Secret Retirement?

[CyclingInvestor]

I was proud of being able to retire at 48. The day I
gave notice, I sent out this email at work -

--------------------------------------------------------
I am submitting my resignation effective
Friday, Oct 20 2006. Transitions of duty
are being arranged with <*****>.

While I have greatly enjoyed my 8+ years
at <*****>, I am just not social enough to fit
into the new XP environment. So, to end
my career on a high note, I have decided
that now would be a good time to retire.
--------------------------------------------------------

I have also told all others that I know. Most
seemed happy for me, a couple showed some
not-quite-hidden resentment, and a few have
ask how I did it (advice on 72t's, investing in
general, health insurance, etc.). Overall, no
negative consequences from disclosing my
new status.

 

[Dreamer]

I told family and friends that I retired and they were happy for me. I had always said that I was retiring at 55, but went at 53 with the early out. They also knew that I had worked for almost 33 years with the government and had worked several jobs before the gov, so there was not any jealousy or snide comments. I did get the, so what are you going to do after your retire, comment quite a few times.

 

[kat]

My family "worries" about me : (with a very hard edge), so I see no point to telling them what I really have. Don't even want to go there and have those types of conversations. Maybe when I was 18 or 24, but not at 44.

 

[Nords]

My family "worries" about me : (with a very hard edge), so I see no point to telling them what I really have. Don't even want to go there and have those types of conversations. Maybe when I was 18 or 24, but not at 44.

Gotta know your family and your relatives.

My father (retired at 53) has never said anything less than "Life is good!". He still swaps an occasional stock tip with me, although at age 73 I don't think he's keeping score any more.

My FIL (lump sum at age 60) has expressed considerable vocal concern over the years about "us crazy kids". At first I thought it was typical kibitzing but it gradually dawned on me that I wasn't helping by bringing up Berkshire Hathaway, stock market valuations, asset allocations, SWRs, Trinity, Bernstein, Guyton, & Bernicke. Debating the concepts of shorting stocks & margin investing was way outside the pale. Maybe I even accelerated his "flight to quality" in 100% Treasuries & CDs.

Finally one day he was on a greatest-hits reprise of his "I don't see what there is to this (insert consumer service here), I could do the same by (insert tedious manual labor here) and I don't see why you guys are wasting your money!"

My short-fused spouse counterfired "Because our investment portfolio is worth (insert all-time record high here) so we can afford it, and and we'd rather spend quality time with your granddaughter!" Everyone quickly retreated to neutral corners. Say, how 'bout that tradewind weather we've been having lately?

That day pretty much ended the investing & frugal-living discussions. Years ago my spouse used to talk on the phone with her mother and afterwards joke about "being back in the will" but I think that was the day both sides of the document decided that it was no longer required.

So maybe it's safer to talk about surfing or your latest trip or how much time you're spending doing the things you've always wanted to do... or to just not seek them out for those conversations in the first place.

 

[mountaintosea]

I'm more concerned about my parents. They live 5 hours away. A couple of days with them is all I can spend with them. I do have 3 brothers and a sister
who visit them etc. But I'm the only one who is single and no kids. I think they would expect me to come around more often and maybe even travel with their senior citizens group (as my mother as hinted in the past). Nord's in-laws sound like my parents in a lot of ways. Neither of them seem to be able to help throwing in a zinger now and then. But how long can one reasonably keep such a thing quiet?

 

[haha]

 

[Nords]

But I'm the only one who is single and no kids. I think they would expect me to come around more often and maybe even travel with their senior citizens group (as my mother as hinted in the past).

Oooh, trapped on a bus with a generation gap.

I'd have to be motivated to do that out of love. Filial duty or financial incentives just wouldn't cut it.

But how long can one reasonably keep such a thing quiet?

I guess the trick is to let it come out slowly over the course of a couple years. Eventually someone will ask "Hey, when are you gonna get a job?!?" and your answer would be something like "Eh, the last couple years have gone pretty well so I've stopped looking. Say, how 'bout them Warriors?"

 

[donheff]

Interesting thread. My immediate family has been supportive. They know I have a good pension and that DW makes good money so it doesn't surprise anyone that we can pull the plug. All of my siblings are in OK shape and either retired or could retire if they want to so they are not trapped in jobs they hate. With friends and acquaintances I am out front about my status but avoid any gloating. It is impossible to know their circumstances and I don't want to rub any wounds. I avoid mentioning actual dollar amounts with everybody.

 

[Kitty]

Well .... the family knows I retired and that I get a pension. What they don't know is that I get more than one pension or that I have a 401K (thrift savings) that I haven't touched. I know them and they would be trying to figure out how to spend it for me if I let them know.

I always cry that it is so tough being a pensioner, got to watch those pennies and clip those coupons, that's why I live in a rural community and heat with wood yadda yadda yadda. So far the smoke screen has worked they only ask for money once in a while and they are polite about it. I don't ever plan on telling them how much I have even under duress.
They couldn't hold on to a buck if it was glued to their fingers

Kitty

 

[2B]

Oh, I thought by secret retirement you meant not telling the boss

I was worried someone had found me out.

In my current position, I consider myself almost retired by comparison to my prior life.

 

[ESRBob]

Like Nords, the biggest worries came from parents who lived through the depression and have not enough faith in financial markets or securities values to 'get' SWR. For them, the only way to be safe is to keep working. Even generous portfolio levels don't seem to assuage their worry, so we just ignore it.

For anyone aside from parents, I still find the avocation/ semi-retirement approach makes this whole conundrum go away. All the folks in town now know either that I write or sculpt -- ads for kids portraits in the local paper work wonders -- which not only piques their interest, but fills up the slot in their minds that might otherwise need to get filled with 'lazy bum' or 'morally suspect' or the like.

So maybe invest in a $50 ad or two in the local paper for "Leisure Consultant"? Who knows, you might become the first on the Board to stumble onto a new ER-friendly part-time income stream helping the frustratingly-employed to see the light, at a healthy hourly consulting fee! 8)

 

[2B]

I've decided the best thing to do is to get "laid off" again and not be able to find a "comparable position." I'd then be free to take advantage of my time "between jobs" but not be considered so "rich" that I must be able to fund the wants and needs of my extended family. Periodically, I'd have to complain about being short of cash and hint that I might need a loan.

 

[mickeyd]

I have found that it is best to keep as many folks in the dark about my retirement status. Sometimes I leave for "work" in the AM, sometime in the PM, sometime weekend etc. This vague tactic came in handy just the other day when I was asked by an officer in an organization that I belong to if I would attend a meeting for him that would have required me to make a 100 mile trip to attend a 2 hour meeting that would be unproductive and boring. My response :"Oh man, I'm going to be Dallas next Thursday and Friday so I can not make it." Him:" I understand, you know I never seem to understand your work schedule."

 

[2B]

Being an engineer I have the option to "consult." I've thought about registering as an engineering company in Texas. That would let me work contract but also create what appears to be a "real job." Some vacation traveling could be stretched into "sales trips" if I made a legitimate sales call. The downside is that I'd have to generate some income.

 

[Nords]

Those approaches might work very well in fields that you don't actually have to "retire" from, like lawyer, doctor, engineer, or software designer. Even if you haven't earned any money from its practice for decades, you're still your avocation. I don't know if that's good or bad but it's certainly a ready-made response.

Somehow it just doesn't sound right to say "I'm a submariner" or "I'm an intelligence collector" or "I'm a missile shooter!." Even "I'm a retired engineer" sounds evasive. So I say "I'm retired Navy. Submarines."

That's usually all the explanation that's necessary. Civilians apparently have little trouble believing that after retiring from the military you're entitled to do whatever you want, presumably under the assumption that you've earned it. Other veterans, however, seem to be our own worst enemy-- "Yeah, yeah, I know that, you slacker, but what are you doing NOW?"*

If I get the "Sure, but whaddya DO all day?" interrogation I respond, variously, "I'm a surf bum", "We're raising a teenager", "I enjoy working on our home & finances", "I'm being paid $36K/year by the federal government to evade paid employment", or, my favorite, "I'm taking it easy for a while and enjoying my life. What do you do all day?"

Good update on an old thread topic, MTS. Thanks.

*Ooh, I like that paragraph. That's goin' in the book...

 

[Surfdaddy]

Nords, you could always be a consultant to defense contractors. I'm sure they find your suggestions about submarine design very useful.

 

[chinaco]

Here is the apporpriate response: I am a finanacial and retirement strategiest. I consult with a committee (this forum) in a retirement planning organization (ER.org) on matters of financial security and life events in retirement.

How did you happen upon that job: We formed a loosely organized committee that collaborates... blah blah blah. To help people with retirement planning and issuess.. Blah blah blah....

What did you do before that: Fill in the blank.

 

[Jane_Doe]

I am semi-FIREing this week. What I am telling people is that I am taking a year off and considering options after that. This has made things mercifully easy among co-workers. Among close friends, colleagues, and family, I am telling more, like my plans to possibly work overseas after a year or two.

But if I was just plain, flat out retiring without any plans or desire for future work of any kind, it would be tougher to explain because I am 40-ish young.

The taking a year off and thinking about things works really well, especially if you have plans to tell people about (for me, it is some exciting upcoming trips and changing living locations and reconnecting with distant family/friends). Of course, in my case, that is 100% true.

Kramer

Congratulations, Kramer!

Good luck in your adventures and be sure to keep us posted on your semi-FIREdom.

Jane

 

[brewer12345]

My family knows that I am relatively frugal and make a large income. I have said point blank to some of them that I plan on retiring in my 40s. DW's father is way to impressed with the "value" of the work ethic, so I will need some sort of cover story (likely consulting/small business). DW's mother won't care. Everyone else: nuts to them.

 

[Zoocat]

My family is quite happy for me that I don't have to "hussle for a living" as my dad puts it. It's my friends and new acquaintances that seem a little put off. I still haven't figured out exactly how to answer the question, "what do you do?"

At a dinner last week, I said "I don't work." . then I added "I do some part time work here and there and I'm a writer, sort of." In other situations when I've said, "I'm semi-retired," I've gotten the roll-eyes, like "Oh, she's rich." I'm not going to lay out my financial situation every where I go, so I'm not sure how to handle it.

Part of the problem may be that I look really young. Really. People have told me repeatedly there's no way I could have a 37 yr old son. But that "problem" may change as I'm allowing my natural color hair to grow out. As a silver haired 58 yr old I will probably pass the sight test of "retired lady."

 

[chinaco]

Hey if DW and I will be traveling. I suppose we can make a career change to the travel industry. Become travel consultants. Freelance critics of the hospitality industry. Can't know what it is like unless we sample if first hand!

 

[ESRBob]

My favorite line -- say it and then duck, 'cause they'll hate you for it, is, "Work -- yeah work was all right, but I just didn't have time for it anymore".

 

[audreyh1]

My favorite line -- say it and then duck, 'cause they'll hate you for it, is, "Work -- yeah work was all right, but I just didn't have time for it anymore".

Yeah - I like that one! I may have to risk bodily harm and use it one of these days.

Audrey

 

[5yearsandcounting]

My father has been fighting cancer since the year after he retired. His travel plans were altered by frequent treatments and his uninsurability for out of country travels. He used to push the work ethics, do something with your life, work hard 'til 65 rethoric, but the opinion changed with his health problems. He recently told me he wishes he had pulled the plug earlier, and that I should try to do that too. He was happy to learn I'm planning to ER in my 40s. I have 1 brother which will also be happy for me.

Other than that, my 2 other brothers and my sister will be jealous. They are 6 to 10 years older than me, and already jealous about whatever I do better than them. As far as they'll know, I'll be a "consultant" which can't seem to find anything else than short term contracts requiring a lot of "business" trips when I ER The same will likely apply to friends, some of which have already approached us for ill-fated business plans just because they think we make good money.

 

[ESRBob]

5Years,
Make sure you come up with a story that explains business trips to Thailand, Central America, Italy -- you know you'll need to do some good travels once you pull the plug. Nice to hear your Dad's perspective -- pity one has to have a life-threatening illness to 'get' the FIRE mindset, but there's a lesson in there for us.