Navy humor for Veterans' Day

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friar1610

Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
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Jun 27, 2002
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Got the following via email from a friend earlier today:



The Chief

The Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name sailor?" "John," the new seaman replied.
"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors in boot camp these days, But I don't call anyone by his first name," the chief scowled. "It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as 'Chief'. Do I make myself clear?" "Aye, Aye Chief!"
"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"
The seaman sighed. "Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief."
"Okay, John, here's what I want you to do ....."
 
I always pitied one of my submarine school classmates, Dan Jensen, who had just received his ensign's commission. Two years later he was extremely happy to be promoted to lieutenant junior grade.

When I started teaching at a training command we were required to personalize our curriculum for the students by providing creative illustrative examples. I came up with the idea of telling sea stories about my fictitious yet hapless shipmates, Ensign Schmuckatelli and his dutiful division member Seaman Schmeckel.

It was over two years before I encountered a Yiddish linguist, and even longer before one came along who was senior to me... it's really hard not to smirk when they use those words as they're yelling at you.
 
Nords said:
I always pitied one of my submarine school classmates, Dan Jensen, who had just received his ensign's commission. Two years later he was extremely happy to be promoted to lieutenant junior grade.
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In the Air Force I was stationed with a Lieutenant Commander. No, he wasn't a putz...
 
About the best name issue I saw was one of my military doctors. I had him treat me a few years too late, but he was Lt Col Stoner. It would have been mildly entertaining as a straight line officer, but it was rather humorous as a doctor.
 
I've met a Cadet Cadet, a Captain Sergeant, a Major Dick, and a Major Butt. The worst military name that I've ever seen, though, was a female officer by the name of Major Skank (poor girl married into that name).
 
My squadron in Officer Training School had students named Holopeter and Spermo. The poor bastids ended up assigned side-by-side in every class, formation, event, and work detail. And of course they were roommates...
 
I worked with a supplier rep named Keister. He was replaced with a guy named Heiney, to everyone's endless amusement.

Also worked with a guy in charge of safety named Hazzard
 
I recall
(Episcopal church): Canon Ball.
Philippines 1980s: Cardinal Sin.
Person at work: Grace Grace (well you have to take your husband's last name).
 
If we're going outside the military, I had a high school teacher named Mrs. Boring. And she would admit to marrying into the name, so it was voluntary.
 
REWahoo said:
My squadron in Officer Training School had students named Holopeter and Spermo. The poor bastids ended up assigned side-by-side in every class, formation, event, and work detail. And of course they were roommates...
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This is why aviators invented call signs...

That never caught on with the submariners.
 
lets-retire said:
About the best name issue I saw was one of my military doctors. I had him treat me a few years too late, but he was Lt Col Stoner. It would have been mildly entertaining as a straight line officer, but it was rather humorous as a doctor.
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Years ago there used to be a Doctor Postumus in the same medical building as my doctor's office. I always wondered if he was a forensic pathologist.
 
scrinch said:
The dentist my daughters go to is named Dr. Payne.
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:eek:How many can there be?

His father was my dentist in the U District long ago (Seattle). His office was old and had gargoyles on the facade making faces about dental agonies.

He was a fun old guy. I never said anything to him about the name. He did say his son was going into the business, though.
 
Then of course there was Major Major Major Major. But that was fiction.

There was a guy in basic training with me named Battles. That is true.
 
My neighbor was a Marine and had two kids that went into the corps and the army. Last name Officer.
 
and then there are the pleasant but unusual names. One of my first co-workers was named Holly Christmas.
 
Ed_The_Gypsy said:
Then of course there was Major Major Major Major. But that was fiction.

There was a guy in basic training with me named Battles. That is true.
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One of the funniest -and most difficult to read by a non native like me-novels ever- Catch 22!!
 
I called our command center at about 3 am one day to pass on some information and found myself speaking with Acting-Lieutenant Sergeant Captain. I snarked off and told her that I was sure she outranked me somehow, and yearned for the day she got promoted and became full-fledged Lieutenant Sergeant Captain, or even the day when she might be Acting-Captain Lieutenant Captain.

"Ha ha, sir. You are a @#$%* comedian, and I will note that in my duty log."
 
Funny Names

While growing up we laughed and laughed when our Aunt Fannie had to go to the doctor. His name was Dr. Butts and no he wasn't a proctologist.
 
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