendĒ that I have kept in contact with regularly for over 40 years, has a son with MH issues and drug issues. Itís killing him and his marriage . Only I in the group know about this. Thatís just one example. So I make sure I keep everything in perspective. No, I didnít become a SVP like the engineer the same age as me, that I literally sat next to for 2 years and leaned on me for technical help & advice, and is now making $600k+ and will have a cushy very high income retirement. When he retires. If he gets to retire. He made some choices and played the right cards at the right time. I have no idea if he is happy. He seems to be. I am happy and content. And thatís the only person I really have to satisfy.
Perryinva is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2021, 01:58 PM   #63
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Koolau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Leeward Oahu
Posts: 6,105
Once in a great while I reflect on a few of my big successes at Megacorp. I honestly think I made some contributions. I worked on one issue which could have ultimately cost the company nearly a quarter of its business. I most certainly didn't "solve" that issue by myself, but I was at the right place at the right time and was able to train folks so I was no longer the only one to do all the w*rk within my area of expertise. Yes, we w*rked together and saved the product and it thrived going forward.

Now, 35 years later, I know of maybe one or two folks who would even recall that I was involved or that I contributed. That's because they had their rolls in the process - just like I did but in a different way. What I think about is that as far as Megacrorp is concerned, I only exist as a bunch of 1s and 0s to be sure I get my pension and the occasional 401(k) communication. I can still call in to report my death (Hmmmm), check my 401(k) balance, alter my minimalist company-provided retirement insurance death benefit beneficiary, etc. etc. Otherwise, it's as if I never existed.

Realistically, if you were never CEO or President or whatever, it's unlikely a half dozen folks you ever knew at Megacorp would even recall your name. I've wondered from time to time if that should bother me. It occurred to me that worrying about how I was remembered or even IF I was remembered would be the height of arrogance. Why do you think they call it Megacorp, kid?

I won't think about this again for another 10 years if I live so long. Now returning you to our regularly scheduled thread topic as YMMV.
__________________
Ko'olau's Law -

Anything which can be used can be misused. Anything which can be misused will be.
Koolau is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2021, 06:03 PM   #64
Dryer sheet wannabe
 
Join Date: Sep 2020
Location: Tallahassee
Posts: 11
I am 7 days away from retirement and I am alternating between elation and fear. I figure it is normal. I am super happy to be retiring. I am in fear of what I am going to do, not working with all the people I like, not being part of the "family" any more, going broke, the change of routine after 15 years. Sad is not an emotion I have had, scared is.

I figure after working since I was 16 and never leaving a job before without having another one or two lined up, I am mostly afraid of the unknown. I get over it pretty fast since the logical part of my brain knows I am ready both financially and otherwise. It is strange that the emotional part of the brain still pushes forward and causes the couple of seconds of terror.

I do find it funny/strange/weird that it is so emotional, I do understand it but I still find it strange.
dp226 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2021, 07:55 AM   #65
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Markola's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Twin Cities
Posts: 2,318
Quote:
Originally Posted by Koolau View Post
Once in a great while I reflect on a few of my big successes at Megacorp. I honestly think I made some contributions. I worked on one issue which could have ultimately cost the company nearly a quarter of its business. I most certainly didn't "solve" that issue by myself, but I was at the right place at the right time and was able to train folks so I was no longer the only one to do all the w*rk within my area of expertise. Yes, we w*rked together and saved the product and it thrived going forward.



Now, 35 years later, I know of maybe one or two folks who would even recall that I was involved or that I contributed. That's because they had their rolls in the process - just like I did but in a different way. What I think about is that as far as Megacrorp is concerned, I only exist as a bunch of 1s and 0s to be sure I get my pension and the occasional 401(k) communication. I can still call in to report my death (Hmmmm), check my 401(k) balance, alter my minimalist company-provided retirement insurance death benefit beneficiary, etc. etc. Otherwise, it's as if I never existed.



Realistically, if you were never CEO or President or whatever, it's unlikely a half dozen folks you ever knew at Megacorp would even recall your name. I've wondered from time to time if that should bother me. It occurred to me that worrying about how I was remembered or even IF I was remembered would be the height of arrogance. Why do you think they call it Megacorp, kid?



I won't think about this again for another 10 years if I live so long. Now returning you to our regularly scheduled thread topic as YMMV.


This is 100% correct. I also enjoyed my career, had adventures and satisfactions I could have only had through w*rk and I look back knowing I improved some situations, WHICH NO ONE REMEMBERS thanks to constant turnover. After 28 years in one field, I didnít see what 5 more or 10 more was going to prove, while I could clearly see many things Iíd miss out on that I wanted to do if I spent those 5-10 more years in the same meetings with the same ad hoc group of rotating people with my 3-4 weeks vacation. Thank you, career, but bye-bye.
Markola is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2021, 08:37 AM   #66
Administrator
Gumby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 16,897
I was only 27 when I left the most meaningful work I ever had - officer aboard a US Navy ballistic missile submarine. That was not just my job but my life. Subsequently practicing law was enjoyable and I was good at it. However, while in some respects important and satisfying, it was still merely a way to finance my life. I was always careful to separate my job from my identity, so it was not hard to leave behind. To this day, I still think of myself more as a submariner than a lawyer.
__________________
Living an analog life in the Digital Age.
Gumby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2021, 12:17 PM   #67
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 1,046
Quote:
Originally Posted by Markola View Post
This is 100% correct. I also enjoyed my career, had adventures and satisfactions I could have only had through w*rk and I look back knowing I improved some situations, WHICH NO ONE REMEMBERS thanks to constant turnover. After 28 years in one field, I didnít see what 5 more or 10 more was going to prove, while I could clearly see many things Iíd miss out on that I wanted to do if I spent those 5-10 more years in the same meetings with the same ad hoc group of rotating people with my 3-4 weeks vacation. Thank you, career, but bye-bye.


+1

A year or two after I left, I asked a buddy who still w@rked there about what was going on. He said ďnothing has changedĒ. Donít miss it at all.

Of course it was very important for a season, but that season a a long time ago now. Retirement has been a good lesson that the seasons of life change.
__________________
Living the dream...
FreeBear is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2021, 12:27 PM   #68
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Koolau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Leeward Oahu
Posts: 6,105
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gumby View Post
To this day, I still think of myself more as a submariner than a lawyer.
Then, we do too. Thanks for keeping us safe!
__________________
Ko'olau's Law -

Anything which can be used can be misused. Anything which can be misused will be.
Koolau is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2021, 10:21 PM   #69
gone traveling
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
Posts: 1,734
Quote:
Originally Posted by pdxgal View Post
Well, I did it. Just gave my notice after 19 years with my current employer. No issues with my manager, he said he'd do the same thing if he were in my position (he's much younger). Instead of feeling excited and happy I feel down, so many conflicting emotions. Find myself tearing up. .......... I suppose it's grief.
Don't worry, be happy!
RetireeRobert is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2021, 11:51 AM   #70
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Portland
Posts: 150
Quote:
Originally Posted by dp226 View Post
I am 7 days away from retirement and I am alternating between elation and fear. I figure it is normal. I am super happy to be retiring. I am in fear of what I am going to do, not working with all the people I like, not being part of the "family" any more, going broke, the change of routine after 15 years. Sad is not an emotion I have had, scared is.

I figure after working since I was 16 and never leaving a job before without having another one or two lined up, I am mostly afraid of the unknown. I get over it pretty fast since the logical part of my brain knows I am ready both financially and otherwise. It is strange that the emotional part of the brain still pushes forward and causes the couple of seconds of terror.

I do find it funny/strange/weird that it is so emotional, I do understand it but I still find it strange.
+1. How are you feeling now, almost a week later?

FWIW my feelings of sadness have gradually been replaced with excitement about all the things I'll have time to do now! The last two weeks were a bit of emotional roller coaster, but good. Had a chance to say goodbye to the few coworkers I really enjoyed, set up a few lunch dates for later this month, tied up some loose ends on my w*rk projects. I am glad that with SIP there wasn't the going away gathering in a conference room. To return my equipment and badge, I piled it all into my Burley Travoy trailer and rode my bike to the office, as sort of a farewell bike commute (because that was always a great part of my day, riding to/from work). Yesterday -- my official last day -- I had drinks with a couple good friends and family in a lovely rooftop restaurant outdoors. It felt good. Now on to new adventures!
pdxgal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2021, 12:34 PM   #71
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by pdxgal View Post
+1. How are you feeling now, almost a week later?

FWIW my feelings of sadness have gradually been replaced with excitement about all the things I'll have time to do now! The last two weeks were a bit of emotional roller coaster, but good. Had a chance to say goodbye to the few coworkers I really enjoyed, set up a few lunch dates for later this month, tied up some loose ends on my w*rk projects. I am glad that with SIP there wasn't the going away gathering in a conference room. To return my equipment and badge, I piled it all into my Burley Travoy trailer and rode my bike to the office, as sort of a farewell bike commute (because that was always a great part of my day, riding to/from work). Yesterday -- my official last day -- I had drinks with a couple good friends and family in a lovely rooftop restaurant outdoors. It felt good. Now on to new adventures!
Make sure you keep time for that cycle ride somewhere, anywhere, it is so good for you on many counts. Iíll soon be part time and the thought of a 2/3 day trip excites me.
Jim59 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2021, 01:55 PM   #72
Dryer sheet wannabe
 
Join Date: Sep 2020
Location: Tallahassee
Posts: 11
Yesterday was my last day. Huge range of emotions and by lunch I was emotionally drained. Had to stick around for the obligatory cake and ice cream but all I wanted to do by lunch was take a nap. It was both good and bad since it brought up some more emotions mostly seeing friends that I have only talked to over zoom in the last 16 months more than the retirement itself.

I have some lunch plans and what not for the next several weeks but I am feeling pretty good after a good nights sleep (one of the best ones in several years). I am curious how well I will do over the next several weeks but I think everything is good. But mostly I think now that the emotional rollercoaster is gone life will be back to normal.

One last thought is I think the people who go on a cruise/trip right after retiring probably have the right idea. I am not until the fall but I am starting to thing a big break of normality like that might be the best way.
dp226 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-2021, 02:14 PM   #73
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 42
I am so looking forward to retirement date I can not see me being sad. No doubt I will have feelings of some sort but I hope sad is not one of them. All things come to an end and Iíll walk away looking out the front window rather than looking back out the rear window.
Jim59 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-2021, 05:16 PM   #74
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 873
My DH had the guard at the gate take a picture of him waving as he left. He hasn't missed working one day and hasn't kept in touch with any of the people he worked with. After 30 years with Megacorp....he was done! I just quite my job and didn't go back at 50. Life is good now. Don't know where all of our retirement time goes. Faster and faster the time goes.

Enjoy the rest of your life doing what you want to do when you want to do it.
kimcdougc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2021, 10:34 AM   #75
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Portland
Posts: 150
Quote:
Originally Posted by dp226 View Post
Yesterday was my last day. Huge range of emotions and by lunch I was emotionally drained. Had to stick around for the obligatory cake and ice cream but all I wanted to do by lunch was take a nap. It was both good and bad since it brought up some more emotions mostly seeing friends that I have only talked to over zoom in the last 16 months more than the retirement itself.

I have some lunch plans and what not for the next several weeks but I am feeling pretty good after a good nights sleep (one of the best ones in several years). I am curious how well I will do over the next several weeks but I think everything is good. But mostly I think now that the emotional rollercoaster is gone life will be back to normal.

One last thought is I think the people who go on a cruise/trip right after retiring probably have the right idea. I am not until the fall but I am starting to thing a big break of normality like that might be the best way.
Congrats dp226! It IS an emotional rollercoaster, isn't it (at least for some of us)? And sounds like you've got a trip to look forward to, which is great. Retiring "to" something is very important as folks here have noted. My first few days have been filled with catching up on yard work and all the other things I haven't had time to do. Feels great!
pdxgal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2021, 10:56 AM   #76
Recycles dryer sheets
Vincenzo Corleone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 411
Quote:
Originally Posted by pdxgal View Post
...I thought about trying to find a PT job so I could keep doing the stuff I enjoy but have time for other things. The process seemed so daunting though, especially during COVID: spiffing up the CV, applying and interviewing. And though I've tried to keep my skills up I have the sense they've fallen behind a bit. Technology moves so fast these days...
Emphasis added.

I realize this comment was made way up-thread, but it struck me and I had to comment.

I spent 20 years doing software development professionally, and I have a master's degree in computer science. I voluntarily resigned from my last j*b prior to having secured employment elsewhere, fully aware of the risks. I was prepared to walk away from the field had I not found something. I embarked on my job search and secured a few interviews. There were one or two that I thought were promising but was rejected with the pretext that I didn't have experience with this one particular technology (a silly framework) that only comprised a fraction of all the technologies they were using (all of which I did have experience with).

Having spent 20 years in software development and a masters degree, I had to laugh. One does not survive in this field for that long without having the ability to learn new things in a short period of time. I seriously doubt that was the true reason I was rejected, but rather because they saw the grey hair on my head.

Ageism in software development is very real, and, unfortunately, being over the age of 35 in this field is considered "old". I'm glad I'm out of this god forsaken field.

So, in short - I don't know you from Eve but I doubt that you couldn't pick up whatever it is you think you fell behind in.
__________________
I left the workforce in December of 2017. My wife still works.
Vincenzo Corleone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2021, 12:51 PM   #77
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Portland
Posts: 150
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vincenzo Corleone View Post
Ageism in software development is very real, and, unfortunately, being over the age of 35 in this field is considered "old". I'm glad I'm out of this god forsaken field.

So, in short - I don't know you from Eve but I doubt that you couldn't pick up whatever it is you think you fell behind in.
Thanks for the encouragement. We'll see. I was most recently a 'data jockey' doing business reporting and analysis. Not software development, but still a quasi-technical field. Nowadays for this type of work you find people with degrees in data science and business analytics. I've got an MBA and 20+ years of work experience but ageism is a thing, as you noted.

The good news is that analytics is one of the top careers now -- companies are awash in data and need people to make sense of it all.

Funnily enough, one of the analytics tools I've used a lot -- SAS -- is considered sort of a dinosaur, yet still used by many megacorps for processes set up years before. Because many younger folks aren't familiar with it, my sense is that there are some opportunities for those of us who do. Sort of like during Y2K when companies scrambled to find people who knew COBOL.
pdxgal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2021, 05:51 AM   #78
Confused about dryer sheets
 
Join Date: May 2021
Location: Brockport
Posts: 5
You are human! And a caring person to think about the relationships you will / do miss. But don't forget the people you work with were never really "friends". Work relationships are due to circumstance and fact that we like to interact with those around us. Rarely are they any "long term" relationships. So as much as you think this is a loss, realize that there was never something to lose! I will be retiring in next few months at 52 after 15 years and know only 1 person I truly expect to stay in touch with.

To the contrary, you can now meet more people in your situation (like us ) as well as others that you can now have a lot in common with. Enjoy YOUR life, don't let the mirage of "work as family" confuse you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by pdxgal View Post
Well, I did it. Just gave my notice after 19 years with my current employer. No issues with my manager, he said he'd do the same thing if he were in my position (he's much younger). Instead of feeling excited and happy I feel down, so many conflicting emotions. Find myself tearing up. I'm sad about giving up the parts of my j*b that I enjoy, about seeming old and washed up in the eyes of society (though 59 isn't so old!) and that I didn't live up to my potential or take on more challenging roles. I suppose it's grief.

If a friend were telling me this I'd say "well, you can try freelance, or volunteer. Lots of people need folks with your skills." I worry though about ageism. I do have a host of things to retire to (read the Ernie Zelinski and Nolo Press books and have a list!)

The "do I have enough money?" question is also there albeit irrationally, given that all calculators and analyses give me the green light (including my own independent advisor). It's still a bit scary.

I keep telling myself something I read years ago on a t-shirt: "I know when one door closes another opens, but man, those hallways are a b**ch" . Right now the mental image in my mind is of me having closed a door and now I'm standing outside in the dark looking around and feeling a bit lost. I know it will pass, but dang, I didn't think quitting would be this hard.

Thank to the E-R community for offering a place to share my feelings and experience and find great advice and support.
RetirementNinja is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2021, 07:38 AM   #79
Dryer sheet aficionado
Aramis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 39
Do not listen to Like a Rock, Bob Seger, then. More often than not I find myself reaching for the box....
Quote:
Originally Posted by KingOfTheCheapos View Post
OP Great post. Thank you for sharing.

Your comment: " I'm sad about giving up the parts of my j*b that I enjoy, about seeming old and washed up in the eyes of society (though 59 isn't so old!) and that I didn't live up to my potential or take on more challenging roles. I suppose it's grief."


That really hit home for me as its how I feel now, particularly the bit about not living up to my potential.
Aramis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2021, 07:45 AM   #80
Dryer sheet aficionado
Aramis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 39
I understand. Best wishes. You will find the peace you want
Quote:
Originally Posted by lawman View Post
Lot's of stories and good advice here. I wish I could contribute in a positive way. I retired after 42 years of police work. We then moved off the farm we had built to be closer to the only two grandchildren we have. The transition has not gone well for me. My advice is to find something that interests you if possible and cultivate that interest. It's been a real struggle for me. Good luck..
Aramis is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I did it! Gave my notice and will retire in Dec BarbH29 Hi, I am... 15 07-07-2020 04:15 PM
2 months into ER and "My employer gave me my 60 day notice" supernova72 Hi, I am... 14 11-13-2016 01:54 PM
Just gave my notice lem1955 Hi, I am... 27 07-16-2015 07:32 PM
i just gave them my notice.... thefed Other topics 68 10-18-2006 09:03 AM

» Quick Links

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:33 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.