Retire where your kids will want to visit you?

[Rocky mtn high]

A friend moved to a place in hopes their children would visit. Then one moved a 1,000 miles away and another moved to Australia. Better to live where you want to live.

[JJpop]

Quote:

Originally Posted by qwerty3656 We are nearing retirement and really have no reason to stay where we are. My wife suggested we find a place our kids would want to come visit to move to. My counter was that those places are too expensive. Any suggestions on places where people like to vacation/visit that aren't expensive to move to? Any thoughts on the premise that kids will come to you if your in the right location?

Confused. You say you have no reason to stay where you are. Maybe your kids?
We live 2 miles from our grandkids. They travel to see us about 3 times a week

[Ger0n1mo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luvtoride qwerty, how often are you expecting the kids to visit? I think the biggest factor for young families these days is having the TIME and money to travel, not WHERE you live. Between jobs with limited vacation time, activities that your grand kids are involved with and the cost of travel, I wouldn't count on too many visits regardless of where you are. Are your kids near where you live now or are they already dispersed to various part of the country and far away from you? You stated that you "really have no reason to stay where we are". Is being close and accessible to your kids important? It sure is to me and my family.

When I worked we lived apart from our two sons and their families. For retirement we moved close to our oldest son and on a lake. His family sees us once or twice weekly. Our youngest son is 5 hours away and is only able to visit a few times a year and then they are short stays due to too many other commitments. Our grandkids will stay with us for a week if they can fit it in their schedule. But, they love to visit and they enjoy the lake. We try to visit them about once a month.

[KarenF]

We moved to the grandkids (and their parents) at their (parents) request. They live in Atlanta. This move puts us closer to our other grandkids as well. The farther kids/grandkids have close family support already. Yes, we are close enough to babysit. I absolutely love it. We are also planning to ride our bikes on the Silver Comet a lot.

[Queenie]

Been there, done that! Kids have a life, they have jobs, they have kids. Even if we subsidized their flights it was TIME they didn’t have. They have their own bucket lists, too. Guilting them to come to us in Florida was just unfair with limited vacation time.

We moved “home” to them, everyone is much happier. I get to be a part of the grandkids lives, pitch in when needed (I don’t full time babysit). I found we are more present and part of their day to day lives rather than just following on FB or weekly phone calls. Plus, we also get to go on ‘family’ vacations together to new places, whether a long weekend or a week.

I am happy, they are happy. Win-win.

[Paulz]

I feel bad for posting the same thing as everyone else, but you should live where you want to live.

I always hated being "forced" to visit my parents since I only had a few weeks of leave and they were retired. They had two things I didn't have- time and money. We did visit every few years, but it was always a struggle.

The best gift we ever received when they offered to come to us and watch the kids so we could go away for a few days. We had a great visit for 2-3 days and then we went away for 4-5 days. Our kids are all grown now but they still talk about all the times the grandparents stayed with them.

[street]

Fun reading all the different ideas on the subject. We tried to get my parents to move or buy a small home where we live. They had nothing to do with it. We even looked at a few homes but it just wasn't going to happen.
They visited a few times a year and we went there as much as we could and all was good and happy. I think being to close can be more stress for both parties involved too. Each has their own way to deal with seeing family and depends on personalities of family members also.

[Joggernot]

We have one son on the west coast and one on the east coast. So we picked the Texas coast as a point in-between. We've visited them twice and they've visited us twice in 10 years. Lots of Facetime and texts and emails, but few face-to-face visits.

[Koolau]

I never lived farther than 10 miles from my parents while they were alive. Sister was 60 miles away. She rarely visited and I often was at parents house daily (helping set up pill minders, reminding them how to use the TV, furnace, etc.) Later, when Dad was gone, I was mom's "link" to the outside world as she did not drive. I took her to appointments, helped with repairs around the house, made sure she was eating properly and taking meds, etc.

DW did same for her parents - perhaps to a lesser degree since they often refused help.

I mention this because I don't believe any of our kids will do such things for us. Just a different relationship and attitude (more like my sister's) toward parents. Physical closeness would, of course, increase chances that they would help out, but I would not expect it. YMMV

[financemups]

My very strong suggestion would be to get to somewhere where it's not a gigantic hassle to fly to if you want kids/people to visit. My parents live 6 mo out of the year in a very rural part of Idaho, the other 6 months in Lk Havasu City AZ. Idaho is easier for me to get to and only a little over an hour away from an airport. Lk Havasu completely sucks as a place to go to and there are no airports so it's 11 hours one-way for me to get down there in a journey that literally involves planes/trains/automobiles. I friggin hate it there and hate making that trip and they think it's just a grand and wonderful place to be so I dutifully slog my way down and back for xmas but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to the day I never set foot in that place again.

[ponyboy]

Sad that kids do not see their parents much. Think of the age of your parents and how often you visit (yes, older crowd here, most are probably dead.) Most young adults wont see their parents more than 100 times. I guess thats how some people live life. I suppose if you do not get along with your parents, so be it.

[Scuba]

Quote:

Originally Posted by financemups My very strong suggestion would be to get to somewhere where it's not a gigantic hassle to fly to if you want kids/people to visit. My parents live 6 mo out of the year in a very rural part of Idaho, the other 6 months in Lk Havasu City AZ. Idaho is easier for me to get to and only a little over an hour away from an airport. Lk Havasu completely sucks as a place to go to and there are no airports so it's 11 hours one-way for me to get down there in a journey that literally involves planes/trains/automobiles. I friggin hate it there and hate making that trip and they think it's just a grand and wonderful place to be so I dutifully slog my way down and back for xmas but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to the day I never set foot in that place again.

Maybe you could suggest a holiday meeting in another easier to reach place that could be fun. Lake Havasu is definitely hard to get to and IMO much better when it’s hot and fun to be on the lake.

[skyking1]

This thread is timely. My brother has his first GC on the way and he is going all Attack Grandpa!
He wants to sell and move close, very close, TOO CLOSE to his very independent son. It will not end well.

[Koolau]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ponyboy Sad that kids do not see their parents much. Think of the age of your parents and how often you visit (yes, older crowd here, most are probably dead.) Most young adults wont see their parents more than 100 times. I guess thats how some people live life. I suppose if you do not get along with your parents, so be it.

Interesting you mention kids seeing their parents 100 times. My big sis left the second she could to go to University (a city 100 miles away.) Since that time (her age 18) I doubt she visited my parents 100 times until they were gone some 30 and 40 years later. She never lived more than 2 hours away by car.

I can't say I ever resented helping my parents at all. I was just disappointed that my sister seemed so uninterested. When my dad spent his last few months in a nursing home, sis never visited once. She may have visited my mom 4 or 5 times in her last 3 years in the nursing home. I know she hated to see them in that state (so did I) but I treasured the time I had with them. Heh, heh, I'm guessing our kids will be more like my sis than me, but I guess we'll have to see since YMMV.

[Teacher Terry]

I lived next door to my parents for 14 years. My dad had a stroke and I helped my mom care for him. She helped me by watching the kids when I was going to college. Once I got my second graduate degree and there weren’t job opportunities locally she encouraged me to move for my career. She came out to visit me once a year and I went every 2 years. She also had my 2 siblings driving distance. She had 3 bouts of cancer and every time I went out for 2 weeks to help her. I don’t have grandchildren and 2 of my 3 sons live by me. I wouldn’t follow them if they moved as I have a lot of friends and support here. In fact one of my sons that is local may be moving again for his career.

[Music Lover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulz I always hated being "forced" to visit my parents since I only had a few weeks of leave and they were retired. They had two things I didn't have- time and money. We did visit every few years, but it was always a struggle.

I agree. It's selfish to expect your kids to use their very limited vacation time dragging their kids to visit their parents at their dream retirement home. It's a hassle and cuts into their other plans.

Retired people have time and money...use it to visit them. Come on a long weekend, stay in a nice hotel with a water park and have the grandkids visit you there. Mom and Dad get a break and no one has to burn valuable vacation time.

[Katsmeow]

I think it is a complicated issue. On the idea of wanting to move where kids will want to visit, lots of people have pointed out the fallacies in this. I think it is a little more complicated than that.

I take issue somewhat with the idea that the parents are the ones with time and money to visit. With my parents that varied. Early on when I was in my 20s they were still working (both of them worked) and they had more money than I did. We basically alternated visiting each other. No one stayed in a hotel. Later they were retired and I had more money. So we would usually go get my mom (she was a widow by then) and she would come stay with us for a week or so. I would occasionally visit her and I was the one who stayed in a hotel. The point is that depending on age and circumstances, parents may not have money to come stay in a hotel for a week. I recently went to the town where my kids live (the trip was for a medical reason). We stayed at a hotel for 2 nights. We had dinner with kids. The trip cost almost $1000! For one of our kids to see us, their cost is much less. They have gas to drive to us (about 4 to 5 hour drive) and then they stay with us and we cover their food, etc. For me to go to them is far more expensive because they can't accommodate us since they are in the apartment and roommates stage of life.


About the moving to an area where the child will want to visit, that depends. That is -- let's say you have a choice of two equally appealing options. Staying in the same city as your kids or moving away. In that case, you will certainly see them more where the kids are located (of course, they can move away). On the moving away front. It seems obvious to me that you will see them more often if you move 200 miles away than if you move 2000 miles away, regardless of the amenities at each place. During my adulthood I lived about 250 miles from my parents and I saw them every few months. Sometimes I went there and sometimes they came to me (always staying with me not at a hotel).

Now - if you decided on moving 200 miles away and one option is a resort area with lots of amenities and the other is an area with nothing much to recommend it then I would choose the resort area.

[Music Lover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katsmeow I take issue somewhat with the idea that the parents are the ones with time and money to visit. With my parents that varied. Early on when I was in my 20s they were still working (both of them worked) and they had more money than I did. We basically alternated visiting each other. No one stayed in a hotel. Later they were retired and I had more money. So we would usually go get my mom (she was a widow by then) and she would come stay with us for a week or so. I would occasionally visit her and I was the one who stayed in a hotel. The point is that depending on age and circumstances, parents may not have money to come stay in a hotel for a week. I recently went to the town where my kids live (the trip was for a medical reason). We stayed at a hotel for 2 nights. We had dinner with kids. The trip cost almost $1000! For one of our kids to see us, their cost is much less. They have gas to drive to us (about 4 to 5 hour drive) and then they stay with us and we cover their food, etc. For me to go to them is far more expensive because they can't accommodate us since they are in the apartment and roommates stage of life.

Your situation is different. The OP is retired and planning on moving to their dream house/location so they have both the time and money to visit their kids. As many have pointed out, working families with kids have limited money and limited vacation time. Well off retirees have both time and money.

[Katsmeow]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Music Lover Your situation is different. The OP is retired and planning on moving to their dream house/location so they have both the time and money to visit their kids. As many have pointed out, working families with kids have limited money and limited vacation time. Well off retirees have both time and money.

The discussion has gone in a more general direction as often occurs here. Several comments were made in a general way (not talking about the OP) that the retiree has both time and money, more so than their kids. I am saying that that varies depending on circumstances.

Depending on life stage both the parents and their kids can be retired. In some cases, neither is retired. The kids can have more money than the parents. In any event, I was commenting generally on the subject not specific to the original post.

By the way, I don't really understand your crack that my situation is different. I wasn't saying I couldn't afford to stay in a hotel. My point was that when I visit kids it costs me much more than it does for them to visit me as I must stay in a hotel and they don't have to when visiting me. This is an example, not me saying that I can't afford to visit them.

[brucethebroker]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Walt34 A close relative moved to FL, thinking it was ideal for retirement and that their five kids would love visiting there. It turned out the timing was terrible; all their kids were starting jobs/careers and simply did not have the leave time available (not to mention the money) to take a week off at a time and visit FL. DW and I were invited multiple times, but, I too had just bought a house and didn't have the spare money to spend on trips. Eventually they grew wiser, sold the place in FL, and moved back to Northern VA.

If I may offer a different take...we previously spent winters in a popular warm weather vacation spot. DS (single parent of middle schoolers) would book cheap flights over spring break and we paid for the grandkids. This was an every year occurrence while grandkids were young. By having the place available, it was an affordable family vacation for them. BTW, it was a small condo, and the kids slept on mats on the floor, but no one seemed to mind.