Sad, but not interested in old friends.

[Stormy Kromer]

The only friendships I've had last past ER would be my hunting & fishing friends, and a couple from my old fire department. Work was work, friends are friends.

 

[ckelly78z]

Yea, my best friend all through jr high/high school who I was his best man, he was my best man, I haven't seen/heard from for 20 years.

There is one guy who I worked with 10 years ago that I will stay friends with, but otherwise, I don't socialize much, and would rather not make the effort at meeting new people.

 

[CoolRich59]

It's a bit like high school isn't it?

"Friends for life" until graduation and by the time September rolls around you never see them again.

Or the folks who were in the bridal party.

I'm still friends with several of the guys who stood up in our wedding. But, except for her sister and cousin, my wife hasn't seen any of the other girls (college friends) since shortly after the wedding.

No falling out or anything, but, like high school, the paths diverge and you never see them again.

 

[rk911]

two of my best friends are former co-workers. we were friends at work, away from work and still close friends post retirement. these are guys i would do just about anything for snd vice-versa.

 

[LarryMelman]

I'll be pulling the plug at 55 sometime in the next quarter. There are maybe 3 or 4 coworkers that are "lunch friends", they're all over 60. One of them could be a future friend outside of work but a) hasn't been so far, and b) has plans to relocate after his retirement.

I don't expect to hear from anyone else in the company again, and I don't expect to ever think about any of them again.

Friends are friends and work is work and for me, there's always been very little overlap.

 

[Focus]

I suspect nowadays all or nearly all former work friends become Facebook friends and that's about it. And that's fine. I still get a sense of what's going on in their lives.

 

[cyber888]

The younger people who stayed on while you retire are probably from a new generation. My older friends at work already retired ahead of me, and so they are probably enjoying their life away from it all. Haven't heard from any of them too. When I retire, it will just be me and DW.

 

[RobbieB]

Been retired 5 years now and I called 1 co-worker once.

Yup, "work" buddies.

 

[Ronstar]

I go out for beers with a couple of the guys once or twice a year. And Facebook friends with 4 or 5 others.

 

[Mdlerth]

Life is a series of meetings and partings

I have lost contact with virtually all work buddies from all my previous locations, and expect the same when I punch out from this last one. It is the same with friends from my school days. Time and distance erode once-tight relationships.

Family is no exception. My father recently passed away, and when Mom follows him her funeral might be the last time I see some of my remaining relatives. Of course, considering the Crazy Chromosome we carry, that's not all bad!

 

[robnplunder]

So, my question is, is this a normal thing and have you experienced these feelings?

I kept up with a few close ones but even that has stopped. But I knew this would happen and even prepared for it. In most cases, the only thing in common with them was that we worked in a same company and not much else. So the permanent separation seem to be a normal course. If any of them go to ER route, I'd be quite willing to reconnect. For now, they have their busy "work" lives and I am having way too much fun NOT working. It is time for me to make new friends and not try to reconnect with co-workers.

 

[jollystomper]

I think it is natural to lose touch with some, if not most, former co-workers you considered friends. But it can be a two-way street. I found some of my co-worker friends felt they were somehow impacting my retirement by taking the lead in getting in touch with me. When I reached out and indicated it was fine to get together, they responded and I now have some that I meet with quarterly. My organization also has golf tournaments twice a year that they invite retirees to participate in, so I see them there as well. Even some younger folks I worked with and mentored, after I (via LinkedIn) congratulated them on some achievement, asked about getting together so I see them as well.

Also, you tend to seek and keep friends based on your own situation. When I was young a single, most of my friends were also young and single. When I married, our friends slowly evolved to being married as well. The longer I stayed at Megacorp, the more folks I worked with over 10-15-20-30+ years became friends. Now that I am retired, DW and I notice our friend tie evolving more to other couples who have at least 1 spouse retired and/or are almost empty nesters. It does take a greater effort to maintain friends across those "boundaries".

Most times friendships fade because many of us decide to wait for the other person to reach out. Or, one says "let's get together/keep in touch" and never make it a concrete plan of action. Rare is the case where I have reached out to keep in touch with someone that they did not respond.

 

[Scuba]

Some of my closest friends are people I worked with at Megacorp for 20 years. I left Megacorp in 2006 and many of my friends from there left even earlier, so when we get together, we focus on what we’re doing now. Not too much talk about the work since it was so long ago.

OTOH, I haven’t stayed in touch with many co-workers from my last company, where I did a 10-year stint. I didn’t really expect to as we were never close outside of work. I don’t like hearing about office politics, the status of the company, etc. Left it all behind when I retired almost 3 years ago.

 

[JoeWras]

I don’t like hearing about office politics, the status of the company, etc. Left it all behind when I retired almost 3 years ago.

I haven't lost 100% contact with my old coworkers. Every now and then (few months), I'll meet a few for lunch. But this will fade soon.

Last time they started talking office politics and I literally started sweating and having a kind of flashback. No joke. I could feel the old anxiety just well up within me.

 

[Midpack]

It is normal, though I never considered anyone I worked with a true friend even though I’d do almost anything for some of them (and did several times). It may depend on your job/position at work, but they were always what I called “work-friends,” that was a conscious choice on my part. You can’t get as close to anyone at work, and still be completely effective IME. I spent a lot of time with them obviously, and we helped each other enjoy our time at work, but I didn’t hang out with them outside of work as often as my true friends. So it’s no surprise we don’t hang out since I retired.

I still keep in touch with a handful of former co-workers even after 8 years. Had lunch with them a couple times a year. But now that we’ve moved 700 miles from there, I suspect we’ll drift apart.

What surprised me about my former co-workers was some I thought would make an effort to keep in touch didn’t, and some I thought wouldn’t make an effort actually did to my surprise. You never know who you friends are?

 

[jfn111]

I had one friend from work that was my traveling buddy. We went to Europe 6 times together and had a ball. He lives in a different city and now we're "stock buddies". I talk to him about 4 times a week discussing the market and politics.
I do a lot of driving around for the real estate gig so it's nice to have someone to chat with. The rest of the work acquaintances have become Facebook friends where we click the Like button on pictures but that's about all the contact we have.

 

[kcowan]

My 3 lingering friends come from locations where I worked as all the others fell away almost immediately. The one from university days (#4) just got left behind.

 

[FreeBear]

It is normal, though I never considered anyone I worked with a true friend even though I’d do almost anything for some of them (and did several times). It may depend on your job/position at work, but they were always what I called “work-friends,” that was a conscious choice on my part. You can’t get as close to anyone at work, and still be completely effective IME. I spent a lot of time with them obviously, and we helped each other enjoy our time at work, but I didn’t hang out with them outside of work as often as my true friends. So it’s no surprise we don’t hang out since I retired.

+1

Pretty much my situation while w*rking a couple of different professional gigs. I was fully present while w*rking with my teams on the j*b, but I didn't socialize with them on my own time. I jealously guarded my precious free time and wanted to do my sports and hobbies, not see the same folks I see all day.

As in introvert, I never had a big group of friends. I attended a local university and a handful of friends remained in town upon graduation. This small group formed my frienship core for a decade. At some point in my 30's, I gradually parted ways with these close friends, for a wide range of reasons. Our lives and needs grew apart. I then fell in with a local outdoors club, where I found my future DW and new friends.

Five years ago, when we FIRE'd, we became much more involved with our church and another outdoors club. Most of our current friends come from church, and we've known them for only a few years.

Honestly, I expect that our friendship group would again evolve if we move, or even transition to another church. Except I hope to hang on to DW

It's interesting to see how friends change with location and circumstance. At first I was disappointed, but I'm learning to accept that this is part of life. No time for everyone; there are some that I no longer care to see anyway.

 

[kevdude]

I worked for my last company for close to 10 years. After I left, I saw one coworker once for lunch. That’s it.

I do get together with some friends from my previous company 2-3 times per year and text occasionally. One of them invited me to join his fantasy football team so we interact during football season as well.

My close friends are guys I hung out with in high school and college. Only one of them lives near me. We all get together for an annual golf trip and this year will be our 20th annual trip. We talk/text during the year quite often as well.

But my closest friend is my dear wife. I see her regularly and hope to continue to do so.

 

[ychuck46]

Moved On

When I left my first two large companies I did still have some interaction with former co-workers, although in some cases it became impossible since we were competitors in sales. The last company I worked for before retiring was horrendous and fostered an atmosphere of back-stabbing and stealing of sales from your fellow workers in different areas, never what was best for the customer. Basically left on a Friday and have never had anything to do with anyone from that last company. Still stay in touch through FB, email and LinkedIn with some from the prior two, but otherwise it was time to move on and leave the working world behind completely.

 

[troutnut1]

As a flyfisherman, I kept two from work and tossed the rest back into the pond after 20 years in a large state agency. Lucky to get two keepers I think.

My grown children live in a facebook world. They think they have dozens, or maybe hundreds of friends. I always say “Tell them all you are moving this weekend and see who volunteers. The ones that show up are your friends.”

 

[BoodaGazelle]

I have always felt that way. I truly enjoyed many of my "work friends", but rarely did I want to do more than lunch at work (i.e., entertain or be entertained).

 

[FreeBear]

When I left my first two large companies I did still have some interaction with former co-workers, although in some cases it became impossible since we were competitors in sales. The last company I worked for before retiring was horrendous and fostered an atmosphere of back-stabbing and stealing of sales from your fellow workers in different areas, never what was best for the customer. Basically left on a Friday and have never had anything to do with anyone from that last company. Still stay in touch through FB, email and LinkedIn with some from the prior two, but otherwise it was time to move on and leave the working world behind completely.

Wow, sound familiar, unfortunately. I intentionally kept on the tech side and avoided the business and sales side. Unfortunately, top management engendered a disfunctional dog-eat-dog atmosphere where we competed more within our team than we focused on our customers, products, or competitors. I don't miss that nonsense at all.

Oh, it's interesting to see how the vast majority of us just moved on in retirement. I guess I'm not alone.

 

[GenXguy]

I don't hang out with the people I work with when I get off work. And I'm not interested in seeing them once I retire. We get along most of the time, but I wouldn't really classify them as friends, no more than the people I worked with at my previous job. People have their own families and lives, and they mostly just stick to that after work.

 

[Backdraft57]

People at work are "work friends". The tie that binds is the job. When you leave you are history and the tie is broken. Spent 35 years with some of them, leave and then I didn't exist. Very normal.