Memories of Workplace Philosophy Theories Past

[candrew]

Haven't run across any old scraps of paper as I ditched all of it.

I am, however, reminded occasionally of our CEO's affinity for the phrase "quite frankly". During our mega-corp's biannual leadership symposiums (ugh) same CEO would give the keynote address. Several of us would play a game to try and guess how many times during his address he would say "quite frankly". IIRC, during the last address I attended, he used it 14 times in 30 minutes.

 

[scrabbler1]

About 30 years ago, my old company had for a few years an annual afternoon gathering for some rah-rah party whose purpose I can't really recall. Our company employees were split up between two locations at the time, one in lower Manhattan and the other in Rockland County (NY), about 35 miles north of NYC.


While a majority of the employees were in the NYC office, the Rockland County folks didn't like having to spend an extra ~2 hours on a bus to and from NYC after many of them had fairly long commutes. So one year they moved the party closer to Rockland County and we in NYC had the ride on the bus including a free bag lunch on the early afternoon trip there. I wanted no part of that as well as the bus ride back, so I told my boss I would take a half-day off and drive there midday (and eat lunch near the convention center). I also planned to meet a friend afterward to delay my drive back home until after the PM rush hour. Furthermore, because I was able to sleep in, I arranged to stay out late the night before even though it was midweek.


But the battle I had to face with my boss to get the half-day off was awful. For some reason, he was determined to make me take that awful bus ride. I told him if I were not granted the half-day, I would take the whole day off to avoid the party. He eventually caved (though for an unrelated reason, one I didn't approve of) and I got my half day. Good thing, too, because the bus ride back to NYC during the PM rush hour was long and terrible (then I would have my own ~1-hour trip on the trains). I learned later that I got home about the same time as some coworkers even though I spent a few hours with my friend and had a nice dinner out with him.


As for the big rah-rah work party, they never held another one again.

 

[CardsFan]

Haven't run across any old scraps of paper as I ditched all of it.

I am, however, reminded occasionally of our CEO's affinity for the phrase "quite frankly". During our mega-corp's biannual leadership symposiums (ugh) same CEO would give the keynote address. Several of us would play a game to try and guess how many times during his address he would say "quite frankly". IIRC, during the last address I attended, he used it 14 times in 30 minutes.

Reminds me of the days of playing "buzz word Bingo". OMG I am glad I don't work anymore.

 

[prudent_one]

And the latest - a huge, time-sucking, company wide "workplace culture initiative" wherein we are all expected to share all our little feelings about each other constantly, in an attempt to "improve the culture" (what could possibly go wrong?); wherein we are expected to care deeply about everyone's little personal problems (newsflash: I DON'T care about your personal problems); wherein we have already spent two full days at offsite "retreats" playing games (I kid you not) to bring more "fun" into the culture. Next up was going to be spending time in little groups doing exercises to teach us how to "deeply trust each other" on a personal level.

Mercifully, it appears that the lockdown/quarantine/stay-at-home situation has put all of that on hold indefinitely.

Apparently they realize that expecting us to play these little games remotely, while also dealing with a pandemic on a daily basis, scrounging for groceries etc. might just be a bridge too far.

8 more months.....8 more months.....

The stay-at-home deal did not dissuade my neighbor's company from playing touchy-feely games. Every couple months they have a meeting with all 80 people on his project to go over their workplan and new things they have to do for new customers. He says most times the meetings go smoothly and after the half-day meeting everyone can go back to work with minimal interruptions for the next couple of months.

But now with everyone at home, the 80 people have to meet online with Zoom, and the management thought they better do something for the "mental health" of the team. So the first 30 minutes of the meeting was splitting the 80 people into 10 different Zoom rooms, then every 5 minutes they were given a new topic to discuss in their subgroups.

-"Working at home makes me feel...."
-"The COVID-19 pandemic makes me feel..."
-"The one thing I miss the most now is..."
-"The one thing the company could do to help me cope better is..."

Then after each 5 minute therapy session was over, all 80 people were supposed to use the group chat to "share their feelings" about that particular topic.

In his subgroup of 7-8 people, there was almost no talking other than "what the heck are we supposed to be doing?" He told me it's now a standing joke when people join a meeting online for work that the first one in the meeting will say "Take 5 minutes to talk about how you feel..."

 

[Calico]

The stay-at-home deal did not dissuade my neighbor's company from playing touchy-feely games. Every couple months they have a meeting with all 80 people on his project to go over their workplan and new things they have to do for new customers. He says most times the meetings go smoothly and after the half-day meeting everyone can go back to work with minimal interruptions for the next couple of months.

But now with everyone at home, the 80 people have to meet online with Zoom, and the management thought they better do something for the "mental health" of the team. So the first 30 minutes of the meeting was splitting the 80 people into 10 different Zoom rooms, then every 5 minutes they were given a new topic to discuss in their subgroups.

-"Working at home makes me feel...."
-"The COVID-19 pandemic makes me feel..."
-"The one thing I miss the most now is..."
-"The one thing the company could do to help me cope better is..."

Then after each 5 minute therapy session was over, all 80 people were supposed to use the group chat to "share their feelings" about that particular topic.

In his subgroup of 7-8 people, there was almost no talking other than "what the heck are we supposed to be doing?" He told me it's now a standing joke when people join a meeting online for work that the first one in the meeting will say "Take 5 minutes to talk about how you feel..."

Please tell your neighbor I can relate! If I wanted therapy, I would pay for it. Privately. And I wouldn't be sharing the sessions with my co-workers (some of whom have almost driven me into therapy over the years!)

 

[jazz4cash]

You haven't lived unless you worked for a company that spent the better part of a decade trying to win the Malcolm Baldrige National Quality Award. No need to drink the KoolAid, it was supplied via an IV.

We won it! I think it was an accident 'cause no one really made any special effort and nobody even knew what it was at the time.

 

[REWahoo]

We won it! I think it was an accident 'cause no one really made any special effort and nobody even knew what it was at the time.

That's hilarious! I have no idea how many $ our company spent in pursuit of the award, but I do know the amount was substantial.

 

[martyp]

There is a company called Despair with some great de-motivational posters

 

[atmsmshr]

There were a couple of rings on this particular tree to deal with.

Periodic 'accountability' meetings between the management team and division president. Suck it up - walk the talk. Don't lose sight of fundamentals.

Within the management team - focus on the fundamentals and only then help each other survive the accountability meetings.

Corporate oversight of 'peer groups' in different geographic areas. Get off my back - I am focused on the fundamentals and not your hogwash of the day. Oversight repeatedly labeled me as the Taliban and not a team player. Interestingly, the different peer team managers would routinely call me for advice on operational issues even after seeing and hearing my pushback to the corporate weenies.

With my supervisors - break down the flavor of the day and figure out how to make the minimum effort palatable to the working teams.

Working teams - minimize the rah rah, do the deed of the day with a little passion by recasting flavor of the day into the fundamentals matching their work. Towards the end of career - there were email surveys to see if managers were 'penetrating' work team attitudes with the flavor of the day.

Saw many careers rise but later burn out because a leader embraced the BS of the day to the point that corporate saw their brilliance, but it would eventually be exposed that they did not understand the operational basics under their control.

Don't miss that crap at all, but I do miss the people.

 

[iloveyoga]

Quality Circles....Franklin Planners...a whole series about "The Customer". We did do some professional image public speaking stuff that was pretty good. I just has some flashbacks!

Fishbone charts, just remembered those.

 

[ransil]

"On time, Correct, and under budget". I wish I had a dollar for every time the boss came out with those encouraging words to the staff.

I'm a low level guy but in meetings I always remind them to triple initial estimates in time and money.

 

[ransil]

I left last year, after a full career of software development, and left behind Agile and Scrum...

My mega Corp is full on this now, plus the buzzword of the week.

I save all company communications thru the year and harvest all the buzzwords and get them all worked into my yearly review. Even if they make no sense.

 

[thepalmersinking]

My personal favorite is my own. ‘ I hope my 80yr self thanks me for putting up with this stupid sh.t every time I walk to the mailbox to get my pension check.’

Since I still work, i I have jotted this on notepads every week so I am sure I will run across this is future years.

 

[CaptTom]

I save all company communications thru the year and harvest all the buzzwords and get them all worked into my yearly review. Even if they make no sense.

Funny, that's how I got my job at MegaCorp. I was working in the field for a contractor, and heard of a position open. Through some connections I got a copy of the official corporate job description. I had no clue what 80% of the words meant, but I put them all in my resume. Needless to say, I got the job and eventually figured out what it really entailed.

Since I still work, i I have jotted this on notepads every week so I am sure I will run across this is future years.

That's what they call an affirmation.

OMG why can I remember that?! I tried so hard to forget.

 

[Pellice]

Fishbone charts, just remembered those.

I looked up fishbone charts. I saw six "generic categories" of problems offered. But one was missing: Management! I think that was why so many of these rang false. Because Management was being false about their motivations and promises.

 

[BADGERWIN]

Retired from medicine almost 3 years ago. Should have done it sooner.

I was department chair and had to all those CQI, 6 Sigma, TQI, fishbones, etc meetings.

Then it was my responsibility to explain the stuff to my department.

All that while trying to learn the non intuitive Electronic Medical Record. Had to learn separate EMR for hospital, clinic ,as well as for ultrasound and X-ray.

Then Adm thought it was necessary to switch EMR 3 times in 5 years.

Then Adm had special meetings for those of us who were showing drops in production all the while working 12-15 hour days and call too. Did I mention pay cuts.

Patients loved it when I started paying closer attention to the computer than to them.

My PTSD just got reactivated. I’ll have to go self medicate now.

 

[Dynaflash]

Leaving them something to remember me by

After 37 years working for a small company, I retired. A few months before leaving I took my left over business cards and started writing funny notes on the back. Then numbered them but skipped numbers so they would never know if they found them all. I hid them everywhere. In the top of the toilet tank, the trifold paper towels. On top of the door frames, behind pictures etc. I hid over 400. Of them before leaving. They found a few before I left but since leaving they let me know where they have found them. I also made a copy of my face and made many copies and left those as well. It was all in good fun and was quite acceptable for this company. May not go over so well at some.

 

[Dalmore]

Our workplace designated itself as a Center of Excellence and more recently embraced the virtues of “kaizen,” a foreign word meaning “always improving.” I think it ended up making workers feeling underpaid.

Ah, Kaizen! I currently work for a Japanese company. I am quite familiar with that particular phrase.

One that I haven't seen mentioned is LEAN. Also known as that thing that ATT did and now we have to do it so we can move all of our staff to India.

 

[swakyaby]

Patients loved it when I started paying closer attention to the computer than to them.

Funny, there was a survey several years ago asking for the reasons people FIRE'd. My single answer was Electronic Medical Record.

 

[Souschef]

My favorite was the "branding" expert they hired for our image The company logo had GIT in it. The "expert" made the I lower case and put a red triangle instead of a black dot. The rest of the logo was black.
Well the red triangle then made everything a 2 color process, doubling the cost

 

[CaptTom]

I remember one. I'm sure it had a buzzword I've forgotten, but the idea was simple:

Each small group gets together and comes up with their five priorities for improvement. Then these groups get together in larger teams and winnow their lists down to the top five. Then departments. Then divisions. This works it way up until we've spent tens of thousands of man-hours, and the "best" five ideas are presented to top management.

And top management throws these ideas away and substitutes their own top-five ideas, which they planned on doing all along.

Which is how it should be. They don't know my job, and I don't know theirs. I didn't understand why they'd want to waste all that time asking a question they themselves were in the best position to answer.

 

[albireo13]

Don't forget the gemba walks

 

[DaveInMi]

Corporate Dunces

The auto company I was with was constantly preaching diversity, bla, bla. One day, a group of high potential STEM students from a Detroit prep school came in for a tour of our R&D offices and to discuss auto careers with our Engineers.
Well, lunch time came and the "Diversity" tour guides roped off part of the cafeteria with caution tape and traffic barricades. The students had to eat in that area. Wow, that looked horrible and embarrassing.

Another time, some VP read some Franklin Covey time management books and wanted every group to create a poster of our "wildly important goals". The poster had to be displayed in a stained and decorated shadow box. In my mind, if you don't have goals, you shouldn't be there.

 

[Jamie1101]

GM Company Policy on Parts

You have to travel back in time to the winter of 1979. I was working production in a GM parts plant. The story is quite involved but I was running out of spec parts that made life for me and my crew a living Hell. I was instructed by the plant manager, the union heads, and everyone under them how I was to work according to the GM company policy on parts, "Every part in the system has been insected. defective parts do not exist."

I made a trip on my own accord to NYS Labor Relations to see if I had any leverage to correct this situation. The labor lawyer told me this policy was valid as it did not infringe on any health and safety rules. If I was so upset over this maybe I should quit.

Long story short, I did not quit and I never saw a defective part again. From then on I was paid from the "neck down". For as long as I worked for that division I never again questioned any aspect of quality and I never did anything more than my assigned job.. God only knows how much scrap I produced in the plant and what went out in the field. For a quite while I produced skidloads of scrap daily and nobody cared. Why should I get get upset?

I learned what was important in life and realized my GM "career" was a means to retirement and a defined benefits package. I built my life and important connections outside of the factory. Those connections outside the factory floor have so enriched my life.

That early experience had me maxing out every savings/retirement programme I could. I retired at my first chance with my 30 years and out which was when I was 53 years old. The HR people at my last GM plant said they never saw anyone so prepared for retirement as I was!

The enriching life lessons are not always learned in a warm fuzzy enviroment. I often wanted to thank those people who made my life Hell but they are all pretty much all dead now....

 

[jayanu]

Thought of another: stretch goals

Not enough to meet the regular goal, must have stretch goals that corp mgmt can berate you for not meeting.

Edit to add, not really a philosophy but rather a source of many corporate failings - the all powerful "not invented here"

BHAG! (Big Hairy Audacious Goal)
Management by walking.
Manament by Obkectives.
KPIs.