Sad, but not interested in old friends.

[jfn111]

I had one friend from work that was my traveling buddy. We went to Europe 6 times together and had a ball. He lives in a different city and now we're "stock buddies". I talk to him about 4 times a week discussing the market and politics.
I do a lot of driving around for the real estate gig so it's nice to have someone to chat with. The rest of the work acquaintances have become Facebook friends where we click the Like button on pictures but that's about all the contact we have.

[kcowan]

My 3 lingering friends come from locations where I worked as all the others fell away almost immediately. The one from university days (#4) just got left behind.

[FreeBear]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midpack It is normal, though I never considered anyone I worked with a true friend even though I’d do almost anything for some of them (and did several times). It may depend on your job/position at work, but they were always what I called “work-friends,” that was a conscious choice on my part. You can’t get as close to anyone at work, and still be completely effective IME. I spent a lot of time with them obviously, and we helped each other enjoy our time at work, but I didn’t hang out with them outside of work as often as my true friends. So it’s no surprise we don’t hang out since I retired.

+1

Pretty much my situation while w*rking a couple of different professional gigs. I was fully present while w*rking with my teams on the j*b, but I didn't socialize with them on my own time. I jealously guarded my precious free time and wanted to do my sports and hobbies, not see the same folks I see all day.

As in introvert, I never had a big group of friends. I attended a local university and a handful of friends remained in town upon graduation. This small group formed my frienship core for a decade. At some point in my 30's, I gradually parted ways with these close friends, for a wide range of reasons. Our lives and needs grew apart. I then fell in with a local outdoors club, where I found my future DW and new friends.

Five years ago, when we FIRE'd, we became much more involved with our church and another outdoors club. Most of our current friends come from church, and we've known them for only a few years.

Honestly, I expect that our friendship group would again evolve if we move, or even transition to another church. Except I hope to hang on to DW

It's interesting to see how friends change with location and circumstance. At first I was disappointed, but I'm learning to accept that this is part of life. No time for everyone; there are some that I no longer care to see anyway.

[kevdude]

I worked for my last company for close to 10 years. After I left, I saw one coworker once for lunch. That’s it.

I do get together with some friends from my previous company 2-3 times per year and text occasionally. One of them invited me to join his fantasy football team so we interact during football season as well.

My close friends are guys I hung out with in high school and college. Only one of them lives near me. We all get together for an annual golf trip and this year will be our 20th annual trip. We talk/text during the year quite often as well.

But my closest friend is my dear wife. I see her regularly and hope to continue to do so.

[ychuck46]

When I left my first two large companies I did still have some interaction with former co-workers, although in some cases it became impossible since we were competitors in sales. The last company I worked for before retiring was horrendous and fostered an atmosphere of back-stabbing and stealing of sales from your fellow workers in different areas, never what was best for the customer. Basically left on a Friday and have never had anything to do with anyone from that last company. Still stay in touch through FB, email and LinkedIn with some from the prior two, but otherwise it was time to move on and leave the working world behind completely.

[troutnut1]

As a flyfisherman, I kept two from work and tossed the rest back into the pond after 20 years in a large state agency. Lucky to get two keepers I think.

My grown children live in a facebook world. They think they have dozens, or maybe hundreds of friends. I always say “Tell them all you are moving this weekend and see who volunteers. The ones that show up are your friends.”

[BoodaGazelle]

I have always felt that way. I truly enjoyed many of my "work friends", but rarely did I want to do more than lunch at work (i.e., entertain or be entertained).

[FreeBear]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ychuck46 When I left my first two large companies I did still have some interaction with former co-workers, although in some cases it became impossible since we were competitors in sales. The last company I worked for before retiring was horrendous and fostered an atmosphere of back-stabbing and stealing of sales from your fellow workers in different areas, never what was best for the customer. Basically left on a Friday and have never had anything to do with anyone from that last company. Still stay in touch through FB, email and LinkedIn with some from the prior two, but otherwise it was time to move on and leave the working world behind completely.

Wow, sound familiar, unfortunately. I intentionally kept on the tech side and avoided the business and sales side. Unfortunately, top management engendered a disfunctional dog-eat-dog atmosphere where we competed more within our team than we focused on our customers, products, or competitors. I don't miss that nonsense at all.

Oh, it's interesting to see how the vast majority of us just moved on in retirement. I guess I'm not alone.

[GenXguy]

I don't hang out with the people I work with when I get off work. And I'm not interested in seeing them once I retire. We get along most of the time, but I wouldn't really classify them as friends, no more than the people I worked with at my previous job. People have their own families and lives, and they mostly just stick to that after work.

[Backdraft57]

People at work are "work friends". The tie that binds is the job. When you leave you are history and the tie is broken. Spent 35 years with some of them, leave and then I didn't exist. Very normal.

[Retire2013]

Quote:

Originally Posted by joeea Yes and yes.

+1

[raypep]

We were in the Foreign Service and served at many embassies overseas for standard tours of two years but sometimes up to four years. We made many friends at our embassy but also at other embassies, We made friends with a lovely couple at another embassy and when they were about to transfer , we said we’d stay in touch and try hard to meet them. The wife said they never try to keep friendships when they left a posting. We were shocked. We liked them so much. She explained that part of the friendship was formed by the country we were in and the friends in common at that time. Once that ended, the glue of the friendship weakened . She was so right.

We find that we no longer have the same things in common with our good friends from the past . Our interests in retirement are different than before .We still think of our friends dearly but we don’t try to stoke the embers of old friendship.

[Souschef]

I retired 10 years ago, and the only person I occasionally keep in touch with is my old boss.

[papaof2]

Been retired 20 years and only spent time with one co-worker because the others were acquaintances, not friends. Commuters working together in some location aren't likely to see much of each other outside of work unless they live relatively close together. I worked in downtown Atlanta for a number of years so you know there were people from 30+ miles away working there - not all that likely to spend time with them unless the families click (had a couple of those - one family helped reroof the house we were in).

[Midpack]

My earlier reply should have also included - when I did get together with work friends shortly after I retired, most of them just wanted to complain about work, “suits” and co-workers they didn’t like. I didn’t like to dwell on it but it seemed natural to commiserate some when I was a co-worker, but that’s the last thing I want run around my head as a retiree. I had a low tolerance for co-workers who constantly complained about work while I was working, and almost zero tolerance once retired. No thanks!

[street]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midpack My earlier reply should have also included - when I did get together with work friends shortly after I retired, most of them just wanted to complain about work, “suits” and co-workers they didn’t like. I didn’t like to dwell on it but it seemed natural to commiserate some when I was a co-worker, but that’s the last thing I want run around my head as a retiree. I had a low tolerance for co-workers who constantly complained about work while I was working, and almost zero tolerance once retired. No thanks!

Exactly how I felt about it also.

[smalltownguy1]

I am similar but I I had 2 careers military (reserves) 27 yrs and civilian,
My mil friends are life long and imho deeper and more supportive of all my faults.
My last job was in the same office for 8 of 10 years.
I also lived with one of the other department heads for 9.5 years before I retired and she is still there.
So many of our friends were her friends before I was there and a few are good friends.