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04-16-2019, 11:40 AM
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#21
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gone traveling
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 3,508
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 Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptTom
Funerals, or any similar ceremonies, are not for you.
They're for those left behind.
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I partially agree.
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I think it's somewhat cruel to demand that there be no service when you pass.
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It's not cruel to express your wishes.
I prefer to be cremated, with no ceremony of any kind. That said, if my wife (or next living relative) decides that they would prefer something different, I won't be there to argue.
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Your closest relatives and friends will want to be able to gather and work through their grief.
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You would be correct if you wrote "may" instead of "will".
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Without a service of some kind, they'll be pestered by all the other friends, relatives and acquaintances who are expecting to go to some sort of ceremony.
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I don't care one bit about friends, relatives, and acquaintances who feel that they are entitled to expect some sort of ceremony. That's their problem, not mine, not my window's.
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Many people need closure, and the support of others who are also affected.
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You seem to be conflating the need for closure and support with having a ceremony. The two aren't connected at all. I know many people who got their support without any ceremony. And sadly, I know some folks who got no support after the funeral.
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I know most people say they hate going to those things. But once there, they almost always say they're glad they did.
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Apparently you and I know different people.
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I'm all for the "Irish wake," if that's what the person would have wanted.
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Me too. The key here is "if that's what the person would have wanted".
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It feels good to give someone the send-off they deserve.
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It feels better to give someone the send-off that they specifically asked for, rather than one you decide they "deserve".
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04-16-2019, 11:48 AM
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#22
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,020
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This is what my wife and I will do.
https://www.eternalreefs.com/
After we are cremated, our cremains will be mixed in with some concrete and used to create artificial reef structures to enhance the marine environment.
It's not for everyone, certainly, but it will do just fine for us.
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04-17-2019, 12:26 PM
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#23
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Western NC
Posts: 4,633
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My recently-deceased relative wanted no ceremony/service at all.
Their kids did a typical funeral...first a memorial service in the church, then over to the cemetery next door for the graveside service where their cremains were ready to be buried.
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04-17-2019, 12:40 PM
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#24
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Central MS/Orange Beach, AL
Posts: 9,072
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I went to a funeral of an old golf friend a few weeks ago. His family had, at his request, a golf ball for everyone as you signed in. And he had a golf shirt on instead of a coat and tie. I thought that was cool and lighten the mood a bit.
__________________
Retired 3/31/2007@52
Investing style: Full time wuss.
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04-17-2019, 08:21 PM
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#25
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 792
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DH was cremated and then we had a memorial about two months later. There was a lot of laughter throughout the speeches. I think it was the right way to remember him.
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04-19-2019, 08:03 AM
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#26
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 5,914
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I do not think that there is a 'right way'. Different strokes for different folks. Notwithstanding what the funeral directors may tell us.
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04-19-2019, 09:24 AM
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#27
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,961
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Gotta have a funeral. Else my estate distribution plan of
1. every attendee gets a taser
2. last one standing gets all my stuff
won't work if nobody is there.
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04-19-2019, 11:45 AM
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#28
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,410
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04-19-2019, 12:38 PM
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#29
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2013
Location: ATL --> Flyover Country
Posts: 6,649
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brett
Notwithstanding what the funeral directors may tell us.
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I am surprised the "resident" forum funeral direct hasn't chimed in yet about how not having a funeral and cremation is just a terrible, TERRIBLE thing.
When my DD passed, he didn't want a service, etc. and prepaid for direct cremation. We did have a celebration of life a couple weeks after he passed, but it was just close friends and family over for some drinks and stories. It's exactly how he wanted it, and offered closure.
__________________
FIRE'd in 2014 @ 40 Years Old
Professional Retiree
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04-19-2019, 02:52 PM
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#30
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,251
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Not sure how relevant this is but we recently had a funeral that lasted seven minutes. The son read the obituary and then basically said "we all know that Mom was a real b***h, let's leave for the restaurant.". Have no idea what the deceased wanted but that's what she got.
__________________
"Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy, she'll beat you if she's able.
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet" -- The Eagles, Desperado
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04-19-2019, 02:53 PM
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#31
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: NC Triangle
Posts: 5,807
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Quote:
Originally Posted by misanman
Not sure how relevant this is but we recently had a funeral that lasted seven minutes. The son read the obituary and then basically said "we all know that Mom was a real b***h, let's leave for the restaurant.". Have no idea what the deceased wanted but that's what she got.
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That sounds like a “Sopranos” flashback!
__________________
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