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Notes from my retirement refresher course
Old 01-18-2021, 08:16 AM   #1
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Notes from my retirement refresher course

I am 19 months into my retirement, and so I figured it was time for a refresher course, a tune-up so to speak. I revisited my old notes on retirement planning and re-read some old books on the subject. I made some notes along the way, and I thought I'd share some of them.

These are my own notes of things I found interesting or helpful. They won't click with everyone; that's fine. I'm just sharing them in case they might be of interest or stimulate some thought.

1. Happiness = expectations minus reality. Don't get inflated expectations of retirement being all joy and bliss. That's a setup for disappointment and self-doubt. Aim for a "good enough" retirement. High expectations help if you're trying to drive performance, but they interfere with happiness and contentment.

2. Avoid becoming like the people who decline in retirement. Many stories of these people can be found. Ten years into retirement, they are shadows of their former selves -- more pessimistic, sedentary, isolated, even depressed.

3. In a poll of retirees, the typical person said they spent half their free time watching TV, and a good portion of the remainder doing housework. The majority reported feeling less useful than before, and 30% said they were alienated and bored. Don't end up like them.

4. The main themes of happy retirement keep coming up over and over, and they're pretty clear and obvious: follow your interests, have plenty of interests, find useful ways to connect to the world/community, cultivate warm relationships, take care of your physical health, be a lifelong learner. Stay interested in and involved in lots of activities -- not just to "stay busy," but because the activities are genuinely interesting to you, feel meaningful, or contribute to your sense of self-worth.

5. My two favorite books on retirement: "How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free," by Ernie Zelenski, and "Work Less, Live More," by Bob Clyatt. Both discuss retirement (or semi-retirement) in very positive ways, and they do a good job of discussing some of the psychological and social challenges people face, rather than just discussing the financial aspects.

6. My two least favorite books on retirement: "The New Retirementality" and "The Retirement Maze." The first spends far too much time extolling the virtues of working until you drop dead, painting grim pictures of retirees who are bored, have nothing to do, and feel useless. It gives almost no attention to people who have a range of interests outside of work and who do quite well in retirement.

The second one, "The Retirement Maze," is the most depressing book on retirement I've ever read. Pick it up if you feel reading two academics (who say they'd never retire themselves, because they wouldn't know what to do with themselves) recite lots of statistics about retirees who lack purpose and meaning, and who die early. I will say, these books are at least helpful in pointing out the potential challenges that retirement presents for a lot of people.

7. Pets play a big role in the lives of the happily retired.

8. Don't try to figure it all out. Let it take several years to evolve.

9. Favorite excerpt from a book about retirement. The author of "Get a Life" is talking about the characteristics that differentiate the retirees who do well in retirement, vs. those who don't:

"Throughout most of our lives, many, if not most of us, strive mightily to fit in, to be accepted by the people around us... Perhaps somewhat surprisingly, many of the most successful retirees I interviewed claim to have failed miserably at doing this, referring to themselves as wacky, weird, or a lifelong misfit. Indeed, having so many energized seniors tell me how socially inept they had been as younger adults caused me to wonder if the very fact that these people had to come to terms with being 'odd' earlier in life helped give them the strength to do well later."

"At first, it surprised me when so many life-loving retirees cheerfully described themselves as 'odd,' 'a little nuts,' or even 'a true deviant,' but when this theme kept cropping up, I took it more seriously. Eventually, I began asking my interviewees if they believed that odd or eccentric retired people do better than their more conventional peers. The majority answered with a resounding 'yes.'"

10. Don't make big changes within the first year or two.

11. Define your own criteria for success in retirement. Don't buy into social programming about the good life or even research, which is generally just based on population averages.

12. Being independent and self-reliant serves you well in retirement.

13. Study showed hedonic adaptation occurred for retirees in the 6 to 18 month range. So expect that. Don't take it a sign that something has gone wrong. It's just a natural process. You can do things to compensate for it (e.g., conscious appreciation/gratitude, recall of the negatives of work life).

14. People who do well in retirement generally have an interest in intellectual and spiritual stimulation and in living an authentic life.

15. Creativity, intelligence, and self-sufficiency are very helpful traits in retirement.

16. Money is to be used, not hoarded.

17. Keep a sense of evolving and exploring. Don't try to nail everything down.

18. 5% of retirees end up moving out of state (another study said 18%, so figures vary). If you want to relocate, beware of places named on "best of" lists, because they get crowded and expensive, and they lose their charm.

19. Do a lot of experimenting. It'll take a while for the new life to come into focus.

20. Don't make anything a "have to." You don't "have to" do anything.

21. Keep your options open.

22. Earlier generations didn't have this opportunity. It was work, retire, die. Or sometimes, just work, die.

23. Go easy on yourself. You have no experience with retirement, so you'll have to feel your way through it. Cut yourself slack and go with the flow. Ease into it. Feel free to "waste time" -- if you enjoy it, it's not really wasted time anyway. Don't feel guilty for not being productive enough, not accomplishing enough. Enjoy the freedom. Let it unfold, rather than forcing things to be how you think they should be. Take it easy on yourself. Realize you have many years ahead.

24. Remember the value of "satisficing" vs. "maximizing." Don't approach retirement as something you have to "maximize." Aim for a good enough retirement lifestyle; don't get perfectionistic about it. So what if one area of your retirement isn't quite optimal? Many other aspects are going very well.

25. It's easy to buy into idealistic visions of retirement. Some of that is just natural hope and expectation. Some of it is because retirees paint overly idealistic pictures -- Facebook-ifying retirement, basically. And some of it is because people writing books about retirement can sometimes be overly enthusiastic, almost like a motivational speaker trying to pump you up. But that can lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

26. I'm glad I kept some records that documented my dissatisfaction with work. They are helpful to review. Some things fade from memory. When I read about them, I go, "Oh, yeah, I remember that. That sucked." It helps me appreciate retirement.


Cheers.
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Old 01-18-2021, 08:40 AM   #2
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You've hit so many great points here.

Happiness--much easier to have if you have surrounded yourself with great friends and if you have good health.

People seem to get older when they are around older people. Our friends are close to our age, but don't act or look like it.

Yea, we watch too much television and my wife is an obsessive housekeeper. But our worst sin is spending too much time on the internet reading news--not exactly the most healthy of hobbies.

Having healthy interests certainly helps, and we always look forward to traveling heavily during retirement. My wife's great at finding bargain airfares, and I'm great at finding great cities and hotels all over Europe. We're no longer traveling domestically for vacations as it's gotten just a little too expensive and we've already been there/done that.

We have 2 kitties that are really something to watch. But boarding our Rottweiler gets expensive if we have to go out of town. We love her though.

We are raising a 9 year old granddaughter and her 13 year old brother is here every other weekend. They keep us young and we have to remain active taking them all over. We end up listing to the most awful music with them in the car, however.

Our big money interest is providing for these two grandchildren. We did front a grown granddaughter with enough to buy a house this month, however. Our 3 children are old enough to fend for themselves. We lived frugally for 35 years, and now's our time.

Our biggest fear is not being around long enough to get our granddaughter out of college and on her own. We'll be about age 80 then.

Our other big interest is maintaining good health. My wife has terrible arthritis and has had a number of surgeries. She's facing major foot surgery as soon as the hospitals reopen to elective surgeries. Now they're telling her a second knee replacement will be required in her 'good' knee. Otherwise, she's healthy as a horse.
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Old 01-18-2021, 08:43 AM   #3
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Thank so much for compiling this wisdom. #9 is an especially novel thought, in my own experience and study, and really gives me something to think about.
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Old 01-18-2021, 08:58 AM   #4
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Great list! Thank you for sharing your experiences!
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Old 01-18-2021, 09:08 AM   #5
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Good list. For me "contentment" is a better view than "happiness". Happiness tends to be for periods of time. In truth the older we get, as our physical capabilities diminish, we get ill, and approach death (as well as the illness and deaths of those close to us) we cannot always be happy. But I can be content just knowing I have experiences, relationships that I have enjoyed, even when those things will no longer be possible.

I agree that keeping physically active as long as possible is key.

I would add one item "resist the temptation to keep up with the Joneses, even in retirement". Not just in terms of possessions, but also in your financial health. Giving into the "there must be a better return for my investments somewhere" and looking at what others are getting (or claim they are getting) can leave one prey to fraud. Here is another area where contentment should be exercised.
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Old 01-18-2021, 09:27 AM   #6
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I am heading into retirement in April and the question of what to do all day looms large for me. My two main retirement activities are on indefinite hold due to the pandemic, so I have started a list of alternatives and your post is very helpful. I especially like #26. Now that I've made my decision and told my boss, I'm ready to be done with work and start the next chapter of my life.
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Old 01-18-2021, 09:47 AM   #7
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Thank you ER Eddie for the excellent post. I am going to be retiring this year so I will re-read this post every now and then.
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Old 01-18-2021, 09:49 AM   #8
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Quite the list!! My thoughts on a few of them:

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Originally Posted by ER Eddie View Post
1. Happiness = expectations minus reality. Don't get inflated expectations of retirement being all joy and bliss. That's a setup for disappointment and self-doubt. Aim for a "good enough" retirement. High expectations help if you're trying to drive performance, but they interfere with happiness and contentment.
I went into retirement with a realistic attitude...I didn't expect magical joy and bliss, but I did expect to be happier because I was no longer tied down with a job. That has come true.

Quote:
2. Avoid becoming like the people who decline in retirement. Many stories of these people can be found. Ten years into retirement, they are shadows of their former selves -- more pessimistic, sedentary, isolated, even depressed.
My GF has moved in and I'm busier than before. On the other hand, a friend/former co-worker has become depressed, isolated, and sedentary since retirement. We used to golf together 30 times a year, it's now down to once or twice. He sold his house shortly after retirement and lives alone in an apartment. Pre-Covid efforts inviting him to gatherings of friends were all turned down with various excuses.

Quote:
10. Don't make big changes within the first year or two.
I agree. Give yourself some time to get used to retirement before making big changes. You might find that the change of retirement itself was enough to make some other changes unnecessary.

Quote:
15. Creativity, intelligence, and self-sufficiency are very helpful traits in retirement.
I undertook a major reno of my house 3 years after retirement doing all of the design and almost all of the work myself. I'm proud of my DIY skills and really enjoyed having the time to do things without a job getting in the way. I've also designed and helped build a few decks for friends and family.

Quote:
16. Money is to be used, not hoarded.
I agree. I've spent more than originally planned...a new used car and a major reno but my finances are in order and I'm happy with both decisions.
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Old 01-18-2021, 10:05 AM   #9
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Great list Eddie. I will add a few things that I think also help in retirement.
a) Gratefulness - be grateful for what you have and the ability to be retired. Many people do not have this, or at the level that you have.

b) Opportunity - learn to recognize it. Whether in social, financial, or mental; be open to situations where you can improve over where you are currently.

c) Self-confidence - it helps to have high self confidence to make it through the changes and transitions from working to retirement.
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Old 01-18-2021, 11:20 AM   #10
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My comment on #2. i am 12 years into retirement and still have my lust for life. I agree that some people are in somewhat of a decline. In many cases, it is because of a decline in health as we age.
When we retired, we did a tremendous amount of traveling. Now, we are down to one trip a year, except this year, due to Covid.
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Old 01-18-2021, 12:14 PM   #11
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Eddie, how has your retirement been impacted by Covid? Your retirement without it lasted about 9 or 10 months before lockdowns began which would end many anticipated activities. That means you haven't been able to enjoy a pandemic-free ER for very long, unlike many longer-term retirees including me.
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Old 01-18-2021, 12:24 PM   #12
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Eddie, thanks for some great insights. Like most things it seems retirement is what you make of it.

I have been retired about the same time as you. In many ways I feel like I am becoming a different person than I was as a corporate guy-in a good way.

A lot of possibilities I never would have considered in my corporate days now seem more possible. But then again, even then I knew I did not prefer to run with the herd.

38chevy454, enjoyed your insights also and I agree.
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Old 01-18-2021, 12:52 PM   #13
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Thanks for the responses, folks. A lot of you have good additional ideas.

Quote:
Originally Posted by scrabbler1 View Post
Eddie, how has your retirement been impacted by Covid? Your retirement without it lasted about 9 or 10 months before lockdowns began which would end many anticipated activities. That means you haven't been able to enjoy a pandemic-free ER for very long, unlike many longer-term retirees including me.
The main effect of Covid has been to undercut my attempts to make new friends and get engaged in the community through classes and discussion groups. I did a lot of that during the first 8 months or so, but then it all got shut down with Covid.

So that's been the main challenge of my early retirement -- finding a variety of mental and social stimulation to keep me feeling good, despite the fact that I can't do much of anything, socially or intellectually, outside of my house. So far, so good, though. I have plenty of interests to keep me busy, and my social needs seem to be covered by my dog, regular chats with neighbors, social media, and emails with family.
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Old 01-18-2021, 01:02 PM   #14
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ER Eddie--
Thank you for another great post! I enjoy your updates and perspectives. Zelenski's "Get a Life" book is one of my favorites, too.
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Old 01-18-2021, 01:36 PM   #15
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Good stuff. Having celebrated my 4th anniversary of retirement this month, I'll add my own.

No one who knew me well ever asked "what are you going to do?". I have many more hobbies and interests than I have time for. I have a hobby business in the antique car hobby that makes me "off the radar" play money and I am doing a bit more of that since retiring.

As mentioned, I love not "having to" do anything.

I took up hiking, hike almost every day (hard in New England winters), did 528 miles in 2020, and have kept the 24 lbs I lost since retiring off.

I feel bad about leaving our 2 dogs alone in the house for even a couple hours now, when they used to stay in the laundry room for 9-11 each weekday (they hike with me too).

TV watching, never was a TV watcher, not now either. Like to watch the evening news and Football in season.

Expectations for productivity; I have always been my own worst enemy here, but I am getting better. I find that I get about half as much done for a given amount of time, that I initially expect to. I don't think I have ever had a day where I truly did nothing, and everything gets done; eventually.

I find that I am more willing to pay people to do things I used to do myself. Home improvment, repairs on home and cars.

Internalizing downsizing; we bought a second home in 2019 about an hour away, and are now planning towards moving there full time in 2023. DW will retire in '22. The second home is about half the size as our main one, and in another state that is way less expensive to live (and no income tax). We comment often about how that 2nd home is just the right size. And it is on a lake. So I look at everything in the main home now with a critcal eye, and mull about how long I need to keep it.

We maintain frequent contact with our closest friends and cherish those relationships.

I truly think if before retiring you are afraid of not knowing what to do, you will probably have issues, at least at first. I know many people who's jobs were always the center of their lives. Mine never was. They retire and really struggle and decline. I think it is sad.

I do spend a lot more time on the internet and choose my media sources carfully. I also do a lot of reading and researching just for fun. If I see a mention of a historic event, I'll select the text, right click/Google and read a wiki about it, or look for videos on YouTube. There is just a lot of fascinating stuff out there.
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Old 01-18-2021, 02:11 PM   #16
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So that's been the main challenge of my early retirement -- finding a variety of mental and social stimulation to keep me feeling good, despite the fact that I can't do much of anything, socially or intellectually, outside of my house. So far, so good, though. I have plenty of interests to keep me busy, and my social needs seem to be covered by my dog, regular chats with neighbors, social media, and emails with family.
Have you considered continuing education? Osher Lifelong Learning Institute has chapters around the country (most hosted by colleges) and most are doing online programming due to COVID. Our local chapter also did day trips and some overnight trips pre-COVID.

Programming varies by chapter. Ours has classes (webinars now due to COVID), discussion groups, online social events and even a couple of research opportunities.

https://www.osherfoundation.org/olli_list.html

Might be worth considering.
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Old 01-18-2021, 03:30 PM   #17
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Wow! ER_Eddie, it's interesting to hear about retirement from another viewpoint. That said, to me it sounds like you have had a comparatively tough time adjusting to retirement, but have figured out how to do it, and have done so quite successfully.

Honestly I have had a ball ever since the moment I handed in my badge and walked away from work for the last time (12 years ago). Freedom! For me, it's kind of like, "What's not to like?".

If there was anything unrealistic about my expectations, it would be that I underestimated how much fun retirement would be. I even thought I would have to put some thought into what to do with my time. Silly me! I have more that I want to do, than I have time left in which to do it.
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Old 01-19-2021, 08:17 AM   #18
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Have you considered continuing education? Osher Lifelong Learning Institute has chapters around the country (most hosted by colleges) and most are doing online programming due to COVID. Our local chapter also did day trips and some overnight trips pre-COVID.

Programming varies by chapter. Ours has classes (webinars now due to COVID), discussion groups, online social events and even a couple of research opportunities.

https://www.osherfoundation.org/olli_list.html

Might be worth considering.
Yes, there's an OLLI in my city. I really enjoy it -- or rather did, until COVID hit. They still have classes on Zoom, but I prefer the in-person interaction to a bunch of faces on a computer screen, so I haven't done that yet. I might later.

I love OLLI, btw. When I think about relocating, that is now a "must have" element in any city I consider.

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That said, to me it sounds like you have had a comparatively tough time adjusting to retirement, but have figured out how to do it, and have done so quite successfully.
That's interesting, that you perceive me as having had a tough time adjusting to retirement. I don't perceive myself that way at all. I'm very happy and content in my retirement. I've taken to it like a duck to water.

Maybe I've inadvertently given the wrong impression, with some of those entries, which do have a quality of cautionary note, or focus on downsides/dangers. If so, I should clarify, these entries don't necessarily reflect what I've been through or struggled with. They are just helpful reminders to myself, which help me stay on track and avoid the pitfalls that others fall into.

To be sure, there have been some bumps in the road. The economic crash in March rattled me for a couple months, but I was in good shape financially, and things blew over quickly. The lockdown put a damper on my plans, as I mentioned above, but I have been pleasantly surprised how un-stressful and un-difficult it has all been.

So, to clear up any misconceptions -- I love retirement. It's been a joy to me, and it continues to be. I'm often grateful. I'm very happy, nearly every day. 2020 was the happiest and most contented year of my life. It hasn't been difficult for me to adjust to retirement. I'm really kind of natural fit.
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Old 01-19-2021, 08:53 AM   #19
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....16. Money is to be used, not hoarded. ...
Lots of great points... and there definitely seems to be a money hoarding mentality by some here... particularly those for whom spending principal is sacrosanct.

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... 20. Don't make anything a "have to." You don't "have to" do anything. ...
Yeah... tell that to my DW.
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Old 01-19-2021, 11:58 AM   #20
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Thanks, I'm pulling together my thoughts for this spring's 5-year anniversary of my retirement. There's a lot of good material there!

I'm going to have to ask myself just how "odd" I am. I'm not quite ready to go as far as 'a true deviant,' but I may have to admit to 'a little nuts." I'm reminded of the line from a Jimmy Buffet song: "If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane." I suspect everyone feels they're unique/special/odd or whatever.

Lately I'm struck by how similar my life after retirement is to my w*rking days. I get up around the same time, spend about the same amount of time doing/making/fixing things, and about the same sitting in front of a computer or otherwise doing w*rk-like stuff. I travel about the same amount. Covid has disrupted social events, but I expect that will come back to normal.
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