Observations from a medical clinic parking lot

[conversationalphrase]

Yesterday I took DW to a doctor appointment, and because we had mutual errands afterwards I sat in the car and waited for her. This was a small medical building with doctor's offices, lab and physical therapy facilities inside. I couldn't help but notice some of the patients while I was waiting.



1. When I dropped DW off at the door there was a gentleman in a wheelchair calling for a public service van to pick him up and take him home. About twenty minutes later the van arrived.

2. There was a couple that came out of the building, the lady was using a walker. They went to their car, she got in and the man struggled to fold the walker before putting it in the back seat. She held her head in her hand while she was waiting on him.

3. An elderly man got out of his car with a medical boot on one leg, he struggled to walk to the door. He was by himself.



There was more, but you get the idea..... As I sat there I couldn't help but wonder if someday we will be in the same situation, on our own and struggling to do the simplest tasks or worse - dependent on others for help. Fortunately we are both active and healthy - for now.



It was just another reminder to take care of yourself and enjoy life to its fullest while you can.

 

[street]

That is so true and we need to be thankful each day we have for good health. My turn is coming and not looking forward to it.

This morning I have to take DW for an eye appointment that we have to go at last twice a year. The medical building has many different medicine practices in it, and I see the same thing you do and think the same things, as you also.

 

[pacergal]

So true. The older we get, the more frail and fragile our bodies can become.

I Try to eat well, walk a bit every day and do puzzles and brain teasers plus reading to keep my brain active. If I can live to 100 and live on my own with minimal help like my Grandma, great!! If not, every year healthy is a blessing.

 

[Katsmeow]

There was more, but you get the idea..... As I sat there I couldn't help but wonder if someday we will be in the same situation, on our own and struggling to do the simplest tasks or worse - dependent on others for help. Fortunately we are both active and healthy - for now.

I think that many people here tend to assume they won't be. That is, I see more people worried about whether they have enough money to last until 90 and who talk about travel and active pursuits than I see those worried about being mobility impaired or having serious health problems. Of course, I think that is human nature. I think if you are in good health you tend to think that will continue.

My dad was the "healthy" one between him and my mom. He was very active and would walk around the neighborhood for long walks. He rode his bicycle almost every day. He was thin and got a lot of activity doing various projects outside. But, he died at 76. Lung cancer -- he was a smoker so not surprising.

My mom in her 60s started developing health problems. She had congestive heart failure, she had Type II diabetes and, then, kidney problems. Despite all of these really serious health problems, she lived to 94 living on her own, driving, until a couple of months before her death. So, go figure.

 

[Koolau]

As I sat there I couldn't help but wonder if someday we will be in the same situation, on our own and struggling to do the simplest tasks or worse - dependent on others for help. Fortunately we are both active and healthy - for now.

It was just another reminder to take care of yourself and enjoy life to its fullest while you can.

Life is somewhat of a crap shoot. Just today, I lost a friend who, at 75 was in great shape. He played tennis several times a week. He had a fall and hit his head - not related to tennis. He got a blood clot, then had a stroke and 6 weeks later, he was gone. Enjoy each day as if it were your last. YMMV

 

[Ronstar]

....It was just another reminder to take care of yourself and enjoy life to its fullest while you can.

Thanks for the reminder OP. I told a friend yesterday that my foot dr cleared me for more strenuous hiking/ treadmill workouts. The friend replied "it's go time".

It's "go time" to enjoy life to the fullest while we still can.

 

[HawkOwl]

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry;
For having lost but once your prime,
You may forever tarry.

-Robert Herrick

 

[Aerides]

My parents are now 74/76. They have always been healthy and active. But Dad has off-and-on arthritis pain in one knee, and a torn rotator cuff. Mum has a deep tear somewhere in her hip. Both are in and out of PT/injections/MRI's lately. Sut they have both had to slow down, luckily no walkers or actual frailty. Just 2 years ago they could wear me out.

My Mum always had that fast short step walk, the kind where you could hear the impatience in her steps if someone slow was in front of her. Dad always a couple steps behind mainly from distractions, not from limitations.

 

[jollystomper]

As I sat there I couldn't help but wonder if someday we will be in the same situation, on our own and struggling to do the simplest tasks or worse - dependent on others for help. Fortunately we are both active and healthy - for now.

It was just another reminder to take care of yourself and enjoy life to its fullest while you can.

I agree. I have seen similar things, even with people my age or younger. In pre-covid days we went to a nursing home for Christmas, and I was surprised to see the number of people in there 50s and 60s who were there. I see things like that and cannot help but wonder "why not me?"


I just hope not to get bitter as I physically deteriorate, and instead appreciate the times that I was active, even when I am no longer active.

 

[nap470]

I try to live by the motto: "Do not fear growing old, as it is a privilege denied to many" I have to constantly remind myself as I'm not always so disciplined.

My father passed at age 56 from cancer. I was 22 at the time and a senior in college. It changed my thinking and helped me set goals to obtain financial security to allow for choices. Dad was a very hard-working farmer that caught the "fishing bug" late in his life. He wanted to spend his later years fishing. He got in a couple of fishing trips with his brothers before he passed and was so happy talking about it.

 

[conversationalphrase]

I think that many people here tend to assume they won't be. That is, I see more people worried about whether they have enough money to last until 90 and who talk about travel and active pursuits than I see those worried about being mobility impaired or having serious health problems. Of course, I think that is human nature. I think if you are in good health you tend to think that will continue.

I agree, perhaps a more balanced approach is appropriate. Money is important, but so is good health to enjoy it.

 

[razztazz]

My mom in her 60s started developing health problems. She had congestive heart failure, she had Type II diabetes and, then, kidney problems. Despite all of these really serious health problems, she lived to 94 living on her own, driving, until a couple of months before her death. So, go figure.

I'll consider this something that was good to hear. It really ain't over till it's over

 

[audreyh1]

It’s issues like these that make me determined not to live alone when I really can’t care for myself or my spouse. Which means we find a decent care place before such a level of help is needed. I really don’t want to have to worry about mobility or errands or meals or driving after a certain point.

 

[razztazz]

It’s issues like these that make me determined not to live alone when I really can’t care for myself or my spouse. Which means we find a decent care place before such a level of help is needed. I really don’t want to have to worry about mobility or errands or meals or driving after a certain point.

Any personal insight on when to acquire or start looking for that kind of place? I was going to wait till 70-ish to start building my list but since the heart attack it's been moved up. However, jumping the gun has some drawbacks. I feel like I am making "The Final Arrangement" as if I were 99 yrs old. This can actually be bad for one's psychological well-being. And then there's the worser case scenario: What if I actually live a long time without much in the way of these encumbrances and my cost of living skyrockets a decade or more before it needs to?

And they said 14 was "that awkward age."

 

[braumeister]

we find a decent care place before such a level of help is needed.

Any personal insight on when to acquire or start looking for that kind of place?

The most common age to move into such a CCRC is 80. Obviously, many do so sooner or later, but the majority are in the 80 (plus or minus one or two) range.

No specific reference, but I've talked to quite a few administrators at CCRCs, and that's the consensus I heard.

 

[Chuckanut]

Dr. Fauci is 80. He still works. He gave up running in his late 70's because it gave him a sore back, so now he walks. He's trim, fit, and mentally sharp.
I want to be like him.

My father had great physical health until 80 and was pretty good to his late 80's. Physical, that is. Not mental. He went down hill big time in his early 80's. We later found out it was due to a number of small micro-strokes that affected his memory and personality. He refused to see a doctor for anything but the most serious ongoing problems. Had he done so, a simple aspirin regime might have kept him mentally sound through most of his 80's.

Lesson learned.

 

[Montecfo]

no matter the status of your health today, you very likely will not be as healthy in the future as you are now.

Make the most of your good health.

 

[harllee]

On the other hand there is my mother--age 90, very spry, sharp as a tack, still drives her car. Lives in a CCRC and acts like she runs the place, I think being around a lot of other people has really helped her. Walks a couple of miles a day. Calls me frequently with questions about her investments and taxes. (She thinks she pays too much tax and complains about it). She has hated the isolation of the pandemic and has complained a lot she could not get her hair done and could not go to church or go on bus trips. She had her second vaccine 2 weeks ago and today she drove and got her hair done for the first time in a long time--she was so excited. I hope I am just like her at age 90.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I don't think too much about growing older and I certainly hope to age as gracefully as possible. My Dad did pretty well and lived independently until a few weeks of his death at almost 90 years old. He was hard to keep up with when we were out and about. As the COPD really started taking hold, he was heartbroken that he couldn't go more than a few yards without having to sit and rest. I am very thankful that this period of time for him was very short.

On the other side of the coin, there is a retirement home nearby that shares weekly pictures of the residents and some of the activities they do...and it's very depressing to see these pictures. They are something I would think of as "proof of life" pictures instead of what you would see in a shiny brochure. They sure as hell don't look like they are living and I certainly don't want my end of days to look like that. I am not really sure why they even post them.

 

[CardsFan]

Well, this thread is timely. I just took an old friend to get his first Covid vaccine.

He is about 78 (I am 65). His (a little younger) DW passed about 5 years ago. He has had a couple of small strokes that make it difficult for him to get around, uses a walker and/or wheel chair.

Today, I knocked on the door and opened it. He was asleep in his chair. After I woke him, it took him 10 minutes to get ready, and 10 more to get in the car (he does not walk well and has a hard time lifting his feet).

Used a wheel chair at the clinic, and that worked well.

BTW, he had an appointment and literally had the shot in less than 10 minutes after I wheeled him in the door.

Got him home, and getting back in to the house was a chore, with a fear that he could fall, and I can't get him up.

Very likely the OP saw someone like my friend, or the other dozen folks I saw coming in with walkers, canes or wheel chairs.

I have talked with him about assisted living, but so far he always has an excuse. His daughter is pushing hard in that direction, but he is bullheaded about it. BTW we know the daughter well and talk about this with her, so we are all on the same page. And the daughter assures me the finances are there, though just barely.

Sooner or later, my friend is going to fall, go to the hospital, and be told he CANNOT live alone. That is, if he is lucky, and survives the fall.

My DW is already looking to CCRC's (or similar) for our future. I do not want to get so set that I won't make that change,

 

[travelover]

..........There was more, but you get the idea..... As I sat there I couldn't help but wonder if someday we will be in the same situation, on our own and struggling to do the simplest tasks or worse - dependent on others for help..........

If you can see this why don't the people that run the clinic also see it and give a damn? Even the grocery store or Home Depot will help you get your car loaded if you are struggling.

 

[braumeister]

I have talked with him about assisted living, but so far he always has an excuse. His daughter is pushing hard in that direction, but he is bullheaded about it. BTW we know the daughter well and talk about this with her, so we are all on the same page. And the daughter assures me the finances are there, though just barely.

Here's a suggestion. My mom used to complain whenever I brought the subject up, because she didn't want "to be put in an institution." But when it finally got to be too much for me to take care of her, I found a nice place and they had a program where you could do a test drive and stay there for up to three nights for a small fee.

By the third day she was raving about it and wanted to move in immediately. So many nice people, and the food was so good, and they had this and that, etc., etc.

I believe many places offer this kind of trial period, so you might want to look into it for your friend.

 

[audreyh1]

Any personal insight on when to acquire or start looking for that kind of place? I was going to wait till 70-ish to start building my list but since the heart attack it's been moved up. However, jumping the gun has some drawbacks. I feel like I am making "The Final Arrangement" as if I were 99 yrs old. This can actually be bad for one's psychological well-being. And then there's the worser case scenario: What if I actually live a long time without much in the way of these encumbrances and my cost of living skyrockets a decade or more before it needs to?

And they said 14 was "that awkward age."

I do know that the average age for moving to assisted living or independent living is something like 85. Or maybe it’s 82-85.

So we would be seriously looking around maybe 77 for DH in anticipation of waiting lists and taking a while, but not expecting to make the move until early to mid-80s. Earlier if health issues loom. DH is very healthy for his age. I’m 4.5 years younger.

 

[harllee]

The CCRC where we plan to move in a few years (we are age 70 now--hope to move in before age 75) requires you to be in good physical and mental health when you move in. You have to take a physical and a cognitive test-- so you don't want to wait too long. (We have a copy of the cognitive test and we practice it regularly). Also our CCRC has a 10 year waiting list (we have been on the waiting for several years and we are getting near the top).

My mother moved into a CCRC when she was in her early 80s. She said she wished she had moved in earlier because there were so many fun activities and trips, etc. Of course the pandemic has put all that on hold and she really misses it.

 

[CardsFan]

Here's a suggestion. My mom used to complain whenever I brought the subject up, because she didn't want "to be put in an institution." But when it finally got to be too much for me to take care of her, I found a nice place and they had a program where you could do a test drive and stay there for up to three nights for a small fee.

By the third day she was raving about it and wanted to move in immediately. So many nice people, and the food was so good, and they had this and that, etc., etc.

I believe many places offer this kind of trial period, so you might want to look into it for your friend.

Thanks for the support. His daughter and I just need to push forward. BTW there are other fiends that help.

The test drive sounds like a good idea.