Secret Retirement?

[mountaintosea]

I read a post on this board where the poster retired but did not tell anyone.
How many of you have RE'd and kept quiet about it? And why have you decided to retire without telling family etc?

I'm asking this question because I've thought about not telling family members when I retire. I'm concerned that my retirement might mean their intrusion.

 

[samclem]

This subject comes up sometimes here. Many ER'd people don't tell acqaintances that they are retired--they might tell people that they are self-employed and then change the subject.

I would think it might be difficult not to tell family members--surely you can expect that somehow theyll learn (from a spouse, child, etc) unless everyone gets their cover story straight and lives it all the time. If making up a faux occupation for the family, some variant of "self-employed consultant" would probably be the best.

 

[LOL!]

Rather than say you are retired just say you are a "private investor". People can imagine that you day-trade, but so what?

 

[samclem]

Then they'll want to know the secret of your investing success and stock tips. But if you tell them you are a "logistics consultant" you'll never hear from them again. "Oh, I help customers add value by incorporating just-in-time throughput paradigms with an emphasis on metrics-based inteligent throughput modeling . . . blah-blah-blah" z z z z . . .

It could be fun to see just how long you can keep it going before they change subjects or leave.

 

[FlogBlogger]

"Oh, I help customers add value by incorporating just-in-time throughput paradigms with an emphasis on metrics-based inteligent throughput modeling . . . blah-blah-blah" z z z z . . .

So funny, yet so true.

On topic: Don't tell! Why spoil another's day?, Beyond that, we are all Financial Managers.

 

[aenlighten]

I'm in portfolio management now. It's a real step up.

 

[yakers]

Oh, I thought by secret retirement you meant not telling the boss

 

[kramer]

I am semi-FIREing this week. What I am telling people is that I am taking a year off and considering options after that. This has made things mercifully easy among co-workers. Among close friends, colleagues, and family, I am telling more, like my plans to possibly work overseas after a year or two.

But if I was just plain, flat out retiring without any plans or desire for future work of any kind, it would be tougher to explain because I am 40-ish young.

The taking a year off and thinking about things works really well, especially if you have plans to tell people about (for me, it is some exciting upcoming trips and changing living locations and reconnecting with distant family/friends). Of course, in my case, that is 100% true.

Kramer

 

[sgeeeee]

When I retired I thought I would enjoy telling everyone I was retired. Mostly, I did. But I hadn't counted on the fact that my blue collar, hard-working family might find it awkward telling people that their son or nephew was no longer working. My parents and aunts and uncles never said anything to me about it, but on a couple of visits back home I noticed how they handled it when people talked to me about my early retirement and I could see that they struggled. Don't get me wrong. They would have stood up and fought for my right to do whatever I wanted. But I could see that my early retirement put them in an awkward position and that really did bother me.

My writing and editing now provides a cover story for them. Forget about the fact that I'm a volunteer editor-in-chief and make nothing for that job, or that my books don't earn me one-tenth of the income that I made when I was working. The family all has a copy of the latest issue or Microwave Magazine and Engineering Your Retirement, and if anyone asks what I'm doing, they can show them these things and satisfy everyone.

 

[Mwsinron]

I'm in portfolio management now. It's a real step up.

Ha thats a good one!

 

[donheff]

...But if you tell them you are a "logistics consultant" you'll never hear from them again. "Oh, I help customers add value by incorporating just-in-time throughput paradigms with an emphasis on metrics-based inteligent throughput modeling . . . blah-blah-blah" z z z z . . .

A bunch of my former co-workers are now at LMI (formerly, Logistics Management Institute) and this is exactly what they do - pays well.

 

[ff93]

I told only my parents that i was packing it in at 37. I thought they would be proud of me, I guess, but I get the feeling they resent me for it. They had to open their big mouths and tell the rest of my family about it, so now I get my chops busted at every turn ("you're just lazy"," you lucky *$^%", "you're too young to quit", "it's not fair", etc.) I also get the feeling like they expect me to provide for them, as I have more $$ than them... and I get the "just go buy that ___, you can afford it" and it is starting to drive me nuts.

Now I am working on the backpeddling to shut them all up. I have gotten a part-time job or two (out of interest of doing something with my time) and am telling them that I really am just changing to another line of work, and that it is the equivalent of full time work... (or so I am saying)

Based on the feedback I have gotten from family, I am not telling anyone else my true situation. I am proud of it, but I don't feel like being hounded or putting up with any other negative crap about it - it just turns me off.

You can explain it, or try to, but those who aren't like the posters here just won't get it. Secret? Yeah. I have learned to tell others what I perceive they will understand and what they can handle.

 

[dumpster56]

I told only my parents that i was packing it in at 37. I thought they would be proud of me, I guess, but I get the feeling they resent me for it. They had to open their big mouths and tell the rest of my family about it, so now I get my chops busted at every turn ("you're just lazy"," you lucky *$^%", "you're too young to quit", "it's not fair", etc.) I also get the feeling like they expect me to provide for them, as I have more $$ than them... and I get the "just go buy that ___, you can afford it" and it is starting to drive me nuts.

Now I am working on the backpeddling to shut them all up. I have gotten a part-time job or two (out of interest of doing something with my time) and am telling them that I really am just changing to another line of work, and that it is the equivalent of full time work... (or so I am saying)

Based on the feedback I have gotten from family, I am not telling anyone else my true situation. I am proud of it, but I don't feel like being hounded or putting up with any other negative crap about it - it just turns me off.

You can explain it, or try to, but those who aren't like the posters here just won't get it. Secret? Yeah. I have learned to tell others what I perceive they will understand and what they can handle.

My father is 77 and when I told him I was bailing from the job force at 50 he was drinking a toast to me!

He has had two bypass operations lost half a lung to some odd disease, he says hey how much money do you think you need?? Then he says enjoy everyday the stress and hassles from jobs that have little meaning in the long term are well jobs one should leave as soon as you can.

I love my life right now, been Erd for 3 months and do some part time sub teaching and coach a track team but there is no stress none!

i feel so much better, and get this I can pay my bills and have money left over every month.

Go figure. after all the mashing of numbers it seems to have worked out!

 

[LeatherneckPA]

...I hadn't counted on the fact that my blue collar, hard-working family might find it awkward telling people that their son or nephew was no longer working....

My mother takes great pleasure in upsetting my father. It usually goes something like this.

"Our youngest, Jack, is still with the Marines and just made LtCol. Next is Tom, and he just got promotoed to Chief Electrician for the county hospital. Kenny is a wonderful auto mechanic and has been running his own business for ten years now. And our oldest, Michael, well he's still in prison."

Guess which one I am!?

Dad immediately chimes in with, "Dammit Louise, he WORKS there! He's NOT an inmate." Now Dad's a pretty smart cookie, but somehow she manages to get him every time with this one.

I would imagine that when I retire she'll just change the line to , "And our oldest, Michael, he just got out of prison."

 

[haha]

I would imagine that when I retire she'll just change the line to , "And our oldest, Michael, he just got out of prison."

In your case then, at least your Mother should be very happy when you retire.

Ha

 

[kat]

I don't think anyone in my family would take it well, so I say nothing.

My friends are happy for me.

 

[Donzo]

This has been a tough one for me. I have told my closer friends and they have been great...and they call me on their days off to do stuff -

I have not told my family yet. They all are on the east coast so they have no "signs". We are going on a long trip starting early May to visit them and the country in general. I still am not comfortable telling them. A good example is my brother and his wife. He was w/ the Navy for 30 years and retired as a full bird Cl. and his wife 30 years Navy out as a Major and they both still work full time despite their pensions and little debt. I know my mother would not understand and think that I was lazy... and it would open a floodgate of questions that I am not comfortable answering - not their business. I am not going to lie....but will employ the "don't ask - don't tell approach. I do plan on asking my bro WHY he keeps working tho! It really bothers me that I can't share such a great development in my life w/ my family - they were the first I called w/ all others (engagement, promotion etc)

 

[deserat]

Oh my gosh - a retired 30 year O-6 and retired 30 year O-4 - sheesh - they are raking it in.......Deserat

 

[Nords]

Oh my gosh - a retired 30 year O-6 and retired 30 year O-4 - sheesh - they are raking it in.......Deserat

Yeah, that grabbed my attention too.

Lemme put that into perspective for the rest of the board. Assuming that their retirement even remotely resembles the Jan 2007 pay tables, which anecdotally I believe it does, that works out to roughly $81K + $56K per year. Plus a full COLA and full Tricare health insurance, which will cost the pair of them a total of $40/month (plus a $12 copay) until they're Medicare eligible.

It's not about the money. If they're still working full time then I bet it's hard to spend it fast enough.

 

[Sparky]

I've seen this thread a couple times before...

I think the point is, if you look less than 50 years old, people will think you are either (1) rich or (2) a drug dealer. Neither of which is desirable for your neighbors to think (anybody see "In Cold Blood"? - people thought the Clutter family in Kansas was super rich in 1959 and killed them only to find $10 or so).

 

[missionfinder]

I read a couple of early retirement books which warned against letting people know you retired early and suggested making business cards to give people when they ask what you do.

Mine is going to be "Leisure Consultant". I have only one client: me.

I foolishly disregarded the advice in the books and told some friends I was retiring at 39. One of them laughed and said "can I borrow some money?" I know he was joking but it immediately turned me off and brought home the wisdom from the books.

I also have a business councilor I've been seeing for years. It helps for a young CEO in a pressure-cooker environment to be able to bounce off things to an uninvolved party. First, she congratulated me. Then, a couple of sessions later, she said I was "too young to retire and I know you're going to find an idea for starting another company." The next session she informed me that her rate was going up 100% because I no longer qualified for her sliding scale (ignoring the fact that retirement actually means my income is more fixed and I have to budget myself more than when my company paid me).

At our next session she will be informed I have found a new idea for a company and as a result I will no longer be in need of her services. I'm going to be a leisure consultant!

 

[Donzo]

Yeah, that grabbed my attention too.

Lemme put that into perspective for the rest of the board. Assuming that their retirement even remotely resembles the Jan 2007 pay tables, which anecdotally I believe it does, that works out to roughly $81K + $56K per year. Plus a full COLA and full Tricare health insurance, which will cost the pair of them a total of $40/month (plus a $12 copay) until they're Medicare eligible.

It's not about the money. If they're still working full time then I bet it's hard to spend it fast enough.

I think it is habit - he met his wife in college - They went into the service together. They are both very focused/intense people - I don't think retirement was even considered. They are in high pressure positions now (esp. Bro)....he is turning 60 this year......I am going to ask some questions and try and get a feeling for what they are thinking. I did'nt consider ER this early seriously till March of 06 and that progressed quickly. Who knows - maybe I'll find out he's ERed on the "sly" also

Doubt it!

 

[Meadbh]

Here's the first draft of my 2013 retirement speech.

"For some time now I have been interested in independent consulting and behavioural finance. My vision for the next phase of my career is to focus on independent consulting and strategic management of closely held investment and philanthropic funds. I look forward to expanding my personal horizons in these areas of enterprise.

Thank you all for coming, and goodnight".

 

[Joss]

"I have not told my family yet.... I still am not comfortable telling them. A good example is my brother and his wife. He was w/ the Navy for 30 years and retired as a full bird Cl. and his wife 30 years Navy out as a Major and they both still work full time.... I am not comfortable answering - not their business. I am not going to lie....but will employ the "don't ask - don't tell approach. I do plan on asking my bro WHY he keeps working tho!"

"It really bothers me that I can't share such a great development in my life w/ my family...."

OK... if I read all the above correctly.... your position is that your brother's choosing to continue working is fair game for you to assualt. But your choice NOT to continue is a taboo subject for even their knowledge, let alone their discussion.

Might this seem unfair to you in any way?

 

[Sandy]

I am still about 5 years from FIRE. I appreciate everyone's comments on this issue. Being better informed, I am proceeding with plans more discretely than I would have otherwise and will probably handle actual FIRE differently as well.

Thanks for your insightful comments.