Chuckanut
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
The best thing a guy can do for himself and his woman is to have several healthy relationships with other guys.
Chuckanut said:The best thing a guy can do for himself and his woman is to have several healthy relationships with other guys.
Chuckanut said:For Crying Out Loud!! Mulligan, haven't you figured out that you are supposed to read her mind to get this information?
Regardless of what social scientists say, I really do believe that if you are not wired to need the social interaction, then it may actually be detrimental to your health to try to seek it out because a scientist says you should.
R
Thanks, Rambler! You have no idea how much this one sentence has helped me! I've been trying very hard since being FIRE'd to be highly social-----sort of an experiment to see if I could change my introverted nature as well as to make up for all those years I didn't want to socialize at all when working. I've not found most of the socializing to be very rewarding for various reasons (it drains me, conversation can be inane or limited, people's bad behaviors, etc.). But I continued to force myself to do so since all the social scientists talk about the physical and emotional benefits of social interaction. Your sentence said it all to me---different strokes for different folks. Something that results in disappointment, frustration, and even occasionally anger can't be all that good for me, even if it's good for the majority of folks.
I won't quite become a hermit, but I will cocoon more at home...and enjoy it without feeling guilty! So---thanks for freeing up my time and my mind. Strange how one sentence from a stranger did that, but the world and human psyche moves in mysterious ways.
Having moved to a new city where I only know few people, I have tried to build a local social network by attending meetups. Compared to the huge effort required to socialize with strangers at those meetings, the rewards have been very limited so far. I am going to keep at it until the end of the year and hope that something beyond superficial acquaintanceship develops.
I also have an issue with the notion of forcing oneself to socialize because it's "healthy." Yes, we are a social species and complete isolation probably isn't good for us. However, I suspect the real health benefits only kick in when the other people actually care about you. That is just my thought.
Amethyst
tangomonster said:I think you are right, Amethyst, about the health benefits of social interaction when there is a mutual caring....although some experts say that it is sufficient to be the one who does all the caring (which is why they think volunteer work can be rewarding). I guess I'm not quite that evolved yet. If a friendship involves my doing 90% or more of the caring/spending time and energy, I seem to lose my warm fuzzies from giving....
FIREd, I do tons of Meetups---we'll have to exchange war stories! Meetup is the only way I can have social interaction other than the gym since I don't go to work or church. It's a brilliant concept and also a flawed/bizarre one. Quite often it seems that participants are focused solely on the activity/event and only minimally on striking more than a superficial interaction. I know that some people think participants in Meetup are "losers" since they "need" Meetup for a social life. I just don't have any outlet now for meeting people other than MU and didn't establish friendships while working, so it's really the only game in town for me. And even if I don't make the kind of deep and lasting friendships I would like from it, at least it gets me out of the house and has introduced me to activities and lifestyles I hadn't experienced and to people I otherwise wouldn't have met. And this way I'm not a total hermit/recluse and won't feel like I am compromising my health by a total lack of socialization!
Quite often it seems that participants are focused solely on the activity/event and only minimally on striking more than a superficial interaction.
I also have an issue with the notion of forcing oneself to socialize because it's "healthy." Yes, we are a social species and complete isolation probably isn't good for us. However, I suspect the real health benefits only kick in when the other people actually care about you. That is just my thought.
Amethyst
I agree.
Exactly. And perhaps this is good enough for most people - spend a few enjoyable hours with strangers sharing similar interests and then go home. But I find this type of interactions more draining than fulfilling.
How about Match.com? You may never find "that one", but the test drives can be diverting.+1.
Superficial is how I describe most of my meetups, but it is something to do on a weekend night...
haha said:How about Match.com? You may never find "that one", but the test drives can be diverting.
Ha
I also have an issue with the notion of forcing oneself to socialize because it's "healthy." Yes, we are a social species and complete isolation probably isn't good for us. However, I suspect the real health benefits only kick in when the other people actually care about you. That is just my thought.
Amethyst