Poll:How often do you visit with your nearby elderly parent(s)?

[Rambler]

My folks live about 35 minutes away. We typically stop by their place once or twice a month for a visit. They’ll come to our place once or twice a month for sunday dinner. During early Covid, we visited on their back porch to try to keep them safe. Then the Phoenix summer arrived, and we didnt see them for a while. We are back to seeing them more often, and I was able to take them for their vaccine last week, so we’ll be able to see them a bit more. That said, my mom tells the same stories over and over and over. My DW struggles with that (even though her mom was exactly the same way...I always listened to those stories, she didn’t, and would sometimes find an excuse to run an errand to escape for a while). So we don’t usually schedule much more than 2-3 visits a month.

[Ronstar]

91 yo MIL lives alone in her apartment about 10 miles from us. She does not drive, so DW and I take her groceries and to appointments. We go to her place at least 3 times a week.

[O2Bfree]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ExFlyBoy5 I think you are doing fine for a "strained relationship."

Thanks! That's what DH says after I endure a 30-45 minute, one-way phone call with DM, and then tell him I don't feel like a very good daughter because I kept making faces during the call.

...

Quote:

Originally Posted by ExFlyBoy5 At times it was a pain and every now and then I would dread going over there to hear the same stories for the 1,231th time. As expected, I would give almost anything to have just ONE MORE visit to hear those stories just ONE MORE TIME.

I'll probably feel that way too after she's gone.

[Car-Guy]

They are all gone....

[gamboolman]

Parents on both sides are all gone now.

ms gamboolgals sister was killed by a Drunk/Drugged up Driver 30-Nov-18. She was 55 year old and was coming home from shopping for her first grandchild Baby Shower to be held the next morning....

Our son, Jeffrey, passed unexpectedly at age 34 on 27-Oct-19. Turned out it was heart disease that we had no idea about....

As others have said, enjoy your loved ones and spend time with them now. Tell them you love them now.

gamboolman....

[audreyh1]

No living parents?

Before that we were out of state.

[sturbridge]

I visit Mom once a week, I live an hour away.

I had never had a good relationship with my mother. She has always been incredibly selfish and self centered and said many painful things to me when growing up. She and I are completely different people in so many ways, and wouldn't have much to have a conversation about. But that's ok, she just really wants to talk and doesn't want to hear what anyone else has to say anyways. Now with dementia, she is even more self centered and even more stubborn.

I don't do it because she deserves it. She doesn't. There's no well of good will to draw from. I do it because 1) I promised my dad 2) if I don't do what I do, then more work gets put on my sister and 3) I want to be the type of person who doesn't walk away from obligations just because its unpleasant. And it is unpleasant: she either cries of loneliness (but hates all my suggestions as to what she could do about that), is judgmental of other people (her sister looks old, this other one is fat), or complains about how rough her life is (family visiting every day, taking care of her bills, taking her out for drives/visits elsewhere, warm house, full refrigerator, all her needs being anticipated and dealt with) and that we don't do enough.

So I drive an hour plus, visit a couple of hours, do her grocery shopping and some food prep and occasional doctor visits. When my sister reminds me that she is doing more, I say that's your choice, and I am doing what I am comfortable with. Mom is being unreasonable on insisting to stay in her house, and is indifferent to the burden she puts on all of us to make that happen. I need to set my own boundaries, because no one else is going to.

[O2Bfree]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gamboolman Parents on both sides are all gone now. ms gamboolgals sister was killed by a Drunk/Drugged up Driver 30-Nov-18. She was 55 year old and was coming home from shopping for her first grandchild Baby Shower to be held the next morning.... Our son, Jeffrey, passed unexpectedly at age 34 on 27-Oct-19. Turned out it was heart disease that we had no idea about.... As others have said, enjoy your loved ones and spend time with them now. Tell them you love them now. gamboolman....

Oh dear, what dark times for your family. I hope you are finding some peace.

[Venturer]

My mother and my father have passed away. My Stepmother is 89 and lives 30 min.away. Before covid we would go down there at least a couple of times a week. Now we swing in around twice a mo. and call more. She has 5 sons and 1 daughter that live in the same town as her and 1 of her sons and her daughter visit really often and have meals with her, so she is ok. On that side of the family I always felt like the redhead stepchild growing up. She was nice to me but not overly loving. I keep communication lines open but I know there will never be a closeness there at all. That is just how it is.