Life Reflection: Would you do anything differently?

[PatrickA5]

Financially, I regret Enron, WorldCom and penny stocks. Also, probably shouldn't have bought that new Corvette at age 25 that cost most of my monthly paycheck. I didn't smarten up about finances until mid 30's.

No relationship regrets. Still married to my high school sweetheart 38 years later. Great kids and now a super-duper grandson.

Health-wise, I wish I could have somehow been turned into a health nut like some of my friends.

 

[RunningBum]

Whenever I think about what I might have done differently, I remind myself about all of the other stuff that changes with it.

Don't marry the first wife? I wouldn't have my children. Or grand children.
Don't move to my town? I wouldn't have my 2nd wife, or any of these friends...

Everything we do impacts so much, that to have something different along the way, I'd have to give up something I cherish, right now, right here.

So...I'm good.

+1. As much as things didn't work out with the ex-, without her I wouldn't have my son. I wonder if we really had a chance to go back in time and change something, if it might backfire and things actually turn out worse? Sure, they could be better, but the only thing we could guarantee is that they'd be different.

The other part to this is that you can't change the past. The best you can do is learn from it and try to make better decisions in the future. Back to my first marriage, I won't let another relationship drift into marriage, hoping that the issues I see will fade away or I can live with them.

 

[RunningBum]

But if I really could go back and change some things, top of my list would be hurtful things I did or said to people, or things I did to really embarrass myself. Not getting into any details on those. Again, I can try to learn and do better in the future.

 

[Ronstar]

As I think back on the choices I made, I probably wouldn't have done anything different.

Marry any one of my early girlfriends - I don't think so.
Continue along my early career path and become an architect - not.
Or become a nuclear operator - no. I passed the test, but decided not to go to my final interview. Smart move - job would have been too stressful.
And I'm glad I didn't move to Denver like I once considered.

All things considered, I mostly made the right choices.

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

There is a A LOT of things I would do differently. But for each moment in time you only get one shot at it.

 

[HadEnuff]

But if I really could go back and change some things, top of my list would be hurtful things I did or said to people, or things I did to really embarrass myself. Not getting into any details on those. Again, I can try to learn and do better in the future.

Funny you should mention that. Every once in a while I'll remember something I said or did that was just unnecessarily nasty or I know made me look like a flaming jerk in front of people I would much prefer hadn't seen me like that.
Some go way back to my teens.
Why do I remember some of those unfortunate things? Probably the people I targeted, or the witnesses have long forgotten them.
But I cringe inwardly when I remember them.

 

[bclover]

But if I really could go back and change some things, top of my list would be hurtful things I did or said to people, or things I did to really embarrass myself. Not getting into any details on those. Again, I can try to learn and do better in the future.

me too. when I was a late teen/young adult. I was a horror. lol, I developed a serious case of "woe is me, adults have destroyed the world, I am the smartest thing in this house".
My mother deserves sainthood for not giving me a well deserved kick in the you know what.

 

[tmm99]

It’s too easy to second guess yourself with hindsight. So I don’t. I’m very lucky as it is. Could it have worked out better? I don’t think so-making the decisions I did knowing what I did then. Knowing what I know now, maybe. But who gets to do that?

+1.
And even if we think we can do better, it's like with the time machine movies, you change one thing, and who knows how vastly different your life may turn out in so many different and unexpected ways because of this one small change? I remember that I was almost hit by a huge truck when I was in the second grade. I was going down a steep hill on my bike and I just wasn't watching. (When I think back, I don't remember ever watching for traffic!) If I got to the bottom of the hill one second later than I did, I probably wouldn't be alive today. I could have been dead in so many different ways so I feel lucky as it is.

Having said all this, it would have been nice if I invested in the stock market sooner... LOL. No regrets though.

 

[pacergal]

Life is like a path with many forks in the road, and detours. The choices we make define not only where we end up, but our experiences along the way and who we are and become.

I only know what my own life has been like. I don't really know what life would have been like, had I made different choices. Honestly I don't think that any of us really do, completely.

I made the best choices that I could at the time, under the circumstances. So, I see no reason to regret any of them even though in retrospect, I might now make different choices. Who knows if the 19 year old W2R made worse choices than the 69 year old W2R would make. Maybe, maybe not. I am probably wiser now but probably less adventuresome and energetic, too.

I have had a challenging, amazing, outrageously wonderful life that has brought me great joy and has let me put my full effort into following my dreams, interests, and goals. And I have had great disappointment and sadness, too. Without some valleys, it would be impossible to realize how far up the peaks have been. And what a rush it is to pull oneself up out of a (self created) hole and still reach the intended goal! Wow. Those were experiences I would never have planned for, but wouldn't trade for the world.

What more could any human being want?

++1, beautifully written. I think about things I could/may have done differently. But if I had, would I have the wonderful life I have now? Most likely not.

 

[jollystomper]

I struggle with the "would you do anything differently" question for 3 reasons:

1. You are making a decision with full knowledge of today, not with knowledge you had at the time, particularly ones personality and desires.

2. You assume that your different decision would have been better than your original decision. It is like those t time travel themes where one goes back in the past to change the past, with the assumption that the change will make things better... but instead it made things worse.

3. A lot of the things people wish they could change they cannot do anything about today... and I do not see the point, it tends to make one dwell in the past too much.

So... the only things I wish I could change in the past are the things I can change today. For example, saying fewer things to hurt/discourage people and saying more things to encourage/support people.

 

[Walt34]

My mother deserves sainthood for not giving me a well deserved kick in the you know what.

Yes, my mom too. Suffice it to say I was not an easy child to raise. One of her friends (herself the mother of three boys) often said "The Lord made 'em cute so you wouldn't drown 'em".

And my father, well, when I was 17 he was the dumbest fool east of the Mississippi. He sure learned a lot by the time I was 21 though...

 

[Scuba]

I’ve definitely relaxed more and enjoyed myself more as I’ve got older - I wish I’d been a kid when I was a kid, rather than waiting! But then, who knows if all the other pieces would have fallen into place?

This is how I feel too. I'm very happy with my life and was able to ER just after my 56th birthday. However, I was very driven in my teen, college, and early career years. I graduated early from college, went to work immediately for a Big 4 firm, and got my MBA while working full-time. Sometimes I wish I had taken a "gap year" or two and traveled around the world while young instead. I've traveled a lot on business as well as vacations while working, but that's very different than gap year travel on a budget.

I chose my career (business & finance) based on income potential rather than passion for it. While I enjoyed my career most of the time and built up enough assets to ER, sometimes I also wonder if I could have been a successful entrepreneur in one of the fields I'm passionate about (travel, diving, food, wine, dogs). It seems too hard and unnecessary to try this now vs just enjoying the fruits of my hard-earned ER so I'll probably not ever try my hand at it.

On a positive note, since we ER'd at a fairly young age, we're doing everything we can to pursue our passions now and it's been awesome so far!

 

[HadEnuff]

My mom was about 4'11" tall, pretty strong though. I was in 7th grade and she was trying to get dinner on the table before dad got home. (1966) and I was giving my mom a hard time because I wanted her to drop what she was doing and give me a ride somewhere. I was being the kind of PITA that only a 12 year old can manage. She finally gave me a slap across the face. The only time she ever did that. She knocked me right on my a$$. So I went upstairs to my bedroom to lick my wounds.
I heard the dreaded sound of the garage door being opened, and dad coming in the door. And my mom in hysterics. Dad trudged up the stairs, opened my bedroom door.
He took one look at me and started laughing, and went back downstairs and I heard him tell mom, "I think you've already taken care of it."

I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I had a perfect hand-print, emblazoned in red, on my face.

 

[cooch96]

I was too cautious, too shy. I wish I had lived harder and fuller in my teens and twenties. You’re only young once and there were many chances I passed that could’ve been fantastic stories.

But I never caught a social disease nor got into serious trouble with the wrong woman. So who knows?

 

[travelover]

...........But I never caught a social disease nor got into serious trouble with the wrong woman. So who knows?

It is not too late. Kick up your heels, man.

 

[Dash man]

I don't think that looking back is helpful at all so I don't do it. WE would all live perfect lives with 20-20 hindsight)

Looking back is helpful not by wishing you had chosen a different path, but by learning from your mistakes. I believe when a door closes that I need to look for an open door to try.

 

[Tekward]

I wish I had been more assertive when my first wife battled cancer. Being 23 years old myself with limited life experience left me supportive but not the champion she deserved. I would do that differently.

Life is for learning and I've done my best. Both my first wife, mother and father passed very suddenly, without warning or good-byes. I take none of my blessings for granted and that has made me a better person. Fortunately, I was given another chance and my three DDs are my raison d'être.

 

[davismills]

I remember asking my 94 year old grandfather, what was the worst move he ever made in life? He looked me square in the eye and said "The first one".

My only regret was my first marriage. I was duly warned, but proceeded to marry anyway.

 

[Car-Guy]

Marry any one of my early girlfriends - I don't think so.

+ A Lot.

Not sure how they all turned out but the few I was serious about, before I found the DW, would have been disastrous.

 

[street]

I wouldn't do anything different or have no regrets how my life turned out.

The good things that happened in my life was I was born to a poor family with all the love in the world but also had what we needed.

Was born/raised in a town of less then 500 people and this was a blessing.

So glad I never married and moved on before marrying any high school girl friends. It would have ended bad and they all struggled in live.

I have so much that have went right verses things that went south in my life that I couldn't of wrote the script any better then how it turned out.

 

[Ready2Go]

For me, I always regretted not going away to college. Sure, I probably would have died from alcohol poisoning, but maybe not.


Other than that, I regret that I have chased contentment my whole life. There's always the next thing that once I have it or have done it, I will be content. Sadly, I never get there. I approach FIRE the same way and assume I will have the same result, but maybe not!

 

[Trawler]

The only real things I think I wish I had done differently are 1.Wish never
smoked cigarettes. 2. Wish I would have taken more career risks and owned my own business or left Mega Corp high stress job earlier. 3. Never gotten married so early 21 years old the first time. But then again I like the way things turned out and do not know nor will ever know if I would have done things differently if I would be in the great place I am today.

 

[dirt_dobber]

Wish I had gone to college. Was lucky to evolve from high school trade training to be a draftsman then did that for many years. Then computer mapping came around at the oil co. I was working for and they trained me for that. Was fortunate to work for 38 years at various oil companies.
I would have been the first of my 6 generation Texas family to have attended college - BUT all 3 of my kids graduated college with honors AND I FIRED at age 57.

 

[John Galt III]

To the folks saying they wished they had been wilder in their youth, but were worried about social diseases: I was shy but forced myself to get involved. I was a junior at college when I had my first real girlfriend. After her, I had several more. Got a 'social disease' from the second girlfriend. The aftereffects of the 'social disease' have persisted to this day! Even though I went to the clinic and took antibiotics for it. So maybe you avoided that, by not being wild and crazy. A silver lining for you.

 

[doneat54]

I quite honestly come up with anything significant. A small part of me would have rather professed engineering in big production SFX and shows, but that is very narrow market. Instead I survived 30.5 years in Healthcare electronics, 2 company splits and takeovers, countless RIFs and re-orgs and if I owe my successful FIRE to any one thing, it is just LUCK. Second would be a supporting DW. As someone else already pointed out however, looking back is seldom relevant...