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Old 12-20-2019, 05:47 PM   #21
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Another option is check out local art museums - they may offer workshops and classes, often one-off's or once a week over a 6-8 week period. Pick something you are interested in, and you already something in common with the other attendees.
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Old 12-20-2019, 08:36 PM   #22
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Frank retired three months after me. So, when I first retired, I made a rule for myself that I *had* to get out of the house every day. Each day I'd go to the gym for an hour or two, or sometimes I'd go shopping.

I didn't feel lonely, but then I am an introvert who enjoys her "alone time".
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Old 12-20-2019, 08:47 PM   #23
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Another option is check out local art museums - they may offer workshops and classes, often one-off's or once a week over a 6-8 week period. Pick something you are interested in, and you already something in common with the other attendees.

This reminds me of something I have yet to take advantage of. In many counties in the U.S. the classes offered by the local community colleges are tuition free for seniors (that can vary from 55 to 60, check with your local counties). You may have to pay the class fee but that is usually much less than tuition. My county offers both "regular" classes that you can take with those working towards the degree (if you do not want the credit many will let you audit the class) and "continuing education" non-credit classes designed for those in the workforce or retired.
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Old 12-20-2019, 08:50 PM   #24
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Iím never lonely. I spend countless hours in my workshop alone. I normally hike or bike alone. I generally donít see DW (or few other people) from 9 to 5. Hobbies tend to eat up a lot of my time. My advice to anyone who gets lonely - fill your day with hobbies.
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Old 12-20-2019, 09:22 PM   #25
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^ I agree great advice.
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Loneliness In ER
Old 12-20-2019, 10:49 PM   #26
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Loneliness In ER

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Originally Posted by Vincenzo Corleone View Post
For those of you who ERd before your spouse or those who are single and ERd, did you ever get lonely during the day? What, if anything, did you do about it?



I'm struggling a little today. I found a Lions Club near where I live but



1) They meet at night (when DW is home and I already have companionship)

2) They're mostly an older crowd - past traditional retirement age with grandchildren and other things to occupy their time
Yes

When youíre young everybody is too busy working and raising their kids to hang out with you

Some people are loners. So are most seniors. Iím not

Use Meetup and Evenbright apps and get out there!
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Old 12-20-2019, 11:27 PM   #27
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How about a rescue dog or cat? Pets are awesome, loving companions who always make me feel less lonely.
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Old 12-20-2019, 11:56 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Vincenzo Corleone View Post
For those of you who ERd before your spouse or those who are single and ERd, did you ever get lonely during the day? What, if anything, did you do about it?

I'm struggling a little today. I found a Lions Club near where I live but

1) They meet at night (when DW is home and I already have companionship)
2) They're mostly an older crowd - past traditional retirement age with grandchildren and other things to occupy their time
We made friends with people who are older than us through senior clubs. The minimum ages to join the clubs are something like 50 to 55, though we're some of the few people who were actually that "young" when we joined. We live in a big metro area and every suburb has at least one senior club if not more, and the majority have various activities all week long. Most of our friends these days are 10 - 20 years older than us except for some who also retired early. We just have more in common with other retired people these days than we do with people our own age still working.

And we got a dog, have a lot of hobbies, family to visit, there's always never ending house projects, books to read and Great Courses to stream from the library.
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Old 12-21-2019, 06:01 AM   #29
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I'm never lonely. I'm every bit as busy now as when I was working full time. Shortly after ER, I stumbled upon a great part time hobby/j*b where I've met many great people. It doesn't pay a lot, but pay isn't the point. There is no set schedule and I can decide if and when I want to put in some hours. Some days I can't believe that there is actually a j*b that I like so much I would do it for free, but of course the extra dollars don't hurt either. Some weeks I work as much as 35 hours, but it doesn't feel like work at all. The days just fly by and every day is different. This probably isn't popular on an ER board, but it sure works for me.

In the spring, summer and fall, I spend time working on my vehicles, doing home repairs and getting out in the fresh air, biking and hiking as much as possible.
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Old 12-21-2019, 06:19 AM   #30
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How about a rescue dog or cat? Pets are awesome, loving companions who always make me feel less lonely.
+1
This is a good idea if you like animals. I would suggest adopting an older pet, maybe one that had to be rescued when their owner died and is now sitting in a shelter cage and lonely too.
You could always start a dog walking business or pet sitting where you meet people and pets. You get to decide when, where, and who you take on as clients and set you own schedule.
Meetup is another good place to start. There are many many different kind of groups from motorcycle riding to quilt making and usually more than one of each. Try a few out. If one is not the group you are comfortable with then try another with different people.


Cheers!
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Old 12-21-2019, 08:43 AM   #31
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I've felt lonely in crowd of people. I've felt lonely with family and friends all around. I think one can feel lonely in any situation. It's different than being alone and enjoying it. I think the issue is feeling connected. I can walk alone for hours (in nature) and never feel lonely.
One idea: sit down and write your life story. Add some imagination. That's what author's do. Right? TromboneAl? I'm the only girl with 4 brothers. Growing up I was alone, alot. I had to invent things to do, reach into my imagination, learn to make friends on my own. People are not always the remedy for loneliness.
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Old 12-21-2019, 08:50 AM   #32
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WOW! ^ that was very well stated.
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Old 12-21-2019, 09:31 AM   #33
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Don't you have any male friends to hang out with?
OP was talking about early retirement, so his male friends may all still be working. One of the challenges of ER. When you’re a 55 yo early retiree, you may not enjoy hanging out with 65 or 80 year olds.

Some people are loners/recluses so loneliness isn’t an issue, even uncomfortable in social settings. There are some here, their input may not be helpful.

Some people would rather be social all the time, they don’t like being alone.

Presumably most people are a mix of the two. I would hate all one or the other. I enjoy/need some alone time, but I’m happier if I socialize some too with friends and the world at large (strangers). And you have to join in and participate, put yourself out there - obviously getting together with others and keeping to yourself probably won’t help. YMMV.

For most people work fills some social needs, normally we don’t dislike all our co-workers (if you do, you’re likely the problem). And some people don’t recognize work was filling some of their social needs until it’s missing in retirement.

And though forums like this are mostly anonymous, there’s a social aspect to it. Not nearly as fulfilling as real world relationships, but something to pass the time. So if you’re lonely, post more...
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Old 12-21-2019, 10:22 AM   #34
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I joined a gym, hired a personal trainer and bought a Peloton bike (3x/wk for weights, 3x/wk for Peloton, 1x/wk long hike with DW). That way, when DW is out riding her horses (several hours every day - sort of like a job), I work out. I’ve been at this for about 8 months now and have met several great people associated with fitness (and this helps re-enforce my new activity levels), am in or near the best shape of my life, and my BP/Cholesterol/etc levels are fantastic. When I started this regimen, it seemed like it was going to be a lot of hassle. It took about 1-2 months, and now it is a habit that I look forward to. And, I likely would not have met the people I’ve gotten to know either at the gym, while out walking, etc.

I also have started to prepare my own healthy food. This gets me out frequently (farmer’s markets, etc) and allows me to control what goes into the food I’m eating. While cooking is usually a solo activity, I’ve found some local cooking classes that are very social (some local specialty stores, local Junior College, etc). I’d never really prepared anything beyond BBQ, so this is a whole new world for me.
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Old 12-21-2019, 01:18 PM   #35
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There is a difference between loneliness and boredom.

Being an introvert, I do not have a problem being alone most of the time. I do like connecting with people, though. I have a regular lunch out with previous co worker, and other things throughout the month.

For your loneliness, I would look for groups to join or volunteer activities in things you are interested in, so you have the connection with people you may be missing during the day.
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Old 12-21-2019, 03:02 PM   #36
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We were in a McDonalds last week on a dark rainy night. There was a gentleman of real retirement age in there helping himself to another cup of coffee.

He said that he drove a school bus, and never married. He now spends about 5-6 hours per day in McDonalds drinking coffee and just talking with anyone that comes in. It keeps him from being so lonely. The workers at McDonalds are more or less his family.

It was quite sad.
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Old 12-21-2019, 03:14 PM   #37
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Loneliness happens, but right now I'm OK with it. I can see where I might need to be careful. I do though treasure my alone time.
I too treasure my alone time, but when I get lonely I'll go to my local baker where I am a "regular". Or I'll go visit my family or schedule an outing with an old school friend for the weekend.

Lately, I have gotten involved in a hobby which has a national group, and I am helping out as a volunteer for the conference.

In the past, I've taken some art classes which was really enjoyable - the group was small and met once a week.
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Old 12-21-2019, 03:25 PM   #38
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I'm a very weird case of an extrovert loner. I guess it just means that I love company (which seems to be reciprocated) but only in small controlled doses. Most of the time I prefer to be alone. The only exception is eating out. I do A LOT of solo traveling and I tend to meet tons of people all over the world when I do. It's kind of perfect because I don't need to worry about maintaining these friendships. An occasional text will do. I do have a lot of actual friends (some from high school days) but because I move around so much I see them infrequently. Oh, and then there's Grindr (I'm gay) and Tinder - yes, Grindr is a sex app but I was born to enjoy its superficiality. Tinder is more for dating. They work better than meet ups or internet groups because you meet someone with the intention of getting to know each other.
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Old 12-21-2019, 05:32 PM   #39
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I believe Tinder is basically a hookup app, too. I've never used it, but that's my impression from what I've heard/seen.
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Old 12-21-2019, 05:51 PM   #40
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...The only exception is eating out. I do A LOT of solo traveling and I tend to meet tons of people all over the world when I do. It's kind of perfect because I don't need to worry about maintaining these friendships...
Similar to DW and I. We keep to ourselves most of the time, but when we travel we often make "travel friends" - especially on cruises we make friends with the folks we eat with.

I don't believe we've keep up with anyone after the trip though.
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