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Old 07-13-2018, 02:06 PM   #41
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Originally Posted by ExFlyBoy5 View Post
We are childfree and I couldn't imagine how DIFFERENT my life would be with kiddos around. I really have nothing against kids, but I know that I am just too selfish to be a GREAT parent.

Nonetheless, I could see how it would change ones life if they were FIREd, particularly if they are pretty young such as the OP.

If it makes you feel any better, can you imagine how much WORSE it would be if you and your DW were w*rking a j*b in addition to being a parent?!?



VERY DIFFERENT! Everyday can literally be a challenge. The share of duties, the financial burdeon, the tough but very life changing decisions to make for someone other then yourself that COULD impact there lives greatly.


But its still worth it IMHO. I gave up trying for 45 when I had a second kid. I think each kid adds about 5 more years of work to my schedule but I'm gonna die someday and I don't wanna do it alone.


To OP: Don't focus on not working, trust me when I say this, if you decided to have kids, there is a much higher purpose than work.



How do you spend your time? Perhaps changing the routine might yield a different outcome?
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Old 07-13-2018, 02:58 PM   #42
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Second (third? fourth?) the suggestion of seeing a counselor. It's frighteningly normal to go through a period of mourning when your life isn't going how you'd always planned (I'm going through this right now), and a professional can help you adjust to your life as-is and learn to enjoy it rather than staying stuck in seeing all that's "wrong" with it.

Like I said, I'm doing this right now, and while it isn't easy or always pleasant, it's very rewarding.

And you may be going through the midlife doldrums. Also perfectly normal, just crappy to experience!
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Old 07-13-2018, 03:30 PM   #43
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I don’t have any kids but my wife has an 8 year old that we’re bringing back to the states and I’m kind of excited to do some things with him, we’re already planning what he wants to be for Halloween when we get back to the states and I’m looking forward to taking him to Disneyland and other places that I’ve been as a kid, I think it will be very nostalgic for me to revisit my childhood experiences.
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Old 07-17-2018, 04:36 PM   #44
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I was actually game to try the house husband route, since the GFC crunched the career and I now make about the same from investing as I did with engineering. But that opportunity sailed away. such as life.
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Old 07-17-2018, 05:18 PM   #45
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I retired when my kids were 11 and 13. (Now 15 and 17). They definitely impact the "freedom" that comes with retirement... Have to get them to school, have to get them to activities... They factor into vacation plans in a big way.... But we'll have time without them soon enough. (Oldest is going into his senior year of HS - youngster is going into his sophomore year... we'll be able to travel outside of school breaks as soon as youngest starts college.)

Some of the more ardent retirement police would argue we're not retired, we're just stay at home parents. But the parenting took time/involvement when we were working.... it's a lot easier to handle without having to please bosses, also.

You're in a phase of your life where life revolves around the kids... but that will change as they gain independence... I'm already appreciating the autonomy my boys are gaining as they get older... and am so glad I'm past the diaper/pre-language/no-impulse-control toddler years.

Good luck with figuring out the fibromyalgia stuff... that sounds like no fun.
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Old 07-17-2018, 07:05 PM   #46
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Frustration... Let it all hang out. It's natural, and when we take it in stride it becomes easier. And... not at all unusual.

A few thoughts about retirement, just to keep some perspective. In the US, the average age of retirement is 63, while in China, it's 55.

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/08/15/the-...countries.html

Living with problems is not easy, but better than the alternative... Gotta think about that.

Making lemonade... with four sons, not a lot of money, and a 65 hour work week, became a boy scout leader, two overnight campouts/month plus meetings. Finding joy and satisfaction. It grows on ya!

One of my best friends has been totally blind since age six. Smarter than me. We have fantastic conversations. He worked for Hilton as a manager for 35 years. Happy and looking forward to turning age 80. That led to my favorite... studying John Milton "On his Blindness". 14 lines of deep.

It's perspective. With cancer in 1989 at age 53, the outlook wasn't too good, so we retired on a wish and a promise, but not much money.

Is that supposed to minimize problems? Not at all. So... okay to rant, but know that there are compensations. Keep a lookout for the brighter side.

Just sayin'...
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Old 07-17-2018, 07:38 PM   #47
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My signature (if it shows up here) says I've been OMY'd for a long time. At 46, the reason is because my kids are still in grade school and I realized I couldn't just travel the world on a whim the way I wanted. So instead, I crafted my j*b to be exactly tailor-made...I pick and choose whom to work with, when to work (very little) etc. But I also know families who've picked up with little kids and moved to another country for a year or more and had a great time. It's totally possible. Just start hanging out on those kind of forums to find examples.
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Old 07-18-2018, 07:42 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by imoldernu View Post
Frustration... Let it all hang out. It's natural, and when we take it in stride it becomes easier. And... not at all unusual.

A few thoughts about retirement, just to keep some perspective. In the US, the average age of retirement is 63, while in China, it's 55.

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/08/15/the-...countries.html

Living with problems is not easy, but better than the alternative... Gotta think about that.

Making lemonade... with four sons, not a lot of money, and a 65 hour work week, became a boy scout leader, two overnight campouts/month plus meetings. Finding joy and satisfaction. It grows on ya!

One of my best friends has been totally blind since age six. Smarter than me. We have fantastic conversations. He worked for Hilton as a manager for 35 years. Happy and looking forward to turning age 80. That led to my favorite... studying John Milton "On his Blindness". 14 lines of deep.

It's perspective. With cancer in 1989 at age 53, the outlook wasn't too good, so we retired on a wish and a promise, but not much money.

Is that supposed to minimize problems? Not at all. So... okay to rant, but know that there are compensations. Keep a lookout for the brighter side.

Just sayin'...
Yes, very true. Just being frustrated and letting some steam out. More so from my illness that has nothing to do with having kids. I am grateful for what I have. Both of my kids are in gifted program and do behave very well. I am annoyed that at this age I have an illness reduces my ability to function a normal life. Constant body pain, fatigue, brain fog. Doctors have not been very helpful. I was taking Tylenol 3 for the pain. Now with attack on opioid prescriptions, I am somewhat at loss. Having this illness does make it harder taking care of kids. And sometimes I feel like I should be doing more. Even though most of my functioning time is directly or indirectly spend on kids.

I know things can be worse and I know some people are at a lot harder spot. So was just letting some steam out. Thank you all for listing and providing comfort and good advice.
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