Re-allocating how I use our house

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

A change has occurred in how we use our house/floorplan since I retired. Like many we have more space than we need though DW and I both appreciate our own areas.

I now spend more time on the covered patio reading and contemplating my navel, weather permitting (which is usually the case). I spend similar time in the office where I keep the computer, some exercise equipment and the usual male territory markers (disarray, not the chemical type). And finally I have rediscovered our rarely used living room with its nice easy chair for reading and napping (family room and media are in a different area). Then there's the garden... It seems we have evolved a comfortable balance of shared and "claimed" space.

But a downsize is likely in the near future, with serious negotiations likely shortly thereafter.

Just musing.

 

[donheff]

Yeah, I use the living room more now since I have a nice spot for reading there. My fav remains the kitchen. My main PC is at a desk in the kitchen which makes it easy to briefly get online without disappearing into a man cave.

 

[W2R]

I am really enjoying my re-purposed dining room, which is now in the process of becoming my home gym.

When I am watching TV or playing video games or on my laptop, I still enjoy my favorite easy chair in the den. But naturally in retirement, I don't spend as big a proportion of my leisure time playing couch potato as I did while working. I spend time out of the house in various activities.

Rich, good luck if you plan to sell and downsize in this tough real estate market. Do you plan to stay in Tampa?

After we decided not to move north, I briefly thought of selling my present house anyway and moving closer to F. It would be neat to live just a few houses apart so we could easily walk back and forth. However after looking at houses on the market right now, I found that there aren't any that I would want any more than my own.

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

Rich, good luck if you plan to sell and downsize in this tough real estate market. Do you plan to stay in Tampa?

Not sure, and giving it a rest for now.

It's the "kids and grandkids in the Bay area of California" problem...

 

[W2R]

Well, that is understandably a problem. Good luck in your efforts.

 

[ls99]

We bought our house from a couple who moved to Michigan to be near their married daughter and grandkids.

I often wonder, the kids moved several hundreds of miles away. Made a life for themselves, though the they love their parents, do they really want them close by?

Curious how people think of these moves?

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

We bought our house from a couple who moved to Michigan to be near their married daughter and grandkids.

I often wonder, the kids moved several hundreds of miles away. Made a life for themselves, though the they love their parents, do they really want them close by?

Curious how people think of these moves?

It's complicated. DW and I decided that living in an area where we could be happy and fulfilled even without the kids is very important, even if they are the reason for our move. If they leave and we are distant again, we would be some place we like on its own.

For example, we have another set of kids and grandkids in northern Missouri, and we are not likely to move there full-time because of weather and lifestyle preferences.

But we'll see, trying to keep an open mind.

 

[Mulligan]

It's complicated. DW and I decided that living in an area where we could be happy and fulfilled even without the kids is very important, even if they are the reason for our move. If they leave and we are distant again, we would be some place we like on its own.

For example, we have another set of kids and grandkids in northern Missouri, and we are not likely to move there full-time because of weather and lifestyle preferences.

But we'll see, trying to keep an open mind.

You mean you dont want to live in a county that has more cows than people? I lived up there for a few years. No crime and generally real nice people, but just getting to walmart and back can take an entire afternoon.

 

[youbet]

It's complicated. DW and I decided that living in an area where we could be happy and fulfilled even without the kids is very important, even if they are the reason for our move. If they leave and we are distant again, we would be some place we like on its own.

For example, we have another set of kids and grandkids in northern Missouri, and we are not likely to move there full-time because of weather and lifestyle preferences.

But we'll see, trying to keep an open mind.

I think that's a great outlook Rich.

Is99 - it wouldn't be productive to try to categorize all sets of parents and all children (and their families) as being the same in regard to living within easy visiting distance of one another. It's easy to come up with anecdotal examples where parents/kid's families living in the same neck of the words works out extremely well and others where it's a nightmare. And taking an average of many families and expecting that outcome everytime is worse than fruitless.

You have to look at the individual circumstances and the personalities involved.

 

[Bestwifeever]

... we have another set of kids and grandkids in northern Missouri, and we are not likely to move there full-time because of weather and lifestyle preferences.....

Would the Missouri branch understand or would they think the California kids are the favorites?

One of ours lives near us (we've been here since before kids were born), one lives in better climate 1,000 miles away--we threaten to move near kid in better climate and that kid says, "Don't even think about it!" Other kid says, "Go, go!"

We read the paper and have coffee every morning in living room; family room has tv etc., and a dining area. Kitchen has dining area. Dining room has dining area. Floor plan doesn't make dining room compatible with another use unfortunately.

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

Would the Missouri branch understand or would they think the California kids are the favorites?

I think they get it. Plus, we visit often as it is.

Of the two kids, the MO clan is most likely to move themselves one of these years.

 

[Fireup2020]

I often wonder, the kids moved several hundreds of miles away. Made a life for themselves, though the they love their parents, do they really want them close by?

Curious how people think of these moves?

Living on the opposite coast from my family. Would love to have them on this side of the country - even in the same county or town!! However, none of the family members involved are interested in moving. So, mom gets to listen to me several times a week on the phone!

Navy brought me to the East coast, and I never made it further west than MI...now in NJ with no intentions to leave.

 

[ls99]

I think that's a great outlook Rich.

Is99 - it wouldn't be productive to try to categorize all sets of parents and all children (and their families) as being the same in regard to living within easy visiting distance of one another.

Intent was not to categorize, more of a curiosity on my part. Though on this board unlikely to have the kids opinions. I'm sure the grandkids love the attention.

I do know many happy close arrangements, also a few where grandparents fly from western PA to Texas, another to Seattle nearly bi-weekly to visit grandkids.

Edit: there by the time i finished writing, Fireup commented.

 

[Khan]

We bought our house from a couple who moved to Michigan to be near their married daughter and grandkids.

I often wonder, the kids moved several hundreds of miles away. Made a life for themselves, though the they love their parents, do they really want them close by?

Curious how people think of these moves?

On various boards I have read of people thinking they are being stalked by parents.

 

[youbet]

On various boards I have read of people thinking they are being stalked by parents.

And recently on this forum we had a thread discussing where kids "stalk" parents and grand parents wanting them to baby sit, etc.

I think every situation is unique and trying to draw some broad conclusion based on some anecdotal examples is fruitless.

 

[Khan]

And recently on this forum we had a thread discussing where kids "stalk" parents and grand parents wanting them to baby sit, etc.
I think every situation is unique and trying to draw some broad conclusion based on some anecdotal examples is fruitless.

Agreed.
Just think parents might want to consider if their nearby presence is wanted.

 

[Amethyst]

Retired parents can't always afford to live near their employed kids. Kids may not be able to find good jobs near retired parents. Example: Florida (cheap houses, horrible job market) vs. D.C. suburbs (expensive houses, lots of professional jobs, low unemployment).

Amethyst

I think that's a great outlook Rich.

Is99 - it wouldn't be productive to try to categorize all sets of parents and all children (and their families) as being the same in regard to living within easy visiting distance of one another. It's easy to come up with anecdotal examples where parents/kid's families living in the same neck of the words works out extremely well and others where it's a nightmare. And taking an average of many families and expecting that outcome everytime is worse than fruitless.

You have to look at the individual circumstances and the personalities involved.

 

[youbet]

Agreed.
Just think parents might want to consider if their nearby presence is wanted.

You betcha! Our son and DIL are in a unique circumstance as they have a special needs child, my oldest grandson. They're quite vocal in frequently expressing thanks for us staying in the area and helping out. But I'm not sure how much extended family involvement they'd want without that need. I'm sure we'd tread very carefully being sensitive to feelings all around.

 

[haha]

For example, we have another set of kids and grandkids in northern Missouri, and we are not likely to move there full-time because of weather and lifestyle preferences.

But we'll see, trying to keep an open mind.

Will your Missouri kids feel slighted if you move to the Bay Area?

Ha

 

[aaronc879]

After we decided not to move north,..

When did this happen? I guess I need to read more posts.

 

[W2R]

When did this happen? I guess I need to read more posts.

Not so long ago. Here it is: http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/big-change-in-our-plans-54641.html

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

Will your Missouri kids feel slighted if you move to the Bay Area?

Ha

(See post #11 above, Ha.)

 

[Sarah in SC]

My parents still are incredibly angry at my sis for moving away for her DHs awesome new job. It has been 2 years at least and still haven't gotten over them moving away. Incomprehensible to me. Bro's kids practically live with them, seems like that would be enough.

We have one giant room in the middle of our house that covers all of our lounging, eating, cooking, etc needs. There is a small office that I mostly use, then two big (1000 sq ft each) porches front and back. I suspect we use the house now as we'll always use it, with little places to get away and read as well as big community spaces when we have company.

 

[grumpy]

Mrs. Grumpy and I are debating this now. Our first granddaughter is 2 months old and lives in N.C. a four hour drive away. DW is there now for three weeks helping with child care so DIL could go back to work.

We have discussed the issue with my son and DIL. They would be happy to have us live close by (e.g within a half hour drive) as long as we would promise not to drop in unannounced.

Now when we go for a visit, we stay in their house. It would be alot less intrusive if we lived close by. I guess we will wait and see how burdensome the 4 hour drive becomes is we make it every few weeks. In any case we want to be a part of our granddaughter's life, not just a distant presence that visits a few times a year.

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

We have discussed the issue with my son and DIL. They would be happy to have us live close by (e.g within a half hour drive) as long as we would promise not to drop in unannounced.

Yep, that is the key. We discussed it directly but open-mindedly with both kids and they say they want us. Of course "yes" could really mean "no" but we put pre-conditions on the table at the outset: no drop-ins, keep grandkid sitting at a level comfortable for both, etc. We tried hard to read between the lines, too.

So, you never know but I think living close while respecting onoe-another's space would be mutually fulfilling.